iDiet

[a weight loss story]

*kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au*

::31.1.06::

Oh yeah...

If you missed my other post about it, the Makeover Expo is on this weekend. I'm going along on Sunday with Jadey and Beck. Let me know if you wanna come along. And, since I have to finish off my camera, I think I should take before and after shoots - see if we come out all purty and madeover.

hey Kath, I might come along with you. where does everyone live? how you all getting in there? email me at angel_2004@optusnet.com.au, I would love to meet you all :-)

By Blogger Angel, at 12:26 am  

oh I'm *so* jealous!! Have fun

By Blogger Dee, at 9:17 am  

A whole expo for makeovers? WooHoo!

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 9:33 am  

OMG another reason why I wish I lived in Melbourne! Have fun.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 12:50 pm  

Now that sounds like a lot of fun! Yes, photos :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 5:02 pm  

:-(

I'm a poo bum.

I double booked ladies. My humblest of apologies. I regret that I wont get to meet you both this time.

I sent an email yesterday, I hope you both arent too cheesed off.

By Blogger Beckie, at 2:10 pm  

 

Knickers In A Knot

I'm a big fan of comfortable knickers - if I want to floss my teeth, I'll do it from the right end...lol - but they sure can create problems when you lose weight. See as the knickers get looser they sit higher, inching up to your underarms, but your other clothes get looser and the waist gets lower. That leaves a very unattractive gap of floral Bonds! Time to go shopping, I think.

I realised last night that the Super Sunset fun runs start on Wednesday. I especially want to do the first one because you run through the zoo. Pity the site is so lacking in information about parking/public transport. Still, my friend did this run last year and he said it was just amazing running past the girafes and other animals. If I had realised this, I'd have not worn myself out yesterday!

I also want to do the Go The Tan (thanks Lucinda) on the weekend. On top of all that, I'm working from Wednesday for 1-2 weeks. It's going to be a busy week.

busy busy busy... you've got the running bug for sure. The Sunset run thru the zoo is meant to be fantastic. Good luck with work.

By Blogger linda, at 8:28 am  

How odd you are writing about your knickers. I made a comment on an earlier post of yours today about running while wearing a thong. In the UK is a g-string and I though why not run in small knickers? And now you are writing about pants!

Spooky.

By Blogger Lainey, at 8:57 am  

PS) By pants I mean knickers, not trousers! Bloody Hell the perils of cross country posts! And by post I mean this message! (I jest!)

By Blogger Lainey, at 8:58 am  

WOW those runs look great. And how much fun for the giraffes to look down from high above and espy those floral bonds creepy above the trackies. LOL.

Time to admit you have a smaller butt and get some undies to fit :D

By Blogger M, at 9:02 am  

hahahah I'm the EXACT same way with undies ~ actually mine were getting so bad it was all saggy in the butt area (too much info??) lol.

Can't wait to see the BDO photos~ how exciting, I liked Magic Dirt a while back but have not heard anything new of theirs in years... and how sucky @ stripes!!! I hate when you're pressed to validate things like that.

You've made me want to look up all the fun runs and such in Canberra this year, how exciting you'll have to give a detailed update of the zoo run! You are doing it right?

By Blogger Dee, at 10:23 am  

I know EXACTLY what you mean - but I don't have floral, just plain!!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:04 am  

Ah stupid underwear at the moment I am on Target genetic floral...bring on the bonds soon!

Plus I hate floral which doesn't make a great start to your day when you swear at your undies!

The Zoo run sound great will see how my budget goes...I like the idea of the Tan thing though...as I would like to get an official time, and then come back next year and kick arse.

By Blogger Lucinda, at 11:33 am  

Oh yes! I am totally 100% with you on the knicker front! Mine end up sitting around the top half of my back which is lucky cos my jeans sit so low you could see my butt crack! (if not for my huge parachute undies) .. sorry about the visual!
The run through the zoo sounds awesome! Wish they had things like that around my way!

xx

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 11:58 am  

Oh yes! I am totally 100% with you on the knicker front! Mine end up sitting around the top half of my back which is lucky cos my jeans sit so low you could see my butt crack! (if not for my huge parachute undies) .. sorry about the visual!
The run through the zoo sounds awesome! Wish they had things like that around my way!

xx

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 11:59 am  

Time for shopping! I love knicker shopping :-) The runs look good too.

By Blogger Mary, at 5:01 pm  

 

::30.1.06::

Quiz Time:

Q. Which uber running legend, ran 3 km on the treadmill at the gym today without stopping?

A. You guessed it - ME! Woohoo. I have been doing 5 min intervals (ala Sharon) and decided to try for 7 minutes instead. Got to 7 minutes and kept going and going....


Oh yeah, and it will take me a while to post the photos cos I had an old skool camera so I need to get stuff developed!!!

Whoot, well done babe!

By Blogger Mary, at 6:09 pm  

Woohoo!! Excellent work!

By Blogger lms, at 6:33 pm  

Well Done!

You'll be over the bridge and through the tunnel in no time.

The eggs and tuna are giving me enough protein at the moment - I think. I bought some oranges, apples and nectarines today...mmm fruit!

By Blogger Lucinda, at 6:36 pm  

You gooooooo!!!!!
3kms... thats impressive :)

By Blogger Ang, at 7:53 pm  

3kms is excellent. you've been working really hard so it's no wonder.

By Blogger linda, at 8:15 pm  

WOW that is fantastic!!! well done! I can only manage 2km at the moment... but i'm gonna catch up soon!!!!!!!!!

By Blogger Beee, at 9:28 pm  

In response to your comment on my blog.. yeah i will indeedy be in Melbourne *grin* but only for two days :( I need to spend as much time with my sister and nephew as humanly possible!!!

By Blogger Beee, at 9:58 pm  

Yay you, well done - see - you are a MACHINE!! LOL
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:03 am  

I wish I could run 3km non stop :(
I'm so jealous right now. grrr

Nicky
(www.miss-nicky.blog-city.com)

By Blogger Mucky, at 11:52 am  

You farkin rock!

I want to be like you when I grow up.

By Blogger Beckie, at 2:07 pm  

 

Big Day Out

I meant to sleep in yesterday so I was nicely rested but it wasn't to be - I got woken by an almighty crash, like someone was kicking in my bedroom window. Among the screaming and cussing (by me) I realised that my wooden venitian blinds had fallen down. Seems the stupid owners didn't put the brackets up properly!

After my shower, I went to the supermarket and got some supplies (including drawing pins so I could pin a sheet up at the window cos no way am I touching those blinds myself - the owners can deal with all that). I was going to get a couple of protein bars but remembered the last time I had one it was disgusting so I thought maybe museli bars would be good but I don't really like them either so I got some LCMs - not so healthy but damn yum. I also got a couple of huge lasagnes reduced to $1.99 each. That's damn good. Since the use by date is today, I'm going to cut it up into calorie-friendly portions and freeze them individually and give the rest to Andy. I mean, who can turn up $1.99 lasagne?

Got back home and got ready - I got the cutest t-shirt from a shop in the city called Route 66 that has like 50's rockabilly clothes. Will definitely be checking them out again because they had the loveliest angora cardigans. And some great dresses. And cute skirts...

Anyway, my friend Sugar Lips turned up and off we went. I got before photos so I hope they come out okay. We had decided to drive because the thought of public transport was too much to deal with, but wasn't sure what the parking would be like. Ended up we found an all day park as easy as easy, but it wasn't as close to the grounds as we thought so we had to walk and walk and then walk almost all the way around the outside of the grounds to find the entrance. At least I got my exercise for the day.

We could hear some godawful band playing as waited to get in. I was like, must find out who this band is so I never see them again. It ended up being Magic Dirt. I kinda like Magic Dirt - I've seen them do live performance that have been as good as any band I've seen but I've also seen them do some shockers.

The first band on our must see list was Sleater Kinney. I didn't know much about them but have heard good things about them. They were great - very cool rock chicks. I think I will have to educate myself more. They were playing in the RRR tent which was nicely shaded and breezy - far better than the hot outside.

When they finished, we didn't have anyone we wanted to see for a while so we walked around snarling at the kiddies. Damn kiddies - the big fashion of the day was t-shirts of bands that broke up before you were born - the Ramones being faves. Cowboy hats were big too. I'd been going to wear mine but it has been in the back of my car for months and got squished to death. I'm glad I didn't wear it after seeing every other person there in one.

We got food - I couldn't resist the junk food vans! I had a yummo kranksy with onions and cheese. Damn fine it was too. I also got an icecream. I think that is pretty good going compared to what I could have had. Well I guess you can't eat too much at those prices.

Next up was Henry Rollins. We listened to some generic rock band while we waited. I'm sure that stuff sounds okay if you are 16 years old and don't realise that a million bands have already done the same thing...

Rollins was fantastic - he's a great storyteller. We were in the second row so I got a couple of photos. One or two because ... I need to have a bit of a rant here... what is with people taking photos? Not just at the BDO, but a few times when I've seen bands lately, half the crowd stands there taking photos on their cameras or their digital phones. Sure it's nice to have a pic or two, but these people spend the whole set taking photos. It reminds me of last time I went overseas - people seem to spend more time recording things than actually experiencing them. Enough with the photos.

We stuck around for the Beasts of Bourbon who bought out all the old farts in the crowd. Damn they rock. I've never seen them play live before and I was very impressed. They started the set with Chase the Dragon then, about two songs in, some dude near us started yelling for Chase the Dragon - I think he won Tool o' the Day!

After a quick toilet and water bottle refill break, we headed to the main stage for The Stooges. The line to get into the D barrier wasn't so long, so we thought we'd chance it. Except the line didn't move and people kept pushing in... when we got there, the line was 2-3 people wide. It ended up being about 20 people wide. I really thought there was going to be a punch up but I restrained myself. I hate damn people who push in and thought it sucked that the place was crawling with security everywhere else but there. Adding to the pain, we had to listen to Franz Ferdinand - my god they were awful.

The Stooges started so we gave the line a miss and joined the general crowd. Damn they were good. Beyond words. Enough to make you forget your aching feet and tired limbs. For the first half of the show, we had this insane girl behind us - squealing and dancing around like something possessed. I've been around some annoying people at festivals in my time but she far out did any of them. I kept moving to get away from her but she seemed to move with me. Arrghh! Eventually she pushed up to the front, thank goodness.

Last was The White Stripes. Now I've loved the Stripes for many years but seriously, having them on after the Stooges was bad idea. And they were crap. I was really umimpressed with them. To make it worse, Sugar Lips isn't a fan so I felt like I had to justify wanting to sit around to see them and was having trouble finding a reason.

So that was my day. I think I survived okay - well it was the first time I've got home from a BDO without feeling absolutely shattered which is a good sign. The feet and legs are a bit sore (but then the legs were sore before I started, after my gym workout on Saturday).

YES! I totally agree re the cameras. Put them DOWN people.

And glad to hear Henry was good. I just bought tickets to see him in April here in Edinburgh and I trust your opinion more than Mr/s Anonymous ;)

By Anonymous dietgirl, at 8:58 am  

Henry Rollins was shit - all he did was preach politics at us!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:59 am  

Hey, I like Franz Ferdinand!

Anyway, glad to hear the Stooges rocked out. A couple of friends of mine went to the Sydney BDO and said they were the highlight of the day.

I know what you mean about the White Stripes. Love their records but live shows ain't their thing. We saw them a couple of years ago and they were dull and crap.

I heard Rollins was good but was also extra preachy. I dunno, that kind of stuff turns me off. I do agree with his rants but I just get tired of being ranted at. Much prefer Jello Biafra as a spoken word artist, i have to say.

Glad to hear you had a good day!

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 9:11 am  

Please please please post some photos!

:o)

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 9:32 am  

Glad to hear you had a good time. I don't mind Franz Ferdinand (or Ferdipants as they call them on JJJ). Pity about the White Stripes, although there is only two of them and don't they play all their instruments themselves so it would be tough doing it live.
Have a great week
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 10:46 am  

Dear Anon,

It's Henry Rollins what do you expect? I was actually expecting it to be MORE political... he spent most of the time telling stories of Johnny Ramone and Iggy Pop.

Btw, no need to be anonymous. I really don't mind if you have an opinion that differs to mine :)

By Blogger kathrynoh, at 10:51 am  

oh no, I really love the White Stripes too

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 10:54 am  

Sounds like a great day was had - so glad to hear you enjoyed yourself (most of the time anyway !!)
Have a great week - Me

By Blogger Me, at 12:10 pm  

glad u had a good time....i was at woek :(

By Blogger laura, at 1:22 pm  

Hi Kathryn - I am glad you had a great BDO as you have been looking forward to it for sooooo long. What's next??? Well done on your attitude to life long weight loss - I need to get back there at the moment but I am inspired by your success and motivating blogs. Have a fantastic week and good luck with the blinds 8-)

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 2:38 pm  

Sounds like you had a pretty darn cool day!!
Its amazing how much difference lossing weight can make! The body copes much better with less weight to carry round.

By Blogger Ang, at 3:18 pm  

You've got my kind of taste in music and clothes! I buy a lot of my gear from Route 66 (Surry Hills, NSW). Great to hear about Sleater Kinney too. I've heard a lot about them but not the music yet but I should do something about that. So you saw Henry, Tex and Iggy...what a great day!!

By Blogger Mary, at 3:58 pm  

The camera thing shits me no end - plus I am very paranoid about mine getting stolen.

In light of this...where are the photos??

By Blogger Lucinda, at 4:02 pm  

Sounds like a great day Kath! Can't wait to see your shots of the day - but you're right, it's the experience, and your eloquent way of putting it into words, that really matters!

By Blogger Philippa, at 4:50 pm  

my 1st and only BDO was in 2000. crammed in killing heidi, blink 182, magic dirt, chilli peppers, grinspoon, groove terminator, the foos, atari teenage riot, NIN, shihad,spiderbait, jebediah.. my faves where gerling and NIN..(well u might have been there, silly me!) blink was alright apart from a guy throwing up on me (well behind me got my legs and shoes) and the toilet lines and paying $4 for a 600ml of coke.. did the trains from newcastle (3hrs) left at like 5-6am got home next day at 2am. Good to hear u enjoyed it all and didnt get thrown up on!

By Blogger Tiffany, at 8:25 pm  

 

::29.1.06::

Sunday

I realised something this morning - I know longer question or even think about if I'm going to succeed at weight loss. In the beginning, I used to think about that a lot: Can I do this? Can I keep doing this? Now I worry about the how and when, the if never occurs to me.

I guess that's what they mean by a lifestyle change. It becomes like other aspects of life - working or being a parent or driving a car even. Sure you don't also do the right thing or give 100%, and some times you are disappointed at your own efforts, but you just keep on doing it regardless.

I'm off to the Big Day Out today. I'll post some pics if things work out. I've got a disposable camera that's been sitting around for ages so I figure today is as good as any for finishing it off. Must remember to take some pics before I go because apparently the grounds are a mud bath after all the rain we've had here!

You got it sista and I hope you have a brilliant day today! I want to see some Iggy shots!! :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 9:30 am  

omg...have a great day....so sad i'm not coming

By Blogger laura, at 11:18 am  

have an awesome time at the BDO, hope u get some great photos!
what a great change in attitudes, no more ifs!

By Blogger Kt, at 5:48 pm  

Did I hear that Iggy got his "thing" out at the Sydney BDO? Gross. How much does he love himself?
Hope you don't get the flash! LMAO.
Hope you had (are still having )a brilliant day. Wish I was there.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 6:46 pm  

Whooo Hoooo - this is a great post. And as you related it to raising kids it made so much sense to me. Hope you had a great time at BDO :D And here is to success in whatever form it takes.

By Blogger M, at 8:38 pm  

Hope you had a great day out at BDO !!! Would love to see some pics if you managed to take any.
Have a great week.
Me

By Blogger Me, at 11:26 pm  

I totally know that feeling. I know I'm going to get to a good weight if I live how I'm living now, failure just isn't an option any more. It's wonderful that you've got to that point in this whole thing!

Pictures would be great too :)

By Blogger YP, at 6:19 am  

 

::28.1.06::

Gym Adventures

I went to the gym yesterday afternoon and, of course, as soon as I left the house, the cool change came through - by "cool change", I mean it was absolutely pissing down. It eased off for a while but then started bucketing down again when I got the gym. There is about a metre of open area near the gym and I decided huddle under the awning of the cafe opposite rather than risk getting wet (is that confusing? my gym is in the QV building in Melbourne so there are lots of open air cafes with big awnings around it).

The guys at the front desk kept opening the door and yelling out for me to run but I was wearing thongs. Wet weather + running + thongs = disaster - if you ask me.

I had a great workout doing walk/run intervals on the treadmill then I went to Ab Blast class. I think I need this class because I will do anything to talk myself out of ab work. It's boring and nasty and you don't even see the results until you strip off a shitload of body fat.

After about 2 minutes in that class, I'm sure the other girls were calling me Oinky McSweatsalot in their heads. I'd done my cooldown but was still perspiring heavily. I was even having trouble doing planks and things because my sweaty arms were slipping around on the mat. Urgh!

Now that would have been fine if I'd been left alone to wallow in my own sweat, but no. We had to do a circuit. I bet those girls were looking at my mat and shuddering. I wanted to apologise but how do you say 'sorry for making my mat all sweaty'... well I guess you could say it like that. Instead I got my towel and wiped it down. I would have swapped it for another one but I'd been kinda disruptive anyway, coming in late and being disorganised so I thought the instructor would yell at me over her Madonna mic.

It mustn't have been too bad in the end because one of the girls came over to chat with me afterwards. She told me I'd be sore today but ha, I'm not. Maybe it's because I did everything at the easiest level. Next time I'll try harder.

So today, I'm tossing up whether to go shoping or to stay home and do some work. Shopping looks good.

Wow, there are a lot of food/recipes blogs popping up at the moment. Yum. This is a short list of my faves:

Cooking with Ginger
Skinny Latte's Cookbook
The Points Cafe
Culinary Escapades

Hey there! so what if u sweated tons! I sweat like theres no tomorrow sometimes! icky yucky i know.. its your matt.. what do they care!!??!!
Good to hear you werent sore!
Good on you for going and working out! That ab effort will show up soon!

By Blogger Tiffany, at 5:00 pm  

your gymimg lately has been amazing!!! you are so inspiring!!!

And i sweat buckets too...actually the more I sweat the better I feel because i think im loosing more...lol

yes im silly i know. but really, there is something in sweating while exercsising that makes me feel "cleaner" inside. I really feel like the toxins are getting out, etc.

And 78.4 yesterday??!!!!

You met your mini goal you know!!!

By Blogger Silverella, at 6:47 pm  

gyms are meant to be aweaty...hence the whole take a towel thing...go you, your exercising seems so commited....i think i need a abs class....i'm very proud

By Blogger laura, at 4:21 am  

Yay, you called shoes "thongs". I have not heard that term in so long - since they came out with the thong panties...we always called them that as kids ;).

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 5:34 am  

LOL yep, thongs + rain = definite disaster. I was walking home with a friend in the rain recently who was wearing thongs and I basically had to carry her. It looked very comical I was told because she kept slipping.

Good going with the workout! Try not to worry so much about the other girls. I know what you mean though. I feel this way when going to yoga classes but I really think most people are worried about themselves I am realising.

The food blogs are great hey! Although my reading list is growing now LOL. It's all good though. What a great community we've got going!!

I hope you have a great day matey.

By Blogger Mary, at 9:04 am  

I was so confused and amused when I read about the thong thing. In the UK a thong is a g-string. I was wondering why you couldn't run just cause you had small underwear on.

Tres amusant!

By Blogger Lainey, at 1:35 am  

 

::27.1.06::

Weigh In.... and Men!

The result of today's weigh in is 78.4. That's a nice round kilo down from last week - woohoo! I wasn't expecting to lose so much this week but, hey, I aint complaining. I've had a few big lunches this week - I seem to be starving at lunch time - so instead of fighting it, I figure I might start making lunch my main meal of the day for a while.

***

Men, can't live with 'em, can shoot 'em! Especially my housemates (well especially the shooting part - although it is tempting at times) I had to confront the males in my household yesterday. Seems one of the guys in this house is reticent to flush the toilet and, since I'm usually the first one to use the bathroom of a morning, I'm often greeted by the smell of stale urine. It's not the best start to the day - trust me.

Last night all three guys were in the lounge watching cricket. It was the moment to speak. I asked, really nicely, if they could make sure they flush.

Afterwards, I really felt bad. I hate doing stuff like that so much. I like to think of myself as being very upfront but, when it comes to the crunch, I'm so not. I worried that they would think I was being a bitch, even though I said it nicely without complaining or being bitchy. I shouldn't worry like that. I should be able to have my say. It wasn't even like it was really a confrontation - just me saying my piece. Maybe if I do it more often, it will get easier.

Yesterday was really a day for thinking men suck.

Most of the day was fine - I went to the Fitness First branch in St Kilda and did a workout (not so good because they don't have air con) then finished off with a swim. After that, I visited friends and had lunch (too much dip... but it was yum). I started driving home and got about a block and was sweltering so I called in at the Jam Factory until it cooled off.

I think half of Melbourne had the same idea - it was packed. I went into Borders and got some books and magazines then found a seat in the overcrowded cafe to have my coffee.

A little while later, a woman came over and asked if she could squeeze in at the table. Fine. Then her partner and baby followed behind - damn sneaky if you ask me. So the four of us (there was already a guy sitting there) were crowded around a tiny table overflowing with books. The woman read for a while then the baby woke up and she tried to make up the baby's bottle - balancing everything precariously around the edges of the table. Another table became free and she asked her partner if he wanted to move and he told her NO. He was comfortable.

After they left, another group of people sat down at the table - they got their coffees and the girl went to add sugar until her bf told her she couldn't - she'd had enough calories already!

Now, I know these are just tiny glimpses into other people's lives but it amazed me that these woman did as they were told. There was no yelling, no abuse, no physical violence. I don't get that at all. Maybe that's why I'm single, because no dude would ever tell me what to do like that. But if that was going to be the alternative, I'd rather stay single my whole life.

ps. it was quite the day for incidental exercise. Firstly my friend and I walked to Chapel Street to get salad rolls for lunch but all the bakeries were shut so we walked for blocks and blocks (in the heat). Then the lift in the Jam Factory car park was broken and I was parked on the 4th floor! Arrrgh... but I ran up the 4 flights without even losing my breath!

