iDiet

[a weight loss story]

*kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au*

::31.10.05::

Some days...

Since I had today off work and a free pass to Fitness First that expires today, I thought I'd go to the boxing class at Victoria Gardens at lunch time. I got ready to go but couldn't find my gloves. Then I remembered. I went to a boxing class at lunchtime last week and, since I was going to the movies after work, I put everything I didn't need in my drawer at work so I didn't have to lug it with me!

So the plan changed and I decided to go to the 5.30 cycle class at Melbourne Central. I wanted to go to Borders anyway so I could do that and walk home. I'd burn so many calories I would be able to justify going to Spudatoes on the way home. Except when I left Borders, I couldn't work out how to get to Fitness First - I could see it, I just didn't know how to get there (found out later, the lift is next to Borders). I was too late for the cycle class so decided to muck around on the cardio equipment and go to the 6.30 cycle class instead. I only did a light workout because who wants to exhaust themselves before one of those classes?

At 6.30 I went into the class, set up my bike and began pedalling. Five minutes later, the class hadn't started. Ten minutes later and someone came in to tell us the class was cancelled. By then, I was fuming. What a waste of time. So I walked home and skipped the Spudatoes (had leftover chilli with salsa and salad, which was just as good anyway).

Sometimes you can have the best intentions in the world, but it doesn't help one bit.

***

Following on from my last post, normally when I go to Borders, I grab a diet/exercise book or two to browse through while having a coffee in the cafe but today I looked at them and realised I've probably lost more than most people who have written those books. Sure there are some that are real life stories, but most of them are written by doctors or whatever that just out to make a buck.
I need to break the diet book habit anyway. I need other interests. The other day, I decided I needed a craft project so I bought some felt and stuff to make an ipod cover but it's been sitting on top of the computer monitor ever since. Other possible interests include learning a new language (although that might be costly since I'm not working), joining a sports team (except I have no idea how to go about it) and taking up some kind of drawing class.
***
I take back all the nice things I said about my friend, Simon in my earlier post too. He was on msn last night, asking whether he should go to Milan or Rome or Dublin next weekend. There is no need for that. Especially when the most exciting place I'll probably go next weekend is the laundrymat in Clifton Hill.
***
I went to the op shop today and got some jeans. I wanted to get some smaller sizes that I can "grow" into and measure my progress. I got a pair of size 16s and a pair of size 12s. The size 16s fit me now and I dont' think I'll ever fit into the size 12s. Not because I'm being negative but they are so small - I think they must be a very small size 12.

How annoying that the cycle class was cancelled!

I love op shopping. Sometimes you can pick up some great bargains.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 9:41 pm  

Bugger about the cycling class - I might head into there tomorrow, and try a class out ... I should also head to the op shop and pick up some clothes...I need some summer things for Perth...I would love to try a boxing class, but don't own my own gloves :(

Lucinda

http://www.livejournal.com/users/hermitinthecity/

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:20 pm  

Wow you clever thing, planning to make a cover for your ipod. That is very industrious. And LOL at you not liking Simon anymore. I am sure if he were home he would love to go to the Laundrymat with you.

Yep, some size 12's look like they were made for Barbie. Well done on getting the 16's that fit.

By Blogger M, at 11:54 pm  

Must take myself to the op shop and get rid of all of my 'fat clothes'.
All these different classes at the gym sound like so much fun and I am very tempted to give some of them a try

xx

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 7:36 am  

I'm really familiar with the cancelled exercise class, as well as personal trainer who doesn't show up, shoes that can't be found and motivation that hides somewhere else for days. It's a wonder we get any exercise at all sometimes. :)

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 7:49 am  

Cycling classes are very cool and make you break a sweat something chronic! I do hope you get around to doing ones of these, I think any class is great as it gives you a bit of variety and even if you don't really enjoy the class you walk away learning some new things. I also brought a size 12 pair of jeans which seem absolutely tiny! I'm not sure if i'll ever fit into them at my goal weight but I will be trying to tone my butt off too thats for sure lol...unlike you I was not wise, I should've brought these at the op shop, op shopping rocks doesn't it! Hope the rest of your week is great.

By Blogger Kiwi Gals Rock, at 8:27 am  

I know this probably isn't the same thing, but here's a website with free language learning lessons on it

http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/.

I've considered learning Italian as my daughter is also learning it at school and it would be fun to help each other out!

By Blogger Jaykay, at 9:54 am  

Whoopsa, what a way to try out a *new* class/gym. I hear you about the diet books too. I don't look at them anymore either but I look at cook books now and *food* fiction. I am reading Eat Me by Alexandra Antonioni atm. The humour is a bit forced but a light, fluffy read. Some interesting recipes and ways to approach a date LOL.

By Blogger Mary, at 12:32 pm  

 

Grrr!

You know what really gives me the shits? When some skinny chick, who's worst weight problem is stuggling once a month to fit into her size 6 jeans, gives me diet advice. Wouldn't it be great sometimes to NOT have to be polite in company? To be able to say "shut the hell up or I'll kick your scrawny little butt to the curb"?

What the hell do these girls know? They read a couple of dodgy articles in Cosmo and think they are weight loss experts. For example, I went out to dinner with some friends, and friends of friends, the other night (the night we went to Pellegrinis, if you remember from the post below). Afterwards, I complained about the fat content of the food. I don't normally worry about that kind of thing - if I go out to dinner, I enjoy myself because I know one meal won't hurt, so long as it is just one meal. But this was exceptional, like eating deep fried lard or something.

But it's okay, my friend's friend told me. You have overeat for six meals in a row to gain weight. Ha, right. Wouldn't that be nice? Eat a cream cake for dinner every night - it doesn't matter because you aren't eating it for "six meals in a row".

It's not even worth arguing with something that stupid.

Even worse, I hate celebrities talking about weight loss. I don't give a damn what Nicole Kidman or Paris Hilton or some chick from Desperate Housewives does to "lose weight". What weight have they got to lose anyway? Let's face it, it's their job to stay thin. That's what they are paid the big bucks for, to look like toothpicks. If they gain a kilo, they can devote their lives and the best Hollywood expertise to gettig rid of it, without having to worry about cleaning the house or going to the office or driving the kids to footy training or the million and one other things we have in our lives. As much as I can't stand Oprah, at least she can talk about weight loss with some authority. She's walked the walk and it's the walk of the wobbly thighs.

I get more out of reading any weight loss blog out there than a magazine filled with "celebrity diets" because this is real life.

And, while I'm in ranting mode, you know what else I hate? People who tell you that you can forget about your diet just this once. How egotistical is that? Think about it. Yeah, you can have a meal every now and then without worrying about calories or points or fat or whatever you count, you can have the occasional treat. But they aren't saying that. What they are saying is that this has to be the treat. Of all the treats in the world, you have to have theirs. They never stop to think that maybe, just maybe, you'd prefer a better, tastier treat. Maybe instead of having a slice of dodgy work cake, I'd rather have a great meal with my friends. If you are only having one treat a week, you want it to be worth it. Again if I wasn't so polite, I'd be saying: "yeah I can have a treat, but it aint gonna be yours."

I just had to laugh while I was reading your post because I could identify so well with what you said ! What a great post and how true it is.
Have a great week and don't let anyone tell you what your treat for the week should be - you decide !!!
Be good and take care.
Me

By Blogger Me, at 3:09 pm  

Oooh, fantastic post! Made me laugh, and it's so bloody true! Don't know if I can say anything you haven't already said. It's about time we stopped all the bulls**t and just got on with living our lives the way we want. And sometimes throw being polite to the wind and tell it like it is!

Have a great week :)

By Blogger Philippa, at 3:38 pm  

I soo understand this - how would they have any idea how it works!
my friend who was borderline annorexic a few years back gives me "tips". Hmm no thanks doll, dont wanna weigh 39kg!

By Blogger Kt, at 7:43 pm  

Had to laugh (and nod my head along) to your post! I also had to laugh at KT's comment!
Skinny people giving weight loss advice is funnier than my pet hate - people scoffing their faces with pies and cream buns while they are asking me how I lost my weight! *bang head against brick wall*
Oh and don't you love the magazines that show Naomi Cambell, Nicole Kidman etc with cellulite! Is that supposed to make us feel better somehow!

xx

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 7:14 am  

*grrr* I can't handle diet advice from people other than my blog friends and people I know have studied/researched/worked it! You got to laugh though. Just know that you are succeeding in how you are approaching it and at a much healthier rate too.

By Blogger Mary, at 12:25 pm  

 

::30.10.05::

Goals

Leisa recently posted about how she is able to visualise herself at goal. I envy her that. Most of the time I have trouble even visualising myself the weight I am, let alone at goal. I'm still coming to terms with the person I am now; I'm still trying to catch up with me. But I do have one vision: a future I'm aiming for.

See, I have four guys in my life who are precious to me. My friend, Sugar Lips, I've mentioned recently. And, of course, there is my son, Andrew. The other two are my friends, Tim and Simon.

Tim and I have been friends forever. We've shared houses together and held each other up when we've been too drunk to walk on our own. We've gotten each other in and out of more trouble than I even want to think about. Tim is crazy and flamboyant and extremely bitchy. When you go out, he'll always say or do the things that make you cringe and want to hide under the table. Then he'll turn around and do something wonderful. Or say something pants-wettingly funny.

About 5 or 6 (or maybe more) years ago, he met his partner, Simon. Simon is his complete opposite - sensible and practical (well most of the time anyway) and very career driven. They fight more than any couple I know; if you make it through dinner with them without yelling and screaming and someone storming out, it's a newsworthy event. I think they'll be together forever.

Earlier this year, when I began getting serious about losing weight, Tim had his usual attitude - "Fat, thin, what does it matter? You'll still be you." I'm never sure if that's a compliment! But Simon loved it. He's always been a fitness nut and for ages would go off doing fun runs and triathalons on his own. We did a fun run together and a couple of times I borrowed his bike and would ride it (well eventually... it's not true, you can forget how to ride a bike) and he'd run along beside me.

Then Tim and Simon decided they wanted to live overseas for a year and have exciting adventures. They'd talked about it for ages without doing anything. Suddenly, almost overnight, it was organised and they were having a farewell party and getting on the plane.

Most of the time, I don't think about missing them. I don't see the point in that. But I have a my stuff in a storage space near their old house and when I'm driving over there, sometimes my brain is tricked into thinking I'm visiting them instead. That mades me a little sad.

So, what's all this got to do with my vision, you might ask. Well, they're coming home in March for a mutual friend's wedding. In my vision, I'm at the airport. I'm at my goal weight and I see the incredulous looks on their faces and Simon is saying "oh my god, oh my god" and Tim is calling me insulting but funny nicknames.

They know I'm losing weight but they will so react like that. It keeps me going because I'd hate to see them and instead of being at my goal weight, being the old lump they left behind.

I can and will do it. I can be at goal by March.

Oh! They sound like such a cool couple :o) I am sure if you work hard you will reach your goal weight by the time they get back!

Have a nice sunday

xx

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 12:05 pm  

hehe, i too imagine other peoples reactions when i am at goal but i can't quite visualise what i look like yet!

By Blogger Kt, at 1:06 pm  

Wow! I'm impressed you're obviously a writer because you write such long wonderful blogs! Simon and Tim sound absolutely fab. Good luck getting to goal by March!
You can do it!
A

By Blogger Ang, at 6:28 pm  

What a great vision. Because you know them so well it will help to continue to make it real for you.

They sound like great friends and I bet they have missed you like crazy too. :)

By Blogger M, at 8:48 pm  

They sound like really great people - and I'll bet they miss you too.

I think you've got something great to aim for there, with your friends wedding in March and seeing them again. If you work hard, I'm sure you'll get there!

Hope you've had a lovely weekend xo

By Blogger Philippa, at 9:21 pm  

I am sure you will get to goal by March - you are so committed to this, you know what you want and what to do - run Kathryn run!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 11:05 pm  

Your vision sounds like a pretty good substitute for being able to visualise yourself at goal!

By Blogger Sue, at 8:42 am  

hehe... they sound like great characters. and that is a brilliant vision!

(i can't visualise myself at goal but i can visualise people saying OH MY GOD when i'm at goal, even though i don't know what that looks like :P )

By Anonymous dietgirl, at 8:24 pm  

I know you can and will do it! I want to know how they react as well :-) I am sure it'll be hilarious. My friend Duncs has come back after a year in London. I can't wait to see how he reacts when I see him later. I tend to have more male friends also and most of them happen to be gay LOL. Who knows :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 12:19 pm  

 

::28.10.05::

Work

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I've been thinking about working part time. I didn't get a chance to mention it to my boss because he called me into a meeting room this morning and told me that our project has run out of money and I only have two days more work!

To begin with, I was shocked and angry. Even when you work contract, it hurts to find out you are no longer required. And it's mighty inconvenient to find out you are being let go on two days notice. I mean, for starters I doubt I'd have spent major dollars at the hairdressers last weekend if I'd known. Plus I don't even know if they can do this - my contract specifies a 4 week notice period.

But, as the day went on, my underlying emotion was happiness.

For the past few years, I've dreamed of taking time off work to write. I've been working on a novel for two years and even had some interest from publishers. Plus I've had a number of short stories published. Up until this year, I was able to work and still write quite prolificly. But this year I've struggled with the writing. I don't know if it's because of work or whether it's too hard to balance work and writing and losing weight and something had to give.

I've been making slow but steady progress on my novel and it's almost finished. For the past month or two, all I've wanted to do is get the first draft finished. Done. Finito. Then I could put it away and work on other things for a while then get stuck into editing the damn thing. All I've needed is time.

On a practical level, now is the time. I have some money put away and my living expenses are minimal. For the first time in years I'm not responsible for anyone but myself. I don't have any huge debts to pay or commitments. This is what I've been working for - to have the freedom to write.

Yet somehow it doesn't seem right - I have that voice saying I can't just not work. Not working is insane and self indulgent and "you just can't do that". Even while I'm typing this, I'm searching through the IT listings on Seek. Work is what people do. They get up and put on a suit and go to their office, whether they like it or not.

But the reality is, I don't have to do that. I have the next four days off work and I think I'll spend them making that voice shut the hell up. I'm going to think about getting up of a morning, sitting in the sun having a leisurely breakfast followed by a walk or maybe some time in a quiet, empty gym then coming home to sit at my desk and work. With some planning and frugal living I can do just that.

