iDiet

[a weight loss story]

*kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au*

::30.11.06::

When A Stranger Calls

Someone rang me at 2.00 am last night. When I answered the phone, they hung up so I assume it was a wrong number. Lucky for them, their number didn't come up on my phone or they'd be getting a return call tonight! It really scares me getting calls in the middle of the night because it's never going to be good.

***

Because we actually had some cash today, we went for a slap up lunch at our fave cafe. Then we went for a swim. Who'd have thought Mum was right? You do get cramps if you don't wait long enough after eating! I always thought it was one of those things mums say to stop you having fun.

Oh and I did 400 metres of the pool today. I only managed 300 metres last week. Okay so I'm the most rubbish swimmer ever but at least I keep going... unlike Ian Thorpe :)

(I can't believe I made a sport's joke although I did have to think about it, I was going to say Keiren Perkins... oops)

My eating has been much improved lately even with the slap up lunch. I've been making myself stick to designated meal and snack times rather than just eating willy-nilly. I still have many issues about eating when I'm bored or need a distraction and since I've been spending most of my days writing at the moment, I need distracting a lot. I reckon writing is the most calorific way to spend your time ever because you need to get up and wander heaps.

***

Mostly I don't watch tv and I'm not just saying that. About half way through the year my sister and my son wanted to watch two games of football at the same time - one on regular tv and one on cable - so they borrowed my tv for the regular game. I've never tuned it bac in since. I use it to watch dvds, that's about it. Sometimes I watch cable in my sister's room and sometimes I watch shows that she or Andrew download from the internets.

About a week ago, my sister download Supernatural. We started watching it and agreed it was total rubbish but kept watching it and got hooked. The thing is you don't watch it despite it being crap, you watch it because it's crap.

Okay, maybe a little bit for the eye candy. And it's educational too - I know so much more about fighting off malevolent demons now (rock salt). So we watched all of season one and then watched season two up to the current episode.

So, you say, what the hell does that have to do with dieting and weight loss and all that other stuff your blog's about? Well it got to the stage where I had to have a snackfood after every episode and, with 24 episodes a season, that's a lot of snackfoods in total.

But now I'm fighting that malevolent snackfood demon - not with rock salt but with distractions. Rather than grab another paddle pop, I've been grabbing the sketch book and pencils and drawing. It keeps me busy and within my calorie limits, plus I'm creating something beautiful (lolz) or at least some Christmas gifts that don't tap into my steadily depleting fundage.

Hey I reckon if you filled your mouth with rock salt it probably WOULD stop you snacking. Plus you'd get the added bonus of upping your water intake!!! LMAO at the post you left on my blog! hehe
Bri

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:53 am  

lol at Bri. Well done on the swimming.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:00 am  

I'm with you on the eye candy in Supernatural - and no calories at all!

Bummer to midnight phone calls, tho, like you say...never good news. My man's drunken mother rings up middle of the night quite a bit (obviously can't figure out the time difference btw here and Sydney), and I just hang up on her ass! How rude!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:41 pm  

I haven't had a paddle pop in years! Do they still have banana flavour?

Good on you for the wanderings, my distractions when writing tend to be the internet. Makes the bum spread wider than the world wide web. lemme tell ya!

Good on ya for the swimming. Any improvement's a good one. :)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:58 pm  

Bri is sick I tell ya, sick! ;-) It's great that you are drawing instead of snacking now.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:02 pm  

 

::29.11.06::

More Running

Today I went for a run at Princes Park and to make it interesting, I thought I'd do 1 km easy then 2 km hard and repeat. I wanted to run the 2 km in 12 mins (6 min/km pace) since I figure that's about as fast as I can run.

So I set off on the first 2 km section then had to stop to do up my shoelace. Dang! I felt like I was doing a hard yet comfortable pace (I'm actually starting to understand that term) but wasn't sure if I could make it in 12 mins. Got to the marker and checked my watch - 11:13. Oh my.