Well done on the loss Kathryn!! And what's this about stale urine? *eewww*

I like reading observations of everyday human interaction and I would have felt the same as you about those particular ones. I am lucky Dan is not like that. Actually, all the women I hang out with would not tolerate it. I like things to be on a level playing field, regardless of sex or sexual preference. I strongly believe in treating someone the way you would like to be treated yourself.

Good going with all the incidental exercise!

By Blogger Mary, at 9:09 am  

Woohoo - up 4 flight without puffing - you da girl!

By Blogger Sue, at 11:19 am  

Woohoo! A whole kg is excellent!!

By Blogger lms, at 11:56 am  

what a fantastic loss.
I cant believe the girl not adding sugar because bf said so.. what a d*ckhead and within earshot of other people. anyway - thanks for the comment on my blog, u are right about the change of temp I think.
Have a great day at the BDO. I hope the weather is ok and well done on all the exercise. see ya.

By Blogger linda, at 12:23 pm  

Whoo hoo! Excellent loss!

It's very interesting to people watch, and observe the subtleties of human interaction.

It's amazing what some people will put up with.

Respect for each other is, I believe, the cornerstone of a happy, fulfilling relationship.

This bloody heat! Well done on doing so much exercise - I've been in a vegetable like state on the couch or in bed with the fan on full power!!

Have a great time at the BDO!

By Blogger Philippa, at 6:14 pm  

That is so fantastic to now be "comfortably" in the 70's. It is so nice to see the first just make it into a particular weight category, but then it is fantastic when you realize you are now comfortably in. It must feel terrific to know you persevered that bit extra after reaching that goal of being in the 70's.

With regard to share households, i lived in a few for a number of years, and they were a source of interesting conversation at the least. In fact some households were akin to the Young One's household. In my first share household one guy tried to throttle one of the others. One mentally disadvantaged girl arrived with a baby one day, and after questioning her a couple of days later, i found out she had taken the baby from a friend without asking. So I had to get onto a bus to Nimbin to help return the baby. Those were the adventures of living in a squat, after leaving home as a teenager. So then later when isecured more normal accommodation but had the occasional tough flatmate, i was not too perturbed. However after living with just my son the last few years, i wonder if i could go back to share household.
I have to say from being a cleaner in many households, that it is just as likely, perhaps a little more so that the women leave the most mess.
Maybe you are getting to see what great qualities YOU have. You are responsible, tidy, entertaining, creative, funny, witty, honest and direct, polite, and have a sense of self belief, and you do not play the victim games etc that you say some women play today.
A lot of guys like a woman who is not a slob, and who is responsible and upfront, and who knows her own mind, and is not always waiting for the guy to have to decide everything in life.
i once had a guy semi fall for me, when he saw me assertively tell a guy who was harrassign someone else, where that guy could go.

A lot of men are really turned on, and have great respect for an assertive woman. Maybe that was why that guy did not want to move tables!

By Anonymous barbara, at 9:02 pm  

Well done on that loss - good for you !
I'm so with you on women just taking it from men - I wouldn't be able to live like that and thankfully Al isn't anything like that.
Have a great weekend - Me

By Blogger Me, at 9:41 pm  

I was at the Jam Factory yesterday - into borders to grab the latest copy of runners world and past the sushi place to grab sushi.

'enough calories' wtf! He would have got enough calories well you know where.

Once I find out my tutoring timetable we can organise a regular run/i run and fall over thing. So we both get to the tunnel in two hours...I'm sure you will!

By Blogger Lucinda, at 9:43 pm  

ewwww, and whats with guys leaving toilet seats up.....go the loss, very cool

By Blogger laura, at 2:21 am  

Thats a big loss! Congratulations!

Boooooo to stale urine!

By Blogger Beckie, at 7:51 am  

 

::26.1.06::

A message for Briony....

If you read this, I just want to let you know - you've done something to your blog so only "team members" can comment! I was trying to tell you how to fix the date header problem...

Oh fuck, I have no idea what I did. Thanks for letting me know. I'll try and fix it now.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:13 am  

OK I've fixed it now, sorry, i'm not really very good at this blog business. I should have just left well enough alone and not tried to change the damn thing I suppose! LMAO.
Hope it's cooled down for you today, our temp is on its way back up for the weekend. Of course, because I don't have air cond at home. Might have to spend the weekned driving around in the car with the baby.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:17 am  

 

Oh and one other thing...

Barbara suggested Atkins or slim right protein bars as a good snack to take along to the Big Day Out. I'm also thinking non-squishy fruit like a couple of apples. Any other suggestions so I avoid the chip vans?

the krishnas r usually there, they have all vegetarian stuff (only one or 2 meal choices) but its pretty much rice and veggies and I think its really yummy....I read ur previous psot as well about the blondes at the espy....I hang out there a fair bit (and i'm blonde) so if I ever feel evil eyes darting in my direction, i'll look out for you :P although i know what u mean....short shorts and tiny lil tops ( i opt for clothes) enjoy the bdo :)

By Blogger laura, at 12:02 pm  

I've never been to BDO, but I went to Homebake a couple of years ago. We just didn't eat. We drank though, and got pizza when we got home that night. Oh to be young and single again and going to festivals! What about nuts - almonds or something? Or a chinese container with salad in it, then you could throw the container away? Personally I would just be eating the chips, but i've turned into 'hopeless Briony' right now so don't listen to me!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 5:48 pm  

What about some grapes and cherries in a throw away chines container. Maybe take a small ruck sack and put the grapes and cherries in a small soft esky with a frozen thingy in the bottom. That'll keep them cold!

By Blogger Jaykay, at 8:37 pm  

brazil nuts, almonds and dates? you can just shove em in a wee container and they won't wilt in the heat! hehe.

By Anonymous dietgirl, at 10:32 pm  

i would go with nuts, maybe almonds and dried fruit like apricots.

Oops! just noticed that dg said the same thing - therefore it must be right!

By Blogger airlie, at 11:43 pm  

 

Exhausted

Arrrghh! After yesterday's post, things got worse. I went to the gym to do my run/walk intervals and couldn't run. I pushed myself as much as I could but was really having trouble.

After that, I did my upper body workout and that went much better. I have to do push ups. I've never really done push ups before. Sure I did them in pump class but I cheated! I did those girlie push ups on my knees and used my legs more than my upper body. But my personal trainer made me do them properly last week. Well, he had me doing them on a bar on one of those weight lifting machines, not on the ground so they are modified but you can't cheat. It's amazing when you can feel that it's the "right" muscles lifting you.

I'd been hungry before I got to the gym and my workout took longer than I expected so I had to rush off to meet the girl who bought my BDO ticket off ebay. I got the cash off her and had planned to go shopping but first I needed to eat. I was famished and my favourite city eatery is that side of town - a sushi train place - so headed there. But alas, it's closed down and another Japanese place has taken over. By then, I could have eaten a nun's bum through a convent railing, so I went in anyway.

I needed real food, not just sushi rolls so got a miso beef with stir fry vegies and rice. Then I forced myself to eat slowly, not an easy thing for me to do when I'm that hungry.

Afterwards, I felt so tired. I couldn't shop. I just wanted to get home. So I came home and slept for hours. I really think I need to see the doctor about this - it's one thing sleeping during the day if you don't sleep enough at night but having a 2-3 hour nap during the day and still sleeping normally at night is just abnormal (well for me anyway).

I ended up having a late one last night though - my pal, Sugar Lips, can over and we headed to St Kilda - the Espy was having an Australia Eve thing with heaps of bands but it was crowded and hot so we grabbed a beer each from the bottle shop and walked along the pier for a while. Got back in time to see the Spazzys then headed home.

I hate the Espy. Seriously. I forget how much I hate that place and think I like it but really and honestly, it's crap. Last night most of the crowd were blonde and shiny and looked like they should have been at some dance club not at a pub watching bands.

So anyway, I am feeling perkier today. If I decide to brave the weather, I might go to the gym and do my legs workout. If not, I'll do a modified version at home. I'd like to go swimming if I could think of anywhere that isn't overcrowded.

I don't think I've ever done a proper push-up in my life. Once when I was in marching band they made us do 10 push-ups on the field as punishment for something and my friends actually laughed at my pathetic attempts. I would have been mad if I wasn't sure I looked like a fish flopping around :)

By Blogger PastaQueen, at 3:14 am  

I've only disocovered my love of sushi in the past 6 months so any and all recommendations welcomed.

Hope you are feeling less tired and I do think you should speak to the doc.

Lainey. PS) am loving having you drop by my blog

By Blogger Lainey, at 3:51 am  

I did girlie push ups on my swiss ball on Monday and my arms and chest muscles was sore for days! I am just feeling ok again today! Pathetic eh!
Have fun at the BDO .. please post photos!
Definately suggest you do go see a doctor ... something sounds not quite right!

xx

By Blogger Thinner Nancy, at 7:34 am  

Babe, can you promise to go get a check up? Maybe you just need a week off or something and you're not a failure if you take some time off!!

By Blogger Mary, at 8:54 am  

Agrees with Mary on the checkup!

I have never been to the espy...but if it has moved on to the blonde and shiny crowd, i'll never step foot in the door.

By Blogger Lucinda, at 9:38 pm  

 

::25.1.06::

Changes

I think I need to make some changes to my workout routine. At the moment, I'm doing 6-7 pretty full on cardio workouts a week and it's getting too much. Last night I missed my Spin class - I used to love doing Spin and now I just can't think of anything worse - and I'm tired all the time. Sometimes I can't get through the day without a nap.

So the new plan is to do 3 cardio workouts at the gym a week - at the moment I want to stick to my walk/run intervals because that's what I am really enjoying, and then on the other 2 week days doing some light exercise - walking or swimming plus using those days to do my lower body weight sessions (I figure I'll be able to do this much better without having exhausted my legs with cardio first).

On the weekends, I definitely want to do a longer walk/run outside if the weather is good.

Other than that, I want to add in a pilates or body balance class.

It worries me that I'm cutting back the exercise but I really think I can't sustain the level I'm doing at the moment.

One of my motivations has been that I have the time to do a lot of gym work now but I have no idea what things will be like in the future - once I start working again plus possible start studying. Making the most of my time has really been what's pushing me.

Another worry is just having no routine - not knowing what I'll be doing as far as work goes. I'm sure something will come up soon but I just don't know what or when.

But there is no point in exhausting myself. I can't work any harder so maybe I should just work smarter. I think I need to go to the doctor and see if there is anything medical that is causing the tiredness too. Maybe I'm lacking in something. I am also thinking of seeing a dietican too - there is a local diabetes clinic that has all that thing (note to self: wasn't diabetes check ups part of new years resolutions). I am worried that I don't eat enough protein - I should be eating about 100 grams a day but even with huge efforts I only seem to get to about 60 grams.

***

Yesterday I did a stupid thing - I had some rice paper rolls for lunch but was still hungry so later in the afternoon I went down to a local cafe and got some scrambled eggs. I forget that other people actually butter bread - I haven't done that for so long - and they came out with two huge slices of toast lathered with butter. What could I do? I was starving and, since I hadn't asked for unbuttered toast, felt like I couldn't send it back. I did think of just eating one slice but it was so good - fluffy clouds of white bread with creamy butter.

Anyway, afterward I was so full. Like stuffed. I couldn't think about food for the rest of the day.

What do you do - on the one hand dieting wisdom says to never skip a meal and on the other to never eat when you aren't hungry? I guess not stuffing yourself in the first place could work but I enjoyed it so much, it was worth it.

***

I've been thinking a lot about body image and my feelings toward myself lately. One of my worst habits is looking in the mirror and zeroing in on my worst bits - my flabby belly mostly. I end up just seeing myself as belly rather than the whole me.

It's weird the way we get pissed off when guys objectify women - talking about them as just a pair of boobs or a great arse - yet we do that to ourselves in a different way, only seeing our own (and other women's) bad bits. At least the guys focus on the assets!

So I'm trying to see the whole me - the good and bad - when I look at myself. You know, I have great legs. And my waist is getting smaller. And now that it's merging from the double chins, my real chin is rather pointy. And even the flabby belly is getting smaller.

I feel like I sustain a more regular workout routine when I do what you are thinking of...hardcore cardio 3x's a week then something I enjoy on the other days with Sundays off.

Don't beat yourself up over mistakes; you know we all do them and you are doing so well at transforming all of you and that takes time!

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 10:20 am  

Kathryn - dont beat yourself up about 2 slices of buttered bread. Look at how hard u work, I'm sure they went unnoticed to your body. I've been told you're best off with maybe fruit/yoghurt for dinner if you've overstuffed during the day and not really hungry. I think your 3 cardio workouts a week sound great and more than enough with all the other fantastic stuff that you're doing and what a great idea looking at the 'whole' you instead of focusing on the bad bits is.

By Blogger linda, at 10:58 am  

I think you're 6 to 7 session is amazing but i can understand why you can't sustain it. I went to a fitness meeting once and the guy said that 3 to 4 cardio sessions of 45mins per week will keep you fit, so that's probably a good aim for you to have. If you do 4 of your cadio sessions and then balance/swim/walk, you'll still be doing amazing things for your body.

Body image is such a hard thing. Sometimes when i'm home alone and staring in the mirror i think that i'm pretty and have a lot to offer. Then i step outside into the real world and all that prettyness just disapears and i'm ugly and fat again. I don't know why this happens or why i do it, but it's just the way i am.

Good luck with your new gym routine :)

By Blogger Madamx81, at 12:04 pm  

Having a workout you can sustain without feeling like a zombie may be the shot in the arm you need. it will also leave room for tweaking your routine and upping the intensity for those 4 or so workouts a week.

Body image is a tricky thing, I feel like Hayley on this, it's generally okay when I am at home, but once I'm out and about it takes a bit of a dive.

By Blogger Lucinda, at 5:36 pm  

i was thinking that maybe you should just pay for one personal training session to make sure that you are doing the right combination of exercise? But, what u r doing sounds good to me.

Looking in the mirror is one of the hardest things I do i think and I have just moved into a place with full mirrored walls in the bedroom - not good for the sex drive I'm telling ya!

By Blogger airlie, at 7:41 pm  

This week I've started getting really tired after my workouts too. I think I'm probably not eating enough. The car can't run without gas, right? Well, unless it's a hybrid, but that doesn't fit my analogy, so let's ignore that, shall we? :)

By Blogger PastaQueen, at 6:41 am  

I think it's such a good idea to re-assess your workout routine and especially if you are doing so much. You don't want to burn out. Alternating works really well!

I hear you about the work thing, that's why I found a part time job but they've stuffed me around big time. Freelancing and contract work can be a real challenge but I think ultimately more rewarding in the end....after the hard yards.

I am worried about not getting enough protein too, especially after cutting out meat. Let us know how you go with the doctor/dietitian.

LOL yep, *other* people butter bread and have you noticed how much they lather it!! If I have forgotton to say "no butter", I would eat it and hopefully remember for next time. I think it's okay once in a while so don't worry about it.

We can be our own worst critics too. We notice things that most people wouldn't. I have scarred myself in ways that is socially unacceptable and quite visibly disgusting but I just try to hold myself well and dress well so it's not the focus. If it is, that person judging can pretty much just fuck off then. We have to learn to accept ourselves. It is hard when we are large but I think getting within the Healthy Weight Range helps big time. I am definitely more confident and I may not be perfect but I do look after myself now and no one can say otherwise.

You do have great legs, your waist is getting smaller, your facial structure is really showing now and god damn, you're a great gal all round! Keep up the great work!

By Blogger Mary, at 8:51 am  

 

::24.1.06::

Just to clarify...

I'm not going to the Big Day Out on my own - I'm not nearly that brave - but with my dear friend, Sugar Lips :)

I didn't get the Converse high tops - I tried them on but I expected them to be more *bouncy*. I have some shoes at home that I'll wear if nothing screams "buy me" in the next few days. At least it will be a cheaper option and with the $50+ I save, I might be able to buy one (watered down) beer on the day.

At the risk of sounding all P. Hilton like, "You're Hot!"

Wish I could rock out with ya.

By Blogger Beckie, at 12:36 am  

Ohhhh, dont talk BDO...this is the first year that i'm gonna miss in like oh like 5 years....how sad....now hearing how close it is and all I wanna go

By Blogger laura, at 3:24 am  

BDO is definitely more fun with someone else! You've gotta have someone to compare notes with.

By Blogger Sue, at 7:04 am  

The BDO will be awesome this year. The line up is fantastic. I'm so jealous!! Sydney sold out soooo quickly but luckily I didn't buy tickets cause being preggars it wouldn't have been a good idea to go anyway! Have a fantastic day and you'll have to tell us all about it! We are having a BBQ at home tomorrow while the Sydney BDO is on and listening to the Hottest 100 countdown.

In regards to your question re the Symply cookbooks I believe it's about how good you are in the kitchen. Give me a recipe and I can cook it! Ask me to change or only cook half quanitity and I'll stuff it! Most of the recipes are for 4 people but if you basically half all the ingredients you should be OK. Then just split the meal into 2 and either have it the following night or for lunch the next day. Hope this helps. XX

By Blogger Jodie, at 9:24 am  

 

Embarassment

On Sunday night I put a rinse through my hair - a coppery red - to perk the colour up a bit. Then yesterday I went to the gym and, as usual, got a towel hire. I hate having to drag a towel along as well as everything else.

So, after half hour or so of walk/run on the treadmill, I was sweating like a pig. I went to do some ab work on the mats and realised my once-white towel was now orange streaked. Yikes! Damn hair dye.

Still I'm sure they have had much worse. I remember one time I was on holidays in Bali with a friend and she dragged me along to the hotel gym. After a heavy workout (by her, not me), the gym towel had more fake tan on it than she did.

Hopefully the colour is set now and won't be dripping off me any more.

***

Sunday is the Big Day Out. My original plan was to get to 75 kg by then but the chances of dropping 4 kilograms by Sunday are pretty remote, unless I get a body part amputated.

I had a spare ticket that I'd bought for my sister and listed it on ebay. No one bid on it for ages then last night it raced up to $97 at the last minute. Woohoo! So I'm going to invest my money (when I get it) on clothes for the day.

When I was growing up, my Mum always had a horror of being "mutton dressed as lamb" - luckily I've not inherited that fear. Far from it. I'd much rather be mutton dressed as lamb than lamb dressed as mutton. I figure with my youthful looks, I can get away with it - and bugger what anyone else thinks if I can't. No way am I dressing like an old lady.

It surprises me sometimes when I find out the age of people I work with - often they are younger than me but dress like they have just given up. They dress for "comfort" - how anyone can be comfortable in dowdy clothes is beyond me. Even my friends in their late 20s dress far more conservatively than I do.

So, for the BDO, I'm thinking of getting some Converse high tops - purple ones if they have them at the outlet shop (no way am I paying retail when the outlet shop is 5 minutes down the street) and teaming them with some bright coloured fishnets. I figure the shoes will be handy for when I want to walk places without wearing big, heavy runners. I'm also wearing my tarty denim skirt and probably a t-shirt. I'd like to wear a singlet top but don't think my arms look good in one. Maybe I'll wear one with my crochet cardi - if it gets too hot, I'm not going to care about the flabbiness of my arms.

I think I mentioned this before but I offered Andrew the spare ticket. He refused it because none of his friends are going and no way would he go with his mum! I punched him because I'm not like other mums - I'm much cooler - but I'm glad he refused in a way. I think going to the Big Day Out together would just be a bit too Gilmore Girls for me.

Now I'm just praying it won't be over 40 on Sunday.

Good on you for going to the BDO on your own. GO THE SINGLET...
lol at the hair dye - very funny.

By Blogger linda, at 9:30 am  

You are way too cool to be seen at the BDO with your son. At least this way they won't think he is your toy boy and you will be more likely to pick-up :D

Love the hair dye drama's. I wonder what the gym thought when they saw the towel. Serves them right for having nice fluffy white ones LOL.

Way to go on your date too. I think you are right to have the red flag go up but at least you got a night out and it wasn't a total disaster. I think you are cool and I am going to have a big rethink of my wardrobe now. Think I need a tarty denim skirt :D

By Blogger M, at 9:46 am  

Sounds like a very fun outfit - go you!

By Blogger Denise, at 9:46 am  

Hope you have a great time Kathryn.

I also hope that it's not going to be too hot as I'm running down the Warby Trail on Sunday!

BTW, are you still doing the Australia Day run tomorrow?

By Blogger Jaykay, at 11:04 am  

You are one cool chick, Purple converse? Wow! I love the idea of teaming them with fishnets - what colour though?
LOL I thought you said tartan denim skirt and I was wondering what that was!!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:17 am  

Obviously we all think we're cooler than other Mums!

By Blogger Sue, at 11:58 am  

You are one cool gal! And yes, I hope and pray that there will be no more 40 degree days after Thursday. I hope you have a great time at BDO!

And LOL at the hair dye!

By Blogger Philippa, at 2:09 pm  

GOOD for you in having a tarty skirt.. I don't even have oneā€¦ Well I do but it's that tight it's borderline blarky not tarty.

I can't believe you're going to BDO ~ so have to update us all on it!! How fun, I wish I could go, I've actually never been... where I lived was too far away and now I'm finally somewhere, I'm too broke. Heh one of these days tho!

How's the hair look? I had to have a giggle at orange towels - I do the exact same thing, I swear half the dye runs out in the first day I've done it lol.

Awesome @ having $97 for clothes, always a good thing to get unexpected money ;D I had to laugh so much @ Gilmore girls moment with your son haha you're too cool for that anyway.

Lorelai eat ya heart out.

By Blogger Dee, at 4:00 pm  

I love that you are happy to dress in your own style. I've always been too chicken to do that. I feel "safer" in boring clothes, but part of me would love to just go mad and wear bright, happy stuff. enjoy the BDO!!!