Work. Work is what you do to get paid. If you can do work that you love (writing) and get paid for it even though you could possibly have done half of it whilst in your pyjama's and your hair all messed up - then do it. It is still honourable, honest, bloody hard work. No one said that all work had to be in an office working for someone you hate getting paid an amount determined by someone else. No-one. Yes it is the norm. But you are not just normal. You are extraordinary and I think you will be HUGE in the literary world.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

I'll add your name to the list of future authors I want to read. Daniel Hatardi is the other one.

Have a great weekend (and even though I said all the above it still sucks that you could get your contract cut with such short notice. My DH works contract and we have been in that situation too many times now) :)

By Blogger M, at 8:57 pm  

ohhhh dude... you should totally go for it! it sounds like good timing. gwan, be a devil.

By Blogger dietgirl, at 11:22 pm  

I agree with M. Do it. if thats your love and you can get paid for it why the hell not.
also congrats on the loss

fiona

By Blogger Fiona, at 10:13 am  

I think you should go for it, I plan to do this myself one day, not to write but to just do something that I want to do & not have to worry about working

By Blogger Kt, at 12:18 pm  

Whatever makes you happy I say. Life is too short!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 1:01 pm  

Hey gorgeous - if your cntract states 4 weeks and they only want you for 2 days they must pay you for the rest of the 4 weeks - whether you are there or not has no bearing. So take some time look for jobs AND write to your hearts content for 4 whole weeks. You may find that you don't HAVE to go back to work at all. Afterall writing is work. Just cause you love it doesn't make it a worthless career.

Hugs and kisses

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 9:36 am  

Yep, like all the others have said...do it girl!

I'd love to give up work right now. I have this really weird desire to be a stay at home Mum, and not have to get up at 5.45 each morning to get to the gym, or rush home for 6.00 at night so that I've got enough time to cook dinner, get child showered, spend a bit of quality time with her before her bedtime.

Yep, do it girl!

By Blogger Jaykay, at 8:53 pm  

Sorry to hear about the contract. That really sucks and I know the contract game too well. Working part time sounds like a good idea though. I do that just so I have a regular income coming in and then I can do my own thing.

You're a writer also! It's so weird to watch my own partner hold down a full time job and write a novel. I can see how hard it can be and the determination one must have. Dan keeps talking about *if only* he had a part time job to read and write more. I think trying to lose weight takes alot out of you too. This year, my own business took a back seat to the weight loss journey because I can't put that much effort into too many things at once.

I believe you can do this!! I have 2 friends in Melbourne that are full time writers. Poor as hell but they get up every morning, exercise/socialise, then write for a certain amount of hours (like an office worker) each day. You can do whatever you put your mind too and if you stay honest with yourself about your efforts, how can you not succeed! :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 12:13 pm  

Mary told me about your blog so I thought I'd mosey on over.

I wonder how many writers go through this? Probably most. I'm still going through it. And it will take years, but I'm sticking to my guns.

Writing IS work. Lots of very hard work. It IS a real job.

Go for it!

(this message brought to you by the letter D)

By Blogger Daniel Hatadi, at 3:53 pm  

 

Check In

I think I need to make myself write lines - I should write out "Kathryn must not get on the scales before weigh in day" because after my sooky la la fit yesterday, I weighed in today and I've lost weight. I'm down to 85.7 kilos! Woohoo! That's a 600 gram loss from last week. I'm just 600 grams off 25 kilos gone.

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO - way to go Kathryn !!! What a great motivator to keep you honest for the weekend !
Well done and have a great one. Be good and take care.
Me

By Blogger Me, at 8:39 am  

Yay Kathryn. Well done!!!!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 9:30 am  

Well done Kathryn!!!!!!! Fantastic effort. You're working so hard, and it's really paying off. Good thing you didn't eat that chocolate yesterday, eh?

Hope you have a marvellous weekend xo

By Blogger Philippa, at 10:32 am  

As P said, good that you didn't eat that chocolate yesterday ;)

Jack White is cute, but Lin is my man - I have a thing for the curly haired types. Still it is good that my observations of hotness are taken up :)

Have a great weekend!

Lucinda

http://www.livejournal.com/users/hermitinthecity/

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:32 pm  

LOL yep, that'd be right!. Well done!! :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 3:50 pm  

honestly, you're the bee's knees. i've always loved your writing on the web, but it's also tops reading about your ass-kicking efforts too :)

By Anonymous dietgirl, at 7:51 pm  

yaaaaaaay for hissy fits that make you lose 1.6kgs (well you did say you gained a kg before you lost the 600gms!!)

By Blogger M, at 8:52 pm  

 

::27.10.05::

Chocolate and Light Bulbs

This morning, I woke up miserable and achy and sick. I'm so over my bad health. The day got worse - I got on the scales and was up a kilo! Where the hell did that come from? I've eaten out a few times and tried to pick healthy choices but unless you march into the kitchen and supervise the cooking you never really know how healthy the food is. Plus I had a period of not exercising. Plus my hormones are all over the place at the moment. I'm not premenstrual but I feel it. Maybe it's menopause.

Every little thing irritated me and then I got an email. A while back, a story I'd written was accepted for an anthology. The email said that they had to cut my story for space reasons. It was a lovely email, very apologetic and sweet, and they are still paying me but... Normally I'd be disappointed but brush it off, rejection is never far away when you write, but today it hit me hard.

So I went to the kitchen with those damn fundraising chocolates sitting on the counter. And I bought one. I tried to think of the Good Kathryn and the Bad Kathryn but Bad Kathryn was mighty strong today. I broke off a few squares.

As the chocolate melted in my mouth, a light bulb turned on in my head. I really didn't want to eat that chocolate. Not because it's bad or fattening or wrong, but because I didn't want it. I didn't enjoy it and it sure as hell wasn't going to fix anything. I mean, I know that chocolate doesn't fix things but you can know something without really feeling it. It's just the theory, not the practical. Today I really felt it.

I asked around to see if anyone wanted it but they all had their own chocolate supplies so I went to throw it in the bin but one of the women stopped me.

She told me to save it for later. I told her I wouldn't want it later. She couldn't comprehend that I'd just throw away perfectly good chocolate. I think perfectly good chocolate is much better in the bin than in my mouth and I wanted it gone before I had time to reconsider. What's with that anyway? I mean, it's not like chocolate is expensive or in limited supply. In the end, she talked me into leaving it in the kitchen in case someone wanted it. I can't imagine anyone wanting a partially eaten chocolate bar left in the kitchen but I did it to shut her up and never even thought about going back to get another square.

But the day got better. I spent the afternoon with Sugar Lips sitting in the sun talking all manner of shite. Then we took Bronnie the Dog for a walk and I jogged. Woohoo! And it was up a hill too. We waited for Sugar Lips to catch up then I jogged up the next hill too. I never knew I could do that! I want to do more!

My contract at this job goes until the end of the year but I'm thinking about having a word to my boss to see if I can it is possible to drop back to part time hours, maybe four days a week. I need to get my health back on track because it's getting ridiculous.

Is this the day for joggers? I jogged today too - yay for us!

Good on you for realising you didn't need the chocolate. Chocolate never fixes things - in spite of the lovely phrase "je deprime donc je chocolate" (when I'm down, I chocolate!). I'll bet you feel so much better for not having eaten something you didn't really need (or want, as it turned out). And what was with that bossy bimbag telling you not to throw it out?!

Bugger about your story. Remember - F.Scott Fitzgerald apparently used his rejection slips as wallpaper in his study! At least you weren't "rejected" as such, and you'll still get paid for it. And maybe you'll get priority in the next issue?

Will email you soon about our shopping date. Take care xo

By Blogger Philippa, at 8:44 pm  

Sorry you aren't feeling well. Well done on the light bulb moment. Hope you manage to get the part-time hours that you want and need.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 6:49 am  

It is such a good feeling when you realise you are eating something just because and you can stop - isn't it ? That is such a major step in the right direction - good for you !
I think it would be great if financially you could afford to work 4 days and give yourself some extra time to get your health back to where it should be - hope you are successful with it.
Take care and have a great weekend !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 8:43 am  

Oh babe, I hope you get your health back on track too. It sounds like you're a little stressed out atm and need some time out. Well done on the chocolate front!! Sorry if my previous comment was full on. It's just because I've been there.

By Blogger Mary, at 3:49 pm  

Bravo for the chocolate thing. That is fantastic.

By Blogger M, at 8:51 pm  

 

::26.10.05::

Love

Phillipa posed an interesting question in her post today, about the things we do now that we would not have had the courage to do before. In a moment of synchronicity, this book came up as one of my recommendations on Amazon tonight (the book is "What Would You Do If You Had No Fear? Living Your Dreams While Quakin' in Your Boots" just in case you are too lazy to click on the link).

When I read that, the first thought that came into my mind was "fall in love". You know, it scares me just to write that. I think I have spent my entire life believing that no one would love me unless I'm thin. I also spent most of my life believing that I would never be thin. Therefore, no one will ever love me and I'm destined to spend my life alone. Sometimes I even think being alone is preferable.

For me to even write this, shows I've come a long way. To be able to be this honest rather than hide under a layer of jokes and throw away lines. To admit that I, the me I am now and not some perfect version of myself, could possibly want or expect a man to find me attractive.

Sometimes, I read someone's blog or a story in a magazine like Slimming, and the (not very nice) thought will cross my mind - How did she find someone? She's fatter than me. As though it's some kind of thin contest or something like that.

It's a difficult thing - when you believe you are incapable of having a relationship, you don't look for one. I've spent years of my life complaining because I don't meet guys. And it's true, I seldom meeting anyone that I could contemplate spending the rest of my life with. But even when I was out dating, if a guy asked me what I was looking for, I could never say I wanted love or a relationship or anything like. I'd tell them I wanted friendship or a fling. I didn't want to scare them off. I didn't want to scare me off. I didn't want the world to collapse and fall around me.

I always thought someone would come along, someone who would sweep me off my feet, but they are taking their own sweet time about it. Or maybe they did come along and I rebuffed them. Although they could have tried a little bit harder.

I feel like I don't even know what I want any more. Sometimes, again when I'm reading blogs and things, I get so cut up and jealous when I read about the supportive and caring partner (I know that doesn't happen all the time, but when you are alone you tend to think that your potential partner is going to be perfect). But then there are other things too. Like having been on my own for so long, I wonder how I'd cope with someone else to consider. Sometimes I think I'm too damaged now to even bother.

I look at the people around me, like people at work, and realise I'm so different to other people. I have completely different values and priorities in my life, I'm out of step. I don't want to have kids - I've already done that, and I don't want to buy a house and have a mortgage - I've already done that too. That rules out a large percentage of the single, straight men in the world!

I'm not interested in sports or television or nightclubs. That counts another huge chunk. I guess I have more in common with people who are lot younger than me but that is awkward when it comes to dating. Not that I'd rule out a younger man but when you are older than the people around you, you feel invisible and sexless. When you are older and fatter, you feel like you aren't even in the running.

I guess what I'm trying to say, somewhere in amongst all this rambling, is that I find it really difficult to meet anyone who is on my wavelength and with whom I have things in common. Even then, common interests aren't enough. If you don't have it; without that it, you have nothing. My mum reckons I'm far too fussy - but I'd rather be alone than settle. I'd rather be alone than bored or unhappy. It seems like the probability of actually meeting someone who I'm attracted to, who is attracted to me right back is so remote. Like winning tattslotto or find $100 in the street. Oh but I find $100 one time and my mum won tattslotto so maybe even more remote than that.

On top of being a fussy bitch, I have all these "love" issues. It's a minefield, let me tell you. I get shy and weird and flustered. I'm just a difficult woman, all up.

I read how people get worried about all the extra male attention when they lose weight, but I worry about the opposite. What if I get to my goal weight and nothing changes? I'm still ignored and alone. All my life I've been told that if I just lost some weight, I'd have men flocking around me. I'd have to beat them off with a stick... blah, blah, blah. Whatever. What if that isn't true? I don't know, I've never had to deal with it.

Sometimes I really do feel invisible. Except to gay men or guys who want to be mates or drunken men at the end of the night when all the other chicks have gone, and I'm left as the default, the booby prize. Maybe it's not even a weight issue. Maybe it's about self esteem and all that kind of thing. I mean all those people who are bigger than me have relationships, right?

I guess the first thing is to figure out what I want, what I really want. Not something I think I should have because that's what other people have and not something I want at this minute cos I'm all hormonal and needing sex. Another issue, that I'm not even going to go into now, is that I find it hard to plan ahead - to think about a future.

The second thing is to believe that I can get what I want. That I deserve it and am capable of it.

The third is to take steps to get it.

Or maybe I could just sleep awhile and wait for a Princes Charming to wake me with an enchanted kiss, except I'd probably deck him. I hate being woken up.

I could have written that post! It is strange when you find people that have the same fears and questions as yourself, it is like you don't feel alone anymore - but then realise (for me) that I am not as odd as I thought I was.

I've updated my journal in the spirit of you post...thanks for your comments - now, were you a real telephone psychic??

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 9:46 pm  

I love your last line - really modern princess!

What a wonderful, honest post that had me hooked from the first word (well, hello, it was my name!)

My response is probably going to be dreadfully inadequate, but here goes: Kathryn, I cannot even BEGIN to tell you what an amazing person I think you are. I don't know if anything I can say will make you feel better about the issues you raised, but what I do know is you're a fantastic, funny, beautiful, kind person who deserves the very best that life has to offer. And I haven't even met you in person! (yet - there's our shopping trip to come, yes?)

Sometimes guys are genuinely intimidated by women who are as intelligent, funny and quick witted as you. They probably think "oh, she'd never go for a guy like me", or probably think you're already with someone and don't want to put their foot in it!

Perhaps the best advice I can give you is to work out what you really want, out of life and out of a relationship, and never, ever settle for second best. You're worth so, so much more than that.