I jogged very slowly for the next km, thinking I couldn't beat that time and that I'd actually be a lot slower having shot my load but took off for the next 2km trying my hardest. I actually pushed myself as hard as I could for the last 1/2 km, prolly too fast since I finished up feeling rather like vomitting. But I did it in 10:48.

I know that's not fast for a lot of runners but it's much faster than I ever thought I could run. I think what made the difference is that today for the first time since I had my big, rib-bruising fall I've felt confident in staying on my feet. It's only when I started relaxing that I realised I've been tensing up quite a lot when I run and, of course, that leads to get tired more easily and getting all stiff and sore. I really loosened up a lot today and had the most enjoyable run I've had in a long time - well apart from the vomit feeling but I soon got over that.

I've been reading a few of the articles on this site (Chi Running) and really want to get the book when I have spare funds for things like running books. In the meantime, I've been reading snippets of it in Border's Cafe.

having shot my load

AHEM!!!!

By Blogger Jaykay, at 5:21 pm  

compared to my times Kathryn that is faster than a speeding bullet. Good ofr you.

By Blogger michelle, at 6:41 pm  

Kathryn that is amazing!! Well done. Did you figure out how well you did in total for the 6km?

By Blogger deege, at 8:38 pm  

You actually make running sound sorta fun...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:23 pm  

I've never timed my runs but you make me want to!! I love that you're so aware of your abilities and can compare how far you've come. Well done :)

By Blogger Kenz, at 12:32 am  

I agree with the other girls and am inspired. I really appreciate the way you look at things you do and not just from a physical perspective.

The Chi things looks like something I want to read up on so thanks for the link and while I was doing my yoga study the other night, I came across Yoga for Runners. Not sure if you'd be interested but here is the link - http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/192_1.cfm

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:53 pm  

That Chi Running is very interesting - I think I might learn a lot from it. Thanks for posting that link!

By Blogger M@rla, at 3:47 am  

Hey babe, I've been trying to email you today but it keeps bouncing back saying it just can't deliver. Curious?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:19 pm  

 

::27.11.06::

Running

Man, I hate it when blogger says I have no cookies. Damn you blogger. Now I want cookies. Chocolate chip ones.

Yesterday was the final of the Spring into Shape runs. I didn't expect to do too well on account of having my training interrupted when I hurt my ribs, then late last week I got this ... well I guess you could say I busted my butt, literally. I'm all stiff and achey down the left side. Not sure if it's from running or spin or something else but it hurts.

My friend Simon had decided to do this run with me. Every time I do the SiS runs, I see (and smell) all these people down along the Yarra having bbq bunches. What a crazy, yet altogether wonderful idea. Eggs and bacon and sausages and tomato and all kinds of yum cooked up. So we planned to have a post run bbq brunch.

I'd got some scrummy chicken, fetta and spinach sausages at the market and put them in the freezer ready to bbq. The trouble was, come Sunday morning, I was so in the 'don't forget the sausages' head space that I totally forgot my run number. Yikes! My poor lil pea brain can only hold one thought. I had to pay $5 to get a replacement.

I struggled through the run, having to take a walk break at the 2 km mark (I didn't realise it was the 2 km mark though cos the sign had fallen over and I kept thinking, surely it must be 2km already... then finally got to the 3 km mark). We managed the first lap in 26 minutes (4 km) without being overtaken by any of those super fast runners (that we notices, haven't checked the official results) then I got very tired. My quads felt like they had huge weights strapped to them and my back pained. I had to stop for another walk break so told Simon to go on without me. Cos I'm all noble and self sacrificing like that.

I walked a ways then I ran. I ran fast. Then I got tired so I walked again. I probably would have been been better off just keeping a steady pace but that wouldn't have been nearly so much fun.

I wanted to do the run in under 50 minutes but I got to the last km and realised that it would be impossible. I lost heart for a moment, thinking if I couldn't do it in under 50 minutes then why bother. I could just walk the rest. Luckily that didn't last long. I'd hate being a quitter.