By Blogger Beee, at 4:40 pm  

Sad to say i have a history of overinvolvement with laundry type jobs in my time, the reason they have white towels is cos you can bleach anything out of them, so they do anticipate fake tan and stuff at gyms.
Being a young single parent over the years may account for my knowledge of boring laundry matters, but it also led to me also occasionally enjoying dressing in fun clothes when going out at times. It helps shake off all the load of responsibility and stuff that you carry on your shoulders all the rest of the time. yep it is great fun to dress up and cut loose.
After not going anywhere for a couple of years with my son, we went out for dinner for our combined birthdays this year. I wish i had a dollar for every person, mainly women who gave me bad scowls cos they thought my son was my too young boyfriend. One of the reasons over the years that i probably just have the ten dollar fun skirt and not the country road outfit, is cos i spent the money on my son. So i found it hurtful over the years when neighbours and strangers would look down on me for what they perceived as me dating a teenager. It made my son uncomfortable for us to even have a meal out together.
But on the other hand i think one can take a great pride in knowing one has bought up one's son to be able to be quite independent and do their own thing early on.
Also Margaret has a point, you are more likely to keep an eye out for a cool guy if you are out without your son.
I have discovered Atkins or slim right, protein whey bars as a handy snack for when out for the day.
Hope you have a lovely time at BDO.

By Anonymous Barbara, at 7:28 pm  

ROCK OUT SISTER!

I'm so terribly envious that you're off to the BDO. My favourite memory was being squashed in the front row of the Foo Fighters set in Adelaide. Sweet Dave Grphl sweat it was amazing!

I want a total run down of the day.

AND a picture of the outfit!

By Blogger Beckie, at 12:35 am  

 

::23.1.06::

Questions

I've been lacking motivation for a while, I just don't have the losing weight fire I used to have. In the past 6 weeks, I've only lost 2.5 kgs! I feel like I've been hovering around the low 80s/high 70s forever.

Yesterday, that little devil voice suggested that maybe I just stop for a while. Not to give up but to just try maintaining. After all, I've come a long way and a break would give me time to adjust.

But really, I don't want to. I'm too goal focussed and my intention has always been to get to 70 kgs, even when I believed that was impossible. Lately I've been wondering if maybe that isn't enough but for now, I've got to go the distance. When I get within the normal BMI range, I can take a break.

One of the things that bugs me is the way my weight is distributed - I wish it would sort itself out. I wish my body was like a feather doona - you know how when all the feathers clump down the bottom, you grab it and shake it up so that they distribute evenly. If I could do that, I could move the fat from my belly to other parts of my body where I need some fatty covering. Weirdly enough, I seem to have lost weight off the soles of my feet!

This week, I want to get back to basics - tracking everything, cutting out all the little treats, keeping up my water intake. I haven't been to gym all weekend - no way was I going anywhere in that heat - and the two days off has done me good. I'll be back into it today.

Maybe too, I have to accept that I'm not going to lose so fast as I get closer to my goal.

You're sooooo close!! Keep it up! Just think of your satisfaction when you see those magic numbers on the scales. A break now wouldn't really be the best idea... would it?

By Blogger Ang, at 1:31 pm  

I also don't think a break would b a good idea.

Here's the deal. You are a creative person. Like to be creative, see creative, be entertained. So you need to shake this shit up so that it does motivate you.

Bite the bullet and seek out activities that really get you excited and push you out of your comfort zone. Dance classes. Bike Riding (want a great ass - get riding, seriously), belly dancing classes.

You look amazing to me. Big changes have been made and I can understand how you would feel unmotivated. Right now you aren't seeing a payoff. Something that makes it all worthwhile.

We love the little things like health benefits etc, but sometimes it isn't enough to keep us going.

i was just watching Kirsty Alley on Oprah. She was saying that after every 15lbs (6kgs or so) she re-starts her program. She creates new goals, starts new things and pushes new boundaries. Could this work for you? I know it would for me.

My advice is to choose a selfish as hell payoff goal, then start shocking your body.

If all else fails, please give me a call. I'd love a chin wag.

By Blogger Beckie, at 2:19 pm  

Your last sentence says it all.

My reward system gives me $10 for each kilo lost at the start and $50 for each of the last 10 kilos, reflecting the extra effort and resolve required as one nears goal weight. So for my purposes, 1kg near goal is worth 5kg at the start. If you lost five kilos in five weeks at the start, you would be happy. By the same reckoning, at the end, 1kg in five weeks is also great.

My ratios are just figures pulled from my arse, but hopefully the sentiment translates.

As far as food and exercise goes, have you tried the tactic that sees you eat the same kj for the week, but doing so unevenly (nfi how many kj you are on, but for arguments sake 3000kj one day, 5000 the next, 4000 the next etc. It seems to work for some people.

You will get there. That's a fact.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 3:33 pm  

keep your chin up. I lost 85 pounds during my first year of serious weight loss efforts, and only 20 the second year. it does slow down, but you've come so amazingly far to quit now!

By Anonymous lk, at 3:34 pm  

Soles of your feet....I've been trying to convince the boys for weeks that my feet are losing weight! My shoes are definitely looser - Jake says it's 'cause the not being squished out by carrying so much weight.

By Blogger Sue, at 6:21 pm  

I agree - shake it up a bit. Get out of your comfort zone, beckie really made some great suggestions. Maybe you could rollerblade or something?

In a few weeks I'll be able to go on a regular run/jog and fall to the ground :)

By Blogger Lucinda, at 8:43 pm  

I feel your pain.. I have been "maintaining" for over a year now and it doesn't seem to be budging either. The good thing is that I have been maintaining and not putting on at all. That alone is a miracle and we should all be proud of ourselves when we can do that. You can't quit when you've come this far. You are doing so well and you will get there!!!! I know deep down that I will too and it is really hard to see that sometimes. Hang in there and just stay focused.

By Blogger Beee, at 1:15 am  

I totally agree with you with the feather doona, I've noticed that the areas you could get away with a little less losing, seems to take the weight away first!

Hehe @ the soles of feet, I remember when the first few months of losing weight I went down 2 shoe sizes ~ completely shocked because I didn't think my feet actually had that much, if any fat lol.

As for that little voice... oy vey, I'd tell you to try and silence it but I can't do that to mine so heh, what I do love is that you're not giving up! You're so close and you CAN do this. It doesn't matter that it's taken 6wks to lose 2.5kg believe me in 6 wks I could do a lot of damage to the whole WL game and you've kept losing!!!

Have fun at the gym today, bust that booty ;D

By Blogger Dee, at 8:11 am  

I really think it is harder to lose the last few kilos as there is less to go and at the start you have heaps to lose and there's all that fluid and stuff.
Who cares how long it takes as long as you get there eventually. I would rather lose slowly, I figure it's more likely to stay off then.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:20 am  

You've got the right idea, BACK TO BASICS and keep going. I know you can do this and get to goal!

By Blogger Mary, at 11:23 am  

 

::22.1.06::

Dissing on the Date...

Okay, the gory details. He turned up wearing a black shirt (buttoned up to the neck) tucked into black pants. The worst part was, because he was kinda pudgy around the middle, he had the belt buckled really tight to create a "waist". Plus he had thinning hair on top with a really long ponytail - very Miami Vice. He was also sweating a lot when he turned up - which I could understand, it being a hot night - but if it were me, I'd have excused myself and went to the bathroom and cleaned up. Definitely in need of a queer eye makeover.

There were a few things that disturbed me through the night too. It's funny, at the time I was prepared to overlook them, putting them down to first date nerves or something, but on reflection I think they could be major signposts that he was a complete tool. Firstly, he talked just a little too much about other woman he'd slept with or who want to sleep with him. Yeah, really tacky.

Then he seemed awfully impressed with himself because he was doing post grad study. I think maybe I didn't show enough interest in his thesis for his liking, but there was a good reason for that. I didn't care. Well not enough to discuss it for hours. He also was proud of the fact that he was 'an intellectual snob' - in fact he reminded me a bit of Frasier (which a bit of trying too hard to be 'arty' thrown in).

The other thing that I let pass at the time, but I think should have been a big red flag was that he said he smokes pot every day. I don't have an issue with people smoking pot, but every day? That's a worry. It's like if someone said they had to drink booze everyday -- that's getting to be a problem.

Finally, with the email: I sent him an email the next day saying I'd had a fun time and was keen to see him again then (because he'd said he was going interstate for the weekend) told him to have a good time while he was away. His reply: "will do". How offensive is that?

So I think it's no great loss. Time to move onto greener, and less self-important, pastures.

On the dieting front, I think I have to be a bit less social. I've gone out and had 2-3 glasses of wine every night for the past three nights. That's a lot of drinking for me. And it's so damn hot, I haven't wanted to go to the gym. At least it's too hot to eat much though.

sounds like you had a wonderful time on your date, dont ya just love listening to all there crap and talking about chicks he has slept with and pot, yep his a keeper........Not.
sorry if you are going to go out with him again but i think he sound like a bit of a tool

By Blogger Fiona, at 10:04 am  

Man. I have some dooooozy dates that are pretty much on a par with that one.

I think you handled it with class.

Im down with the 'tool' synopsis.

You ARE better than that.

By Blogger Beckie, at 11:24 am  

Hmmm...I think you deserve better! It's great that you got out there, though! :)

And miami vice? ewww?!

By Blogger Zara, at 11:28 am  

Ooo there are some good ones out there! One day when you least expect it "he" will come of that I'm sure.

Hens night - Yes presents!
Other than that I don't know much either! Someone sent me a link to this thing calle dthe chefs toolbox which would be awesome and you tell all her guests to put money in for stuff she wants from the party (kitchen stuff etc) They come in and cook for you and show you how to use things etc which would be cool. Then you play the games (like pin the dick on the cute boy etc) and head out to the pub! http://www.chefstoolbox.com.au/About_us.asp


Make sur eyou have predone slushy buckets http://www.urbanthirst.com/ and have heaps of ice and some tarantulas on hand also (in case the slushy buckets a) run out or b) you run out of room in the freezer for thr copious amounts of daquiris, margaritas and pina coladas you will all drink

Other than that just have fun!!!

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 4:03 pm  

I haven't heard of buying presents for hen's nights...

You definately deserve lots better than that guy. The smoking pot every day is definately not good. I was with a guy who did that, only I didnt know at first, it's not much fun.

By Blogger lms, at 6:42 pm  

He smokes pot every day? Nah, he's a loser and you deserve so much better than that. Firstly - what a waste of money and secondly - doesn't he have a life to live? You're right, anyone who has to smoke everyday has a problem. I used to live with a girl who had "Breaky bongs" as soon as she woke up everyday before work - she was a big loser then and she still is a loser.
He also sounds just a little too full of himself. Who cares who wants to sleep with him, if he's THAT popular why does he need to to meet you?
Move on to the next fish!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 8:24 pm  

I defintiely think you are better off without him - I am sure that the right man for you is out there somewhere - it is a really a case of having ot be patient (a bit like the weightloss thing !!!)
Have a great week and don't give him another thought.
Me

By Blogger Me, at 10:32 pm  

Of COURSE you will not date this man again....look at all the hot men at the fun run...they sweat...but I didn't see any with pony tails...and I doubt they could run and smoke pot everyday.

Hope it is cooler at your place than it is here!

By Blogger Lucinda, at 12:15 am  

Intellectual snob who smokes pot hey? Adios Amigo. Reminds me of a few people in Newtown LOL, who are dead boring! You're a smart girl and a fun girl and certainly no snob. I'm with Lucinda thinking about all the guys in the fun runs!!

By Blogger Mary, at 5:16 am  

You know i i like that look with the all black and pony tail on a guy, and i like it if they talks about their interests such as pHD stuff, and sometimes speaking about women who like them, is just cos they are nervous and are trying to convey what type of person appeals ie what went right or wrong in the past, without giving you the third degree. But drugs are a "deal breaker" for me also. Still i do think he was remarkably honest and open and realized over the night that you are more into fitness than marijuana, and that you and he have differing ideas on fashion and relationships. So i think he made an effort, but realizes like you do that you and he are a long way apart. sometimes the talk about what sort of girls like him is just a way of him being a bit nervous about meeting you.

because you are a fairly confident type of person probably you deserve a more confident guy, but i think he was really making an effort in that he did try to share with you about himself, even if that self is not really right for you. His defensiveness now is cos he realizes that you would not be interested in a doped out guy. Much like food addictions probably he is not proud of it, but was honest.
While you do deserve better, at least that guy opened up about himself. He must have liked you enough to be honest and open. Probably he is a little more experienced with this dating game than you, and realized faster than you that you are not suited. Maybe he feels rejected also in some ways, cos he would have picked up that smoking dope etc did not impress.
so good luck for the next date

By Anonymous barbara, at 6:08 am  

Good heavens, he sounds horrid! Why would you email him and say you wanted to see him again?? You deserve waaayyy better and your guy is out there...

By Blogger WifeMomChocoholic, at 3:41 am  

 

::20.1.06::

More updates...

I sent an email to my date from last night and I'd like to see him again ... got a very lukewarm response back so I guess that is that. Especially since all his previous emails have been quite effusive.

Between that and not losing weight today and this damn heat, I'm feeling rather lacklustre.

It bugs me when I don't lose and I'm not being that bad. Sometimes I get that bad voice saying well I might as well go on a killer binge if I'm going to gain anyway. I went to the market with Andrew this morning and did get some chocolate fruit and nut mix then I looked at the cakes and bakery treats and the voice was saying - go on, have some, this week is write off anyway and I can make it up next week. But I resisted. Well actually, I did think 'why not?' then looked at the cakes and bakery treats and decided they were so crash hot anyway. I did overindulge ... in plums and strawberries and apricots and nectarines. How much am I loving apricots at the moment? Damn they are good.

Oh yeah, funny thing happened yesterday. I was on my way to the gym and for a while I've wanted new workout clothes. I have two pairs of trackies but one pair looks awful - they are thin and clingy - and the other pair is thick and fleecy and they get very uncomfortable when I sweat. So on the way I went into K-Mart. I looked at the trackies then at the shorts. I've seen some of the people at the gym in shorts with leggings underneath so I thought maybe I could do that.

But I wandered around for ages thinking I can't wear that look - me in shorts? What am I thinking. The inner voices battled in my head - the "Mum" voice saying I'd look stupid and the other voice saying it would be a sensible option esp for Spin class. Then I held the shorts up against me at the mirror to see how they would look.

I had to laugh when I realised what I was wearing - a short denim skirt with 3/4 tights! The skirt I had on was shorter than the shorts I was too scared to buy. So yeah, I bought the outfit.

As for the date, I'm disappointed but not devastated. I think it can be hard in when things like that happen to not see it as MY failure - that I did something wrong, was too much of something or didn't do enough of something else or TOO FAT. I've done that in the past and it's just stupid obsessing, so that in the end it doesn't become about the guy but some kind of crazy test of whether I'm acceptable or not. But screw that. I went out, I was my most charming and honest self... I did end up showing a little cleavage too... any loss is his. And he was wearing a most daggy outfit.

Never mind! It wasn't meant to be. If he was wearing daggy clothes then he obviously wasn't good enough!!! :P

Keep smiling, and I'm glad you didn't have an all out binge, cause imagion how much harder that would have made next week!!

By Blogger Ang, at 8:03 pm  

Daggy Clothes! I would have left at once!

On another note - there is CFP out for Meanjin...thought you may be interested to know.

By Blogger Lucinda, at 9:31 pm  

I read somewhere that if they make no effort with their clothes etc on the first date, then they are not really worth worrying about as far as romance goes ie they make no effort then not good enought!

Still it is nice just to get out and about, and it is all good practice for if you meet someone nicer in future.

Apricots are so low in cals, and so good for you, We are very lucky living in this land of lovely fresh food. Maybe you did not lose on scale this week, cos your body is holding a pound or two of stress weight from the date and the extra paid work you just did. Hope you see continutation on scale soon.

By Anonymous barbara, at 9:57 pm  

He doesn't deserve you :) Don't just settle for anyone!! be fussy!!! *grin*
I also nearly had a huge binge session last night.. i actually had the chocolate in my hand, read to open it and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.. its so funny :) so I had way too much dinner instead... oh well
Have a great weekend

By Blogger Beee, at 10:28 pm  

So glad you got the nice workout clothes - it's like a reward for all of your hard work (which you totally deserve)!

By Blogger Denise, at 5:33 am  

I'm with Lucinda...daggy clothes on him, forget about it :-) I think it's great that you went out anyway and gave it a go. You should feel empowered by that alone. You're a great gal and well done on NOT binging. Binging on fruit doesn't count. Mmm, apricots. I haven't had them in ages. Will look around for them. LOL at the clothes dilemma because I wear a mini and tights too. I so get that!

By Blogger Mary, at 8:56 am  

well done for resisting all the treats at the market and on your shopping.. short denim skirt and leggings - fantastic.
daggy outfit on boy = d*ckhead...
ps. No AP tomorrow because of 41 degrees (I'm not that crazy)

By Blogger linda, at 9:05 am  

I agree @ the guy - his problem, his loss. I love how you're approaching it too - I need to be more like you I've decided heh, very wise, everything always ends up with me never being good enough.

As for the tights, that's awesome! I think I may have to pop into Kmart today to check some out, I desperating need new gym clothes - I guess the best thing about working out at home is I can be daggy and it's ok lol.

Great work @ resisting the bakery too!!

By Blogger Dee, at 12:23 pm  

It's his loss! And - more details on the daggy clothes please! White socks and moccasins? A t-shirt that said "I have a PHD"?!

And I'm with everyone else - bingeing on fruit doesn't count! Well done for resisting the bakery!

By Blogger Philippa, at 10:03 pm  

Definitely his loss. I'm with you on thinking that I've blown it and then really blowing it - well done on choosing all that lovely fruit over the bakery goods.
Have a great Sunday.
Me

By Blogger Me, at 1:38 am  

what i'm thinking is that u can do a heap better so dont b worrying....keep up ur work, ur gonna get there

By Blogger laura, at 5:39 am  

 

Updates

Arrrgghhh - up 200 grams this week! Not that it's unexpected, I've not been tracking properly and I've been snacking like a crazy snacking machine. Nothing really insanely bad for me, just constant eating. Oh yeah, and the free supply of Kingston biscuits in the kitchen when I was working! Damn it. It shits me when I'm borderline bad and put on weight - I feel like I may as well have pigged out on chocolate and tiramisu and got the bang for my fuck!

So, the date last night went okay. After the initial awkwardness, the conversation didn't stop. Drinks turned to something to eat to more drinks.... but there was no kiss goodnight (there was a hug). And he did say we should do it again. Oh and he didn't email me afterwards. I guess it's a case of seeing how things pan out.

The plan for this week is -
  • drink more water since I've been awful slack about this
  • get rid of all food that is easy to snack on - I've had a lot of food in the house that isn't really "bad" ... Saladas and dips and things ... but is too easy to keep picking at. When I have food to pick at, I find it hard to curb the constant snacking so I need to stop.
  • more fruit for snacks and more salads

I think that should do it.


I find it much harder to resist the treats in the pantry than I used to, but I can't really deprive the boys just because I have no willpower!

By Blogger Sue, at 8:43 am  

MMMM Kingston biscuits!!! The USED to be my favourite. Glad the date went well. XX

By Blogger Jodie, at 8:53 am  

Yay... glad the date went well. What did you decide to wear?
You didn't mention what YOU thought of him? Is he worth waiting for a reply from?

By Blogger Ang, at 9:47 am  

I want to hear more about the date!
Its good to have healthy snacks, I guess we just have to learn when we dont NEED to eat anymore...
have a great weekend!
vx

By Blogger missy vas, at 2:28 pm  

 

::19.1.06::

Shopping...

Even though I'm trying to NOT spend money, I popped into Jeans West today. And boy am I glad I did. They have an extra 25% off all their reduced stock (am I sounding like an infomercial or what?). I got a few things to try on and then the girl suggested a few other things. She showed me a black top that was nice but they didn't have an XL or a L, only an M. The girl looked at me and told me I should try it anyway. (I almost kissed her) So I tried it, and it fitted! Woohoo! It's on the tight side but not unwearably so. I ended up getting that and a purple singlet for $13 - bargain city.

wwwooooo hoooo, you go you skinny thing!!!
I LOVE a good old summer bargin!
:)

By Blogger Ang, at 6:03 am  

As soon as I say that I am not buying anymore clothes until I lose 40 pounds, I see a sale.

It's a sickness I tell ya!

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 7:56 am  

what the hell! $13 for 2 tees in JW?! Awesome!!

what's much more better is you're a MEDIUM!!!!!!

Yay I'm so bloody excited for you.

By Blogger Dee, at 9:16 am  

its easy to get stuck in the 'i'm a big size and nothing will fit stage' and a medium...thats almost a small :P go u and the sales (no point buying clothes that will be too big for u soon anyways)

By Blogger laura, at 9:55 am  

AWESOME!!!! A medium! How great does that feel?? Way to go!

By Blogger Blissful Loser, at 10:48 am  

I love good shopping stories :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 10:55 am  

Can you believe I am too scared to even walk into that shop because I figure they won't have anything to fit me! I went to another shop last weekend and needed a top. I told the lady what I needed and the other salesperson...way over the other side of the shop yells out "what size are you" and the lady next to me yells back loud enough for everyone in the mall and half way down the street to hear...."She would be an extra large"

It was the most embarrasing day of my life....almost

sorry about the life story. I am still pissed about it!

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 2:16 pm  

YAY for discount shopping !!
Me

By Blogger Me, at 2:18 pm  

When there are bargains like that to be had, it's criminal not to spend - you probably saved more than you spent, so in effect, you saved money!

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 4:09 pm  

Just read a comment of yours on Leighanne's blog: So we were allowed to go, Dad took my friends and I to my first BDO when I was 14 (although we got in the gate and he said "see you back here in 12 hours" and took off to watch Billy Bragg, TISM, Custard, Nick Cave and Radio Birdman). 10 years later we still go, although now it's together... maybe I've finally become cool enough?

I am sure you're cooler than a lot of his friends parents ;op

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 4:26 pm  

Hey!!! well done *grin* isn't that just the best feeling in the world! *grin* I've definately got to take you shopping with me!!

By Blogger Beee, at 5:55 pm  

even if the sizes are mixed up in the shop doesn't it make you feel amazing when you get something a size smaller?