I am sure that one day you will find someone who truly deserves you.

xo

By Blogger Philippa, at 10:14 pm  

Great post .... I really can only agree with what Philipa said on this ....you do deserve to have someone special in your life and it will happen .. probably when you least expect it

*hugs*

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 6:41 am  

What a great post and I, too, have to agree with the others. I love reading your posts because they are always so honest and open and I think, what a lot of people are going through but haven't written about.
It's hard for me to give you any advice - Al and I have been together 20 years - I was thin when I met him, grew to the size of a whale when I was pregnant, lost all the weight, put it all (bar 7 kilos back on again) and now have lost it all again (with a few extra yo-yos in the middle). While we still have our moments - we are each others best friend and I wish that others had the same sort of relationship we have. Having said that, I know of people our age who are single and very happy with life - they get on and do what they want when they want and don't have to really consider others.
Maybe guys are scared of you because you are independant and strong but then you don't want to be invovled with someone who is a doormat - hang in there and maybe Prince Charming will stop by (if I see him I will tell him to wait quietly until you wake up !)
Have a great week and take care !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 12:58 pm  

I have just been reading many of your posts and want to give you a big hug. Have to tell you on the man thing...not everyone is happy with the ones they have got. It is difficult to not have a supportive partner I know and I have been married for a long time and still get no support. Your photos really show how big a change you have made. Congratulations. And I so realte to your shopping experience. It is sooo weird to shop in normal clothes after having been fat for so long.

By Blogger michelle, at 1:21 pm  

With all the changes we make to our physical self there are tenfold that need to be made to our mental self. For a long time I did not want to lose weight because of my bad back. I was so afraid that all the promises made of my back being miraculously better once I lost weight would turn out to be lies. Through treatments and meds my back is now a lot better and the weight off my back is definitely a lot healthier.

I think being thinner doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with suddenly being the object of everyone's desire, but being more sure of yourself, being more understanding of yourself, and accepting that you are a confident and beautiful person inside is definitely more attractive to a man. And that is what we all learn on a journey such as this.

You are amazing. And some bloke will find that out one day - if he is lucky enough ;)

By Blogger M, at 7:29 pm  

Kathryn, I love your personality. I think you are a very thoughtful and beautiful individual with a great sense of humour. None of us are perfect and those seemingly *perfect* people are usually seriously fucked up. One of my older sisters is a model in New York and the stories I hear are just so so sad.

Being open to being loved sounds like your next step. Be open to it babe because you deserve it. Don't think of yourself as damaged but look at how far you have come on this weight loss journey. If you can come this far with so much passion and commitment for this, imagine what would happen if you gave the same attention to all aspects of your life. Amazing!

I really don't think age is a factor with finding friends. Maybe you could try going out to new things. For example, since I started going to yoga, I am meeting people that I wouldn't have elsewhere that I hang out. Try new things. Be daring in the places you go. Join a theatre group or movie club. We have trivia nights in the pubs around here and you get to meet heaps of people that way too. Just ideas...

I'm a fussy bitch too LOL :-) Let go of your expectations though (and I don't mean standards). I have always been in very destructive relationships but one thing Dan and I had to agree on when we got together was that if it was going to work, we couldn't expect things to be a certain way. Society makes us have pre-conceived ideas of what we should expect in a relationship and our own roles.

Just be yourself. Learn to love yourself babe. I truly believe you have to learn to love yourself before you can be receptive of it from another. And hey, what is there not to love about you!!!

Things always work out, they do and they will for you!

This actually reminds me, I have a girlfriend who is 43. When I was consoling her flatmate about breaking up with someone, I was saying something along the lines of, it's ok...you'll find someone else. Then my friend said, but why does she need to find someone else? My friend is quite happy to be single and has been for most of her life whilst having flings here and there. She was adamant that she did not have to be in a relationship to be happy. That was a pivotal point for me and I hope this helps you in some kind of way.

I'm blabbing now and probably not being very coherant. Shift work whacks me about but I just want you to believe in yourself and be open to new beginnings. Don't hide anymore behind the weight issue and just be fabulous! Find your happiness. People are attracted to happy people, not skinny people.

By Blogger Mary, at 11:32 am  

 

::25.10.05::

3 Things That Have Been On My Mind Lately

1. This is hard to believe, but I'm finding it difficult to eat enough lately. On the weekend, I kept forgetting to eat. I ended up having a hamburger at Northland and still didn't go over my daily calories. It was yucky too. Then today again I'm way under my calories. I feel tempted to eat something just because I can - a chocolate or a big cake or something - but I really don't feel like it.

After work, I went to see Serenity (great film by the way). I was famished and wanted to get some dinner beforehand. Most places at Melbourne Central were closed so I went to Nandos but the queue stretched forever and I'd queued so long for my ticket that I had little time so I wandered around a bit and found a sushi train place. I love sushi on a train! But I'd only had rice paper rolls for lunch so even with my arvo snack of Ovalteenies, I am still way under calories. I guess I should make the most of it.

2. I really miss having gal pals. Especially now, after losing weight. When I go shopping, it would be nice to have someone to tell me how things look and all that girlie shopping stuff. I mean, I do have friends who are girls but they aren't girlie go shopping girls. I miss my sister for shopping trips - she's the kind that always encourages you to buy outrageous things.

3. Still on friends, since I've been losing weight and therefore cutting way back on calories, I've noticed some of my friends are rather... boring. The only thing we ever meet up for is drinks and we used to drink a lot (well they still do). Without that drunken bond, I don't seem to have a lot in common with them.

Hi Kath - I'll go shopping with you! I too miss having a gal pal to go shopping with, as all my sisters and my best friend are back in Tassie. David is tolerant of going into Sportsgirl and fcuk with me, but I know he'd really rather be in Bar World or the AFL shop! Should we make a date soon?!

Hope you're having a lovely day xo

By Blogger Philippa, at 12:08 pm  

At least you won't have the hangover to contend with the next day and your friends will! Sounds like you are doing really well sticking to your calories! I can't seem to do without snacks and more snacks!
I love shopping by myself!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 12:55 pm  

It's funny like that. When DH lost all his weight he found that he could not relate to half of his work mates anymore because they are all always pissed and he isn't. And now he realises how much of a knobhead he must have looked like after a drunken lunch too.

But you will make new friends. Friends who understand what you have been through and will never do that testing the friendship thing but always trying to make you drink and eat more. Like Philippa!

We'll be heading to Melbourne for a weekend on our way to, and from, Adelaide over Christmas. I'll have to keep a close eye on you two to make sure there is some shopping left for me by the time I get there ;)

By Blogger M, at 8:52 pm  

Serenity is a fun film! I really loved the Firefly series. Great humour. I so hear you about the friend thing. I don't hang out with a lot of my old friends too now because it usually involves chemicals of some kind, otherwise it's boring. You are so right!! I've met lots of great new people though through WW and at least my male friends are cool to just have brekky/lunch with me instead.

By Blogger Mary, at 6:47 am  

 

::24.10.05::

I was thinking...

...is anyone else doing the Christmas Fun Run on the 14th at Albert Park? Lucinda, Jaykay, anyone else? If you are, what do you think of having a bloggers meetup/picnic afterwards (for runners and non-runners)? Is that a good idea or is it too close to Christmas?

***
Meme via Rosa. You prolly know the deal by now - 5th sentence of your 23 posts - "I should make a progress chart" - yep, I did that. I'd just lost my first 4 or 5 kilos at that stage.
I'm not tagging anyone cos I think everyone's already done it.
***
25 March 2005
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
24 October 2005
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Not a good pic of the hair, thanks to the nap I had earlier and ignore the look of constipation on my face. What was I thinking?
I can't believe the difference in these photos - I had no concept of the amount of weight I'd lost until I looked at them both, and I'd already lost weight in the first photo. I just wish I had some before photos from the begining but all my photos from the last 10 years are head shots only.

Wow Kathryn, that is an amazing difference. You should be so proud. Keep up the great work!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 6:39 am  

WOW! The difference in those photos is phenomenal! What a great way to measure your success.

Thank you for all your encouraging words yesterday - it made me feel so much better.

I love the idea of a blogger's meet up at the fun run - I was thinking about going in it, and the Sussan fun run too - I have to start training!!

Re: your question on my last post - I have a DVD and Book called "Simply Yoga" which is designed for beginners. I've done that for nearly six months on and off. Recently, I have been borrowing new yoga DVD's and videos from the library that are a bit more challenging. I've put links to them on my site - in the column on the right where my profile is, scroll down until you see "Recently viewed" and I've listed them there.

Have a great day!! :)

By Blogger Philippa, at 8:27 am  

What a great way to judge how far you have come - good for you !!!
Take care and have a great week !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 9:10 am  

Wow! Those photos are fantastic. That is such a HUGE difference!

You should be extremely proud of yourself!! Keep it up!

By Anonymous Stacey, at 9:39 am  

What an incredible difference. But rightly so too because you have worked hard to make that difference. Now you just have to work on that constipated look ;)

By Blogger M, at 10:57 am  

WOW from me to!

By Blogger missjesse, at 11:25 am  

Oh my! What an amazing transformation - you really do look amazing!

By Blogger Sarah Gets Healthy, at 4:18 pm  

wow, what a difference! u look FANTASTIC!!!

By Blogger Kt, at 7:06 pm  

You look amazing! Your middle has vanished...go you!

Meeting up after the fun run sounds good - I was going to wear antlers, but that was when no one would know who I was ... I'll wear my honing beacon running cap instead!

Lucinda

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:21 pm  

Wow that's a huge difference....great work!

Not sure if I can make the run as I don't finish work until 5.30pm and I work in the outer eastern suburbs.

Might see if I can wrangle a 1/2 day. Would be fun to meet up!

By Blogger Jaykay, at 9:05 pm  

Whoot, what a difference! Thanks for sharing your pics. It's much easier to see changes in an image rather than words. You have really come a long way. Keep up the brilliant work and fantastic attitude :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 6:41 am  

 

::23.10.05::

Today

I was thinking about the comments on my earlier post about the good and bad Kathryns and it's funny. I've always thought of the Good Kathryn as a namby pamby little goodie two shoes while the Bad Kathryn is exciting and fun, but I really like the image of Good Kathryn as viking warrior princess so much better. Well der, of course - viking warrior princesses kick butt.

So then I thought I should change my image of Bad Kathryn to make it less attractive. Instead of being a vixen temptress, I am starting to see her as kind of like the mother from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. I always found that character scary - worried that I'd end up like that one day. There's a scene in the movie where she says 'I never meant to end up like this' and that is so sad, and something I really could identify with. I mean no one sits down and plans to become obese. It just happens slowly and gradually and most of the time you go along in your expanding body without ever thinking about it.

For many years, the picture I had of myself inside my head had no relationship at all to reality. You make changes and adjustments and come to accept them as normal - it's amazing how you can rationalise anything. You go shopping for clothes and curse the stores because the sizing is getting smaller, you start wearing elastic waists and stretch fabrics. You can't walk two blocks with ease because your shoes hurt. You hide in the corner when you go out or wear sparkly accessories to distract yourself. You get gallstones, you have high cholestrol, you become diabetic and tell yourself it's just part of getting older.

Fat doesn't happen overnight and there a million tiny attitude adjustments that take place. Those adjustments might hurt for a while but that's okay, just have another chocolate bar and the pain goes away.

How much better is it to be warrior princess? To not accept or learn to live with the decline of your body, but to fight and work and conquor? To strip back to your real self rather than hide it under rolls of flab?

Thanks for helping see things in a new light. I think next time Good and Bad Kathryn go into battle, the fight will be much easier.

I love the idea of changing how you see your good and bad sides. It's funny how being "sensible" and doing the right thing can be seen as dull and boring rather than in a warrior princess out to put things right sort of way, I know I've been guilty of that when the "a piece of chocolate" thoughts come whizzing through my head. It can be hard letting go of the old you though, I tried very hard to get the balance between not hating myself enough to fall into the sort of depression that only chocolate could cure and on the other side hating myself enough to know that I never wanted to be like that again. I think as you get further away from the old you it can help to change the way you see that person, and it sounds like you're definitely doing that!

By Blogger YP, at 6:27 pm  

I always viewed the bad Lucinda as the compelling risk taker, where to good one was boring - but now I think I will see my 'bad' self as the uneducated, and the 'good' as the one who knows better.

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 10:50 pm  

I don't have such a clearly defined "good" me, but the "bad" me - more of a disembodied bad "voice", is evil. I've hated her/it for years.

I think you're changing perspective is wonderful, and a sure sign you can beat back the "bad" Kathryn when need be! Small changes, right?

By Anonymous Mae, at 7:52 am  

This is a great post, very insightful. BTW 'Gilbert Grape' is one of my favourite movies - and in my opinion the only decent piece of acting di Caprio ever did.

By Blogger Sue, at 10:10 am  

I don't have bad and good Philippa's - I've always had a kind of double personality anyway,(it's because I'm a Gemini!). I think of myself these days as the "old Philippa" and the "new Philippa" and compare the habits and attitudes of the old me, as in the person who weighed 103.5kg six months ago, and what she used to do, eat and think, and what the new me does now. There's a huge difference. Having said that, it's just a constant battle to keep on the straight and narrow, and keep sticking to the program even if you think it isn't working and you just want to sink into a mountain of chocolate!

An excellent post, as always.

Hope you have a great day today :)

By Blogger Philippa, at 10:11 am  

What great posts you have had lately K - sorry I haven't had a chance to comment on them until now !
I think all of us have this strange idea of how we look and find it difficult to come to terms with the reality of how we actually look. Good for you on getting the right personas to help with the good and the bad K's !!!
I am sure that your new hair style / colour will grow on you and you will love it soon.
Can totally identify with what you are saying about going into clothing shops - possibly that was the reason why I have always hated shopping (although I never liked shopping that many years ago when I was thin anyway !!!) But now, I enjoy the fact that I can buy clothes when I want to (can afford to) and not only when I have to have them because nothing else fits !
Take care and have a great week - you are such an inspiration with getting so close to so many of your goals - you rock !!!
Me

By Blogger Me, at 10:15 am  

Brilliant. Just brilliant. And if we can change our attitudes to other issues as well as we have done with our food then we will be a clan of Viking Warrior Princesses changing the world. I love your change of attitude and I am going to think on my internal self talk and imaging too to see if I can make some subtle changes that will help me out.

Thanks.
Hope you have a great day tomorrow.

By Blogger M, at 9:27 pm  

You've got the one of the best attitudes Kathryn!

By Blogger Mary, at 6:39 am  

 

::22.10.05::

Hair Hair

I wish I had a digital camera so I could post a photo of my hair but I don't so my words are going to have to do unless I can find some way of uploading photos from my phone.

It's kind of a shaggy layered bob in brownish reds with bright copper highlights. I like it but I'm not sure yet if I love it. It cost me a fortune. They quoted me a price to start with that kinda made me gasp then when I went to pay, they charged me $70 extra! I think that the original quote might have been for colour only not for the cut or treatment.

I only went there in the first place because my sister had her hair done there and thought it was really quite reasonable. Go figure.