Then I got to the last bit - it's all downhill so I took off as fast as my legs would go. Simon met up with me and ran beside me a ways. I almost ran out of steam before the finish line but made it, cutting 10 seconds off my last time so it was a PB! Woohoo, go me.

Times:

SiS 1 56:38
SiS 2 51:29
SiS 3 51:19

Oh and our bbq brunch was magically delicious afterwards. I shoulda used it as motivation and maybe I'd have finished in record time.

Congratulations!! After reading the weights-strapped-to-calves part I certainly wasn't expecting to hear you had achieved a PB. We're having a BBQ tonight - yum!

By Blogger CaramelKitKat, at 4:55 pm  

Nothing like a good sausage to motivate a girl! LOL!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:58 pm  

That's pretty damn cool - broken ribs and a broken butt AND a broken PB to boot!

By Blogger Sue, at 7:03 am  

Well done Kathryn. The sausages sound yummo.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:45 am  

Congratulations on making a pb!!
Those sausage sound really yummy:)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:14 am  

Good on you Kathryn. Man, you leave me for dead!!! Great time!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:11 pm  

I'm so proud of you!!!!!!!

BTW, Tag, you're it! :)

By Blogger Michelle, at 6:37 am  

Nice work on the PB Kathryn - those numbers are falling quite nicely :oD you will be breaking that 50 mins soon...

I hate that feeling in the legs -weights strapped to quads is such a perfect description!

B.

By Blogger Beakus, at 10:51 am  

Mmm, good food after a good run (or in my case, yoga class) is the best! Good going with your time babe.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:53 am  

 

::25.11.06::

Fries

If ever you are in the CBD and you see an eatery called Lord of the Fries, you might be tempted by their witty, punning name and their promise of freshly cooked fries with a variety of sauces. You might think, sure it's not the healthiest choices but I've got some credit in my calorie piggy bank, so why not? You might even think the fries with gravy and cheese sound like a super smashing idea.

Now I'm going to tell you why you should resist. Because they aren't worth it. Trust me, there is no way they can freshly cook chips and have them ready so quickly. There is not way they can freshly cook chips and make them so soggy. The cheese is that tasteless pre-grated stuff and the gravy is too salty.

Walk on past and get something good for ya. I know cos I've been there. And that's the type of generous and caring person I am - taking one for the team so you don't have to waste your calories on bad takeaways.

I hate it when you have something naughty and it's SO not worth the calories. It sucks the big one.
Bri

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:48 pm  

I was in Melb last weekend and saw that place and had a chuckle. For a second my sister & I paused out front then we both shook our heads and walked on. I'm glad I did now.

By Blogger Debstar, at 3:57 pm  

Thanks for the tip. Things never usually taste as good as you think they will (except for cup cakes & beer of course)!!
Cheers

By Blogger Miss Pink Lotus, at 5:45 pm  

They sound awful. What a waste of tummy space but it is an interesting concept. Nick has a lot of people wanting sweet chilli sauce/mayo combo or gravy. In Perth I think everyone eats chips with gravy.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:26 pm  

How very selfless of you Kathryn, saving us all like that...

I remember ordering the hugest plate of nachos at the Hard Rock Cafe and really looking forward to them. They turned out to be covered in that tasteless American cheese. :( SUCH a waste of perfectly good calories!

By Blogger Kek, at 6:42 pm  

Bwahahaha....and I agree with Pink Lotus!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:44 pm  

oh that sounds sooo disapointing, i still dont think u can beat McDs fries, but thats just me!

By Blogger Kt, at 9:59 pm  

There's nothing worse than wasting calories on shit food :(
Well there probably are worse things, but anyway.

Aside from your general charcoal chicken chips with chicken salt, I've decided the absolute best chips in Melbourne are from Grill'd. With sweet chilli mayo dipping sauce. Mmmmmm..