By Blogger airlie, at 8:17 pm  

Go you good thing!

Target Country are having a sale...so I may get new trackpants and a top early tomorrow!

and I'm being taken sports bra shopping :)

By Blogger Lucinda, at 10:27 pm  

bargains - jeans west have great sales and woohoo to the 'M'.

By Blogger linda, at 10:43 pm  

Well done Kath!!! That's brilliant! It feels so great to not have to sift through the piles of clothes for the XL's anymore, doesn't it!

Must be the week for great shopping stories. I went to Cotton On yesterday and got a gorgeous black top in an S/M!!

By Blogger Philippa, at 11:02 pm  

 

::17.1.06::

Tagged By Dee

The divine Dee has tagged me, so I must obey:

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?

I find it so hard to pinpoint what I was doing at specific time (that's why I need a blog). I'm pretty sure that is when I was in the midst of my party girl/fag hag phase and since Andrew would have been staying with Mum for the school hols, I can imagine it would have been all systems go on the party front. Lots of clubbing and $1 pot nights on Mondays at the Prince of Wales. Oh boy, it makes me tired to think about it all now.

I was living in my flat in St Kilda (the place that still feels like HOME to me) and was working as trainee programmer while studying part time.

2. What were you doing a year ago?

My pre-diet phase - I was being to face up to the fact that I had to do something about my lifestyle or end up seriously ill. My diabetes was out of control and I felt like shite.

A year ago, I was working in the shitty temp that I got sacked from (I've mentioned this before) and going insane because I had nothing to do. I was incredibly depressed and felt like my life was falling apart.

3. Five snacks I enjoy:


  • Jarlsberg cheese (I had some tonight and reaffirmed my love)
  • Summer fruits - apricots, nectarines, strawberries... bring it on
  • Banana bread from Borders cafe - my biggest weakness although I ordered some on the weekend and they have me two big pieces and I think that was my undoing. I feel like I have truly satiated the urge.
  • Sushi - it's cheap, filling, convenient (esp for after gym munchies) and delicious. And best when served via a locomotive device)
  • Chai - so it's a drink not a snack but I'm an addict. I have about 8 different forms of chai just at home.

4. Five songs to which I know all the lyrics:

There are a million of these. I am the uber-car singer. I'm not ashamed to admit to these (although I should be):

  • Stop in the Name of Love - The Supremes
  • Forever Now - Cold Chisel
  • Fell In Love With A Girl - The White Stripes (and I can sing along too, no easy task)
  • Shivers - Boys Next Door
  • I want to be evil - Eartha Kitt (but only when I'm drunk)

5. Five things I would do if I were a millionaire:

  • Plastic surgery all the way, baby. A full body lift and butt implants and a boob job. But they aint touching my face - that's freaky.
  • Travel of course
  • Buy an nice little low maintenance flat
  • Hire a hit man to kill my enemies
  • Hmmm... can't think of anything else. Maybe throw a party and invite all my fave bloggers (with airfares thrown in)

6. Five Bad Habits

  • Swearing - I'm a complete potty mouth
  • Lateness
  • Forgetting my mobile (which infuriates my friends when combined with the lateness)
  • Internet browsing excesses
  • Eating (of course)

7. Five Things I Enjoy Doing

  • Internet browsing
  • Eating, which really shouldn't be a hobby
  • Gym ... sometimes
  • Going to see really good bands, the kind that make you forget you've been standing on your feet waiting for hours to see them.
  • Driving to Torquay with my sister with us belting out songs at the top of our lungs

8. 5 Things I Would Never Wear (or buy or get)

  • Anything "boho"
  • Applique windcheaters esp ones with furry koalas on them
  • G Strings
  • A dark tan - if I colour at all, I do it lightly
  • Anything from Kookai (I hate those girls with their Kookai bags so much)

9. Five favourite toys:

  • Ipod
  • my fat rolls - they have to come in handy for something
  • tweezers - I love plucking stuff, sick I know
  • my computer

That's it, I don't have many toys.

This part I'm not sure I get. But I'm game. Remove the top person from the list. Bump everyone up a spot, and put yourself at the bottom.

elephants gestation

So its come down to this

ukraine adventure

145

Reflected Thoughts

And now to tag others... sorry if you've already done it...

Briony

Lucinda

Jadey

M

Beck

And, while I'm at it, I saw this on another blog and thought it was interesting:

5 Weird Things About Me:

  1. I always try to pay for things with the exact money. Even if it inconveniences myself and those around me. I don't know why I do it but it always makes me happy if I have the right money.
  2. I'm hopeless with remembering birthdays - I even forget the exact date of my son's birthday half the time (although I never forget to buy him presents, just put the wrong date on forms etc).
  3. I taught myself to write with my left hand one time. I was working in a call centre and was bored shitless and it was something to fill up the time.
  4. I find it hard to do yoga or anything like that - not (just) because I'm inflexible but because I have weird jutting out bones esp in my knees and it's painful to kneel.
  5. I've never been to a hen's night and only been to two weddings (one of those I was only there to video). Few of my friends and family marry and with the others, I seem to be the "single" friend who gets dumped when they start a relationship. But that will change soon - I'm planning a hen's night for my friend so any suggestions are appreciated since she's nixed the stripper! Do you take presents for a hen's night? What are some good "surprises" for the night?


Thanks for tagging me, I love these things! Mind you it will take me all day to think of the answers. LOL.
Hope you're having a great day!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:54 am  

Hey that was interesting! Hens night.... as of yet have not been to one. Look forward to hearing what you have planned!

By Blogger Ang, at 5:13 pm  

WOW so much stuff. I shall answer such questions with pride. Tomorrow. I love your weird stuff. I too like to pay with exactly the right amount and will take minutes to get that elusive 5 cent piece that is stuck at the bottom of my wallet rather than give the guy a $2 coin. How funny.

Hens nights can be a minefield of emotion and hormones, drunken ones too. What I did for my sister, as we both don't play games very well, is I made her the obligatory veil but I used a piece of material I later used to wrap an album of the night in. Then I had all these little coloured pieces of paper - not postit's - with safety pins on it and during the night I just handed these out to all the people there and they wrote notes on them and pinned them to the veil. Even a couple of strangers!! These were also put in the album with photo's of the night. Heaps of fun as the hen doesn't really get a chance to read them until later. I'm sure googling for info will give you more than you need.

Have a great night and remind me never to become one of your enemies (hit man indeed!!)

By Blogger M, at 8:42 pm  

I had to laugh out loud when I read that you love your tweezers. If I took them places with me I would be dangerous. I plucked out one of those long hairs from my hubby eyebrow this morning and he was mortified - because I did it ON THE TRAIN! Its a sickness I tell you!
Great post by the way! vx

By Blogger missy vas, at 4:51 pm  

Thanks for tagging me too! cant wait to do it.

We have EXACTLY the same bad habits.

By Blogger Beckie, at 11:21 am  

 

::16.1.06::

Happier

I'm feeling much better now - thanks for all the lovely comments :) It's like that hard ball of yuckiness has left my stomach. I think a good night's sleep tonight will make me feel even better. I don't have to start work until 10 am tomorrow (I'm only doing a half day) so I think I might go in early and do my gym stuff before work then I'll be free to head to Vic Market after work without having to drag my vegies to the gym with me. There is something grotty about taking food to the gym.

It's been a fun job albeit short. I'm in West Melbourne which is a nice area and found a little cafe near work that has free fruit! How good is that! They have lovely big communal tables with lots of glossy mags to read too.

Anyway, now the clouds are lifting, I have another thing to stress about...lol. For the past few years I've been on an internet dating site but haven't been really actively pursuing anything like that for ages. Occasionally I get a response but most of the guys are semi-literate or recently released crims or sleaze bags. I'm sure they respond to every female on the site and don't even read their profiles. So I've mostly ignored them.

Well last week I got a response from a guy who sounded nice. We have a few things in common anyway. So we've emailed a couple of times and are meeting for coffee soon. I haven't even seen a photo of him yet but I figure it's just a coffee.

To be honest, I'm not that stressed about it. I used to meet up with lots of guys from online a few years ago (and boy, do I have some stories I could tell about those experiences) and I'm quite expert at dealing with the situation.

I was wondering what I should wear. My dating outfits used to be based around one principle - show lots of cleavage and the guy mightn't notice how fat I am! Now I have more options. I actually had a moment today when I wondering what was the best "look" to impress him then I realised - screw that. I'll go along as ME and he'll either like me or he won't. It's as simple as that. I think I'm growing up.

YAY for going as yourself !!! Al and I have long had this theory that we dress for comfort (I know it is slightly different when you are an old married couple) but even when we were dating (how odd does that sound ?) we used to dress for comfort and bugger what anyone else thought. We never had a look much different from jeans and a casual or smart shirt. Now I think - what the hell - I don't care if someone doesn;t like what I am wearing or how I look - so long as all the bits that are supposed to be covered, are covered and my undies don't show through my clothes - they can all get stuffed !!!
Have a great week and enjoy your half day tomorrow (or should that be today !)
Me

By Blogger Me, at 2:31 am  

What a fabulous attitude!!! Have fun on your date, too.

By Blogger Denise, at 4:11 am  

I dunno - I'm still pretty keen on showing lots of cleavage! But seriously, definitely dress for how you want to look - you'll be more comfortable and that makes you a more attractive person anyway. Have fun!

By Blogger Sue, at 6:42 am  

Excellent choice to go as yourself :o) That's an excellent atttitude. Hope he's nice. Have fun!

By Blogger lms, at 7:25 am  

I like the attitude. And I'm sure you will look and feel fab with whatever you choose!
:)
Ps I hope he is really nice!

By Blogger Ang, at 7:37 am  

I'm sure whatever you end up wearing will be fine and I hope you find when you meet him that you have even more in common and get on really well. You know everyone will be bugging you about this now! LOL
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:21 am  

hehe growing up - I'm a long way from that!

OMG free fruit sounds so awesome, and you have an airy-ness about the way you write, like a calm-happiness. It's nice.

Glad you're feeling better, sleep is always a good thing ;P

Enjoy your coffee and you have totally hooked me with the stories ~ would love to hear them heh (see what a nosey parker I am) plus... you'll be beautiful no matter what you wear ;D Gotta love it, inner confidence goes with everything!

By Blogger Dee, at 9:25 am  

I would go for comfort with a bit of cleavage...lol

By Blogger Leighanne, at 11:09 am  

I like the cleavage but only because I love bosoms - I think they are beautiful and show them off for me anyway - If I can share the love that is even better 8-) You have achieved some huge milestones lately - and congrats on the message on the weighing machine......you continue to inspire me. I think our problems get sorted out in more "beach moments" like you had than anything else - as long as we open ourselves up to accepting them the answer can sometimes pop up when we don't concentrate on it too much. Have a fantastic week and can't wait to hear about the coffee date. hugs leisa

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 1:18 pm  

glad to hear that ur feeling better :)
whats not toi like about u kathyn...u look great in ur pic u posted and u have a fab personality, whats not to like...ha hes probably stressing just as much as u r so dont worry...have fun x

By Blogger laura, at 2:20 pm  

Ha! So this is why I was showing too much cleavage too! You light the bulbs for me babe!lol

It is strange though, you just made me realise that since I've lost the weight I rarely show cleavage anymore. I go for rather simpler round neck blouses that show my shoulders and neck...who would have thought!!!!

So...when is the date?

By Blogger Silverella, at 8:00 pm  

Oooh good luck! I am still trying to psyche myself up enough to try the internet dating thing... I did try it years ago but it wasn't for me at that time of my life.
Glad that you've decided to go as yourself, its very in at the moment :)
Let us know how it went!!!

By Blogger Beee, at 9:36 pm  

Good on you, beautiful! What a fab attitude you have - but showing cleavage never hurts, heh heh! I hope he is really nice, you deserve to have someone really special.

Good luck, let us all know how it goes!!

By Blogger Philippa, at 9:46 pm  

you have to wear a piece of 'lucky' clothing. Everyone has one of those pieces right? a bit of booby never hurt anyone either. Enjoy.

By Blogger linda, at 10:16 pm  

LOL at growing up. I suppose it has to happen to us all at one stage or another.

I have two friends who are actively involved in internet dating. One has a current photo, true profile and gets a few dates here and there, but always has a great time and gets follow up from the guys she meets. They don't all work out but she has a good time.

The other has a really old (read younger) photo, and has made up all this stuff to get more people interested in her. And it works. She goes out on heaps and heaps of dates. But. Never has a good time and never gets any follow up calls.

I think it definitely works in your favour to go as you. Then when someone falls - they fall for the real person.

Glad you are feeling happier today :D

By Blogger M, at 10:47 pm  

Hi
Glad you are feeling brighter. I reaaly appreciate your honesty and emotion in your posts.Hope your date goes well and we get to hear all about it!!:-)

By Blogger Lesley, at 11:28 pm  

So glad to read that you're happier :-) And how about that cafe? Free fruit sounds so nice in this day and age. The communal big tables sound cool. I have a two friends that were successful with internet dating and one of them is now married so that's pretty cool. Great to hear that you are going to go along as you! I love that you are comfortable in your own skin and be proud!! You're a very intelligent beautiful woman with a great sense of humour. I can imagine the stories LOL. Have fun :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 4:02 pm  

 

::15.1.06::

Once Upon A Time...

Last night I found out my sister had a copy of some photos scanned on her computer. These photos are from around 1999-2000 when my sister and I were producing our show on community television. We needed some publicity shots and so had a friend take these (I've cut my sister and friend out because I didn't think they'd like their mugs plastered all over my blog, especially since they don't know about it).

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

She didn't want to send them to me because she thought it would upset me to see how big I was then and, to be honest, it was quite a shock, but the thing that really struck me was how happy I looked.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

My sister said our lives were shiny back then. We had so much confidence and really thought we could do anything we wanted. It was like we were on the verge of something good. About six months after these photos, I sunk into the biggest depression like I was in a giant hole with no way out.

It's funny though to think that I was so much happier then. You'll never hear that in any story in a diet magazine - this is when I was fatter but happier. But the reality is the two things aren't related. There is no magic equation. I've been fat and happy. I've been fat and unhappy. Now I just need to work on been healthy and happy.

Just for comparison, this is me in October 2005:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Wow!
thats about all I can say.
You should be very proud of all you have achieved. :)

By Blogger Ang, at 12:43 pm  

you are looking so great...so much to be proud of...happiness is something i'm searching for too...i'm hoping being happier in my body will help that...in response to ur question, my gym is pretty cool, there are nice ppl there i'm too selfconcious to talk to anyone, I keep my head down and try to finish as fast as possible...when my friends came it was easier (although they were pikers) wish there was like a lil blog gym...now how cool would that be!!!!so much support...anyways, have a fantastic sunday x

By Blogger laura, at 1:36 pm  

Wow...you have come such a long way!!

By Blogger Leighanne, at 7:04 pm  

WOW what an awesome effort...you look unbelievable! You should be so proud of yourself!!

By Blogger Tina, at 8:36 pm  

Oh my lordy lordy lordy ( very magda subanskiish) i cannot even see that that picture is you! Congrats sweety - you have done so well!

By Blogger airlie, at 9:07 pm  

You look incredible. The difference in those pictures...well, I am lost for words.

To be healthy and happy I think is the ultimate goal in life. It takes time to put all the pieces of the puzzle together though. I have been fat and miserable, then thin and miserable, then thin and happy, then fat and happy, then fat and miserable again! I'm slowly getting to the point where I do feel healthy and happy for the first time in my life.

I think all of us have (or will) reached a point in our journey where we realise that the reason we were miserable and overate was not because we were overweight, it was for other reasons. And if we don't want to put the weight back on again, we have to figure out how to deal with those emotions without turning to food again.

I think you've got a lot going for yourself at the moment. You're looking bloody fantastic, you've written a novel, you've got so many prospects - your life truly can be whatever you want, just like you thought back then.

You should be so proud of everything you've achieved.

And by the way, well done on just being "above" your ideal weight, not "very much over" anymore! That's great! I can't wait to join you in the 70's!!

Have a great week xx

By Blogger Philippa, at 9:17 pm  

You are looking fabulous hun! But depression is quite common in people who have lost weight. It's something you need to jump on top of. It's something you're probably going to need help tyo jump on top of.

remember we are all here !

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 9:24 pm  

what a difference! you look amazing

By Blogger rah, at 10:20 pm  

The difference is incredible. On the outside, from the chin down you have completey changed, I guess that goes for the inside too.

A lady I knew 10 years ago had gastric by-pass and a mutual friend commented that she may have lost weight, but what's with the disappearance of personality? Before, she was bubbly, chatty and involved in all her kids sporting endeavours. After, she became all but a recluse, very quiet and softly spoken. I suppose that it was as you said, she just got on with life when she was fat, but then expected everything to right itself when she lost it. I haven't seen her in years, wonder how she is...

Going to see a therapist sounds like a fantastic idea. If you need a broken bone set, you see a doctor, if you butcher your at-home dye job, you see a hairdresser, but when it comes to emotions most people struggle through unaided. Maybe your gym can recommend someone.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 10:21 pm  

Wow!! I know you've come a long way, I've seen and read over your stats always, but to see it.

It's phenomenal, I am in awe of you. I totally agree with what you say about being happy and fat, and being unhappy and fat...

And you are SO right about it being unrelated, I think too many (myself included) get lost in hoping that when we're thin our problems melt away. That we will love ourselves and be confident.

You're beautiful, inside and out... before and after. Be proud of that!

Enjoy your week Darlin'

By Blogger Dee, at 10:49 pm  

i so appreciate that you have been so honest about the whole skinny not necessarily meaning happier... thank you for telling it like it is. i really love your entries and often read them two or three times.

i think you look bloody incredible in the october shot! but the smile in the older pic is just gorgeous too. so here's to finding the place where they both meet :)

By Anonymous dg, at 4:18 am  

An amazing comparison! I agree, size and happiness aren't necessarily linked, but it seems I don't have to WORK quite so hard at being happy now that I'm not so big.

By Blogger Sue, at 7:19 am  

I just almost fell out of my chair...I am no good at the kg/lb conversion so when I saw what you had lost, it never really struck me until just now...you are effing amazing!

I always thought that being fat was what made me depresed...really, it just made me not want to leave and go out...but I found out that my brain and seratonin are what made me depressed and got on meds and felt so much happier.

I hope that this year finds you all of the happiness you can muster!

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 8:17 am  

People need to know that losing any weight is not the magic pill that makes everything better. But it might just be the thing that gives you the strength to find out what will.

The difference in the photos is amazing - and that is only till October. Perhaps the next update will recover some of the smile from the first.

By Blogger M, at 10:17 am  

You are awesome, and a great inspiration. You should be very proud of how far you have come, it has been a damn lot of hard work for you. Well done.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:03 am  

Look at you babe! I can see a gothy type ;-) I can totally understand that our physical appearance does not make us instantly happy but being healthier sure helps us deal with life's curveballs better I reckon. Keep up the great work!

PS. I have down time at work today so I thought I'd blog instead of twindle my fingers :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 11:07 am  

Amazing photos - you have really come a long way.

By Blogger linda, at 12:15 pm  

WOW! look at you! u r looking amazing! u have made huge changes - so inspiring!!!

By Blogger Angel, at 8:22 pm  

I've been wondering what exactly to write, you look different! But what I noticed even more in the difference was that you looked years younger as you are now.

But you still glowed either way.

By Blogger Lucinda, at 11:03 pm  

Wow! Thats unbelievable!!!!!
Your doing fantastic!

By Blogger Tiffany, at 3:30 pm  

 

::14.1.06::

Beach

I'm feeling a bit better tonight. I was planning to go to the pool this afternoon and trying to decide which pool would be least crowded when I decided, bugger that and drove down to Torquay to the beach.

By the time I got there, it was too cold to swim but I went for a huge walk and did a lot of thinking. I had a lightbulb moment - one of those times when something so obvious suddenly makes sense.

I guess the best way to explain it is to use an analogy - it's like if you have a toothache and you take painkillers to soothe it. You stop taking the painkillers and you start feeling the pain again. The pain hasn't gone away, it's just been controlled.

It's the same when you use food to ease an emotional ache - stop with the food and you lose weight but there is nothing to soothe the pain.

If you have a tootheache and you stop with the painkillers, it's easy while the pain is dull or has gone away and you can be all - "look at me, I'm strong, I don't need the painkillers" but you are only tested when the pain comes back in force.

And, like a toothache, the only way to exist in the long term is get a permanent solution. It's not easy but it's the only way.


***

I've mentioned in previous posts about the evil weighing machine at the Jam Factory (which is a shopping centre for non-Melbournites) that keeps telling me YOU ARE VERY MUCH OVER YOUR RECOMMENDED WEIGHT (I'd link back if I wasn't so lazy). Well I got weighed today and it said - YOU ARE ABOVE YOUR RECOMMENDED WEIGHT. No VERY MUCH... ha! Got to be happy with that.

I can't believe you get on those bloody machines, let alone one in such a crowed place...braver woman than I! Congrats on the readout tho ;o)

The beach is great for thinking, even just driving there is soothing. From personal experience of such escapes I can recommend the Queencliff - Portsea round trip, the ferry ride is another good thinking spot.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 3:02 am  

its a small world, i drove to torque too...but at like 2am, we got there, looed for like 10mins then drove back to melb...i hate those weight machines too...i think i hate any scale

By Blogger laura, at 4:40 am  

I had to smile about the "very much" now being gone. Very good!

By Blogger ms ralph, at 7:47 am  

Gotta love no "very much" in the read out !!
Have a great day - Me

By Blogger Me, at 5:48 pm  

Yay, well done. I would have taken a sledge hammer to that damn weighing machine by now - but you have beaten it in a much better way!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:01 am  

 

Fear

All week I've been looking forward to boxing this morning - it's normally one of my favourite classes - but I woke up and something inside of me stopped me from going. Part of it is that I'm so sore from doing cardio work at the gym yesterday that I can't walk properly (damn stair machine) but another part of it is a little kernel of fear.

I just felt that if I went to the boxing class, I'd be awfully exposed. In most classes you can hide away at the back but in boxing you work in pairs and it's a fairly small class so you have a lot more focus on you. That doesn't usually worry me but today I just can't deal with that attention.