One thing that nearly almost made up for it though was when I got my hair rinsed off and the treatment put on. See instead of the normal salon chairs, they had massage chairs! How lush is that?

Nice one babe. I think it's great to get pampered like this and just swallow the price. You don't do it everyday :-) Very lush indeedy.

By Blogger Mary, at 7:10 am  

Sounds great! hair dressers do charge ridiculous prices but its worth it every now & then!

By Blogger Kt, at 12:03 pm  

It sounds really pretty, and much nicer than my recent at home dye job, ack. :)

Though the price sounds a bit hard to swallow! One thing I really want is to get my hair done someday by someone really, really good.

By Anonymous Mae, at 7:58 am  

Lush chairs. Hmmmm. It sounds really nice. But the prices they charge are really exhorbitant. No wonder I only go once a year and try butcher jobs on myself every now and again.

I think you will love it. The cut sounds really good.

By Blogger M, at 9:24 pm  

 

Milestones and Things

Yesterday at work, I had the calculator out (it was a slow day, okay) and realised I have a few milestones coming up:

85 kilos = 25 kilos lost
83.2 kilos = bmi below 30 (ie. no longer obese - I will call this day NO Day and find a suitable way to celebrate)
82.6 kilos = 25% of my start weight gone!

Lots of celebrations and non-food rewards coming up for me, I think. I love to celebrate things. That's what life's about.

***
Shopping details: Just to answer a few questions, the bouncy shoes I bought are New Balance. There's no name on the box but they have 766 on them.
And at Jeans West yesterday, I got a little shrug cardigan in a new crochet-style blue. Great for wearing over singlet tops for summer. I also got this very cute t-shirt. They are having this promotion for Pink Ribbon day and the t-shirt was part of that (the Wayne Cooper one). I actually went in there because I saw a cute baby doll dress on their web site but when I tried that on, I looked preggers!
***
My body does weird things sometimes. Like once a month, I get all cranky and irritable and crave chocolate. Not so weird, you might be thinking, except it happens about a week AFTER my period! I don't understand.
***
I'm going to the hairdressers this morning. Not sure what colour I want to go yet - I've been having a red vs blonde debate with myself. I'd prefer red but I do want to be blonde just once more between now and death.
***
My friend, Sugar Lips, and I had a drink on Fitzroy Street last night and watched the circus of human life pass us by. Every so often, I'd look at a chick and ask Sugar Lips if she was bigger than me. I think dudes hate that stuff. Hate it. So, he'd say of course she was. But I wasn't looking for a compliment or an ego boost, I really have no idea of the size of me and am trying to work these things out.
***
I've been loving my bircher museli for breakfast (recipe at Absolute Flabulous) - I run out this morning and the oats I used have every day now seem so inferior. Must make another batch today, as well as cleaning up this mess. I wanted to go for a walk outside but I don't think the weather is going to be any good. Damn rain.

Hi Kathryn! Congratulations on your excellent loss yesterday, and on treating yourself to some well deserved shopping! I'm going to check out the crochet cardie...

I went shopping yesterday too and was thrilled that Sportsgirl jeans fitted me. I know what you mean about it being such a huge milestone being able to shop in these stores and fitting into the clothes! What a buzz!

Sounds like you've got plenty to celebrate in the coming weeks, and I hope you'll give yourself some well deserved treats. Life indeed is all about celebrations.

Have a great weekend - can't wait to hear about the hair!!

By Blogger Philippa, at 12:19 pm  

Hey babes - welld one on such a great loss!!!! You must have been working so hard at it.

You have so much happening at the moment it's amazing! I think that's how you stick to your plans too - by keeping busy.

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 12:48 pm  

Milestones are great things to work towards - not that you need much motivation (Wayne Cooper shirt!) Nice shoes too. Have fun getting your hair done - and tell us all about it!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 2:33 pm  

 

::21.10.05::

Weigh In Day

Today is weigh in day - > 86.3 kgs! Woohoo! That is another 1.6 kgs gone. I dunno how I lost it and I'm a bit concerned that I've lost muscle mass since I haven't done a lot of exercise of late, but hey, it's a loss and that's a good thing.

I ducked into Jeans West at lunch time to get some clothes. It's so weird how someone can say something not even realising, just an everyday comment but it can change your whole attitude. See, I have this paranoia about shopping in 'regular' shops - like they are going to know that I'm a big lardy and I shouldn't be shopping there. Sometimes I pretend I'm buying stuff for someone else and sometimes I run off without buying anything.

Today I had a few things in my hands and the shop assistant came over and asked if I wanted her to put them in the change room. I just looked at her in shock for a moment then realised that she was just treating me like any old customer. She didn't know or care how much I weighed last year or what size I used to take. I'm just a normal customer.

I guess that's hard to understand unless you've been overweight all your life, unless you have never shopped at 'regular' shops. To me, they have always been no-go zones. It's like going into a menswear store or maybe a store that specialises in Muslem clothing or something, and buying myself clothes there. I expect to be turfed out on my ear (not that I'd expect that in the menswear or Muslem wear store, just that sense of shopping somewhere I don't belong, if that makes sense).

I wanted to thank that girl today, but what do you say? To her it was just a routine part of her job but to me it was like a door opening to another world.

Oh I so totally agree on that one! To go into a 'regular' shop and actually look at clothes without feeling that the size 0 girls are looking at you and thinking 'wtf is that fat girl doing in here'is an amazing feeling. And to actually to be able to try something on in those shops and think 'oh that the colour just doesn't suit me' is amazing. I think I could easily get addicted to that feeling!

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 6:23 pm  

Kathryn!

what a loss!!!

and i would have wanted to thank that girl too..!

i have actually thanked a salesguy one day and it really shocked him.

By Blogger Silverella, at 7:12 pm  

Oh I can't wait to go into a non plus size clothing store - it would be bliss and i am sure you felt as light as a feather.

And...what did you buy?

Congrats on the loss too - must be the 4 km walk on Sunday :)

Have a great weekend!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 7:45 pm  

Yaaaaaay. That is fantastic. And what a revelation. You are a normal person! I hope that you take a good hard look in the mirror and realise that the normal shops are now your domain. They can just be called shops now. They are your territory and whilst perhaps marking it would be a bit over the top, they are yours.

Now watch out for that extra spending that happens when you first find that out. ;D

Have a great weekend.

By Blogger M, at 9:00 pm  

wow i so know what you mean about normal shops being a no-go zone. I too have no idea what it is like to be "normal" and shop in those normal shops. It is one of my main motivation factors. I want to buy a pair of sexy jeans (not just ugly ones) from jeans west or just jeans. I want to go in and know they will ahve something to fit me.. ah I cant wait!

By Blogger Karen, at 9:04 pm  

I'm with u on this one!!! still being a bit of a teeny bopper, i like some of the Supre stuff & i fit the sz XL & some L's but all the girls who work there are like sz 6 & i always feel they look at me like i shouldnt be there!

By Blogger Kt, at 9:06 pm  

oh yeah - congrats on the loss too, thats a huge loss!

By Blogger Kt, at 9:07 pm  

Congrats on the fantastic loss! Well done! Yay for great shopping experiences too!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 9:36 pm  

I know what you mean, I always used to think people would laugh when they saw me trying on clothes as if to say those will never fit you. I still look at other people in fitting room queues who are holding the same size clothes as me and start to worry that I'm not meant to be there. Even though I know that size fits, I can't believe I'm the same size as other people who shop in those places, if you understand what I mean.

Problem is there are just too many thin shops to choose from...

By Blogger YP, at 5:08 am  

I am really enjoying your blog! You have such a wonderful way of expressing yourself. And I can so identify with everything you write.

By Anonymous haloranch, at 7:08 am  

1.6kg?! My goodness has is amazing! :)

By Blogger Sarah Gets Healthy, at 10:38 am  

I totally understand this situation and have been there too! You do feel like telling the girl how great she has made you feel. YAY for walking into regular shops and feeling that sense of being *allowed* to be in there!!

By Blogger Mary, at 7:05 am  

Well done on the bloody awesome loss too babe!

By Blogger Mary, at 7:06 am  

 

::20.10.05::

Battles

This afternoon I walked down to the kitchen at work to get a Diet Coke, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking of the Fruit and Nut Fundraiser Chocolates I'd seen on the bench. Good Kathryn wanted to resist but Evil Kathryn kept thinking of the chocolate melting on her tongue, leaving behind the chewy sultanas and the crunchy nuts. Yum. Evil Kathryn said, don't fight it.

Luckily, all the piggies at work had already eaten all the Fruit and Nut, leaving behind the far inferior Dairy Milk. I don't like plain chocolate. I did check out the alternate chocolate range in the munchie machine for a minute then decided to wait and get some Ovalteenies.

I won that battle even if it was by default. Once I never even fought battles - I instantly gratified every passing whim, sometimes with an aftermath of guilt and regret, but never with resistance. Then, a few years ago, I started fighting. I didn't often win but Good Kathryn began to emerge. Good Kathryn tried to put the brakes on and, over time, got stronger until she began to win more often than she lost. Every time Good Kathryn wins, she gets stronger. Every time I decide I don't need a chocolate bar to get through the afternoon, every time I stop eating when I've had enough, every time I feel like napping but go to the gym instead.

And while that is a reformation of sorts, it isn't enough. See like any battle, the ultimate goal is not just victory, not even winning the war. The ultimate goal is to restore peace and eliminate the need for further battles.

I can feel that happening. The battles are diminishing. The Land of Kathryn will one day be a peaceful land but, whereas once it was a land where lard ruled supreme, the new Kathryn will be a land of battle-hardened warriors, happy to retire from the fight but wiser and stronger from the fighting.

good Kathryn seems like a pretty cool chick ;) well done on resisting the choccy!

By Blogger Kt, at 7:24 pm  

An excellent post - and well done for not giving in to temptation. I think Good Kathryn is here to stay!

BTW, checked out T2 in Fitzroy today - thank you for recommending it, I got heaps of goodies, which I'll try and share on my blog in the next few days..

Keep up the excellent work and attitude!

By Blogger Philippa, at 7:59 pm  

Oh hail Good Kathryn of Kathryn Land. I think it is the princess feet, all coddled in bouncy softness, who is bringing peace and harmoney to the land.

(I think fund raising chocolate should be banned from all work places - especially mine)

Love your work :)

By Blogger M, at 9:59 pm  

I picture Good Kathryn wearing a Viking helment and carrying a HUGE spear, but managing to look alluring and feminine too.

By Blogger Sue, at 5:24 am  

Well done on resisting, even if your favourite chocs were gone. It is so hard when we know chocs are close by.
You are certainly winning the battle well!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 8:29 am  

Hail Xena Warrior Princess.......it is a great feeling to recognise how much we have changed and how much power we actually have at times. Have funs with the bouncers over the weekend - I mean your new shoes not the ones at the pub 8-)

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 12:09 pm  

WOHOOOOOOOOOO - great post and well done to the Good Kathryn !!! What a great effort - keep it up and the lard will be gone forever !
Take care and have a great weekend !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 2:46 pm  

temptation sure does surround us doesn't it? rah! I am waiting for the children that live in the apartment across from me to try and sell me fundraising chocolates!

give in? NEVER!

Lucinda

http://www.livejournal.com/users/hermitinthecity/

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:55 pm  

Bwahaha..the Land of Kathryn with her many battles between good and evil but the good is prevailing!

By Blogger Mary, at 7:02 am  

 

::19.10.05::

Oestopath

I went to the oestopath tonight and got my back looked at. He was very cute, which made things kinda awkward. I mean, you don't want to be laying around like a sack of potatoes while some cute guy lugs your limbs around. Even worse, I had to spread my legs then press against his arms. I am so wearing trousers next time I go.

He said I'd feel some pain tomorrow and maybe a bit tonight. I mocked his saying of pain, as I'm so hardcore and stuff. I no longer mock though. Now I wimper. Pain is not my friend. Maybe it will be in a couple of days time, but not at the moment.

He also said I can walk and swim but no gym for a while.

Seriously, I am a mean mother. I've been such a sooky la la about my own illnesses and pains but tonight I was talking to my son. He went to try out for a cricket team last night and had to do some hard training. So hard that he can't walk today because his muscles are so sore. Did I give him sympathy and understanding? No. I laughed. I deserve karma sometimes. But I'm taking him around some decorub tonight so that will make it up to him.

My osteo is Damien - he is French...I have to stop flirting with him when I see him - plus he is so good looking & that accent...it's quite...well, hot!

Hope the pain goes away soon.

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 6:36 pm  

Mouellic? LOL if it is it's a small world - I have not been to CERES...when I get back from Perth...and before christmas we should walk there and get a giant (well maybe not giant) muffin and coffee.

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 9:50 pm  

I used to have a really hot dentist who looked like Antonio Banderas. It's always a bit off-putting when you have a hot doctor/therapist!
Hope your back pain eases soon.

:) Sarah

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 11:39 am  

Hope your back is still OK. It is nice to have something good to look at when you go to those places though. Takes your mind off your back! Only wish my Dentist was cute!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 2:00 pm  

hahaha maybe he enjoyed it as much as u did ;)

By Blogger { the.Moranbah.Scrapper }, at 5:02 pm  

LOL at wearing a skirt to the osteo. I always wear jeans or trackies to the chiro - and she's a chick!!

Hope the pain eases a bit and you are feeling better.

By Blogger M, at 9:56 pm  

LOL cute physicians all round ;-) I hope you'll feel better in the next couple of days. Walking and swimming at least sounds good.

By Blogger Mary, at 6:59 am  

 

::18.10.05::

Happy Feet

I don't know if I mentioned this before or not, but last week I went to the Athlete's Foot and got new (expensive) runners. I didn't get much chance to wear them last week because of being a melting pot of medical conditions and didn't want to wear them for the fun run on Sunday without them being worn in.

So last night I went for my first walk in the new shoes.

*bliss*

Oh my god. Happy, happy, bouncy feet. I wanted to walk forever except I was walking along the Merri Creek track which is real pretty during daylight hours but I can imagine being very creepy after dark. Tonight I walked home from work and still happy feet.

This rocks. I have the world's most blister and soreness prone feet, I swear. If you remember the story of the Princess and The Pea, well my feet are kinda like that princess. To buy a pair of shoes and have so much comfort is practically unknown by me.

I have not been along Merri Creek track before - I changed my walking route today...much nicer, except it passes people and their wonderful smelling BBQs - and I get home and have tuna and salad :(

New shoes = bliss!