By Blogger Amy, at 10:25 am  

I ate chips yesterday and I was amazed at how much I didn't care for them. This was one of my favourite foods and now I find them just so average. Unless there's something fantastic about them and there a good chunky sized chip (I loathe french fries) I just won't bother.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:33 pm  

dude, you're alive! i read your site via bloglines and it only just showed a whole week of entries. i will have to go back to manual checking!

and three cheers for your run :) woohoo!

By Blogger Shauna, at 8:19 am  

Totally agree with you! Their fries SUCK! And so do their sauces. I was so disappointed. Bring on Best Legs

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 7:57 pm  

 

::23.11.06::

Rants and Raves

Since I rarely watch free to air TV (woohoo for the internets), I rarely see ads but last night I caught a doozy. If you text your name and the name of your love interest to the special number and, for a few $$$, you can find out your % compatibility.

Okay, who does this? And how can they be capable of using a mobile phone? How can they be capable of getting out of bed and dressing themselves and breathing?

If actually culling these people is wrong, can we at least sterilise them so they aren't adding to the gene pool?

Btw if you are ever tempted to text this number, just send me $20 and I'll show you how to work it for yourself. For an extra $50, I'll tell you how to work out if it's going to end in Friendship, Love, Hate, Marriage or Divorce.

***

This might seem contrary to my last post, but it just isn't. I saw a diet book called Skinny Bitches at Borders recently and had a a browse. It's written by two models and their advice is basically cigarettes are bad, give them up; sugar is bad, give it up; alcohol is bad; give it up (except red wine); coffee is bad, give it up; meat is bad; cut back; blah, blah, blah. There's some good advice in there - fad diets don't work, consistent changes do - but generally it didn't sit well with me.

It's taken me a while to work it out, but I finally have. The issue is that I don't believe in giving stuff up. Well some stuff but not all of it. I think if you love something, then have it. The big secret is to work out what you really want. Cut out the junk food - junk being anything you eat that you don't want to. We all do it. Well I do, anyway. Like when you are watching a movie so you do the hand-mouth thing but you really don't want to be eating, it's just habit.

I think it's all about priorities. If I gave up my daily coffee, I'd feel deprived beyond belief but I can give up (and have given up) an awful lot of things that have made no real difference to my life.

Work out what you really enjoy and have it in moderation; work out the foods that bad for you and you get minimal enjoyment from and give them up; work out the food you eat that's good for you and make the most of them. Find healthier ways for preparing the foods you normally eat. Watch your portion sizes, except for vegies. Exercise more. That's my entire dieting advice in a nutshell.

***

At the moment, I'm really enjoying life - I'm doing the things I love and an a highly productive writing machine - except for one teensy factor. I'm skint.

I've been applying for jobs but with no luck at all. I don't know what's going on. I'm not saying I'm a super dooper hot talent who should be snapped up by the first employer I apply to, but normally when I apply for jobs on websites like Seek, I'll at least get an interview with the employment agency.

Over the past month, I've applied for a heap of jobs and not even got a call back. I have all the qualifications and experience so I don't know what the problem is. I've even called around my temp agencies and had no luck.

I've been trying to think of alternative money making ventures. I've got a few bags of clothes in storage that I want to sell on ebay. Another idea I've been kicking around for a while is starting a dog walking business. There are many pluses (incidential exercise, cute puppies, no boss) but I have one big concern. If I start doing it and don't get enough work to support myself, I'll have to get an office job and could end up leaving people in the lurch.

As for the writing, I've finished a few short stories and sent them out so it's a matter of waiting around. I also have some stuff I've sold but it takes forever to get paid. I've got a couple of other stories to finish then it's back to a final edit of the novel and then trying to hock that.

Well if you sell your novel and it is a best seller all your money problems will be over..

By Blogger michelle, at 12:19 pm  

I'm with Michelle. Do the dog walking until the novel is complete, then you'll be rich, RICH I SAY! mwahahahahaha!