I don't like having to deal with this kind of thing. I don't like backing down once I've decided to do something. But I've left it too late now - the class has already started and I'm still sitting at home in my pyjamas.

It would be easier if I knew where this fear came from - I've felt like this before, but that was when I was so big that I'd get all kinds of negative attention just going places. I thought I was over all that. I'm different now - I go out and do all kinds of things and, even if I feel a little nervous or intimidated, I'd push myself out the door. But this is different - this is like some kind of anxiety attack that something bad is going to happen, that I will do something WRONG. Weird, huh? I mean, who is even going to care if I'm not an A1 perfect boxer. It's just a workout class.

The thought of huddling in my room all day watching the rest of Veronica Mars that Andrew downloaded for me is so tempting. Hiding out from the world in my pjs, not having to talk to another soul. I don't even want to leave my room when my housemates are around. I think I need to force myself to go out. I want to go for swim since I missed boxing (and then a spa to soothe my aching muscles).

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I could just give into these feelings - huddle in bed for the day and know that it's going to pass - but I just can't do that either. I've got to fight and that sets up a whole conflict.

I get so paranoid when I'm like this. If I hear people laughing, I thnk they are laughing at me. I can operate normally at one level but inside I'm a scared little girl who can't cope with the big world. I need my safety and my familar things.

I'm not exactly a bundle of laughs at the moment, am I? I wish I could figure out what has triggered these feelings. Maybe it's being back at work or maybe the whole Christmas thing. Maybe it's just something I deal with as I lose weight and no longer have protective layers of lard to hide behind.

Hopefully it will all get sorted out. But I'll finish on a happier note - weighed in yesterday and I was down to 79.2 kg.

Should the article be written twice?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:55 am  

I think we all have times when we feel like that about something and, while we would like to rationalise it in our minds - sometimes we just can't. I get a bit like that sometimes. Unfortunately, I can't give you any advice on what to do except to say that I understand how you feel and am sending you lots of hugs !
Take care and try to get out sometime today - it doesn;t make you any better sitting in your room all day.
Lotsa hugs - Me

By Blogger Me, at 11:18 am  

I know how u feel, i get the same way, feel like ppl r looking and staring...i always find it good when u go with someone, cos then u have a partner...all my friends have piked, so i'm all alone again...well done on th loss, with all this working out theres sure to be a heap of muscle forming...keep it up, your doing so well!

By Blogger laura, at 3:03 pm  

It is not like it should be, is it? I mean, we should be happier and cheerier and anxiety free as we loose the weight huh?

But you are right...it is not.

As we lose the weight, we go back to the state of body we were before we gained it...even if this happened when we were 18 months old!

I want to email you since a few posts back. But I do not have your address. Mine is argyro.k at gmail dot com. If you feel like it, drop me a line and I'll be right back at you!

hugs!

By Blogger Silverella, at 5:59 pm  

Perhaps the weigh in under the 80's threw you out? It is a huge step to get under each decade and like you said as the layers come off it leaves vunerabilities laid raw.

Congratulations for being a 70's chick. You have worked your arse off and deserve it and so much more. Next week you will be back at boxing and lookout whoever gets you as a partner :)

*hugs*

By Blogger M, at 9:18 pm  

Yep, i think Margaret sums up things when she suggests getting into the 70's weigh in is a great step, and that is is ok to feel a bit vulnerable as you adjust to this. i recall that when teenagers change body shape heaps at about 12 oe 13 years old, they are often a bit moody and hide away or clumsy and kind of not quite at home in their body, till they take a few months to just get used to the new physique. So maybe it is the same for people who slim down, we maybe take a couple of months to just get at home with having lost the extra kilograms, especially if we have not been this new weight for many years. The other side of it is that once we reach a goal eg to get to the 70's, or to go for a job interview, we sometimes fire on adrenalin and know no fear as we literlly push past our normal insecurities, but then we reach the goal and relax back to a more average routine, sometimes realize we are not quite as fearless all the time. even a warrior, needs time to go on cruise for a bit, or to be soft and vulnerable on going into a class, or a new activity.

Plus to put in perspective i do know some people who are still too scared or vulnerable to go for an outdoor walk. And i know others that if they lost their casual job and had to look for another they would assume they could not cope with going anywhere outside the house for months, let alone try out new gym classes. So hope you give yourself credit for your courage.

By Anonymous barbara, at 5:11 pm  

I found this on Me's blog today hun and I immediately thought of you

"TFTD : The more you do what you fear to do, the less you are afraid"

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 10:29 pm  

OMG you and I are alike in so many ways. You seem to have this knack of writing exactly how i've felt at times, it's scarey. I don't have any advice to offer either, except that getting dressed and going out for a walk, even if it's only for 10 minutes - will probably kick you back into gear and make things a bit better. That said, I would probably hide in my room all day too. I have no idea why - just that sometimes I can't face people. Not even strangers.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 10:59 am  

Oops meant to say, by the way congrats on being a 70's chick - that has to make you feel a little better. You deserve it, you've worked damn hard to get where you are now!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:00 am  

I love Veronica Mars.. and only just today read up on all that happens... now i just cant wait to watch it all!
i hate bringing attention to myself.. good on you for going to classes and working out!

By Blogger Tiffany, at 3:32 pm  

 

::12.1.06::

Emotional Weight

I guess it's no surprise that I've always been an emotional eater. I eat when I'm upset or depressed or lonely or happy or grumpy or bashful. It's always been my way of dealing with things.

So lately I've been losing weight and you think the emotional eating thing would be sorting itself out but I've realised I've just a whole new coping mechanism. If you've been reading any of my posts for the last week or so, you might have clued on to the fact that I've been feeling a bit down. I guess I've felt this way for a while - over the Christmas period.

Instead of weighing to mask the pain, I've gone to the other extreme. I have an obsessive personality and recently that obsession has turned to my weight loss. I've got to the point where I wanted to push myself harder and harder. Not because I was enjoying it or because it was good for me, but I guess in way to outrun the pain. The same with food - instead of overeating, I've been obsessing over every calorie.

The thing is, if you eat instead of dealing with your problems, you get fat and when you get fat you feel worse. But if you use exercise to deal with your problems, you lose weight and everyone thinks that is great. But at the end of the day, it's still not good... you know.

A lot of the time, I don't even know if the problems I have are real problems or just in my head. Does that sound crazy? It's like I think people are avoiding me or that they don't like me but I don't know how much of that is real and how much is my own paranoia. And, of course, when you start thinking like that everything people do just confirms what those doubts in your head.

I think I've mentioned before how when I was growing up, my Mum would always tell us that our friends were just using us. If a friend wanted to stay the weekend, she'd say they wanted to because they liked some boy who lived nearby or because we'd got good stuff for Christmas or something like that. So yeah, I have still have a lot of doubts about everything to do with relationships. Most of the time I'm okay, but times like this, when I'm not feeling so hot about myself, it gets worse and worse.

Next week, when I've finished my work contract, I think I'll make an effort to get some counselling. I think I need to talk to someone impartial about things. In the meantime, I'm trying to take a moderate approach to things and to relax.

Oh hon! I think the fact that you can pinpoint all this is the first step! I really hope you can get some help, but in the mean time, blog away, we will listen :)

By Blogger Angie, at 8:59 pm  

That's great babe! To recognise whats happening and admit it to yourself is the best thing because now you know you can do something about it.

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 10:24 pm  

Kath, the fact that you are facing up to how you're feeling and not hiding away from it, either at the gym or in a cheesecake (!), says a lot about your strength of character and how much you really want to succeed and get this under control. If you have that kind of mindset and attitude you will not fail.

Getting counselling is a great idea - think of it as having a good old heart-to-heart with someone, but with someone who doesn't know you, or your past, who can respond to the situations and your reaction to them for what they really are.

Know that we are here, and we are listening :)

By Blogger Philippa, at 10:32 pm  

get the mental stuff and the emotional stuff worked out because weight loss is ONLY about the physical and it can't solve all that other stuff

By Blogger airlie, at 11:12 pm  

the physical transformation is nothing if u still dont love u on the inside, recognising it is great and u have such a active personality it seems that u get right on the boat to deal with it...go you! good luck with it all :)

By Blogger laura, at 11:48 pm  

You aren't alone! I am constantly having the same issues and feelings. Thats why I had a weight problem in the first place. Now that we are losing weight we have to find other ways of dealing with our issues and it isn't easy! At least you can see that there is an issue and you are dealing with it really well. Stop beating yourself up about it, rather give yourself a pat on the back for how far you've come :)

By Blogger Beee, at 1:07 am  

Ugh- I am sorry to hear that your mom used to say that - I'm not surprised that it has translated into your current view of people. I certainly don't blame you! Good for you for making the connection. I started counselling last April and I can't tell you how much it helps to have a neutral person helping me with how I think, validating that I'm not wrong about certain things, and gently pointing out how I could think differently sometimes. good luck!

By Blogger Xena, at 1:55 am  

i don't think you sound crazy at all.. it's so freaking hard to find balance. i still find it so hard to not simply replacing overeating with insane calorie crunching. arrgh.

and even harder, trying to stop viewing the world through all these crazy ideas that were put into our heads as kids! i guess deep down you know you're an mature, perfectly functioning adult, but sometimes the wee kid voice shouts the loudest.

good luck with the counselling idea!!!

By Anonymous dietgirl, at 2:48 am  

I always enjoy reading your posts, even when they aren't about happy things, because you are so honest and you really pinpoint problems a lot of us are having. You have a very clear way of writing as well.

By Blogger Sue, at 7:27 am  

Oh I am so sorry you feel like this but I think the counselling and recognition is a great positive outlook.

thinking of you

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 10:17 am  

I am the same as you, except it was my father who planted the seeds of doubt in my head and still does. At least you can pinpoint what the problems are and take it from there. I highly recommend counselling - it's great just to get it all out in front of someone who won't judge you.
We are here for you too honey.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:00 am  

You're doing such a great job to push through your emotional state and not turn to the crap food or lazy habits but you're right in seeking counselling (and admitting it), to help you. Dont forget Albert Park on Sunday morning if you're up to it.

By Blogger linda, at 12:22 pm  

Sometimes I think losing the weight isn't the difficult bit - it is the mental issues that are harder to deal with. Hope you find the right person to talk to to help you get where you want to be.
Take care and look after yourself !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 12:35 pm  

Hey, I know how you feel. I'm feeling very isolated after finding that I obsess so much and if I'm not in strict control I'm out of control. It can be a very upsetting cycle. I'm going to my first counselling session soon... But thank you for making me feel slightly less alone in how I feel.

By Anonymous Ruth, at 9:41 pm  

Thanks for your response. Sounds like you are having a tough time but it's good you are acknowledging it and not doing anything potentially destructive like gorging yourself on cake and pastries.

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 9:59 pm  

When I switched my compulsion from eating to exercising, I was tiny for two years...until I was out riding my bike early on a Saturday morning and broke my leg into 45 pieces!

Have you ever read Geneen Roth's books? They're the BEST ever to help overcome compulsive eating.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:19 am  

 

::11.1.06::

Loves It

I have a new love in my gym life. Tonight I did a pilates reformer class - whoa, was it fun... more like play than working out, sliding up and down on the reformer beds. Hopefully I'll still see it like that tomorrow cos I have a feeling I'll be very sore.

I'm having an early night tonight cos I'm still kinda exhausted so I'll catch up on all the blog world news tomorrow.

How is Pilates Reformer different from generic Pilates ... can't wait to get back to Melb and look at the gym class options at uni...only there will be students of mine in them now :(

By Blogger Lucinda, at 10:21 pm  

Sleep well :)

By Blogger Beee, at 10:45 pm  

Pilates is still something I haven't tried - maybe I'll fit in after the triathlon...

By Blogger Sue, at 8:35 am  

That sounds like soooo much fun!!
:)

By Blogger Ang, at 10:19 am  

Hope you're feeling better today.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 1:09 pm  

The Fitness First I want to attend in Sydney has Pilates Reformer, I had no idea what it meant, now I know it's the one with sliding bed thingy I'll definately try it out!

By Blogger lms, at 2:46 pm  

I haven't tried pilates yet...but it's on my list of things to try!

By Blogger Tina, at 5:42 pm  

 

::10.1.06::

Arrrggghh!

I still feel like crap even though I slept for 11 hours last night. But I made it through the day at work and that's the main thing.

At lunch time I went to Vic Market and got some fruit. It's so cheap there, much cheaper than Preston Market. So I decided to walk home after work - I know I'm having a rest day but I figured a slow, leisurely walk home wouldn't hurt. Anyway about halfway home I went to cross the road and stumbled. Then my fruit-laden backpack flipped over my head and took me with it and I ended up sprawled on the road. I didn't hurt myself and it was kinda funny. I was just thinking the other day that I never fall over now I've lost weight. I guess I still have the clumsiness.

Glad u didn't hurt yourself - the main thing is the fruit survived right?? Is Vic Market really cheaper than the Preston?? My dad will be mortified.

By Blogger linda, at 7:45 pm  

hahahahaha

glad you didn't hurt yourslef... how's the fruit!?!

nice to know some things never change hey!

By Anonymous ali, at 8:16 pm  

i think sometimes you just don't have the strength to stop yourself from falling when u r tired, not so much clumsy! I fall over sooooo much now that my ankle is dodgy, so much so that once an employer dobbed me in for being pissed on the job.

Get some red bull babe : )

By Blogger airlie, at 10:20 pm  

LOL you poor thing, I remember the last time I fell like that was last year after getting off a midnight to 8am shift and I was walking to the car (when everyone else was going to work) and I stumbled and my backpack when over my head and took me with it. SHAME! But I laughed so much, I would have been embarrassed if anyone rushed over to help.

Hope you feel better soon, remember to rest up!

By Blogger Dee, at 10:29 pm  

hehe you sound like me!!! Once you have the clumsy gene you can't get rid of it too easily.

Hope you aren't bruised.. and hope your fruit isn't bruised either!

By Blogger Beee, at 1:17 am  

At least no one saw you, right? I once fell on my ass right in front of an elevator full of people. I really wanted them to just let the doors close and go away, but of course they had to be all concerned and make sure I was okay instead. Damn their compassion!

By Blogger PastaQueen, at 3:53 am  

At least you found it funny!

By Blogger Sue, at 6:49 am  

Hope you didn't bruise the fruit? Love the fact that you chose to walk home. A great attitude. Shows how much you have changed.

By Blogger michelle, at 8:18 am  

at least you can laugh at yourself over the clumsiness. I am glad that you are getting so much fruit into you. Must apologise for being gone for so long. really missed your blogs and relate to the lack of friends thing. In a different way though, I have always surrounded myself with friends but have found out in recent years that so many of them were "surface friends". They were there until the chips were down and then they disappear into the wood work. If you can count your good friends on one hand you are doing well! If we lived in the same city we could be friends!! Have a lovely day.

By Blogger Jules, at 11:30 am  

Glad to hear that you didn't hurt yourself....that said, now I can LOL! Great that you can laugh at yourself...I'm a clumsy one too...lost count of how many times I've toppled over...and thats being sober too!

By Blogger Tina, at 5:12 pm  

It sounds like you really did make that a 10 type workout when you did that run with the km markers. Your legs must be saying please give me rest!
I have a personal theory about running. And that theory is that running sends a message to the brain, that says, it is in the interests of this body to lose fat, cos it will be easier to run if lithe. And when i sit in a corner stressed and binging it sends a message to conserve fat, due to body feeling it needs fat for stress times. ie it interprets the hide away eating as a sign of famine or stressful times approaching. The running says, body if you want to survive these times loose the fat, cos running is needed to survive and you will increase your ability to do the flight thing if you are slimmer.

But also your legs must have got such a workout that you deserve all the rest you need this week, it was an incredible effort doing all that running the other day

By Anonymous barbara, at 8:01 pm  

Hey it must be contagious - glad you didn't hurt yourself!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:48 pm  

 

::9.1.06::

Weak as a Kitten

I left work tonight feeling dead tired. I'd have given the gym a miss but I was meeting a girl from Diet Club for Pump class. I got there way early so I went on the treadmill. I started sweating and could hardly move. And that was just during the warm up.

I thought I could push myself through it. But that was the dumbest idea ever. There was no pushing. In the end I decided to quit and go home. No way could I manage a pump class.

At first I thought I might be coming down with the flu but I think it's more likely that I've been pushing myself so hard for the last few weeks. I'm having a rest day tomorrow then I'll see how I feel. The temp job I've got is only for a week so I don't want to jeopodise that by getting sick.

Arrrghh! I might be a machine but at the moment, I'm a machine in dire need of a grease and oil change.

I think a day off will give your body that much needed rest! You have done well, so have a break and you will be back at it before you know it :)

By Blogger Angie, at 8:14 pm  

just think your bodies trying to tell you that it might be tired... have a fantastic day off, and just think you'll have all that extra energy to use tomorrow!

By Anonymous ali, at 9:29 pm  

Hi there.

Thanks so much for popping into my blog! I love the way you have decorated yours...very peaceful, might just pop in from time to time to have a sit and chill!

I hope you are feeling 'back on top of the world' by the time you read this...you sounded so tired in your blog I felt like tucking you into your little bed right there and then!

By Blogger shasha, at 9:34 pm  

Rest Kathryn, I don't need collapsing halfway up the bolte bridge!

It would be great if you could come along for the 8km walk in March - plus the sausage sizzle is free! or at least it was last year :)

By Blogger Lucinda, at 10:10 pm  

You're right to give your body a rest and a few days off always makes me more enthusiatic the next time i'm out there.

By Blogger linda, at 10:49 pm  

yep...time for rest...and u so deserve it, you've been working so hard, at least u can enjoy it without feeling guity...i can only imagine wat u'll get up to when ur all recharged

By Blogger laura, at 11:59 pm  

In the heat a lot of people can barely sit and do anything let alone energy to exercise at all. i fell asleep and missed my main walk today. However i recall you had a personal trainer in gym advise that exercise not to overdo by exercising each day. This is my take on that advise. We can exercise most every day, and that is best for fat loss, but only if we do moderate exercise. If we do extra where we really push ourselves like run as far as we can or do a personal training gym session or do some new class that hits the muscles different than what we are used to, or do max bench press or whatever, then we sometimes have to cut right back on the days and times. FIT it is called, if you want the Frequency and Time to be high, keep the Intensity low. Or vice versa. So i am just trying to say, enjoy your well deserved rest days, cos after doing those extra hard runs etc you deserve it. And your body actually restructures during the rest cycle after doing hard exercise, so give yourself that important rest. You have worked so hard and deserve it.

By Anonymous Barbara, at 1:16 am  

Even machines need a maintenance break now and then! You're better to schedule regular down-time than wait for a breakdown...

By Blogger Sue, at 8:18 am  

Having a break is a good thing. Let your body and mind re-energise which doesn't mean failure, it's just what we have to do.

By Blogger Mary, at 8:30 am  

I think your body is trying to tell you something so listen up. Hope you feel better soon !
Cheers
Me

By Blogger Me, at 9:32 am  

Sounds like a rest day will do you the world of good. Enjoy!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:34 am  

hey! get well so that you can go at it 100% again. Otherwsie you will just wear that machines parts out and be no good.

Have a massage maybe and release your bad toxins!

By Blogger airlie, at 10:43 am  

so very true @ having a rest. Exercise will always be there lol Just get you back in order before you do more hindering then helping.

By Blogger Dee, at 12:54 pm  

A day off sounds like a great idea - If you feel like Io feel it's a must

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 3:04 pm  

Hi Kathryn! I'm back!

Have a day off darl, I think you need it! You've been working so hard.

And well done on getting into the 70's!! I'm so jealous!!

Keep up the great work, and looking forward to chatting with you soon xxxx

By Blogger Philippa, at 4:06 pm  

Enjoy your rest day Kathryn...sounds like you really need it!

By Blogger Tina, at 9:13 pm  

 

::8.1.06::

Friends

Friendships can be rocky roads, of the bad non-icecream kind. It's an area where I've always had problems. Not so my sister. When we were teenagers, she was the kind of person who always friends calling her up, asking to do things or go places. With me, it was the opposite. I'd make plans with my friends and they'd call at the last minute and cancel.

As she'd go off doing her stuff, Mum would give me a pitying look then compensate by cooking us up a treat or giving me money to buy snacks. So I learnt food was my constant friend. So an eating disorder is created.

I'm having friendship issues at the moment. I've mentioned before that two of my best friends, Tim and Simon, are overseas. For the first six months or so that they were away, it was fine. I missed them of course but things were fine. Now it's summer and I keep thinking of the things we always do in summer - how they'd call up and say come over cos they'd lit up the bbq or they were going to the beach. I don't really have any other bbq or beach friends.

So how do I deal with that? Not by eating, that's for sure. I guess by finding other things to do with other friends. By making the most of my time.

It's funny. My sister is still the popular one. She's always at social functions or going on holidays with her friends. She is constantly busy. I guess when you have the belief that you are popular and that people will like you, you project those things out into the world and the world responds.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down tonight. It's nothing serious and I'll be over it shortly.

Having friends isn't always easy, and having a sibling (esp of the same gender) to compare yourself with wouldn't help.

Could you join a new group or something? Mixed netball or a running group? If you do that in a bayside area there's every chance of beach and maybe more to follow.

Moving cities made me have a good think about how you collect friends. I suppose it starts with the kids of your parents' friends, then school, sport, work. That's how it's been for me anyway. I have never had to go out and make friends, it has just always happened. Then I moved and work didn't yield anything. That threw me and I guess I am still thrown, so I can empathise in this department. I am thinking of taking a class in something to meet like-mined ppl....we'll see!

Hope being a bit down passes soon. Try and keep in mind that in order to have ups, you need downs.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 11:38 pm  

hey, sorry to hear your feeling down,but wow i looked at your first blog and you have been doing this for a while,good on you for trying and trying again,i didnt read them all but 10/10 for determination girl!!! does your sister friends have older sisters?? that would be a great way to meet some people who could possibly end up being friends?? any way good luck with everything and remember to smile for keeping on going

By Blogger need to lose weight, at 12:58 am  

At least you don't compensate with food anymore! And I bet the friends you have now thank their lucky stars that they know someone as lovely and loyal as you.