You were right about the diary - i think i may becoming obsessed with running!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 8:10 pm  

Magic shoes! Happy feet! Huzzah!

I have similar issues with shoes - what kind did you buy? I'm desperate for a good recommendation!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:59 pm  

Hehe...there's a song by Paolo Conte called Happy Feet :-) Getting new shoes that fit is great, especially for walking/jogging!

By Blogger Mary, at 11:51 am  

what shoes did you get?

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 1:22 pm  

sounds like fantastic runners! I cringe at the thought of the cost :P

By Blogger Kt, at 2:23 pm  

Hey Kath. Hope you are starting to feel a bit better and sound like you are getting on top of things. I lurv the bouncy feet feeling when you get new sneakers and the athletes foot is great they way they tell you how to go. I went to the athletes foot first time I got new proper shoes and bought the ones they told me - since then I go there, get them to pick the shoe, try it on, make up some excuse about how I will come back, and then go around to some different shops and get the same shoe for usually considerably less 8-) Enjoy your shoes and your week.lb.

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 2:45 pm  

Wooo Hooo for great shoes. I too have blister prone feet, to the point where I now do not own one single pair of shoes with a back in them except for my sneakers. All shoes are slide ons.

What a difference a great pair of sneakers make. Long may your princess feet live happily in them ;)

By Blogger M, at 9:54 pm  

 

::17.10.05::

This time for real...

One of my consistent worries is that I'm going to just stop. Give up. Quit. The bad ol' habits will be back, stronger and worser than ever. One false move and I'll re-pork. I don't want to be that person again - depressed and unhappy about my weight but not willing to do a thing about it, sobbing about my fat arse while shoving mouthfuls of chocolate into my gob. I've been there before - I've sunk from a good and healthy lifestyle back to the lardpits - and it took me a long, long time to claw my way back out.

So, to make myself feel a little more secure, I thought I'd make a list of reasons why this time is different.

1. Higher calories: every time I've lost any decent amount of weight before, I've been on a very restrictive diet - 500 - 1,000 calories. At the moment, I eat about 1,500 calories a day. That is enough to eat well and not feel deprived yet still lose weight. And that's what it's all about. As we all know - it's a lifestyle change not a diet.

2. Enjoyable exercise: I've exercised to lose weight before too but I never really enjoyed it. In the past, I'd go along to the gym and follow my program like a good little weight loss soldier but I never really had any input into what I was doing. That works, for a while... until the boredom sets in... and it is always a chore, having to drag your sorry ass to the gym for another tedious round of exercise. I think the whole exercise thing clicked with me when I was at my old gym. I joined up and got given a program but didn't think it was right for me. Instead of trying to do it for a while then getting dissatified and quitting, I rang the gym and told them I didn't like it and why. The gym manager was lovely - he thanked me for ringing and giving them feedback and set up another assessment. That was when I realised that I am the one in control - I'm doing this for me, and it has to be what I want and need, not what someone else tells me I need. Now I do the classes I want and the gym I want - I don't love it all but mostly I enjoy it.

3. Support: never in any of my weight loss efforts before have I had support like I have now. I've had people to whom I am answerable, but that isn't support. That is someone to fool and cheat and get the better of, someone to take the load of responsibility from me. Now I have a whole network of people online going through the same process - the responsibility is mine but I don't have to go through this alone.

I also have someone who is a really good friend, someone I can talk to about anything. Most of my life I've had good friends but I've never really let my guard down around them. When bad things happen, I'll say I'm fine and laugh and joke and they accept that and joke along with me. That's fine but it doesn't really fix anything. So, about a year ago, I met my best friend David. He's a great guy, the best friend a girl could have, and not afraid to call bullshit when I start covering up my emotions. It's not always easy but it helps just knowing that there is someone in the world who will adore me, no matter what.

4. Lifestyle change: as I said above, this is a lifestyle change in many ways but I think it helps that not long after losing weight, my whole life changed - I moved house (and neighbourhoods) and got a new job. Since then, I've not let myself get into bad habits. I don't have a shop where I buy calorific food on the way home from work, I don't go to places with greasy food for lunch. Sure, I'm not perfect, but my imperfections haven't become bad habits and that makes a big difference.

5. Emotional stuff: not only am I working on changing my eating and exercise but I'm also starting to deal with the issues that made me fat in the first place. Without dealing with these issues, they will never go away.

6. Life threatening illness: oh yeah, and I also have the diabetes to deal with as well. Nothing like the thought of amputation or blindness to keep you on the straight and narrow.

I think I've convinced myself now. This is for life.

Great post Kathryn. For me so far, I'm finding the support to be key - and working on the issues that made me/kept me fat to begin with. They're very important parts of this whole adventure.

By Blogger jak, at 8:12 am  

Kathryn, what you've written down is absolutely amazing. You've made some incredible changes in your life and you should be so proud of yourself.

This time around I knew it was different for me too - I wasn't just going to starve myself and exercise like a madwoman just to be back where I was in a year's time, like I had done so many times before. I didn't want a quick fix - I wanted a solution.

The point I could really identify with was tackling the issues that made you overweight in the first place. This is something that I really have to work on - thanks for the reminder!

But like you said, this time it's for real! We're not going to go back to the way we were, because life is so much better this way.

Thanks for the inspiration - hope you have a wonderful day.

By Blogger Philippa, at 10:18 am  

Bravo. I have just read the last few posts and you have sounded really down. I am so glad that you went through the process of writing this list because it does affirm that you have made inroads into all areas of your life, to help with the healthier lifestyle you have chosen to follow.

And no, you're not perfect, no-one is. But you have the ability to see past one poor choice meal, one high calorie day, one exercise less week, and just get on with the next day.

Either I can't read properly or you haven't posted about it but I did not realise you have diabetes. This makes what you are doing so much more important. I liked what you posted about the gym and about how it is our choice to make it work and that we don't just have to go along with the programs written for us. Thanks for that.

I hope you have a lovely day :)

By Blogger M, at 10:20 am  

I wondered if I would quit when I started...I was determined (still am) but there was always that little voice in my head going 'yeah but for how long?' After the marafun I truly realised that this if for life, and I am content with that - if i can make healthy eating and exercise just another part of my life...i will be content.

Great post ;)

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 4:56 pm  

Excellent post mate, really enjoyted the whole lot of it. Laying yourself out like an open page is not easy, especially when you have kept it covered up for so long. One day at a time, aye??

By Blogger Jules, at 6:12 pm  

This is a fantastic post Kathryn. I love the way you look at things and see how things work or don't for you. You're a great inspiration and you will not go back to your old habits. Not this time! It's great to have a good friend who is going to tell it like it is too. Keep up the great work!

By Blogger Mary, at 11:48 am  

 

::16.10.05::

No Safety Net?

Normally I am extremely vigilant about tracking my food and exercise - I started doing in a paper journal, then on Diet Club. So the other night I had this crazy idea. What if I just stopped? What would happen?

I don't mean not watching what I eat and going totally berserk, just not tracking.

The idea is pretty scary. Really scary, in fact. Like what if I eat a whole cheesecake or something and don't realise cos I haven't tracked it. What if I ate like a side of beef or something? I think I have control issues. But I know that sometime in the future, I will have to stop tracking. I mean, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life recording every morsel of food I eat. I have to learn to ease up a little - to trust myself.

One thought I had was to spend the rest of the month not tracking and see how I go - if I still lose weight. But I don't think I'm ready. Not yet. I might just let the idea sit with me for a while to get used to it.

The thought of not tracking is really scary!! Not something I am ready to give up yet!
I will be interested to see how you go - if you decide to stop for a while:)

By Blogger Leighanne, at 9:02 am  

You're right -- someday we have to let go of the obsession, elsewise the compulsion will haunt us, too. Great insight, Kathryn. Given your progress and remarkable success, I'm sure you will know when it's the right time to take the next step.

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 10:14 am  

I can't stop myself from mentally tracking anyway. I think we just get so used to it that it becomes second nature.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 1:31 pm  

When I don't track I tend to "forget" things I ate. They are usually small things, like an extra apple, a couple of pieces of dry fruit, an extra tsp of olive oil in the salad...but this ends up in 2-3 points over daily, and although not in sugar or bad stuff, it adds up for me.

Give it a go, tell us how it goes.

By Blogger Silverella, at 3:47 pm  

Not tracking is really difficult to get used to - I've weaned myself off over the last month, and my discipline has definately slipped a little. However I AM still counting in my head, and I AM still maintaining, so thats gotta be a good thing :-)

By Blogger Emily, at 3:53 pm  

Everything you've said is so true. I tried no tracking this weekend and it didn't work! I know I still need the discipline and accountability of it. Portion control has always been a huge issue for me too. I think you'll know when the time is right, when you know within yourself that you'll never again go back to your old habits, where you can trust yourself to make a good judgment. Given your vast achievements and inspiring attitude so far, I don't think that time is too far away.

Have a great week xo

By Blogger Philippa, at 4:39 pm  

lol, i understand this, even if i eat way too much, i still have to guess, just so i know how much i have to do to make it up!

By Blogger Kt, at 7:24 pm  

I wouldn't ditch tracking just yet! I've only just got back into it after a two month hiatus. During the two months, I didn't gain anything ... it was almost like I was on autopilot because I instinctively knew what a decent portion size is and was tracking in the back of my mind. I also maintained my exercise level. However, I also didn't really lose much (a kilo). So now I'm back onto tracking to see if I can finally get rid of those last few kilos.

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 9:15 am  

 

Fun Run Sunday

This morning's fun run was kinda blah. I didn't get to bed until late then I woke up at 7.00 but must have doozed off again - suddenly it was 8.30. I freaked out and got ready. I'd planned to catch the train in but ended up driving and had to park miles away from the start. Still managed to get there on time though.

Mostly, after I've been walking for a while, my back feels better - like its all stretched out again, but on the fun run this morning it hurt and kept hurting. The competitive part of my brain wanted to go faster, to not let people pass me, but the sensible part made me take it easy. Still I only took an extra minute or so to finish.

I walked back to the car and couldn't find it - the walk back seemed much, much longer. I dunno, I just have been feeling very blah today.

I did see you at the 2km mark - but my eyes were firmly set on those bloody pacing women ahead of me...and I couldn't talk anyway...I had no energy :(

I did think about turning around and running backward and waving, but I reckon I would have landed on my arse!

Hope you feel less blah tomorrow...I soo wanted a spudatoe tonight, but I made risotta instead :)

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 7:48 pm  

Kathryn I totally forgot that you were going today, otherwise I would have looked out for you.

Sorry to hear that you're still not feeling great. Hope it improves soon.

By Blogger Jaykay, at 9:53 pm  

Sorry you didn't have much fun. Hope your back is better soon.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 1:30 pm  

 

::15.10.05::

Oh Man

I went out with my friends last night - we went to see a show called Clique at the Spegieltent, a burlesque circus. Afterwards we decided to get something to eat and ended up at Pellegrinis. If you know Melbourne, you might know of Pellegrinis. It's an old style Italian place in the city - very old style. Stupidly, I was the one to suggest it. Why, oh why did I do that?

So I ended up ordering the Ravioli Pellegrini - with a napoli pesto sauce. I coulda had the plain napoli sauce but no, I had to have the pesto as well.

My meal came out - a mountain of ravioli coated in sauce, covered in parmesan cheese and surrounded by a lake of oil. A Lake! I coulda minimised the damage - just eating a half portion, but no I ate the lot plus the bread and butter that came with it.

When I got home, I did a rough estimate of calories and worked out it was about 2000! That is a helluva lot of calories. More calories than I eat in a day. And, you know what, it wasn't even that good. If it had been the most superlative pasta, I could have justified the one-off extravagence but it was stodgy and mediocre.

I've felt bad since. I know it's not an everyday thing and I can recoup from this. I know I can put it behind me and keep on with my healthy eating. I know one meal isn't going to break me. But I feel bad. Like I know better and should do better. Of course, having all that fat and sludge in my system isn't helping; I can feel it weighing me down.

Today is going to be about light eating and getting moving. Damage control. I need to feel like myself again.

You do know that this is what normal people eat like?? It is completely normal to overeat on a night out. What normal people do is get back into light eating (like you plan to) the next day. You are just being a normal person. If you were still in the fat mindset you would be using this as an excuse to binge out for a week and then feel like shit for another 5!!

By Blogger Jules, at 9:45 am  

Totally agree with you natural jules. Dont feel bad about the pasta! You can do pasta! I came across your blog and really enjoyed reading it. Im a VIC girl as well. I actually used to live near revolver in Chapel Street (in Windsor, Union Street?) anyways, it bought back some memories@!

By Blogger Esther, at 11:15 am  

Agreed, don't feel too bad about the pasta. Just go into damage control mode for a few days and you'll be alright. You don't do it all the time so it's nothing to feel too bad about. I hope your back is better today!
There's a cafe in Surry Hills called Il Baretto which is like dietary kryptonite to me. It's the best pasta place in Sydney but I only go there once every two months now, I don't want to go every week and spoil a good thing!

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 6:11 pm  

On the other hand, one time I went to a great Italian resturant and had plain chicken and vegetables whilst all around me ate rich pasta dishes and stuffed themselves full of bread. I didn't come home from that feeling too good either. Sure, I stayed on my plan but I missed being one of the gang. There's a lot of sacrifice in weight loss, either way.

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 8:30 pm  

It wouldn't have beenb too bad if you meal was not floating in oil - I always want to go to P - but now, maybe I'll just have coffee. Jules is right thought...normal people do eat like this when they go out, however normal people, are getting bigger by the day :(

Good Luck tomorrow - remember your race number!!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 10:41 pm  

I LOVE Pellegrinis!! I try to just stick to the coffee though. Completely agree w Jules, most people do overeat on a night out and you don't want to be "on a diet" forever, chalk this one up as learning how to have a night out and continue on from where you left off the next day. If you can, fit a walk in and you will feel so great that the pasta will be a distant memory.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 12:03 pm  

Next time you will know only to eat half. You are human and this journey is about getting our tools and using them. Sometimes we use them good and sometimes we don't. But we keep working it.

A couple of light days should see you feeling better in the stomach. Keep smiling :)

By Blogger M, at 3:14 pm  

 

::14.10.05::

Gain

I put on a little this week - not unexpected with the forced lack of activity this week plus going over my daily calories a few times. I'm not stressed about it - the eating hasn't been that bad, just too plentiful and once I'm feeling better I'll be back on top of things.