It sux being skint, doesn't it?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:44 pm  

Kathryn your comments about holding on to the things that you enjoy and dumping the other stuff really hit a chord with me.

I'm off to make a list of what I really really enjoy....

By Blogger Jaykay, at 5:03 pm  

I wish you lived closer to me, I could really do with some help around the office at the moment. I've been pulling 16 hour days and i'm bloodywell over it.
Hope you find something soon.
Bri

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:19 pm  

It sucks trying to find work at this time of year. Hopefully something comes along soon for you.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:41 pm  

Yeah, what's wrong with the old fashioned way of finding out your compatibility by counting up the letters in your names manually and calculating the numerology that way? Eh? Is the math too hard? Or making one of those hexadecimal origami things with the messages inside? These days you gotta pay $5 or something and be harassed with mobile spam thereafter (I assume). Suckas!!

I like the idea of a dog walking business. Except for the poo. But the walking and the open air and the cute doggies would be fun.

By Blogger jo, at 10:35 pm  

Ever tried to walk a Newfoundlander or a Rottweiller or a Dalmation? They walk you & it can be all hard work. Then there's the hassle of dog fights & it does happen....and the poo...and the crappy weather. I've probably burst your bubble...sorry.
Hope you find a job you can really enjoy.

By Blogger Debstar, at 10:50 pm  

I have a friend that does dog walking on the side because he's a freelance designer. Seems to pay well enough for extra money and there's your exercise! Gotta love dogs though :-)

I agree, giving something up is not the way to go if you love it. I tried to give up caffeine and while I did for a week, I actually missed the social side of it. All in moderation hey.

I'll see if there's anything in our Melbourne offices going....

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:42 pm  

 

::21.11.06::

A Different Perspective

I was surfing through a bunch of blogs by writers the other night and read something really eye opening. Unfortunately I didn't book mark it so can't post the link but I'll try to paraphrase.

Basically the writer talked about having to skip breakfast then looking for something to eat in the vending machine later in the morning. She complained to a co-worker because the only choices were candy bars and cookies. The co-worker's told her not to worry, you're skinny you can eat what you want.

The writer's point was that the reason she's skinny is that she DOESN'T eat what she wants. She works hard to maintain the body she has and it doesn't get that way by eating cookies for breakfast. Nobody over the age of 30 has a good body by accident.

Because I spend so long looking at these issues from the point of view of someone who struggles with my weight, I never really stop to think that people who look good get that way because they work at it. It's too easy to dismiss them as 'thin bitches' who, through some freak of genetics, have it easy.

I grew up with cousins who did fit into that genetic freak of nature category - they could get away with never exercising and living on junk food - so I tend to think most thin women are like that.

I've never had a healthy eating role model. Most of my life I've believed you eat how you like and you are either lucky or not, yet I've worked with many women who bring in healthy lunches from home and exercise regularly. I've seen them work at having good bodies.

Even since I've lost weight, I've thought about these lifestyle changes as being something I need to do because I've had to lose weight, but the reverse is true: I put on weight because I never had a healthy lifestyle. I'm not the exception. It's not a curse or some bad choice in the lucky dip of genetics. It's the way people should live.

OOPS! Disregard my comments on yr last post... thousand apologies...

You've opened my eyes, too. I s'pose it IS easier to hate the skinny chicks for being genetically lucky, than to realise that they just put in the effort that I don't.

Thx for the virtual slap...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:12 pm  

As I sit here eating my vegemite sandwich it occurs to me that a skinny person would probably not be eating a vegemite sandwich - or if they did it would be on a cruskit instead of bread and almost certainly not have butter. Sigh. I've got a LOOOOONNNGGGG way to go. Here I am kidding myself that a vegemite sandwich is not TOO bad.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:03 pm  

Wow, I think a lightbulb just went off in my head.

I've heard this said before, but it really just hit home for me....

thanks, kathryn!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:30 pm  

ouch, that slap hurt! Thanks!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:03 am  

Bingo! Great perspective in putting the responsibility back on the individual.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:54 pm  

Absolutely pertinent comments!