By Blogger Sue, at 8:46 am  

I can completely understand where you are coming from and, while I can't think of anything to suggest at the moment, I hope you are feeling on the up and up soon.
Take care and look after yourself !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 9:06 am  

When I was at school, I used to get bashed up a lot. Not for any particular reason other than the mean girls didn't like me cos I was too smart, the popular girls didn't like me cos I wasn't pretty enough, and the smart kids didn't want to know me cos I was from the big city. (an outsider!).
My mother used to make us a hot tea cake every afternoon after school, with cinnamon and melted butter on it. I don't remember much about the nastiness and stuff, only bits and pieces, but I still remember how good that teacake tasted.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:37 am  

It is difficult with friends because you have to put yourself out there and take risks and know that you are worth having a friend. I understand all to well. Keep smiling and try to be positive and keep being good to yourself. That is amazing about your running at ALbert Park. I am thinking about doing the run as well but know I cannot run very far. I do 4km run/walk in 30 mins and it kills me /But I think I want to try to do the 14 km beacuse I think it would be amazing. I guess if we keep training we will get there.

By Blogger michelle, at 11:27 am  

*hug* if I ever get to melbourne I'll be your beach friend - or we could do a buffy marathon ;D

Very true@ projections and the world responds. Someone once told me to keep close the friends I made in High School, because it's really really hard to make new ones who'll stay or make such an impact on life after it.

My friends were bitches - I finally got rid of all their toxicness and I now know what they mean about how hard it is to find new friends.

I think it's a good idea to ring up other frinds and hang out, I hope you feel better soon

By Blogger Dee, at 12:44 pm  

Hey babe, your my friend now and if I was down in Melboure, we'd have to go for cocktails (the spirit laden, no fat kind)! I totally understand where you're coming from, as I have a sister like that too and this is a common trait for us creative types. You're a great chick you know and I hope to meet you one day when I am down in Melbourne :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 1:04 pm  

Moving from State to State as a child put paid to any lifelong friends, and moving away from family and being in a new state does make it very difficult. The only way I made friends here was to get knocked up and meet other likewise knocked up people. Lucky for me they turned out to be a great bunch and we regularly meet up 4 years later. However, no others. Other than the bloggers that I am slowly working my way through meeting.

I hope you bounce back soon. I understand how lonely it can feel when thinking about friends (or family) who are not here to share habitual haunts with. :) *hugs*

By Blogger M, at 1:29 pm  

I understand what you're saying because I was in a similar place not that long ago. I made some progress toward having more friends by joining a womens' volunteer organization and other volunteer opportunities. By putting myself out there for causes that I felt passionately about, I found like-minded people and also gave myself more purpose. Perhaps there's something similar you could do?

By Blogger Denise, at 4:24 pm  

Its not the quantity of friends that counts, its the quality! I have discovered that over the years! But I do know how you feel! A lot of my friends are overseas and I really do miss them. Somehow things we do aren't the same when we don't have certain friends to do them with. I'm just glad to be part of the blog world now and I am discovering a whole lot of new people and new friends. (only problem is most of you are a wee bit too far to go for a BBQ with). I actually haven't found any other fatbloggers from South Africa. oh well ;)
At least you have us!!!

By Blogger Beee, at 7:03 pm  

 

::7.1.06::

Running

As I mentioned below, I want to do the 14.7 km course in the Run For Kids in April. On their site, they say you have to be able to run 10 km in under 2 hours (I think because they are closing the Domain tunnel and want you out of there so they can reopen it to traffic). Now I was pretty sure I could do that. After all, I can do 5 km in 40 minutes. But I thought I should test it out.

Tonight I went over to Albert Park lake to check my times. I wasn't even sure if I could make 2 laps of the lake but was determined to try. The first time around I did some running and some walking. They have markers every 500 metres and I thought to myself, I'd really love to be able to run the whole 500 metres without stopping. When I got to the 2.5 km point, I thought bugger it, I'll give it a go. So I started running and running and thought the next marker would never come. Then I say it and I was like - woohoo! I did it. Then I was like - shit, I'm going to die. So I walked some more and ran some more.

Second lap around, I thought well I ran 500 metres last time, I'll try it again. I ran the 500 metres and when I got to the marker I thought I'd just keep going for a little bit. Then a little bit more. My legs were so heavy and I was going at the slowest jogging speed ever but I told myself to just keep going. And, woohoo! I ran a whole kilometres without stopping. I did it.

I think out of the 10 km, I ran about a quarter of it. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow. I did it in just under 80 minutes too but I'm not sure if it was a full 10 km because it was a bit confusing around the start/end markers. Still I'm more than happy.

Afterwards I sat on the grass under a tree and did my stretches then just relaxed and watched everyone around the lake and sun setting and felt the most amazing peace. Or was that exhaustion?

Before I left, I said to the lake - "I'll be back and one day I'll run you without stopping." The lake was just like - "whatever". But that day is coming.

Queen of the Lake fun run is around August I think - you can run the 10 then.

And what is it with all the non hardcore fun run people out there ... doing the 4.5km walk! If I can have a go, then most of us should be able to - as 99% of you are fitter than me.

Okay, I'm off my soap box now....I'll just need more company when I start frothing at the mouth while I go over the Bolte Bridge.

Good Night, and Good Luck! ;)

By Blogger Lucinda, at 10:46 pm  

WOW, I'm all impressed, good on ya!You just go and show that lake... :)

By Blogger alea, at 12:19 am  

excelent, u have such strive...i really admire that....80mins!, bet that hurt a heap...but u did it...hats just so cool!

By Blogger laura, at 2:18 am  

This is an excellent goal, and achievable. You've got me thinking about how I can challange myself more.

By Blogger ms ralph, at 8:26 am  

Well done, like I keep saying - you are a machine. You'll be kicking that lake's butt in no time the way you're going.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 8:34 am  

WOW!! What more can I say. That is one AWESOME effort!!

By Blogger Ang, at 8:48 am  

You are such an inspiration Kathryn! Seriously, well done on pushing yourself to see what you can do. I need to do more of that.

By Blogger Mary, at 9:19 am  

Wow...what a way to push yourself!! That is really inspirational! :)

By Blogger Angie, at 10:42 am  

WOW that's amazing, 10k in 80mins dang, lol I like how you talk to the lake (I often talk to the treaders like that).

You really are an exercise machine! (and I think you'll be up for that 14.7km in no time)

By Blogger Dee, at 11:10 am  

p.s. I haven't watched the buffy set (seen it tho lol) but I would watch it religiously when it was on TV, I watched it all the way til it ended. I was so heart broken ;( I hate shows ending, I did the same with Sex n The City (have that box set)

When you get it, I'm totally visiting for a Buffy marathon.

By Blogger Dee, at 11:13 am  

That is fantastic. We go to AP every sunday morning if you ever want to join us. A 'normal' walk is about 45 mins for us but sometimes we walk/run which is about 36-38 minutes. Last year I did the 'Run to the G' in about 1hr 45 but I wasn't feeling well and that was 10kms but I'm much fitter this year so I think I'll put myself down for the 14kms. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

By Blogger linda, at 12:16 pm  

hey, ive just been reading all your posts for the last week or so. you made it to the 70's woohoo, hopefully i wont be too far behind ya. well done on running 1km and doing 80mins worth of walking/running, bet ya sore now
have a good one
fiona

By Blogger Fiona, at 2:19 pm  

woohooooo a whole km!!! that's kill me for sure....

if you keep that up you'll be running the whole 10 in under 1 hr!!

By Anonymous ali, at 4:10 pm  

Well done on the running achievement - it is such a great feeling to do something you never thought you could. You will be running that lake circuit all the way round in no time.lb

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 7:48 pm  

You will be back and you will kick that lake's blue behind! You rock!

By Blogger Steph, at 6:12 pm  

Maybe try the couch to 5km hun!! I am starting that this week! That's 1 lap of AP down once you complete that program. I am extremely impressed though - my best has been a 60 second burst of jogging so far nothing like 500m or 1km. But I will one day!

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 3:01 pm  

Go Kathryn!!

I so wish I lived closer to you as I'd so love to come and encourage you and run with you.

I'm also doing the Run for the Kids, so I'd love to meet up with you before and after to see how you go.

All I can say is just keep going, it really does get easier!

By Blogger Jaykay, at 9:41 pm  

 

pssst...

I tried on my wish jeans today. I only need lose 15 cms to get them to do up. I am really finding this a much better way to measure belly fat than doing a hip measurement.

This is my plan (I've mentioned this stuff before but need to remind myself):

  1. Get down to 70 kgs
  2. Stop weighing and focus on my measurement
  3. Maintain

How easy does that sound in point form? Ha ha. Maintenance is something I've never had to think about before really. I mean, I've maintained my fat weight easily - I had periods where I stacked on weight but mostly have stayed the same weight most of my life but I think it's easier to maintain your 100+ kg figure. On the plus side, I have so many fitness goals that I want to achieve now for the sake of actually achieving them, not just for the sake of losing weight. Exercise is an essential in my life now as a hobby that I love.

The other thing is that even though I still snack far too much, I find it hard to eat junk food. I left the gym the other day, ravenous, and went to the QV food court. That devil on my shoulder was saying "go ahead, you can have something naughty, you just did a huge workout" but I couldn't do it. I went to Sumos for a salad instead. I'm like Spike after he had the chip implanted in his brain except it's a junk food chip instead of a human blood one.


Ah you bugger! I read about 'Run for the kids' the other and went 14.7km too far - but then I found you could walk/run or jog it - and there is a 3hour time limit - and because I finish the 7.5km in just over and hour, I'm in.

Crap, now I will really have to train!

Those pants will be falling off in no time!

By Blogger Lucinda, at 7:08 pm  

Hey where is my chip? hmmm haven't found it just yet. But I WILL>

You go, you exercise machine.

:) A

PS thanks for the idea with the scales, I am 99% that they are correct. DAMN it all

By Blogger Ang, at 9:29 pm  

I think it's a great idea to remind yourself of your plan. I find that I get flustered if I don't. I am with you on the exercise and the junk food, things have certainly changed for us! :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 9:16 am  

You know I think I'm inlove with you more now that you're quoting Buffy episodes!!

I love the fact that exercise is seen as a hobby now, that's so awesome.

By Blogger Dee, at 10:03 am  

A fellow Buffy fan! Love the Spike reference though I can't imagine you clutching your head and screaming when you crave junk food, hehehe. I love Sumo Salad though, you definitely did the right thing there!

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 10:59 am  

 

Gots It, Needs It

What I've got is a job. For next week anyway. I'm not sure how long the role will last - initially I was told a month then 1-2 weeks. I'm going to have to get my shit together so I can go to the gym after work every night. I also have to pop into the city and look for some work clothes.

What I need is friends. I want to go to the Makeover Expo and none of my friends are girlie enough to want to go. Anyone interested?

I ate too much yesterday, I'm such a pig of fruit... and of turkish bread. Oh well, it could be worse. I always seem to go overboard on market day. It's like I want to taste everything. I did get a big box of fruit for $1 that I made into a yummy fruit compote last night. A while ago, I talked about getting a stab blender for my 30 kilograms lost reward, but I can't really afford it at the moment. So when I was stewing the fruit last night, I thought I might go buy a heap of spices instead. All I had was cinnamon and nutmeg. I really want some ginger and cardomon and cloves. Afterwards, I realised I could have chucked some of my Chai spices in.

I've always loved reading diet magazines especially the success stories. Of all the stories I've read over the years though, the one that made the biggest impact on me though wasn't someone who'd shed a truckload of kilos or had a dramatic loss. It was the story of a woman who'd lost a bit of weight but what got me about this story was that I thought she looked better in her "before" photo. She looked awfully gaunt in the "after" photo. At the time, I checked out her before weight and thought I can do that.

Well yesterday, I had to take Andrew over to our storage space. He wanted to buy my complete Chronicles of Narnia (yeah, the books that I tried to get him to read his entire childhood!). While we were doing that, I grabbed a heap of old magazines to read through and found that story again. It was strange - the woman's weight in her before photos was 91 kg. Of course, her weight distribution is completely different to mine but she still looks too thin in her "after" photo.

Sorry I can't come with you to the make-over expo - looks like it would be really good.
You have done so well - have managed to catch up on some of what has happened since I left - WELL DONE on getting to be a 70's girl !!!!
Also good luck with the job - hope that it is something that is what you want and turns into longer than a week !
Have a great weekend and take care !
Me

By Blogger Me, at 9:39 am  

AWWW i would have loved to come to Melbourne for the expo pity it's so far away ;(.

That's really odd about the weight loss success story, I'd love to see it, what mag was it in? Or is it an old issue...

Anyways how's it feel seeing 7-somethingkg on the scale? Enjoy your weekend!

By Blogger Dee, at 11:23 am  

Expo sounds good, wish I lived nearer too. I would love to see that article too, wow, i've never seen a bad one.
Have a great weekend.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 1:40 pm  

sorry cant come with you either... might help had i been in the same state!!!! lol

it's funny how different people feel about their weight nd how they look... and how others percieve them...

like an at goal person or person close to goal at ww meetings... if you don't know that they're at goal or close to goal... a lot of people talk abou how why are they here etc!!!!

goodluck with the job... you never know they may love you and want you to stay forever!

By Anonymous ali, at 1:41 pm  

Ohhh I would have loved to go to the expo too!
I love reading the success stories...thats what keeps me going!
Good luck with the job!

By Blogger Tina, at 2:52 pm  

I love reading success stories in WL mags too! You know what gets me? People who are my weight now (80kg) and are size 16/18. I think...WTF?!?! I am a 12/14 at the moment. Funny how the weight sits with people. I have one story I need to go back and read over and it is of a girl whose SW was around the same of mine and she made it to goal...love finding them!

Anyway, thanks for visiting my journal! Will keep checking in on you as we are around the same weight at the moment! You can be my motivation :)

By Blogger Angie, at 3:52 pm  

Makeover expo???

Beauty stuff, hair stuff, slimming things, exercise bits....

HEAVEN!

I would LOVE to go to something like this!

*pencils the dates in*

By Blogger Beckie, at 8:13 pm  

Before and After photos can be a telling sign. I think that we can get a little skewed in how we see ourselves. I know I didn't realise I got so big. When I got to 100kg, I kind of still thought that I was like 65kg. Of course deep down I knew I wasn't. Now I have to be careful not to unreasonably think I am still too big after losing. We've got to find that happy medium = balance.

By Blogger Mary, at 9:13 am  

PS. Well done for getting the job!!

By Blogger Mary, at 9:14 am  

Hey girl - I would love to come with you to the Make Me Over Expo - tax right off for me anyway :)
Get in touch!
email: taintz@optusnet.com.au

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 2:57 pm  

 

::6.1.06::

Single Figures

One of the most exciting milestones during my weight loss was getting into double figures - that magic moment when the scales click over from 100 to 99. It's not much of a difference but mentally it means so much.

Well I had my weigh in this morning and I've reached another milestone. Single figures! Not that I've shrunk down to a tiny 9 kgs overnight but I have less than 10 kg to go to get to my goal weight. My weight this morning - 79.8 kgs - woohoo, I'm in the 70s.

I can't believe it. I mean, maybe I'll get to 70 kg and want to rethink my goal but I'll worry about that when I get there. The weird things is that when I started out, I felt like I had so much to lose that I'd never to anyway near my healthy weight range. To be honest, in the beginning if I'd lost 10 kilograms and kept it off, I'd have been happy. As a diabete, I knew that losing 10% of my body weight would make a big difference to my health so that was worth achieving.

Then one day a tiny little spark entered my head - I can do this. I tried to fight it because I'd lost weight so many times in the past and regain it again. This time though, I began to believe it. It's not enough to want something or to think it would be nice. You do have to really, honestly believe that you can do it.

I think my overriding philosophy, the thing that has been different this time, is not even that I can do it but that I can keep doing it. Day in and day out. Even after a binge. Even when I'm sick. Even when it gets really tough.

Last night I didn't want to go to spin class but I got up and did it. I've come so far and, except for illness or injury, I've never missed a gym session when I've made up my mind to go. Now I've got to the point where I don't want to break that record. It works for me.

Now I've just got to keep going and kick the arse of this last 9.8 kilograms.

Well done on getting into the 70's. I remember being there once, *sigh*, and how annoyed I was when the scales ticked over into the 80's. It's such a different feeling when the scales go in the wrong direction but I do hope to be back there soon. Have a great day.

By Blogger linda, at 8:27 am  

Wow!!! That is just so awesome! And being in the 70s for some reason does sound a LOT different.
:) A

By Blogger Ang, at 8:42 am  

That is terrific! Well done on your determination. This will be your year.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 9:02 am  

Very inspiring post - thanks for sharing!

By Blogger Denise, at 9:19 am  

wow - congratulations...that's so exciting! ou've done so well and you're so close.... you're an inspiration ;)

By Blogger Madamx81, at 9:28 am  

That's fantastic!! How exciting! I would have been running around in circles and dancing through the house if I were you - I hope you did!

Thinking you can do something has such a huge affect on the result, but it's not always a feeling one can bring about at will. I don't know what it is exactly, but for me there seem to be windows of opportunity and when they come I need to throw myself through them. Quitting smoking was like that, tried so many times and then one day I just felt like this was it; I stopped and it was easy. I have an inkling that I have one such opportunity now and plan to take a flying leap.

So uplifting to see that it can be done.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 9:39 am  

OMG that's sooo awesome!!! (I had a giggle at shrunk to 9kgs because i thought when I seen the title you're in like a size 8 now ;D)

I can't believe you've got 9.8kgs left to lose Hun, you've come such a long long way and like most everyone that reads I am so very proud of you! A true inspiration.

Love the mantra by the way, its like the whole if you step on the court, track in sports thinking you can't win then you won't.

SO very true!

By Blogger Dee, at 10:03 am  

wow you'e on the home strech now... under 10kgs to lose.... woooohooooooo

you'll be there in no time!!!!

how good do those milestones feel when you reach them.... can't wait to join you in the 70's soon!!!!

ali

By Anonymous ali, at 11:10 am  

Congratulations on reaching this milestone. All downhill from here.

By Blogger michelle, at 11:23 am  

Well done on getting to the 70's! This year will definitely be yours to get to your goal weight.

I'll be checking on you every day!

By Anonymous Stacey, at 12:09 pm  

Congratulations Kathryn!!!

Less than 10kg to lose is sooooo good! You are just on fire! Woohoo :o)

By Blogger lms, at 12:12 pm  

WOOHOO! Thats great! I think what you say is true, lots of times I have heard "if you want something enough you will do anything" nd I am sure this may be true for some, but I think it's possible to want something badly and not actually do anything to get it.
Thanks for being an inspiration!
Jesse

By Blogger missjesse, at 12:52 pm  

hooray! Those numbers are just that, but its amazing how they affect us! Its like we are just that little bit closer to getting there! Well done vxx

By Blogger missy vas, at 1:15 pm  

OMG How exciteing!! I am so thrilled for you!

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 2:28 pm  

That is awesome! Congrats for becoming a 70's girl!!

By Blogger Tina, at 2:32 pm  

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! That is a HUGE milestone and you really have done so well. How does it feel to be in the 70's?? I'll catch up soon :) You have totally inspired me today!!!

By Blogger Beee, at 6:05 pm  

bravo and bravo some more!!!!

"the thing that has been different this time, is not even that I can do it but that I can keep doing it"

this is no small thing you know!!!!

By Blogger Silverella, at 6:25 pm  

Well done, you'll be 70kg before you know it, you're doing such a great job and you are an inspiration to so many of us. Thanks for sharing!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 9:33 pm  

Yay! under 10 to go - you'll be running past me in no time ;)

By Blogger Lucinda, at 10:18 pm  

wooohoo! milestones rule. well bloody done :)

By Anonymous dg, at 1:05 am  

go you...thats fantastic news, i was feeling a lil crappy and its put a huge smile on my face...yayyyyy!!! your gonna get to 70 in no time!

By Blogger laura, at 1:20 am  

You got it so good girl! You've worked it out!! YOU CAN DO IT and yep, even after a binge, even after being sick :-) This is such a brilliant post and well done.

By Blogger Mary, at 6:49 am  

We are around the same weight andd have similar GWs!! I am pretty sure that I will hit the 70s this week too!!

By Blogger Angie, at 3:46 pm  

Congratulations on getting to the 70's girl! All your commitment to your exercise over the last month has paid off. What a great way to start off week 1 of the new year!

By Anonymous Barbara, at 6:35 pm  

Ohhhh, I can feel your excitement!

By Blogger Beckie, at 8:11 pm  

 

::5.1.06::

Stuffed

The interview seemed to go well. She's contacting my referees and calling me back in the morning. I get so paranoid about reference checks. I had an ex-boss once who, I'm pretty sure, bad mouthed me when giving references. I was going to get someone to do a pretend reference check to see but just couldn't - it would have hurt too much to find that out for sure because we'd had such a great working relationship.

I had to sit though a 40 minute induction video. It was so boring. You'd think that if you had to tell a person not to turn up to work stinking of BO, then maybe you shouldn't hire them in the first place. But seriously, they told you that in the video. They also kept showing signs that said "good housekeeping is everyone's job". I want one of those to put in the kitchen for my housemates.

After the interview, I went across the road to my all time favourite Japanese place for lunch (was going to go before the interview but at 1.00 the queue stretched out the door and down the street). I had a plate of miso beef with rice. They have me a mountain of rice so I divided off roughly a cup to eat. Still I feel like I've eaten all the food in the world. I have to eat slower. Normally I have a light lunch - sushi or rice paper rolls or a salad roll - so my belly is hating all the food in it. It's as tight as a drum and I just feel like napping but that's how sumos are made.

I so don't want to go to spin class tonight. I'd much rather nap and my thighs are killing me from my personal training session yesterday. I swear he made me do 500 squats. I never want to do a squat again in my life.

Yesterday I bought a notebook so I could keep training notes. Normally I just do a rough calorie total and try to do over 500 calories worth a day. That's fine for monitoring weight loss but it doesn't tell me if I'm challenging myself with my workouts.