I'm meeting friends tonight to go to the speigeltent but I'm not meeting them until 6.30 so I have a bit of time to kill - not enough to make going home after work worthwhile though. So I figure I'll walk up the other end of town and pick up my WWE wrestling tickets and get in some exercise. I'm also getting my Big Day Out tickets today - woohoo - I love getting tickets.

I got a good bit of financial news yesterday. Since I started my work contract at the beginning of the year, I've been paid monthly. Sometimes that is 4 weekly, other times 5 weekly - 5 weeks is far too long between pays especially when you have to take unpaid time off sick, believe me. So yesterday one of the other contractors said he rang our agency and they said they would change our pays to fortnightly! Woohoo! Why didn't we think of just asking before? This means I got my monthly pay last week and now I'm getting my first fortnightly pay next week. I'm in the money for once. And I think I need new shoes.

I had monthly pay when I first entered the workforce many moons ago!! I hated it. Being on a very low wage also as a junior this made it really difficult to budget and make it stretch out the month. Now I get paid weekly and my hubby is on monthly but that is OK. We used his wage for the house and bills etc and mine for weekly living. Quite easy actually.

Don't worry too much about the gain. As you said, no exercise and being sick doesn't really help. XX

By Blogger Jodie, at 10:16 am  

Fortnightly will be much better for you.
Once you are fully recovered things will be better, so don't worry. Yay for tickets to enjoyable outings.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 12:14 pm  

Fortnightly is so much better. I love getting paid fortnightly. DH got paid monthly but now that has changed too. Have fun buying new shoes. And glad the back is feeling a little better.

Happy for you to come over and have a bath at my house. We have enough ducks so don't bring yours :)

By Blogger M, at 3:39 pm  

Fornightly pay..Yay!
I really want to go to the speigeltent whilst it is in town - I really want to go this year. Don't worry about the gain, you have been ill you poor bugger ;)

See you around on Sunday!

Lucinda (the choose identity is off the rails?!)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:54 pm  

 

::13.10.05::

Linky McGlinky

I've been meaning to ask this for a while. Every time I update my links, I forget some and there are some blogs I read regularly but only from links on other blogs. So, if you pop by here and have a blog, let me know so I can link you up.

Thanks folks.

 

Ahhhh... relief

The back is getting better, slowly. I managed to walk for about half hour after work today - it's fine while I keep moving. At least that's an incentive to not slacken off.

Then I had a massage. Brilliant. I am amazed at my range of motion.

After that, I was too tired to do much so got a Spudatoes spud for dinner. Very heavy on the calories even without the garlic butter and the sour cream (I can give up the sour cream easily but the garlic butter was a sacrifice) but I figured I rarely get takeaways and it is still much, much better than pizza or fish n' chips.

I've been considering the bath idea, only problem is that I live in a share house and the bathtub is not in such a good state. I don't think I'd feel right having a bath in it without cleaning it first. Trouble is, I can't lean forward to clean it! I wonder if I could visit friends on the weekend and take my towel and a rubber duckie and disappear into the bathroom...

I'm so glad you're back is feeling a bit better.

Oooh, giving up the garlic butter would've been a huge sacrifice for me! Good on you! :)

By Blogger jak, at 12:42 am  

Glad you back is a little better. Hope it keeps improving. Bad luck about the bath as a nice hot bath really helps.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 5:50 am  

 

::12.10.05::

Back

I went to the doctor about my back today. He said that all the muscles in my lower back have tightened up... a lot. It could be from too much exercise *sigh* but he said I'd be fine for the fun run on Sunday, I'd just have to take it slow. I'm going to see the oestopath for further treatment and I have some stretches to do so hopefully I'll be as good as new soon.

Too much exercise! meh! It is good though that you will be able to do the run on Sunday, just take it easy!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 7:16 pm  

I just learned a trick from a dancer on Saturday about tensed muscles, so perhaps you can give it a go too.

Take at least a dozen aspirins, or a whole box is better really, put them on the bath tub, run a warm bath and get soaked in it for at least 20 minutes.

This is (as I was told) a trick dancers do after day-long rehearshals in order to calm the tensed mucles.

*hugs*

By Blogger Silverella, at 11:23 pm  

I empathise with the sore back. And I touch wood that mine stays away. You take it easy on the run. There is no point stuffing it up completely and not being able to do anything at all for weeks. That being said, some gentle exercise might be really good for it. See your Osteo, and that bath idea of silverella's sounds really good. Any reason to have a bath I think :)

By Blogger M, at 9:54 am  

Am glad to hear you went to the dr and that you will be okay for the fun run on Sunday - take care and look after yourself.
Back ache is awful - something which may help is bathing in epsom salts - if you buy it from an animal place it is heaps cheaper than the chemist or supermarket.
Be good and take care of yourself !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 11:01 am  

Hope your back is soon better. Take is easy on Sunday. Long hot bath sounds good.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 11:57 am  

I'm glad it's nothing too serious. Plenty of heat packs and you'll be right in not time. XX

By Blogger Jodie, at 1:49 pm  

I'm glad you went to the doc, and am also glad that it's nothing too serious.

You could use some epsom salts in teh bath for the same sort of effect that silverella is talking about. I must admit I nearly fell over when I first read "take at least a dozen aspirins, or a whole box is better really", glad there was more to it, in putting them in the bath! :)

By Blogger jak, at 3:09 pm  

Asprin or no, that bath sounds fabulous!

Fingies crossed that all goes well for your run.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 9:40 pm  

 

::11.10.05::

More Misery

Arrrggh! Not only are my multiple medical conditions annoying, they also don't get along harmoniously. I got some decorub for my sore back but, when I put it on last night, realised it didn't go too well with my spotty skin disease. Ouch.

The coughing from bronchitis isn't exactly helping the back, nor is the abdominal cramp from my period.

I didn't sleep too well last night. I kept waking up, wanting to turn over in bed but not able to because it hurt. I felt like a big, fat, beached whale and woke up miserable. Then it took me forever to get ready for work. Putting on pantyhose was difficult and doing up my shoes almost impossible.

Once I was dressed, I couldn't find my keys. I tore my room apart looking for them, getting more and more miserable. It's hard to search when it hurts to move. I just felt so sore and sorry for myself. The place was a mess and I didn't feel up to doing any cleaning or tidying. And I was very late for work.

Mostly I don't mind living on my own, but in situations like this morning, it isn't nice. Sometimes it would be so comforting to have someone around when I'm feeling sick - to pick things up off the floor for me when I can't bend, to do up my shoes, to make me dinner and help tidy up, to look after me and give me sympathy. I had a little self-pitying cry, then pulled myself together. After all, if I don't get my shit together and get to work then I don't get paid.

So I went to the chemist on the way to work and got some Nurophen and made an appointment at the doctors for tomorrow. And moped around work all day.

It's so hard not being able to exercise. Normally I have around 1,500 calories a day but after exercise it is under 1,200 net calories. So I've been trying to stick to 1,200 a day while I can't exercise. I'm finding that hard though. It doesn' t take much to go over.

This afternoon I thought about getting some chocolate. Then I realised even if ate chocolate, I wouldn't feel any better and I'd have eaten all those extra calories. Smart thinking, huh. Except I went to the munchie machine and got the chocolate anyway. And ate it. And felt sick and miserable afterwards. Damn Toblerone.

I keep thinking I can't lose weight while I'm ill. And, if I think like that, I won't. I have to pull myself together. It's one thing to stay on top of things when the goings good, but another when you are being tested. And I feel like this is a test. A test of my determination and good intentions. At least tomorrow is another day and tomorrow I will rule!

Oh dear, Kathryn - I agree with the living alone...good 99% of the time, but when you are sick, it is shite. I hope you get something that will help at the doctor tomorrow.

Stay positive :)

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 10:17 pm  

I live with a lovely DH and 2 boys. I still have to do everything myself when I am sick. Well most of the time anyway :)

You are right in what you say. If you think you can't lose weight when you are sick - you won't. It is a heck of a lot harder but if you just aim for maintenance that sure beats a gain.

You will come out of this soon and then you will be ripping up the pavement again. Hope tomorrow is a bit kinder on you :)

By Blogger M, at 11:21 pm  

I'm with "m" -- the myth of living with someone is that they will take care of you when you need them to. Sometimes they do, but frequently, they don't. My beloved does wonderful things for me when I ask, but sometimes gets annoyed and angry when I'm sick -- his own fear that there is something he can't fix taking over his generous good nature. Sometimes when I'm sick I'd rather be alone to moan and suffer in sufficient quantities to satisfy my martyred self. Ah, well, there are advantages to both kinds of living and disadvantages as well. Sorry you're having such a hard time of it. Take care. :)

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 5:22 am  

Hey Kathryn - hope you are feeling better. The trip to the dr is definately a very good ideas - hope all goes well and you have a much better day today.

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 8:06 am  

Ugh, sounds like you're having a really sucky time!

M is right - just try to maintain while you're sick and don't worry about losing. Make sure you are eating enough though - your body won't heal if you starve it!

Hope your doc provides a miracle cure for your ailments :-)

By Blogger Emily, at 8:54 am  

I hope that by the time you get this you are feeling much better. It sucks when you are sick and don't have someone to look after you but sometimes their help when you are sick isn't outweighed by the extra work they cause when you aren't !!!
Just do the best that you can and don't put your body under any extra strain until you are completely better.
Take care and lotsa hugs !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 9:32 am  

Oh, how miserable you must be feeling! I'm with M - aiming for a maintain while sick is easier and it's much better than gaining!

I hope the trip to the doc can give you some meds to get you on the up and up ASAP.

By Blogger jak, at 9:47 am  

I think you just need to concentrate on getting better babe. Don't worry about this weight loss thing right now. Be good to yourself *hugs*.

By Blogger Mary, at 12:13 pm  

Sorry to hear you are feeling so unwell! that sucks. hope the nurofen is some help and that the doc can help u out some more. Never mind the toblerone, it was only one, one can't hurt you. Just remember that smart thinking next time you want some.

By Blogger Kt, at 1:09 pm  

Just concentrate on getting yourself better. Sounds like you need to give yourself some TLC at the moment.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 2:55 pm  

oh my goodness what a horrible mess u have yourself in! Just remember that it will pass one day.

By Blogger { the.Moranbah.Scrapper }, at 3:46 pm  

 

::10.10.05::

Miseryguts

As if bronchitis and the weird spotty rash disease weren't enough, this morning my lower back decided to go heywire. At first I thought it would right itself in a moment or two, but no such luck. I've been walking around like an old woman all day.

Since I can't get an appointment with my doctor for a few days, I did a self diagnosis thing on the internet. That got hard though because it was asking questions like - do you have a high temperature and do you have a rash. Well, I do but I don't know if it's related to the bad back. At least I don't have a blistery rash because that would mean I have shingles. I read the symptoms of shingles and they really aren't nice.

I'm being optimistic though. I bought some new running/walking shoes today even though it feels like I may never exercise again. I'm starting to worry that I have some mental conditon that is making me ill. Maybe I'm a hypocondriac, except I really am sick (but then I'd think that if I was a hypocondriac, wouldn't I). I think I'll discuss this with my shrink tomorrow. She might have some ideas.

When I did my back...I went to the Alfred, and waited in emergency for a couple of hours. I feel so sorry for you, being so unwell...and of course you will exercise again :) Maybe just not for a few days...

Congrats on the new runners!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 8:05 pm  

Hope you are soon feeling much better. Hope you get to see a doctor soon.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 7:06 am  

Hope you are feeling better soon - there is nothing worse than a sore back (well there probably are worse things but when it is your back that is sore there is nothing worse !!) Be careful and don't do anything to make it worse.
Look after yourself and hope you can get it sorted out soon.
Take care and have a great week !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 8:36 am  

Me again! Just wnated to tell you I checked out Ab Flab blog. It is great! Congratulations for thinking of it. Looks like a wealth of information for us all. Well done!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 8:59 am  

Oh, no! I hope you're feeling better ASAP Kathryn. Take care of yourself and your back, take it very easy with lots of rest until you can get to the docs.

By Blogger jak, at 10:14 am  

Kathryn, I'm glad you're headed to the doctor and best wishes for a speedy recovery from whatever it is. You will rise again and be able to use the trainers. Just take it easy for now :)

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 9:18 pm  

I hope your back isn't causing you too much grief. I wish you a speedy recovery! You will be better soon enough, just take it easy for the meantime.

:) Sarah

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 11:53 am  

Just don't jump to any conclusions until you see th doctor. Take it easy! I hope you get better real soon. YAY for new runners!

By Blogger Mary, at 12:10 pm  

 

::9.10.05::

Absolutely Flabulous

Absolutely Flabulous - the group blog I was talking about below - is now up and running. Not much there at the moment of course, but it should develop into a very handy resource site full of great info.

I'd really like to ask a huge favour. If you have a blog or site, I'd love it if you could help spread the word or put up a link so more people get to know about the site.

Also, a few people left comments saying they'd like to get involved but I need their email addresses so I can add them to the blog so please get in touch with me - kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au - so I can add you. If you didn't comment but you live in Australia or New Zealand and would like to get involved, feel free to email me also.

Hey I just checked out AB FAB - what a fantastic idea! LOL, i feel your pain with the shopping situation, i am a bit of a shopper & i do like some trends but only if they suit me, i am not a blind follower & Boho does not suit me!!! Also in agreeance with blong & work outfits too!

By Blogger Kt, at 11:44 am  

Have a link up on my blog now, and am doing a post about it as well. Thanks for letting me be involved in Ab Flab - and I love the template, it looks awesome! :)

By Blogger jak, at 12:05 pm  

It looks great Kathryn and I have put up a link from my site.

By Blogger M, at 9:06 pm  

Whoot, well done for organising this! I've just linked you :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 4:51 pm  

 

::8.10.05::

Shopping Rant-A-Rama

Why are the shops filled with ugly clothes? Why? I am so sick of the "boho" look. If I see another flouncy skirt I'll scream. If I see more brown and pink, I'll go nuts. I have money and I want to spend it, so come on shops, co-operate.

My sister bought the loveliest dress in Portmans recently. I wanted to get one but they didn't have any. That made me sad but I had a diabolic scheme - it involves her putting on more weight, not being able to fit into the dress and then persuading her to give it to me. Simple, yet evil like all good schemes. Now I bet she'll ruin it by losing weight. Bitch.