When I was at my slimmest a while back, I went out for a night on the tiles with mates and decided to treat myself to icecream. One of the blokes commented 'it's amazing - you can eat what you want and remain skinny!'

Erm...nope. 99% of the time I didn't eat ice cream. I ate sensible, healthy meals.

I recall reading Cher saying how frustrating it was to hear people talk about how she had surgery or how she was naturally very slim. She grumbled that neither was the case - she spent hours in the gym working on her body and watched her diet.

By Blogger PelagicWobbegong, at 3:36 pm  

I used to think the same about the skinny chicks until one night, months ago, when I went for a walk, I watched a girl with a gorgeous, athletic body jog past me, huffing and puffing like there was no tomorrow and it hit me. She looks that great because she works hard at it. She's someone to admire, not denigrate. Thanks for the great read Kathryn!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:56 pm  

 

::19.11.06::

Matters of Earth Shattering Importance

Today I cleaned my room and put my laundry away - exciting stuff, huh but it caused me all kinds of dilemmas.

I have a dressing table with 2 half sized drawers and 2 full sized ones then I have my wardrobe with hanging space, of course, and three shelves.

At the moment I have my jumpers and knits on one of the wardrobe shelves because they are so bulky they fit there best. I also have long sleeved tops on the shelves but I used to have my tee-shirts in one of the drawers. Except then that caused confusion because what about tee-shirts with three quarter length sleeves? Are they long sleeved tops or tee-shirts? So today I put my tee-shirts in the wardrobe as well.

In the drawers I have jeans and pants in one and workout gear in the other. The workout gear drawer has tee shirts in it too and that causes confusion. Some tee shirts are definite workout tees and some are definite casual wear tees but there are some on the borderline.

Smaller drawers are all underwear - there's a definite undie drawer and the other one has all the miscelleanous crap like bathers (but maybe they should be in workout gear?) - bras and hosiery seem to float between the two, depending on where they fit. It's just chaos!

So what I want to know is how do you organise your clothes? By function or type? Do other people even worry about this stuff or am I just obsessive?

My clothes are so unorganised. Some dont even make it out of the laundry baskets. You have inspired me to organise my clothes, heh :o)

When they are organised, mine are similiar to yours.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:25 pm  

God, I'm so relieved. It's not just me...I'm not an obsessive freak. :-)

Bras have their own drawer, but crop tops sometimes end up with workout gear. I have the same problem with cross-over T-shirts (workout or casual wear?) and at the moment half my socks and pantyhose are on the floor because I've run out of room.

Perhaps it's time for a clean out and run to the brotherhood bin?

By Blogger Kek, at 7:00 pm  

Bwahaha...I try to get organised being virgo and all. As long as my socks go in the sock box and my knickers/bras go in the other box, I'm happy. Everything else is on a hanger with the main objective to be off the floor. My gym gear goes on the hooks on the back of my door. Pretty messy to anyone else's eye but I know where everything is and it's all black!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:07 pm  

I too am obsessive (when my clothes make it both off my floor and out of my laundry basket)

My drawers are all full length - Undies and Socks share a drawer (if they were half drawers they would have one each.) This includes stockings etc.

Bras have their own drawer - including crop tops.

Next Drawer down hosts miscellaneous. Things that can't really be hung like bathers.

The rest is hung in my wardrobe but again in an order! My hanging pole thing has a mount in the middle which separates the 2 sides. Left to right in order.

Clothes I am waiting to fit into. Shoe Hanger Rack thingy. Storms Jumper. (yes storm my dog) Followed by my jackets (in length order long to short) Then jumpers. Then the mount is in the middle.

On the other side (fancy through to sporty and in between well in between!) Singlets, Tank Tops, Fitted T's, T Shirts, 3/4 sleeve, Long Sleeve, Shirts and finally pants.