I wrote a list of what I want to do each week in the front. Do you remember that episode of the Brady Bunch where Marsha starts high school and joins every club and goes mad running around to them all? Well that's what I was like. This was my initial list:

  • spin class x 2
  • pump x 2
  • weights x 4
  • run/walk intervals x 4
  • boxing x 1
  • pilates x 1

Then I realised that I can't do it. Not unless I clone myself and have two of me working out. I mean, I could do spin class plus weights on the same days and I could do pump and run/walking on the same days but it's all just too much. I'd have trouble doing it now when I'm not working so imagine fitting that around work and study. I think I need to work out what I really want to do but I want to do everything. When did I become this person?


Well...arent you glad you became this person?
And I do the same you do with your son, with my husband.
excuses...pah!

By Blogger Silverella, at 6:49 pm  

If you get hired by this company, you should copy the video and play it on your t.v. for your roommates...

By Blogger Haloranch, at 2:59 am  

Why don't you work out a fortnightly exercise schedule, so you can get in all the things you want to do without killing yourself? And that way you're not doing the same every week.
I really identified with your 'fodd pusher' post about your son. That's so insightful of you to recognise that.

By Blogger Sue, at 6:42 am  

Good Luck Hun!!!

On the excercise - you have 4 different classes ther why not do one class a day mixed in with the running and (I forgot the other thing LoL) And then on the 5th day do whatever you fee like doing or especially enjoyed again.

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 2:26 pm  

 

Obstacles

I'm beginning to realise that one of my biggest diet problems is my son, Andrew. Not that he is a problem himself. The problem is the way I related to him. I use him to indulge my worst habits, all in the name of being a good mother.

For example, if we went to a coffee shop, things would be like:

Me: Don't those cakes and slices look good?
Andrew: Yeah
Me: Are you going to have one?
Andrew: If you're shouting...
Me: *sigh* I suppose I could get you some lemon slice.
Andrew: Mars bar slice.
Me: I think you'd prefer the lemon slice.
Andrew: No, I want the Mars bar slice. If you want the lemon slice, get it for yourself.
Me:I don't want any slice.

Me: That slice looks like good. I might have to try a little bite.

Andrew: Mum, you've eaten half of it.

It's bad for me. I have to either be willing to admit that I want a treat and work it into my day's food rather than thinking that I'll "just have a bite" or else not have it all. I have to quit thinking that I'm being a nice mother and getting Andrew something nice when really I'm doing it for me.

It's also bad for Andrew. I'm not discouraging him from eating rubbish, instead of being like one of those food pushers that annoy us so much. I'm perpetuating that whole "food is love" myth in his life. I'm teaching him that bad food is fun and healthy food isn't.

When I do these things, I'm not being a good mother, I'm being a bad mother. From now on, when I shout, I'll be shouting bags of plums and nectarines at the market; I'll be encouraging any kind of fresh vegetable I can get him to eat; I'll be sharing recipes for healthier food. In the long run, we'll both be better off for it.

Oh don't we all know about that conversation LOL!! I usually try to encourage Jamie to have something naughty that I feel like just so I can share. If I share I don't feel as guilty about having it. Funny how we manipulate our outlook on things to make us feel better. BTW I like the new look blog. Very stylish! XX

By Blogger Jodie, at 9:20 am  

I think it's great that you are now aware that you are teaching him that food=love. I wish my family would have realized that when I was young. To this day, if something positive happens, the first thing I think of is "Yea! Let's go out to eat!"

By Blogger Paige, at 9:22 am  

i do the same with my boyfriend....i forget about the health benefits for him (he eats way too much chocolate) i guess the beautiful thing about these blogs is not only r we encouraging ourselfs for a better lifestyle we r encouraging others....no we just gotta move it on to the ones we love...by the way thanks for the narnia warning, when i see it hopefully i wont be too dissapointed....ps, maccas is just evil! keep up the good work

By Blogger laura, at 10:02 am  

Don't beat yourself up too much; a lot of women would not have even realized they were doing that and never would have wanted to change it. I tend to use my husband in the same way; I plant the seed of pie or chinese food in his head then act like he forced ME to eat that stuff. It is a sickness, I tell ya!

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 10:07 am  

Yep, I do it too, why is that? It's annoying for us and whoever we're coercing into eating!!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 10:37 am  

slice is good though!!!!

By Anonymous ali, at 1:15 pm  

I know a mum who refuses to sell her kids school's fundraiser choccies. She takes them back, has a go at them, and then offers a donation instead. Quite funny.

By Blogger linda, at 2:19 pm  

do'nt be so hard on yourself, you're doing what so many mothers do and it doesn't make you a bad mother at all. I do the same thing but with my fiance, i'll ring him and say "feel like fish and chips" and he's say, "yeah!!!" and if he'd said no, i would go home and eat healthy. But i ask him knowing that he'll say yes. it's terrible the things we do for love and food ;)

By Blogger Madamx81, at 4:02 pm  

I've always had a food=emotion issue. Its great that you are taking the stand and changing all that now. Well done! It takes a lot to admit to yourself that food doesn't equal happiness. (just don't read my blog coz i just admited to doing the same thing last night) hehe

Instead of buying your son food, you should treat him to movies or a new book that you can share etc.. I reccon that is way more rewarding in the long run then a bag of calories!

By Blogger Beee, at 4:52 pm  

OMG I DO THIS - but in a different way. I don't even trick myself into thinking just a bite.

Me: Mum want a hot donut
Mum: Oh yeah
Me: Great 1 bag of 6 hot donuts please

OR

Me: Mum want a Hot Donut
Mum: Nope
Me: Nah me either yuck, fattening!

ha ha ha so sad!
(BTW donuts come in bags of 6 and up no less in my world)

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 5:35 pm  

 

::4.1.06::

More Stuff

Jeez, I have a lot to say for myself today but forgot to say that the reason I was in Myer was not to buy cheap bras but because I was looking for an outfit for an interview tomorrow. I literally have no summer work clothes because I threw out everything from last year and my last job was pretty casual. Had no luck in the city though - everything was either hideous or too expensive. Oh well, I think I'll be okay because it's not going to be too hot tomorrow.

I'm not sure if this is a formal interview or if it's a sure thing and they just want to meet me in person to make sure I'm not a mutant. It's with a temp agency for a job that starts Monday for a month so I'm hoping it's the latter and I get offered it straight away.

Good luck with the interview and don't stress too much about the clothes. If you're wearing something a little warmer, just know that the interview won't be all day and you can change soon enough :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 8:41 pm  

good luck with the interview! And thanks for the heads up about the sports bra in Myers...hopefully Myers up here has some as well on sale!

By Blogger Tina, at 9:36 pm  

Good luck :o)

By Blogger lms, at 11:18 pm  

I know what you mean about summer work clothes - I realised this morning (while rattling grumpily around the bedroom trying to get dressed) that I only have two summer work skirts that fit! Cash supplies are low after the holidays, so I'll have to get out the sewing machine and start altering a few things.

By Blogger Sue, at 6:39 am  

good luck with the job!

(what's with the crazy weather, it's all cold and grey here)

By Blogger Dee, at 8:46 am  

I hope your interview went well!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 10:38 am  

 

Stuff

Just to answer a few questions - the picture above was from a zine I made full of stories of my internet dating experiences. I guess it's me sending my fragile heart out into the world *sigh*. Narnia was good but not great. I thought the special effects weren't so good - half the time the animals looked like stuffed toys and it was a bit modernised in places. Also they seemed to copy a lot of the look and feel of Lord of the Rings which annoyed me. I guess I'm a harsh critic - the Narnia books were my absolute faves when I was a kid.

Speaking of the movies, I want to rant about a couple of things. Firstly, before the movie they had ads for Narnia happy meals. That is wrong. So wrong. I felt like they were desecrating my childhood. You can have your Lord of the Rings happy meals and your Harry Potter happy meals but not Narnia. Damn Maccas. I hate all this cashing in.

The other thing is people taking kids to the movies. I know it's a movie aimed at kids but seriously why do people take babies? I get so mad when I go to the cinema and someone's baby starts crying halfway through the film. We purposely went to the latest screening so there would be no kids there becaue it bugs me so much. I've been to films with kids running up and down the aisles and the parents doing nothing to stop them. When Andrew was young, I'd have never dreamed of taking him to the movies until he was old enough to sit though a movie without getting bored. They have those mums and bubs sessions at the movies so maybe they should have over 12 yo sessions or something like. I know I'd be more tempted to go.

Okay, enough ranting. Now a woohoo - I've been wanting a good sports bra for ages but have been wary of buying one while I'm not working but walking through Myer today I saw a big sign saying the Berlei Ultrasports Bra was reduced to $29. That was definitely a sign - a sign from the fates or the gods or whatever, I mean... not just a sign on the wall. So I got myself one! The sad news is that I had to go down a cup size. Sob - I'm now a C cup. For years, all I had in my favour were my boobs and my neat ankles.

If you live in Melbourne, go check out the stuff the lovely Jadey has posted on Absolutely Flabulous about the Run for the Kids. Sounds like a lot of fun and the money's going to a good cause. I initially thought about doing the 4.5 km run but the 14.7 km course looks challengingly tempting and you get to run over the Boite bridge.

I'm pretty keen to see Narnia, well I "WAS"!! LOL. I haven't taken my son to the movies (he's 18 months old now) but if I did, I would go to the mums and bubs session, I hate kids at the movies too. Well done on the score with the sports bras. I need new bras too but i'm waiting a little while til I lose some more weight.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 4:57 pm  

Looks like we can meet up after the race then chicka!! I wonder how many other bloggers we can drag into the race!

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 7:27 pm  

The mums and bubs are great so I'm not sure why people dont take advantage of these sessions. I'm off to a morning session with 3yo to see Chicken Little tomorrow so that should be a hoot.
Good luck with your interview tomorrow and sorry to hear about your cup size...

By Blogger linda, at 9:56 pm  

 

Love

Way, way back in my day, lots of insults would get thrown around the school ground - scrag, moll and the one the boys at our school loved to us that we never really understood - ya frigid slut. But definitely, growing up in Australia in the '80s, the worst insult you use was that someone loved themselves - they had tickets on themselves or you'd tell them to go find a ladder so they could get off themselves. Heaven help the girl who had self-esteem, she'd soon be cut down to size.

Nowadays of course, we have people like Oprah and Dr Phil to help us understand that loving yourelf is the greatest love of all. Self-love (of the non-physical kind) is a huge thing. There are racks and racks of books in Borders dedicated to the subject.

But how do you love yourself? I have days when I think I'm the bee's knees - that I pity everyone else for not being me. But I also have days when I am the most wretched creature alive. It really is a lot of work actually liking yourself day in and day out - having belief in yourself, that you are good enough. That you are enough.

And in the end, that's what's most important isn't it? I mean it doesn't really matter what the scales say or what size clothes you wear. You have to like what you see when you look in the mirror.

I think that's a bad thing when you have been brought up to be self-depreciating - to focus on your faults and defects rather than your strengths.

I'd be interested to know what works for people. What do you do to make you feel good about yourself?

you know....

i always used to think i'd love myself when i got to goal... but i got there and then nothing had changed i was still the same person with the same problems....

i agree we should love ourselves for what we are not what we want to be... i mean how can we expect others to love us if we don't love ourselves

By Anonymous ali, at 11:26 am  

Hmmhmm good point, i'm not really sure i'm there yet. I like myself a lot better than I used to. I think we all have issues whether they're up front ones or those dastardly deep down ones, that stop us from really truly loving ourselves.
My little boy helps though, I know that he absolutely loves me unconditionally and that makes me feel much better about myself!
Have a great 'thought-provoking' day! LOL
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 11:35 am  

I have those exact same days, the ones where I can strut and feel confident and look people in the eye when we cross paths and I can feel like I'm so horrible yuck that I can't let human eyes see me.

I have ups and downs and like you've mentioned it's not specific to overweight people. Everyone has it.

I don't do anything in particular, sometimes I can feel so sexy in makeup and an outfit and the next time like nothing is going right and all I see is bumps.

That being said tho, I can wake up and feel absolutely beautiful. Just.The.Way. I am.

I'm not talking about weight wise (because I know I need to be at least for health reasons, smaller and healthier), but there is just a calm in me knowing that I am enough, that I don't need to validate why I exist or who I am, I just am.

Lucky those days are coming more and more with building confidence. The luckiest people in the world? Yea, they're the ones that can see the perfection in their flawless and the beauty of existing.

By Blogger Dee, at 12:00 pm  

I love this post. Love it.

In my humble opinion, I believe this is the absolute ticket to weight loss success.

(stuggling with it myself)

Thanks for posting, I'm off to link to you...

By Blogger Beckie, at 1:50 pm  

SO, so true...i dont even think i come close to likeing myself...but it is more than the weight loss we will achieve this year, it will be the acceptance of ourself, the confidence that comes with it (or at least this is my hope) I love the drawing u did...very cute...of and how was narnia, i'm dying to see it (read all the books when i was little

By Blogger laura, at 2:41 pm  

It's unfortunate that what i see in the mirror and on the scales determines how i rate my entire life and myself. I actually love everything abuot my life except my problem with my weight and it somehow effects everything around me. Ultimately i wouldn't want to be anyone else in the world but me...just a skinny version of me ;) I suppose i do love myself a little - only just a litte.

By Blogger Madamx81, at 3:49 pm  

Good question. I find the whole self love thing a little difficult sometimes. But most of the time I have a lot of respect for myself because I can only work with what I got. But in saying that, I am also my own worst critic. If I am tired (like now) I can get a little depressed and irrational about EVERYTHING. I like to think I have a balance though especially now that I've done a lot of soul searching over the past year.

By Blogger Mary, at 8:36 pm  

Whoops, you asked what do you do? Umm...take time out and say NO to people. Take a day off and only do things for myself, nice things. I find that helps me.

By Blogger Mary, at 8:37 pm  

Excellent topic Kathryn. And Beckie is right. This is the only ticket to MAINTAINING a succesful weight loss.

Well, I did (and still do) therapy to take the courage and first expressed the anger, then admitted the self punishment through food, finally all the hatred and disgust about me and my body, and then, slowly I begun to see me, like me, and finally love me.

Im not totally there yet.

But I have found that getting physical with myself really does the trick.

Long baths, manicures, new shirt, touching my body with love when I put moisturising lotion, all of them and more that actually is nothing but taking care of myself the way I take care of someone I love. These are my tools, along with grocery shopping for organic food, or walking for exercise, cooking for me, etc.

right...huge comment...bye ;)

By Blogger Silverella, at 9:50 pm  

For me it is about forgiving the man who could of been a father to me, but instead chose to ignore and dislike me. As a child i know i interpreted his dislike of me, as me being unworthy of any love. I thought i was so ugly, so awful that it was my fault. That was the way i kept my love for him despite his having no love for me. i cried tears of rejection for a long time but that gave me no peace. Later i cried tears for him, his lonely life, devoid of love in his heart, and i felt so sad for someone who without love had nothing. Despite his money troubles, and his drinking and whatever else, i could of been the little girl that lit up his life and made it all worthwhile and bearable. After i cried a lot of tears for the sadness of his pain and his life, i no longer felt i needed to pretend i was so terrible just to keep loving him despite the rejection. i guess you could say, for me it was about forgiveness. It was also about letting out some anger about the situation, by using the kick bag, poetry etc. Plus the letter writing technique where you tell them the things you wish you could have, but do not send the letter. i had to realize i could never have his love, but i could keep loving him and love myself by realizing the extent of his problems. Then in my mind i send teh little child that i still am inside my own heart, the biggest hugs and love, and tell her she is beautiful and brave, and she was here to learn to love herself without the need for approval from another. I see her spirit shine with the struggle and then i let the tears of release out, and those tears make me feel beautiful in my heart. And each time i get to the core repressed anger and release some, i find that i start to attract people who treat me with a bit more respect. Man, its an ongoing healing to believe we deserve love. But at least people nowadays, have access to lots of healing meditaions, and self help books and processes. i plan to implement a few of Tony Robbins techniques this year, to furthur the self belief empowerment. I am glad you bring up these issues, as i think this could be a great year for delving a bit deeper for all of us.

By Anonymous Barbara, at 11:04 pm  

bloody cracker of a post!

self-acceptance is a daily struggle, but one i win most days now. i think i take the Argy-esque route to self love. like a l'oreal commerical, really.

By Anonymous dietgirl, at 2:28 am  

Like you said, there are days I think I'm wonderful and I really like the person I am. I'm usually very nice to everyone but, it's hard work being nice all the time. Very rarely I get mean spirited about someone, and then I'm shocked at how much pleasure I get from slagging them!! Yikes. Obviously I'm not as nice as I think.

Here's something to send to your friends:

It's hard to find a friend who's..
96% Funky
98% Loving
99% Talented
and
100% Sweet
so......
don't lose me, okay.

By Blogger Haloranch, at 7:50 am  

 

::3.1.06::

Today

I've been reading everyone's new year's resolutions. Man, I think we should name 2006 - The Year of the Runner. Seems everyone has some kind of running plan in their resolutions. By the end of the year there'll be no more weight loss blogs cos we'll all be at goal and we'll have running blogs instead. Yah! Go us!

It would be totally cool to put together some kind of challenge and see how far we run in total this year.

I track my eating using the Diet Club site (it's actually called Calorie King now) and they way they do it is you put in your eating calories and your exercise calories then get a net calorie total (food less exercise) - normally I don't look at my net calories because otherwise I'm tempted to exercise like a fiend then eat like a fiend - I aim for a total of 1500 food calories and 500 exercise calories - but yesterday I wanted to keep things low because I'd eaten so much the day before and my net calories for the day were less than zero. Not a good thing to do everyday but handy for damage control.

I'm so tired this morning - I could hear a weird noise last night like some kind of feral animal had gotten under the house and was gnawing on something. It was freaky and I had to leave the light on in case it gnawed through my floorboards and came for me. You know that having the light repels all manner of beasts.

I'm going to see Chronicles of Narnia with Andrew tonight and was thinking of making popcorn at home to take with me. The only problem is that he doesn't know I have his popcorn maker and if I turn up with it, he'll want the popcorn maker back.

Since I moved into this house, I've been too scared to even open the oven door figuring it will be a grossly disgusting mess. I've avoided cooking anything that required using an oven (I have a little toaster oven but it is too small for most ovenware). So yesterday I was in the kitchen and talking to one of my housemates about the state of the stove. I decided to brave a look inside the oven, preparing for a scene of horror. Instead, the oven is immaculate - cleaner than the oven in any other house I've ever moved into. I don't think it's even been used. Woohoo! I can make Phil's scrummy meatloaf recipe now. And some low fat muffins and other oven requiring things.

Oh but there is one teeny problem. The oven is the same as the one in my old house and I had a simple yet effective way of lighting it - I'd bribe Andrew to do it for me. Confession time - I am really scared of lighting gas - the stove is bad enough without trying to light an oven. I wonder how much I'll have to bribe Andrew now.

oh shite! don't blame you for being scared of the oven. i had one of those when i lived in canberra and always got my sis to do it. hehe.

year of the runner indeed. it is kinda weird to think if we all do what we say we're gonna do, we'll be well and truly skinny by this time next year. WHAT THEN? will we all break up? will maintenance blogs be the new fat blogs? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

By Anonymous dg, at 10:00 am  

i am also a gas oven phobe. something to do with the flames dancing about at the back of the oven. good luck with your 2006 goals. :)

By Blogger linda, at 10:39 am  

Tell him you made the popcorn in the microwave and make lighting the oven like a big girl a goal for this year ;op

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 11:14 am  

DAMN I'm glad I don't have to light the oven - gawd (like you) I have a hard enough time lighting the stove - it doesn't help the first time I did it I was spraying (duh right) sprayoil in the pan and like a burst of flames shot across the air LOL. Nothing was burn tho THANK GOD.

Year of the Runner - nice. And I love how you said we won't have any weight loss blogs by this year - how true is that!

By Blogger Dee, at 12:08 pm  

You need a really really long lighter, like those BBQ ones, that makes it not quite so scarey, but i'm the same as you, I hate lighting gas ovens. At least you know you're not alone!!
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 12:39 pm  

i love purple and blue too!!!!

hahahaha the gas oven, never had one... thankfully and hopefully never will.... can you throw in a flame and run!!!!! lol

running... i'm going to start running too...

love the idea of some soot of challend... will have to try brainstorm and think up one!

By Anonymous ali, at 1:11 pm  

Hrm - I hate lighting Gas ovens too - doesn't it have a knob on it that gives the spark??

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 2:50 pm  

Love the new look!

Good luck with the oven. I have to try Philippa's meatloaf. I love meatloaf :o) Hope it turns out yummy!

By Blogger lms, at 5:09 pm  

Great colours, I really like your new template :)
Happy new year! good luck with all your goals :)

By Blogger Karen, at 5:11 pm  

oooooooo I was petrified with such an oven when I was living in brussels. I had no experience with gas, greece had no gas stoves at the moment. What really solved my problem was these very tall matches they use to built a fire in fireplaces.

I like the new look. The drawing in particular!

By Blogger Silverella, at 5:49 pm  

I love the new look of your site!!! Its so fresh :)

I think you'll LOVE Narnia! I saw it a few weeks ago and I want to see it again :)

In your last comment on my blog you asked where in Aus I will be going. I'd really love to meet up. I will be in Sydney from the 2nd Feb till the 8th and then in Melb from the 9th till the 11th and then I leave Sydney again on the 18th. Short but sweet. I can't wait to meet my new nephew!!!

By Blogger Beee, at 6:03 pm  

Good luck with the oven...I don't like gas ovens! I've been hearing some great reviews about Narnia....gonna go see it with the kids soon. Have a great week!

By Blogger Tina, at 7:52 pm  

Those health muffins and other recipes will have you lighting the oven in no time. If there is no spark button that lights it automatically then: Tie your hair back as a precaution if you want to be ultra careful, take out a tray if it gives you extra room, have one of those long taper candle lighters, or better a red torch (they cost about $15 or something but mine has lasted for about 10 years). Many years ago i used a scrounched up firm, approx 8 inch piece of paper that burns slowly.