I wanted to get runners but I wanted to go to the Athlete's Foot to do that footprint thing. They don't have a store at Northland though so I'll either go into the city over the weekend or at lunch time next week. I wanted to buy work clothes but flouncy, boho skirts are not for work. Anything with sequins or glitter on it isn't for work either - why do they do that? Take a simple top and destroy it with shiny bits? I like shiny things as much as the next girl but there's a time and place for shiny.

You know what else would make my life a whole big Easy McEasier? If shops were more open about what sizes they sell. Like, I don't want to go into a store and look at clothes that don't fit me. That would be embarassing and a waste of time. Most stores don't even tell you on their web site. I have a new found love for those that actually put size charts - that way I know that I can shop there.

And, grr - this is my major hate - why do all these shops sell the same clothes? You have a whole shopping centre full of stores that sell variations on the same thing. Why? Why not have just one big shop? I don't get it.

I thought once I got into a "regular" size - a 16-18, I'd have a world of shopping choice. But that's not the reality at all. I can shop in some regular stores but I don't know which ones and I can't shop in the stores I like. Recently, the only clothes I've really liked have been in hippy shops. I have a real thing at the moment for Asian influenced clothes. They have some great stuff in the hippy store (Ojays, I think it is) near me and there is a fabulous store on Smith St that I travel past everyday on the tram but mostly those clothes are very small fitting. I'll get there one day and, at least with those types of shops, the styles don't change too much.

In fact, as I'm writing this, I'm realising I've never liked fashion. I've never liked dressing the same as everyone else or spending heaps of money on clothes that will date within a few months. Before I never have the option of being a fashion clone most of the time anyway, although I did throw myself head first into the peasant top trend of '03. I guess, regardless of size, it takes a while to cultivate your own look and to find the stores from which to cultivate it. And I don't think any of those stores exist at Northland Shopping Centre.

Rant over. I did so some good this morning. Kathryn's # 1 shopping tip - go early. I picked up my son and hit the market at 8.30 am. I love early mornings at the market, it's worth the sacrifice of sleep time to avoid the crowds and I will nap this afternoon anyway.

I took a leaf out of Jodie's highly organised book, and planned out my meals for the week. It made such a difference. We whizzed around that market at high speed and instead of buying a whole swag of food that is impossible to combine into meals, I have a range of dinners to pick from this week.

We did have souvlakis for breakfast but a girl can't be perfect and I only ate half (and am still full hours later).

And, get this, I bought the ingredients so I can make my own bircher museli to have every morning. No more Uncle Toby's Oat Temptations for me. It's a bit of mucking around but I can make enough for 2 days in one hit. If it works out, I'll post the recipe.

I got my son a mobile phone, been promising him one since his birthday in Feb so it's about time I followed through; stocked up on underwear and pjs at K-Mart (20% off, woohoo!); got a nice '50s style skirt at K-Mart also (one fashion trend I actually like atm is the girlie girl '50s skirts) and finally got rabbit ears for my telly, plus I got to hang out with my son (even if I spent half the time telling him off for not being a girl, cos that would make shopping with him so much more fun - oh don't worry, he's used to that) so the morning wasn't a complete waste.

Now it's time for resting. Maybe a nap and watching more of the Twin Peaks dvds I borrowed from my friend, Sugar Lips. It's a great show, I just wish they'd stop eating pie all the time!

Have to put my hand up to liking the whole brown and pink thing (in fact got it on now with my Nellys) but can't stand the boho or too sparkly look. Loving the 50's inspired stuff and have secured 1 skirt and 2 dresses in this style.

Love your work Kathryn. You are always great fun to read. I hope you do have a brilliant weekend. Am thinking about a post tonight and will update something interesting tomorrow. Cheers

By Blogger M, at 9:05 pm  

I'm with you on all the stores in a centre stocking the same clothes and none of them really what I like ! I have never followed fashion and really only wear things I am comfortable in hence the weekends are spent in jeans (long shorts or longs), T-shirts, singlets and work pants and tops for during the week. But, it is very frustrating when you want something just a little different but don't want to follow fashion because it doesn't suit you and the only thing you can find which does remotely suit you costs a fortune and you land up saying bugger it and not getting anything.
Have to agree with M - I really enjoy your posts - keep up the good work !
Take care and have a great weekend - yay for early morning shopping at the markets - the quality of fruit and veg is normally so much better than the supermarkets.
Be good !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 9:11 pm  

Count me in on hating all the shops having the same stuff. I mean, I can't shop in any of the "normal" shops just yet anyway, but I still like to look. And I like variety, and I'm not seeing a lot of it. I'm not into the boho look overall either, and I groaned audibly when I first started seeing it come in. Not happy! And I totally agree on sparkles. I love sparkles, I love shiny - but there is definitely a time and place for them.

Hope the bircher muesli works out, because I'd love to see the recipe! :)

By Blogger jak, at 12:39 pm  

Bwahaha...I don't have to say anything, you've said it all and I agree!! I like to do my own thing too :-) Planning is a good thing and making your own bircher muesli, delish.

By Blogger Mary, at 4:50 pm  

 

Enough

Payday today! As a contractor, I never quite believe I'm going to get paid until I see the $$$ in my bank account - too many bad experiences with employment agencies in the past.

So, this morning I was thinking; when I moved earlier this year, I had nothing. My son, Andrew, took all the good stuff - the tv (which was his), the dvd player (ditto - his PS2), the computer. At the same time, I started a new job with monthly pays so it took 6 weeks before I even started getting any money. It was a tough time plus I had a huge amount of debts to pay off. Slowly, month by month, I've built up my material possessions - computer, internet connection, television, dvd player. Ipod :)

My thought this morning was that I finally have enough. I have all the material possessions I need, well the big ticket items anyway. Sure, if someone were to give me a brand new shiny car or a trip overseas or a plasma tv, and sure there are somethings - clothes, books, cds - that I'll always want to go shopping for, because shopping for these things is a pleasure in itself, but as far as most things go, I have enough. I am satisfied with the things I have.

The concept of having "enough" is something I've been exploring with my shrink, in as far as food goes anyway. It's amazing to experience that feeling, to know that if I give myself what I want and need, I am capable of knowing when to stop.

Sounds like you are doing really well. It must have been hard to start again. It is good to be satisfied with what we have possession wise and feel confident that we know how much food and nourishment we need to stay healthy. Have fun.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 11:25 am  

I really like this post babe. I so get it, thanks.

By Blogger Mary, at 9:44 am  

Great post Kathryn. Definitely something I'm going to give more thought to in reagards to my own life. Thanks. :)

By Blogger jak, at 12:06 pm  

 

::7.10.05::

Arrrgh!

Earlier today, I updated my current weight on my template but it didn't save properly and ended up wiping my entire template. I didn't have it saved on my computer either but I found this old template lying around and kinda like it a lot. I still need to add stuff but it is better than having no site at all.

I'd lost 700 grams when I weighed in today, pretty good considering I've done no exercise since Monday night. This not exercising is driving me mad. It becomes very difficult when the things I need to do for weight loss conflict with the things I need to do for my health. In the end, my health is the main thing so I want to make sure I'm feeling 100% before I start working out again. Well 95% anyway.

Tomorrow is payday - woohoo! One of the problems with only getting paid monthly is that every time payday comes around, I've lost so much weight that I have to buy new clothes. What a pain... ha ha.

I was playing around with BMI figures today. I thought I had to be around 70 kgs to be within the normal range for my height but it is actually 74.7. That means I'm only 13 kilograms over my normal range. Then I thought - "I can do that before Christmas. I can lose 13 kilograms in 12 weeks." But I came to my senses (see above re: health issues). So I gave myself a stern talking to about sensible weight loss. And really, so what if it takes until January or Febuary, even March. I'll get there in the end but I won't if I don't fight these germs that love my body so much.

I like your renovations!

Congrats on your loss, your health comes first as exercise goes, no use running like a maniac then being dragged down in a month or so.

A pain buying new clothes...I want to have a more of that pain in my direction.

Have a great weekend!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 12:15 am  

I like the new look, too. Congratulations on the weight loss and keeping the perspective on amount of time to goal.

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 3:49 am  

I did that too today. I think it was a blogger fault. Well done on the loss girl! You will get to goal babe and you are getting to goal :-) Keep it up!

By Blogger Mary, at 6:47 am  

Congrats on your loss and well done on the whole weight by date thing. I think that has to be one of the major keys of my stickability this time around. I set no date goals. All my goals are weight / size related and if the last bit takes 12 months to take off, so be it. I will still be well in front.

Bugger that you lost your template, but liking it anyway :)

Have a great weekend

By Blogger M, at 9:01 pm  

I love the new look too Kathryn.

Well done on the AWESOME loss! Bloody fantastic. I think your attitude towards losing the last 13kgs - i.e. not putting a set time on it but knowing you will work to get there regardless how long it takes - is terrific.

By Blogger jak, at 11:49 am  

 

::6.10.05::

Snippets

I don't know how many of you know about or use the site My Body Comp but I've had a profile on there since March. Basically, you plug in all your measurements and it gives you reports. You can do comparisions between your measurements for different dates. I love it. I only remember to enter my details in once every few months so when I do it, I always have wonderful results.

It shows your change in lean body mass and fat mass (most of my change has been in my fat mass, luckily), your BMI and your Waist to Hip Ratio as well. I love knowing all this stuff. It rocks.

The only tough bit is that I didn't start using it until March so I'd already lost a fair chunk of weight by then (when I stared losing weight, I took measurements but only chest, waist and hips).

Lean Body Mass -1.21
Fat Mass -13.49

Body Mass Index (BMI) - 5.21


Neck -4.00
Shoulders -1.00
Chest -23.00 (weirdly enough, this is only 15 cm by my calculations from the start, still good to see a loss - bye, bye, back boobs!)
Waist -17.00 (I have lost 30 cm altogether by my calculations, that's a whole ruler!)
Abdomen -16.00
Hips -19.00 (23 cm all up, gone forever)
Thigh -4.00
Knee -1.00
Calf -1.00
Ankle .00
Arm -6.00
Forearm -1.00
Wrist .00

The scary thing is that my "lifestyle" calories I burn each day have dropped by about 500 calories. Yikes. Gotta watch that stuff.

***
I am primed for getting buff this summer now. Well, apart from being sick and not able to exercise (well I did so some free weights last night but not serious exercise). The Big Day Out is a huge incentive - woohoo = the Stooges, woohoo = the White Stripes! I need the muscles to push my way to the front. I need to get thin so I can crowdsurf (only joking!) . And, you know, just because my son thinks he's too old for the Big Day Out that doesn't mean anything.
It will be so good to have just a big day out instead of a big fat day out, sweltering in the sun.
***

I'm still looking for people for the group blog (see below). I need your email addy to include you so it's easier to email me - kathrynoh at nemesis dot com au - rather than leave a comment. It should be up and running by the weekend. Woohoo!

WOOHOO for the white stripes!! :) I'm hoping to hit BDO this year. Where they have it on the goldie is opposite my uni. I haven't been to one on the goldie before, but the white stripes are worth braving the teeny boppers. :D

By Blogger jak, at 2:42 pm  

i love my body comp (although i haven't gone back in ages! argh. maybe i should drop by). nice reduction! :)

By Blogger - u, at 9:58 pm  

Love the White Stripes. Love the idea of having a big day out instead of a big FAT day out. How horrible is it to look forward to a summer event, all the while really dreading it because you know your thighs are going to stick together in the heat, your ankles will swell because they have the task of bearing your mass for the day, and you are generally going to feel like a sweaty overheated loser in some big bulky outfit that tries to cover your 'curves'. I don't want to ever do that again. That is why I refuse to get married fat. I am not sweating my way through the so called "best day of my life".

By Blogger Jules, at 6:11 am  

Hey there. Just did a big catch up and I think it is great that you are putting together the blog. I am happy to put forward an article here and there if you want. I am not sure what I can offer other than my own personal insights, or discoveries of some long forgotten delicious recipe, but I am happy to put up.

Hope you have a great day.
Cheers

By Blogger M, at 8:52 am  

I will have to check out that site - congrats on the results...yay!

I sent you a quick email the other day, hope you got it, and now have my details. Have a great weekend!

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 4:14 pm  

WHOO HOO! I love Iggy, he's one of my favourite artists of all time. I hope he does some solo shows while out for the BDO :-) I find that man very sexy. Did you see him in Coffee & Cigarettes?

By Blogger Mary, at 6:44 am  

 

::4.10.05::

Calling All Australian and New Zealand Girls (and Boys too)...

Have you ever been surfing the net, looking for healthy and nutritional information... you find a great site and get all excited reading about the latest yoghurt, now in Burpberry or Thelma McThin-Thigh's latest exercise dvd, only to realise it's a US site and, unless you want to pay a zillion dollars in shipping, you will never get to experience these delights?

Well, that happened to me last night and I got thinking... thinking... thinking... why isn't there anything like that but based here. Then I thought, why keep all the fun to myself.

So... I'm looking for people (5-10) who want to contribute to a group blog. This is what I'm thinking:

* the posts should be of interest to those who want to live healthy lifestyles eg. reviews of food products, exercise dvds, gyms; announcement of upcoming events, etc.

* you should be able to post once or twice a month minimum (but, of course, if you are uber-busy one month, I'm hardly going to hunt you down and if you want to post heaps more then go right ahead).

* posts should be articulate but snappy - something more than "I had some yoghurt, it was nice" but not a 10 page essay.

* you should be living in Australia or New Zealand - it would be ace to get people from lots of different locations.

* and, of course, you should be interested in living a healthy lifestyle.

You don't have to have a blog but since I'll host it on Blogspot, you'll have to join up as a Blogger user (it's dead easy if you aren't already).

Are you excited? I think it could be a great resource. So the next step is up to you... leave a comment or email me kathrynoh at ozemail dot com dot au. Go on, you know you want to.

Rightio. I agree wholly. All these readers of our blogs (as I know we are so popular girl, that there are heaps) need some sort of resource and we can do it. So I am up for the Challenge. I'll represent the South Island of NZ if you want me. And I am pretty sure I can manage more than "I like yoghurt, it is nice."

By Blogger Jules, at 6:01 am  

:) I'm doing something similar on the food aspect on my brand new food journal, and I'd love to contribute to a group blog if you'll have me! I would like to think I can manage more than "I like yoghurt" but, you know, you can be the judge! :)

Great, fantastic idea, Kathryn!. :)

By Blogger jak, at 7:51 am  

Fantastic idea Kathryn - I'll put my hand up for it!