PLUS say there is a few sporting t shirts (as of course there is) All the white ones are together followed by all the black ones etc etc.

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 9:34 pm  

I can feel a photo post coming up... nothing else can describe it really.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:10 pm  

I have stages of being organised like this and other stages of just hoping like hell that I can find stuff. My wardrobe is arranged with bulky stuff up the top and things are hung in batches of shirts/skirts/jackets/pants etc and within the categories they are colour configured. My drawers have one for underwear bottoms and stockings, one for bras and cami tops etc. Then either side I have two drawers of misc shit.

Then I have three large drawers, top being pj's, teeshirts etc. Second down is long sleeved tops, bottom is jeans, trackies etc. Basically, things are organised into areas of where they fit on the body, not what they are for.

By Blogger Jules, at 11:18 am  

Some of my clothes are in the closet and some are in dresser drawers in the bedroom - it does drive me crazy that they are not in one place. I oganize them functionally - underwear, bras, socks, etc. are in the drawers: I get into them, then walk into the closet for outer clothing. I think the thing that bugs me the most is that the dirty clothes hamper is halfway between - getting undressed it seems I go back and forth several times between shedding dirty clothes, hanging back up things I will wear again, and getting fresh clothes or pajamas from the dresser.

Damn, my life is difficult!!!

By Blogger M@rla, at 11:09 pm  

Alaskaboy is the one that does most of the clothes washing at our house, especially since we wash fortnightly at a laundromat. And he has a certain way in which he likes to fold his clothes, so rather than ending up in an argument every single time we went to fold clothes together, I just let him have at it!
He rationalised that I do most of the cooking so let him have his chore too. Both he and my father are of that strange breed that actually LIKE to do chores. (Shudder!)

I organise my stuff a little different to his most notably he likes t-shirts folded just so, I like mine hung up. Jeans hang on one of those multi hangers one each for both of us. My shoes are just a big jumble in the bottom of the wardrobe and under the bed.
Each have our sidetable drawers and share a large chest of drawers. Although our clothes don't mix there is too many clothes for that. A drawer for underwear and socks. A drawer for nighties and/or sleepwear, a drawer of odds and ends that don't really go with anything else. Shirts, slacks, jumpers/sweaters and dresses are in the wardrobe. A drawer for bathers, crop tops and workout gear.
During summer most of my winter clothes (apart from jackets) are packed away in suitcases, and the reverse in winter. Just had an exciting time of that yesterday. :)
My problem is that, unlike my husband, I have a complete set of clothing in about 4-5 different sizes. THIS time as I'm shrinking out of them I'm giving them to an Op Shop. Too tempting to grow back into them. Am gonna keep a few items for posterity, but that's it! Clothes that don't fit are actually shoved into garbage bags, with the air all squished out of them, in the top of the wardrobe.

Hope that wasn't too confusing?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:19 am  

My daughter has a top system. Everything gets hung on the floor. Just kick your gear around till you find what you want. Good stuff MIGHT get thrown on a chair. You guessed it, she's a teenager. grrrrr

By Blogger Debstar, at 9:13 am  

Oh, the perils of OCD - how to organise the clothes?
Catching up on my slackness of blog reading over the last week and realised I'm in a similar boat to you. I'm about the same weight as I was 4 months ago.

Time to sort this out!

By Blogger Sue, at 10:20 am  

Wow, actually mine is organised pretty much the same as yours except I don't own a pair of jeans....I will one day

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 11:20 am  

I'm a colour, length, type and season clothing filer. Winter/summer clothes get packed away in the off season to make more room for everything else.

And the FUN i'm having now with 2 childrens' clothes to sort as well? You wouldn't believe!

It's fun being anal, isn't it?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:05 pm  

 

::16.11.06::

I'm a Big Fat Fraud

Last night I read back through my archives cos I was really bored and I realised something - I've only lost 10 kgs since this time last year. To make it worse, I'm the same weight I was in May. Since then, I've gone down and up and back down and back up.