By Anonymous Barbara, at 8:30 pm  

Why is it that all ovens are disgusting? I reckon there're bad gremlins that go around and spray dirty grease in ovens at night!

By Blogger Sue, at 7:11 am  

Oooh, I am scared as hell of gas ovens too! I can handle stovetops but not the big mothers. We have to make sure we have a gas top and electric oven when house hunting! Narnia is beautiful...

By Blogger Mary, at 8:25 pm  

 

Changes

I was bored tonight and ended up playing with my template. I can't resist the girlie girlness and blue and purple is my favourite colour combination. It's so calm and nice. The picture above is one I scanned from a drawing I did for a project a couple of years ago.

Ooh, I like it!

By Blogger YP, at 5:13 am  

Pretty! I looove blue and purples together and the picture fits in well with it all.

Is there a story behind it? (heh sorry being nosey)

By Blogger Dee, at 7:19 am  

I love the new look :).

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 8:07 am  

How far away does Andrew live? lol

By Blogger Ang, at 9:15 am  

LOVING the new look - the new colors, the new picture, the lot!!!

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 2:49 pm  

Love the new blog and the pic! Would you believe that I was playing with one of my own drawings too!! Great touch babe and I agree, those colours are great :-)

By Blogger Mary, at 8:20 pm  

 

::2.1.06::

Shocks and Rewards

On the 9th November 1999, I went to my second and last Weight Watchers meeting. I forgot to that card thingo that they write your weight on, so they wrote it on the back of my week 2 book. When I was hunting through my drawers the other day, I found it. I'd lost 2.7 kgs that week and was down to 123.4 kg. That meant that I had been over 126 kgs when I joined. OMG. And you know, I don't even think that was my heaviest weight. I just avoided scales for a long time. It really was a shock finding that.

And, while I'm talking about finding things, I rediscovered the name of a photography place I wanted to go to a while back. I really like the idea of those glamour photos where you get all the styling and gussying up before you have your picture taken but, let's face it, a lot of them make you look like a hooker. A year ago I was at an expo and got a flyer for Alise Black Photography. The photos they had on display were fantastic and the whole idea sounded fun. I even when so far as to make an appointment but my life was in turmoil so I postponed it then lost the details. Now I've found them again and I figure it will be a fantastic reward for getting to goal. You have three separate shoots with different looks and I'd love one to be like a 1920s style photo.

The other reward I want is this dress. I figure that will be my reward for being able to fit into and look good in that dress.

So far the year is off to a bad start - after drinking too much NYE, I didn't get up until after 1 yesterday and didn't have any food in the house. I didn't have the strength to go to the supermarket for many hours and when I did, I just kept eating. I think my downfall was buying a 6 pack of bread rolls. I ate 4 of the buggers before I got strong and chucked them in the freezer. Oh well, it's back to the gym today. I checked my maintenance calories yesterday, cos I thought they were around 2,200 but no. More like 1800. I have to remember that.

Seeing a weight that is foreign to you as a weight you were, must be a really strange experience. Thankfully it is trumped by the feeling of having come so far and knowing that you will NEVER be going back.

Oooooh, I lurve the dress! It also looks like a shape that will be flattering to different body types. Is it one they have all the time or are you going to take a punt on an at goal size and have it altered?

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 10:24 am  

Nice dress, and the photographer looks great too. It must have been a real eye opener finding that booklet with your weight on it. You've come so far since then. Well done. Don't worry about the bread rolls i'm sure you'll walk them off today.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 10:46 am  

just think how far you've come since 1999....
how amazing is that...
i love how our minds work... constant denial.... i was never that fat!!!
it's amazing just how easy it is to believe yourself if you say it enough....

wow what a year you've had... and you muddleded your way through it...

and here i am whinging about my problems.... you must think i'm crazy or something...

how nice is that dress!!! it'll look great on you too!

as for the laptop that you want... harvey normans got a good one for $999 at the moment and you get a $200 cashback with it.... which makes it $799.... and what better you can get it for 24 months interest free... making it $33 a week and it's yours

By Anonymous ali, at 11:25 am  

Well done on your achievements so far. That is a really beautiful dress!

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 12:07 pm  

wow the dress is hawt, I so know what you mean about the glamour shoots and how they make you look but the one you put up is beautiful I love the art shots.

You've come such a long way Hun with your weight, you should be incredible proud of how much you've achieved, last year, the year before the and the one starting before you will only add to it.

By Blogger Dee, at 2:51 pm  

woohoo!!!! how amazing do you feel knowing you have lost all that weight (you are a true inspiration) I feel so proud...you deserve to spoil yourself, go get the dress and those pics and flaunt the new fantastic you!

By Blogger laura, at 3:17 pm  

we did have similar years huh - Huggles to all that is in the past may it stay in the past!!!

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 3:33 pm  

I got really very lucky this morning. I got on the scales and it said 54 kilos. Then I got on again and it said "error". As if I did not know...lol
And the third time it said nothing. Yep, batteries died before they reveiled the holiday gain expansion. The shops are closed today (always are on Jan 2 for inventory, so I will get it tomorrow afternoon and will weigh in on Wednesday...hehe

The dress is a killer!

And I had no idea you have lost sooooooo much weight, I thought your starting weight was 110!!!!

More of a star than I thought!!!

By Blogger Silverella, at 7:15 pm  

OMG I so love that dress, I want one too, but I have also drank too much, actually whilst writing this i am guzzling my fourth glass of wine this hour..I am still breaking in the new year ;)

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 7:50 pm  

wow - you certainly have come a looong way since 1999!!! happy new year!!

By Blogger Kt, at 8:35 pm  

that dress is gorgeous! and wow! you have come a long way...way to go!
Have a great week!

By Blogger Tina, at 9:17 pm  

 

::1.1.06::

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone enjoyed their celebrations last night. It's great to see so many people back blogging - I missed you guys over the holidays. We went to the Tote to see some bands last night. It was stinking hot so ended up sitting in the beer garden most of the night, which was fun - lots of friendly folk to chat too. The freaky thing was that one of my son's friends was there - way to make me feel old. We went into the sauna-like heat of inside to watch The Spazzys who were great, then back outside for a while then to a bar near home for a final drink. I drank too much but too too much - and did drink lots of water so am not too badly hungover today.

I thought I'd do a recap of 2005, like so many others.

Last year didn't start off well for me. I do temp work and had some problems with my agency at the end of 2004 and then the lack of work over Christmas made things worse. So I started the year with no money and lots of debts. I'd had to go on the dole just before Christmas and that only covered my rent with nothing over!

Mid-January, I got some work but it was the most awful job. I rang my agency several times to see if they could get me something else and was basically told to quit whinging - I'd worked with the same agency for nearly 2 years and never complained about an assignment and had every client love me before that so I figured I had a right to complain. Basically I'd go into work every day and they'd give me nothing to do - if I asked for work, they'd give me some little task then ignore me. I was going insane and trying to find things to do - offering to help the staff etc. Then one day, this horrid woman I worked with (ie not my boss) abused me for being lazy and not wanting to work. I was upset and walked out, intending to go back and have it out when I got back but then just kept walking. I got a call from my agency on the way home and they wouldn't even listen to my side of things.

Meanwhile I'd gotten behind on my rent, having decided things like bills and food were more important - it's so hard when you have to decide between having electricity or a roof over your head but I figured I'd be working soon and could catch up. Stupidly, I didn't ring my real estate agent and tell them that. At the time, I kept thinking I'd be working again soon. Then I got a summons to go to court over the back rent. I rang the agents and told them I wanted to get everything fixed up. They told me to get to court early on the day and they'd figure out a payment plan but we had to do it at the court so it could be all legal-like to protect both parties. So I left it at that.

I'd gotten some work though another agency by the time the court date came and had to chuck a sickie to go to the court appearance cos no way was I going to ask for time off to go to court. I also had an interview for a long term IT role that morning. I got to the court, thinking it would be a 10 minute thing. The guy from the real estate agent told me that they'd decided not to let me made a payment arrangement because they wanted me OUT. I was shell shocked. Not only had they lied to me, but I'd not even tried ringing anyone like the Tenant's Union because I hadn't realised I'd actually need to go into the court.

We got into the court and the judge was a total bitch. I know a bit about the law - I studied law subject in uni - but she spoke in incomprehendible legal talk and made me feel like an idiot, a law-breaking idiot. She wanted documents that I didn't have and showed absolutely no sympathy. I still feel so angry that I was lied to by my agency and that she treated me like that.

I got out of the court and was a mess. Then I got home and my temp agency called and said that the people I worked for didnt' want me back. I lost it completely and couldn't stop crying. I had no idea what to do.

The next few days, I was in a daze. I had so much to do but had no idea where to even start. I had to get all my stuff moved and find somewhere for me to live and for Andrew to live and no money and no job.

Friends offered to let me stay with them and my sister said she'd loan me any money I needed so I organised to put all my stuff in storage. At least I had a plan of action. There is one thing that really hurts me from that time - a friend was going overseas for a month and she asked someone she hardly knew to housesit for her knowing my situation. I know that she had no obligation to help but it would have meant so much and I know I would have offered my home to her if the situation was reversed.

The one thing that changed in my life during this time was the way I dealt with my problems. Every tiny little upset in my life had me reaching for the chocolate or the pizza, but instead I started exercising and eating right instead. If I was upset, I'd go for a walk. I started losing weight because my mum and sister were going to Weight Watchers and I wanted to prove I could lose more weight then them on my own. And it was like something clicked within me.

Andrew and I moved in with my friends. It was so wonderful of them to let us because they were in the midst of packing up their house to move overseas so the last thing they needed were house guests. Disaster happened again in the process of moving - my car broke down. It got all dodgy and would start sometimes and not others. Just want you need when you are househunting.

Househunting was hard. I had to decide if I wanted to move with Andrew or find separate places. I had been told I'd go on a Bad Tenants register so thought I had no chance of being able to rent a place through a real estate agent. Andrew had started uni and had been travelling for over an hour each way to get there and back so I wanted to find him somewhere close to uni. I figured the best thing to do was find us both share places to live but that involved a lot of running around. It's hard enough to find a place for one person, let alone two. I got some more temp work which was great financially but made house hunting even harder. I really didn't to stay with my friends any longer than necessary either.

Then things started going right - I got the long term IT job I'd had the interview for and it was really good money. We went and looked at a couple of places for Andrew - I had a bad feeling about the first couple then we went to a nice place (well he went in, I figure you don't want your mother going in looking with you). He came out of the nice house and said he liked it and had told them he'd call them back. But he'd missed out on a couple of places with his dilly-dallying so I went back in with him and asked if we paid the bond money on the spot, could he have the room? So we got that sorted.

The next day I looked at a few places. One was a dodgy set up - you rented the room directly through the owners with no bond, no lease. The house was nice but I was worried about how secure it was. They rang me back that afternoon and said I could have the room. It was $110 a week including bills (I think the owners don't want anyone to know they are renting out rooms cos they are ripping off Centrelink and/or the Tax department so want no record of anyone living here) I had many reservations but I was desperate and it was cheap so I said I'd take it. At least with no bond, it would minimise the money I had to borrow from my sister. And no lease meant I could look for something better. I'm still living there by the way and not had any issues with security although I did go buy the biggest-arsed padlock for my room the day I moved in!

I moved in and started work. I had nothing - no tv and no computer. The house had no phone lines so even if I had a computer, I couldn't get internet. I had basically nothing. First up, I didn't even have a cord for my stereo - Andrew had packed it and forgot the cord. When we moved we'd packed what we needed and left the rest. I figured I wasn't getting my bond back and was so mad at the agents and the owners of my old house that they could deal with the mess. Of course, half the stuff I left behind, I regret now but what can you do?

At work, I discovered we were paid monthly - arrggh! So when I started, I worked for 2 weeks and got paid for that then worked for another 4 weeks before I was paid again. That was pretty brutal. I'd not been worrying about my weight while I was in transit. There is only so much you can do living with other people. But after I moved, my car when completely insane with not starting so I walked everywhere. I found a gym nearby that had a $4 casual rate and started going there. I'd walk down to the internet cafe so I had some online access.

Gradually, I started getting my life back together - I got my car fixed, I bought a cheap secondhand computer from a shop nearby (and had a few trips carrying the bugger back and forth, it's a heavy machine!). I bought a tv and a dvd player but over the months without it, I got out of the habit of watching tv. I still rarely watch it and mostly use it for watching dvds. I found out about iBurst internet - a wireless service that you don't need a phone line for - and got that set up. I love the internet. Having the internet back, was one of the happiest events in my year. I actually began having money to spend on non-essentials like clothes.

After that, most of the year was spent going to work, going to the gym and bumming around. I began pushing myself harder with exercise - walking the 5.5 km home from work and signing up for fun runs and doing spin classes. I began going to the market every week with Andrew to get all my vegies and meat. I got to know lots of lovely people in the online bloggers community too. I had a few setbacks like the worst case of flu I've ever had in my life and straining my lower back but nothing has stopped me.

And that was basically that until November when my contract ended. Since then I've been taking it easy. I'll have to go back to work soon but have been spending time writing. It's so nice to not have the responsiblities that weighed me down at the beginning of the year - having to make crippling rent payments for a start, and knowing that Andrew is growing into a responsible young man who can care for himself, even if the state of his bedroom leaves me in despair. I think our relationship has grown stronger since he moved out. It's weird - I always believed that he should clean up after himself and contribute to the work around the house but now I go visit him and want to clean his room. I stopped doing that when he was about 8 years old.

Yesterday I caught myself thinking that if I'd worked harder in 2005, I could be at my goal now but I shooed that thought out of my head. There is always more we could do but sometimes you have to accept that you have done enough and leave it at that. I lost 30 kgs, got my blood sugar and cholestrol levels from dangerously high to within the normal range, surpassed what I ever thought I could do physically and survived what I really hope is going to be the toughest shit life can throw at me. I've discovered I have friends who are there for me in the bad times - Tim, Simon, David - who have been the best support ever, my sister who I've bitched about since ... well since the day she was born really but who went out of her way to help.

Enough of the mush. I'm going into 2006 invincible and know we'll all be whipping butt this year.

doesn't sound like u had the best 05, i think i'd procalim it the worst year of my life, but your story is just amazing, how u didn't let it get u down...u just seemed to kick arse, so another year, lets make it better than the last...u know u can and so do i...keep the fight going, theres so many ppl fighting along side u

By Blogger laura, at 10:49 pm  

well.... goddamn! what a year. it sounds even more impressive written in one big post like that. your persistance and determination is so bloody brilliant. well done tiger, is all i can say :)

By Blogger Shauna, at 5:03 am  

some company's take on extra staff, then realize they maybe have lost a contract or someone has changed their mind about leaving, so instead of just asking the new person to find some other work they stuff people around, maybe to avoid paying the agency the fee for hiring them, maybe to avoid giving notice to the new person, maybe just to not mention to someone higher up that they stuffed up hiring an extra person that they miscalculated needing, maybe becos they bring the new person in for a couple of weeks to intimidate the rest of the staff against asking for the correct pay or conditions, by letting the hire of a new person show how easy they could be replaced. Some company's play games with people's lives just to save a buck. It usually backfires on those company's and they go downhill. Sometimes the other staff in those company's feel if they do not get rid of the new person, it will be them that is out of a job and made obsolete. thus the company plays a game of putting a gladiator in the ring and effectively saying someone's job is going to be gone and the new person gets attacked and set up until they leave. Talk about underhand tactics just so the company can avoid paying an agency fee or to avoid giving notice etc, just cos they stuffed up. What is really despicable was that you were a single parent, who has few resources to help you survive being pushed out, and left with no reference from that job.And no chance to get unemployment benefits to tide you over when you were set up like that. They effectively made you and your son homeless. Just when he and you had sacrificied and struggled to give him a chance to study to get to uni. Their acts towards a vulnerable mother and son, are absolutely despicable.

However you and your son survived that tough time, and you managed to keep the food on the table and electricity on for your son, and even when homeless you and he found a way to get back on your feet again. You are a legend. And you got a better job, have picked up your health, and recouped some nice possessions, and things are going really well for you. You should be really proud of the way you have turned adversity around and so maybe 2005 was your hardest but in some ways your greatest year, cos you showed the type of strength very few people could even imagine. Hope your 2006 is excellent.

By Anonymous Barbara, at 10:07 pm  

 

2006 Life Makeover

Resolutions are so sanctimonious and dull - they are the things you should be doing and that's never fun. So for 2006, I'm having a life makeover instead. Definitely more fun. And these are the things I'm going to do:

Health and Body:

The word for 2006 is tone. Weight-wise, I want to lose 11.4 kilograms to get to my goal weight of 70 kgs but the largest task ahead is to firm up all the jiggly bits.

I really want to get to my goal weight before the end of March - that's when my friend is getting married and my other friends will be home from the UK.

I want to be able to run 5 km by the end of the year and continue pushing myself at the gym. I'd like to have the stamina to do a RPM hi performance (1.5 hour) class. Once I start working again and probably studying as well, I want to find ways to ensure that I still get in my gym time.

I want to get off my diabetes medication and control it by lifestyle only. I also must have all the diabetes checks - I'm a real slacker about these. Must go to the eye doctor and the podiatrist and try to get an appointment with a dietian as well.

Healthwise, I'd also like to be weller in 2006. In 2005, I had all manner of little worries - colds and flus galore, not to mention back problems. You would think getting healthier would have stopped this but it seems to have made it worse. I think one of the problems has been not cooling down properly at the gym. Also, I used to leave the gym all hot and sweaty and then shower at home. I've been thinking this isn't the best, especially in winter. I'm going to make sure I've cooled down completely before leaving from now on. Lucky I have my new gym with nice showers :)

Get a massage once a month. Sometimes I go to the massage school in the city and get a massage for $30. The place is fantastic and the students all do a fantastic job. Every time I leave, I think why don't I do this more often? So this year I will.

Appearance and Self Image:

I want to work on being more confident on the inside and less slovenly on the outside.

One of my big issues is my teeth. I hate my teeth and am very self conscious about them. In 2006 I will go to the dentist and get them fixed. I want to check out getting private health insurance to make this more affordable.

Work/Career:

For me, work is a two pronged thingie. On one side is the stuff I do to make money - usually IT or admin work and on the other is my writing. In 2006, I want to find a good way to balance these two things. Ideally, I'd like to find a part time job that gets me enough money to live on but leaves time for other things.

I want to finish the final draft of my novel and get it sent out to publishers by mid year.

I want to get at least 6 short stories written and published.

I want to get into my course (which, for those who asked, is the Diploma of Professional Writing and Editing) and get higher distinctions in the subjects I do.

I'd also like to write and publish some freelance articles. I'm a bit less sure about this one because if it comes to time, the novel is top priority and short stories second. This is definitely last.

Finances:

I want to stay out of debt this year and save money.

I want to buy a laptop. I want to spend some money getting my car in tip top condition.

I'd also like to travel a bit this year.


Living Environment:

This is a hard one - I'm not 100% happy with the place I'm living mostly with my housemates but I'm dead lazy about moving and there are definite advantages to living here - it's cheap as chips and I have a huge room. I think I'll take this one as it comes - see how things go here but save some money once I start working so if I want to move, I can.

In the meantime, I want to work on making my living space nicer. I might start by declaring war on the ants.

Friends/Social Life:

This is a doozy. I've not been happy with my social life at the moment and there are things I want to do -

meditation classes - I started doing this last year but I didn't like the spiritual context of the classes. I've since found one that is more to my liking and want to start in the new year.

life drawing classes

volunteer at the dog's shelter

But underlying all this, I want to change the way I relate people. I can be incredibly insular but it's no point going out, doing things and huddling by myself when I do them. I want to work on being more open towards people. I think a lot of the problem is that I changed schools a lot as a kid and got so that I'd sit by myself, reading a book, pretending that I didn't care if I had friends or not. But I have to get over that.

I am rarely "myself" around new people but I should be - sure not everyone will like me but too bad. It's a hard one.

I also want to go back to counselling this year. I had to quit last year when I stopped work but the other day I remembered a place my doctor told me about ages ago. They have a sliding scale of fees which makes it a much more affordable option.

Relationships:

I've realised lately that I have a lot of ambiguity towards the idea of a relationship. On the one hand, I like the idea but on the other I have this fear that if I have a man in my life, I won't have enough time for me. I have a lot of things in my life that require much me time - writing and the gym - and I don't want to sacrifice these things.

I guess the fear is that if I start a relationship, it will consume me and everything else will be abandoned.

So that's it. That's how I want my life to go in 2006.

Happy 2006 everyone.

Happy New Year! Good luck with your "Life Makeover". Hope 2006 is a really great year for you.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 2:42 pm  

I love reading people's resolutions, and yours were no exception. I sincerely hope you manage to balance working/writing as it appears as though that is the major element connected to your happiness.

Which massage place do you go to? I used to go to Australian College of Hair Design and Beauty and get something else done as well - love the floating feeling afterwards.

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 2:42 pm  

Wow, that's a lot of stuff, but if anyone can do it you can! Hope you're having a great day, it's 43 degrees here! Yikes.
Bri

By Blogger Briony, at 6:17 pm  

Happy New Year Kathryn....it is a good feeling to work out where you want to go and what you want to achieve. Congrats on the weight and measurement results....a great achievement. Take care.

By Blogger LeisaB NewMe, at 6:41 pm  

You know what? I really like you.

I like the way you think. I like the way you express yourself so eloquently.

Your resolutions are great, healthy and slightly match alot of my own.

Perhaps thats why I like ya so much .

By Blogger Beckie, at 9:24 pm  

Life Makeover...brilliant!!!
have a very happy,helathy and prosperous New Year Kathryn!Thank you sooooo much for being you and sharing yourself with us all!

By Blogger Silverella, at 9:38 pm  

 

stats:

current weight:
76.6 kg

start weight:
110.1 kg

total loss:
33.5 kg

goal weight:
70 kgs

 

measurements:

boobs: 100 cm

waist: 81 cm

hips: 109 cm

thighs: 50 cm

 

Weekly Goal Lifestyle Changing Challenge-A-Rama

Week 1 - Drink more water

Week 2 - Cut out sugary treats

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