Glad you went to the dr - hope you feel better soon :)

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 12:44 pm  

this sounds fantastic. Id be interested in the way of recipes? I love trying new WW recipes that I find through books/friends/internet and I could compile them through the webby.

Check out my blog to read my writing stylez.

:)

By Blogger { the.Moranbah.Scrapper }, at 1:42 pm  

I think M would be great at this!! My blog is more about my personal life, stuggles, issues etc but feel free to duplicate anything I write if you think it will benefit others. I don't mind. Only too willing to help if I can. XX

By Blogger Jodie, at 2:18 pm  

Sounds like a great idea! I also get annoyed with all the great ideas on the internet that relate only to other countries! Would be very interested in helping if needed

:o)

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 2:35 pm  

I'd be happy to contribute about any running/walking events that are taking place around Oz.

I've got some good sites already in my favourites so I could let you have them if you like.

By Blogger Jaykay, at 7:40 pm  

that is SUCH an awesome idea - much better than that forum i tried launching but it ended up sucking! lol
if i was in full swing of being healthy, i'd be up for it! but since i'm still being a lard-arse i'm happy to sit back and watch you guys put together some awesome posts :)

By Blogger rah, at 8:25 pm  

This sounds like a great idea Kathryn. I really like people who just DO STUFF!! Very insprirational. I have too many commitments already but let us know when it's up and running so we can blogroll it :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 6:40 am  

 

::3.10.05::

Blerk

Update: I went to the doctor this morning and I have not one but two medical condtions. Firstly, bronchitis - I am sure this is still from the flu I had last month because I felt like I never really got over it. And, secondly, some weird skin condition with a latiny name. It isn't anything serious, you just get the spotty rash and feel a bit run down with it. So no work today and no gym for a while. I feel so bad about taking the day off work but I figure I can only push myself so far before I break.

A while back, my son loaned me the boxed set of Arrested Development dvds so I think today will be bed rest and much dvd watching. I am going to just be really careful about my food for the next few days and rest up. The doctor also said to get some vitamin C tablets. Yum. No, I must not eat them like lollies.

I've also contacted the people who run the Spring into Action fun runs - I was going to push myself for the next one and do the 8 km walk but I think that isn't going to be possible now. I've never walked walked 8 km and was going to get some training in beforehand. I'll just do the 4 km and try for 8 next time.

***

My body's falling apart. Seriously, I start getting my head together and now the body rebels. First off I got a blister. Okay, I can deal with that. Then I turn my muscle, my calf muscle so I've been hobbling around all day. I thought it would be fine to go to Spin class tonight (almost changed my mind on the train on the way home but gave myself a stern talking to) and it was so long as I sat on the bike. Boy, does sitting for the whole class hurt the bum. Worse than that, at the end of the class I felt so ill. Not a 'I've worked my guts out and I feel so bad but in a good way' kind of ill but a 'I just want a warm blankie' kind of ill. I hadn't even pushed myself that much during the class. I didn't build up a sweat or get my heart rate up much. The fans and air conditioner were making me shiver. Not good signs.

Usually after Spin class I walk home, it's only a 10-15 minute walk. Tonight I was so tempted to get the tram but when I got near the tram stop, I realised I'd have to run to catch it and didn't think I'd make it with my sore calf. So I walked home feeling sick and miserable and sorry for myself.

I know everyone's been telling me to get to the doctor but it's hard right now. The only doctor I know in this area costs a fortune. Even with the medicare rebate, their fees are high. And they never have early morning or late afternoon appointments.

Plus at work, I'm at a fairly crucial stage of the project I'm working on. I'm not super busy or anything but I have to be there. I am the only developer working on the project and it has to be released tomorrow (we are already over deadline) then I have to be there to support it for the next few days.

Although, with the way I feel at the moment, it might be worth seeing if we can get the deadline pushed back a bit more while I have a few days bed rest. That might be better than having me off sick after the project is released.

I think I'll see how I feel tomorrow and maybe check out if there is a medical clinic somewhere near work in the city - that might be more convenient. Right now, I'm going to go over to my son's place then come back home and curl up in bed.

If this was happening to your child would you claim that work and fees prevents you from taking him or her into the doctor? I sincerely hope not! Be good to yourself...

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 8:42 pm  

I hope that you are feeling better - Debra is right - would you do the same for your child and if not, don't do it to yourself.
Take care and look after yourself !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 8:44 am  

I hope you are feeling better soon!! XX

By Blogger Jodie, at 12:01 pm  

Have just done the big catch up.

1) you are fantastic in that you re-assessed your day before you blew it big time. That is fantastic

2) Yes - the choice is ours.

3) Bugger about leaving your fruit at home but well done on the excellent choices you made at work

4) Go to a Doctor. I have found a clinic in the city, quite near work that I go too so I think that would be a great option for you. Hope you find someone close.

5) LOL at you double-dating gyms.

Have a great day and please take care of yourself. Your symptoms did not sound good and I think you might want to skip spin classes for a while.

By Blogger M, at 12:27 pm  

I hope you're feeling better soon - and more so I hope you can find an accessible, affordable doctor somewhere that you can go and see.

By Blogger jak, at 12:54 pm  

Oh hon, you need to go to a doctor. Your symptoms don't sound crash hot and it's better to be safe than sorry. You are too precious! Be good to yourself.

By Blogger Mary, at 3:08 pm  

Kathryn...go to the doctor!

I see Joanna Hickey in Queens Pde, but you have to pay a bit more to see her, but she is very good. I really hope you feel better soon.

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 5:44 pm  

Isn't it shit that the sickness always hits when there is a big job on? Do the best you can mate and try hard to have some rest.

By Blogger Jules, at 7:00 pm  

Sometimes health seems to take second priority coz of the many to do NOw things. I find that in those times I just need some peep to kick me in the ass to help me moving. So,

*Obese Girl gives iDiet a whopping kick on her ass*

Cheers!

By Blogger Obese Girl, at 3:27 pm  

 

::2.10.05::

Inspiration

As I said a few posts ago, I've been feeling like I'm in a danger zone at the moment. But today a thought came into my brain bit. The thought went like this - at this time next year, what do I want to be thinking? Do I want to think "oh my god, I can't believe I put on all that weight I lost?" or do I want to think "I am so thin and gorgeous."

And you know what, it's all up to me. Either way.

So true...it was the kick in the but I needed (and the fact that I just finished with the measuring tape...eek!)

By Anonymous Lucinda, at 11:39 pm  

And the difference between those two statements is what you do when you're in the danger zone -- hang in there, baby! :)

By Blogger The Troescher Team, at 2:43 am  

Debra has a good point. Keep focused and inspired, you can do it! I find it helps if I tell myself out loud these things, or positive things like "i love my body". Even if it's cheesy. Keeps my mental blocks away. :)

By Blogger thealphafry, at 5:23 am  

Brilliant!

By Blogger Sue, at 2:43 pm  

Hey you've got the right idea....I have been doing the same thing over the last week. When i feel like I can't be bothered doing my exercise, or doing level 2 in bodyattack class I think "How do I want to feel at christmas" and then I get going and I find I really want to and I enjoy it 8-) I guess what it comes down to is that we are retraining a lot of bad habits and that's one of them too. You are doin great.lb

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 3:00 pm  

Great attitude and you are so right - at the end of the day it is up to each of us to decide where we want to be and how we are going to tackle getting there !
Keep it up and take care !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 7:05 pm  

Oh, great post Kathryn. So very, very true.

By Blogger jak, at 12:55 pm  

Spot on sista and you can do it!

By Blogger Mary, at 3:01 pm  

 

Exercise

I went to my old gym today and got a new program worked out. It was kinda weird because the guy asked what I was doing at the moment and I didn't want to say I was going to classes at another gym. I'm seeing another gym behind their back, kind of thing. So I lied.

I've got a whole new program. It rocks. I like it a lot. Except I think he has the weights too low. Guys are like that some times.

While I was there, I got him to show me how to use the cross trainer machines. At the moment, for cardio I either go classes - spinning etc, or I walk either outside or on the treadmills. But that doesn't give me many options when something goes wrong. Yesterday, for example, I missed out on all the classes (at both gyms, seems Saturday night classes aren't popular) and I got a big blister on the back of my foot from Friday's workout. Damn socks, slipping down. That rules out most options. But today I did the cross trainer and it didn't seem to affect my blister. Woohoo! I can even start mixing it up a little - a bit of treadmill, a bit of cross trainer.

My life rocks.

blisters suck - there are special bandaids you can get for them at the chemist now.

You know when you are at the right weight if by the 8 - 10th rep it starts getting hard.

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 7:50 pm  

Well done for going back to the old gym and getting a new programme - it makes such a difference when you enjoy your exercise.
Hope your blisters are getting better.
Take care and have a great week doing things that you want to do !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 8:05 pm  

LOL @ two-timing the gyms! But yay for a new program, that's fabulous.

I second what Jadey said - the last couple of reps should be a real effort to lift.

By Blogger jak, at 12:56 pm  

Your life does rock, love it and you gym slut you ;-)

By Blogger Mary, at 3:03 pm  

 

::1.10.05::

Bad Eating

I've not been eating the best lately and it really bugs me. It is one thing to eat well when you have control over your food, another to eat well when you don't.

Firstly, I went to see a band in the outer suburbs on Wednesday night and we had dinner at a place nearby. We went to a place with a wide range of food so I thought I'd find something reasonable. Except almost every single dish included a cream sauce. And since I don't eat mushrooms or seafood, that ruled out nearly everything else. In the end I got chicken kebabs with a lemon and herb marinate. But the salad that came with it was drenched in oil. I get so frustrated - do I have to spell out every single thing in my order? Why is that you always get the most unhealthy option unless you specify otherwise - that your dressing is on the side or that your food is grilled not fried or whatever? Of course I didn't have to eat the chips that came with it either.

Then yesterday, I forgot to take my fruit to work. For morning tea I went to the coffee shop and got a banana. Good choice. Then at lunch time I got some WW cereal bars since I have been craving carbo-snacks. Still good. Except for arvo tea, I decided to go to Hudson's and get a chai. Still not so bad. But at Hudsons they had biscotti on the counter. I got a packet, one pack = 2 serves, and I ate both serves. So, I was thinking, I'd make it up by having a light dinner and a big gym session. Except I got an email from a friend inviting me out for Japanese. And right, Japanese isn't so bad. I did a shortish but intense session at the gym and got to the resturaunt starving.

I had one gyoza and a miso to start. For mains, because I was so hungry, the waitress recommended a potato and beef hotpot (not sure how traditional that was). It was like a broth with potato and beef chunks floating in it. The beef was almost pure fat. The broth glistened with oil. Urrghh! But I ate it, well I ate around the fat on the beef. I hate meat fat, always have. Then I had black sesame icecream for dessert and ended up feeling over stuffed.

So that leads to today. I agreed to do a race/savenger hunt thing with some friends so I got up early and had a healthy breakfast (despite not being at all hungry after last night). The race started and ate the bag of free lollies we got in our show bag (and another one we got at a pit stop). Why did I do that? Why? I felt so sick afterwards.

After that, all i wanted was a salad roll but we couldn't get one. One of the pit stops was a Brumby's bakery so I got the closest thing - an apricot scroll (hey, it beat the sausage rolls and pies and shite).

Plus, the race was supposed to finish at 3.30 so I planned to go to a 4.30 Pump class. But we had to wait around for nearly 2 hours to get the results. I was so frustrated.

In fact, it has all been so frustrating. I've wanted to do the right thing but circumstances and my own poor efforts have thwarted me. The lesson to be learnt here is to be prepared. The other lesson is to be more assertive. I hate making a fuss when I eat out, but if I don't then I don't get what I want.

Actually there is another lesson to be learnt. See, these were things (well, except the band on Wednesday night that rocked ) that I didn't really want to do. Now I feel like most of my weekend has gone and all I've got done is one half arsed exercise session. No proper workout, no writing, no laundry. Nothing that I wanted to get done. And that makes me as frustrated as hell.


Postscript: I just added up my day's calories and I'm still under my daily allowance. If I do some exercise (maybe some weights at home) and have a big bowl of vegies for dinner then I should be fine. I just feel like I've been a jolly, great guts because I ate two packets of lollies. All that sugar is clogging up my veins and slugging me down.

You know how sometimes you feel like you have already blown your "diet" (or healthy eating lifestyle or whatever you want to call it) so you may as well go the whole hog (literally)? It's good to assess the damage. I was very tempted to just write it all off with some greasies from the takeaway for dinner, despite my bloated belly, but now I'm going to be very happy with my vegies.

And I've learnt - sugar = evil. If I want white, granually shite in future, I'll stick to cocaine. It's better for me.

you've done well considering the obstacles! i would have given up for sure...

and i'm just trying to imagine how weet-bix would taste with cocaine sprinkled on the top instead of sugar. haha

By Blogger rah, at 2:51 pm  

hey rah, it's the breakfast of champions. or is that the breakfast of supermodels?

By Blogger kathrynoh, at 3:06 pm  

Kate Moss in particular at the moment...
glad to hear u assessed the damage & found you were still under calories, its definitely a good way to do things rathewr than writing off the whole day (which for me turns into weeks)

By Blogger Kt, at 3:57 pm  

I was at my aunt's house the other day, so she could see the baby. She offered me a lunch meat sandwich. I almost just said, "sure!" because a) I was hungry and b) it's what she offered. Instead, I said, "hmmm, I *am* hungry, but do you have tuna?" She did, and I took it on a bed of lettuce, without the bread.

I never want to make a fuss, I sure don't want to draw attention to the fact that I need to have "special" food because I'm "on a diet" (people might get the impression that I'm FAT if I do that! can't have that!) and the truth is, it was a total nonissue. I know it's my aunt, but just that little bit gave me confidence to ask for what I want/need in any other circumstance too.

You're doing great. Sometimes, it's important to go ahead and let life get in the way of the diet!

By Blogger Mia Goddess, at 6:11 am  

Bwahaha..now that's the spirit, stick to cocaine ;-) Sounds like you need some serious *you* time to chill out. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself babe and just let things come around. I know I keep saying this to people but bad days never last long :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 3:00 pm  

 

stats:

current weight:
76.6 kg

start weight:
110.1 kg

total loss:
33.5 kg

goal weight:
70 kgs

 

measurements:

boobs: 100 cm

waist: 81 cm

hips: 109 cm

thighs: 50 cm

 

Weekly Goal Lifestyle Changing Challenge-A-Rama

Week 1 - Drink more water

Week 2 - Cut out sugary treats

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