I've been complacent, that's the truth of it. I no longer have the eye of the tiger. Instead I have the eye of the takeaway. I feel like I should be achieving, that I should have solid concrete goals that I'm crossing off my list. I've still got weight I want to loss, so why aren't I doing it?

Maybe weight loss in itself isn't enough to motivate me any more. The joy of seeing a decreasing number on the scales doesn't do it for me like it used to. I think maybe I need to reassess where I want to be and what I want to do. I have some namby-pamby running goals and I've been doing weights and stuff but maybe I need to get more serious about that side of things.

I think it's hard to maintain the motivation, especially when you have reached goal and heck, already in your healthy weight range :-)

I think you are fabulous Kathryn and I reckon it's all about maintaining for us now. Sure we both want to lose a little more but how far have we come!

x

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:03 pm  

10 kilos is still a great loss though. I've been putting on and taking off the same four kilos for the past year and I'm not near goal yet. I know I'll get there one day and you will get to your new goal.
Think of all the fantastic things you've achieved in this last year. And you did make it to your original goal plus you have all the benefits of being much fitter and healthier. In short, you rock! Complacency is a bitch but we all get through it somehow. Keep on keeping on.

:) Sarah

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:28 pm  

Um hello... and before that 10 kilos you'd lost an amazing 30 more. What you've done is live your life at goal. You know what you can and can't do so maybe focus on one of your running goals. If you are going to eat takeaway at least go and eat at Nicks shop and he'll give u a discount...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:16 pm  

I have only just found your blog and I am amazed at how well you have done with your weight loss- 40kg, that is fantastic. You have achieved so much already- it is easy to understand that your motivation would change. I am down to 70kg now too and don't know what I am going to do to motivate myself to keep it off!

By Blogger MorseyRuns, at 7:20 pm  

I've only lost 1 stone in the past year (that's a pathetic 14lbs).

You are doing a fantastic job, and don't forget it. Yeah, you need to have targets but you've hit most of the big ones, so it's time to give yourself a break.

By Blogger Lainey, at 8:41 pm  

Only 10 kg!? i reckon that sounds pretty darn tidy :)

but i know what you mean about motivation. good luck coming up with some new goals. i say to hell with scale related goals, that just isn't enough sometimes. blah...

By Blogger Shauna, at 9:31 pm  

I know perzacly what you mean, Kathryn. I hit my goal...well, I actually seriously over-achieved my original goal...then faffed around for a year and a half getting no further and feeling frustrated.

It took a friend to point out to me (amidst my constant moaning) that I WAS SUCCESSFULLY MAINTAINING! That was like some huge revelation - I'd never done that before, always regained, lost, regained, lost...you get the idea.

While that was all true and very nice, blah, blah, I still wasn't doing what I was endlessly talking about. What got my mojo back was setting some serious goals, and then hiring me a trainer to tell me what to do and to keep me honest.

It hasn't been all smooth sailing, but I can look back on the past year and feel satisfied at what I've achieved.

Set some goals - write them down, come up with a plan to work towards them. You'll get there, you've got what it takes. You didn't get this far by accident.

By Blogger Kek, at 8:30 am  

I could post the sam ething an dI never reached goal. Don't be too hard on yourself because motivation is definitely less when we hav ecome so far. We are much better than we used to be. Having said that I agree it would be good to lose a bit more wouldn't it?

By Blogger michelle, at 1:03 pm  

you certainl aren't a fraud - you just need some different goals now that the scales are the main motivator

By Blogger Kt, at 4:33 pm  

I agree with everyone else - kathryn you are incredible! I'd love to lose a lazy ol' 10kg in a year too! (I HAVEN'T!)

Set a running goal instead of a weightloss goal. How about a marathon???

That's my mindset - focus on the running, ignore the weight, eat sensibly and hopefully reap the rewards!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:18 pm  

Oh babe. You aren't big. You aren't fat. You aren't a fraud. You are experiencing life, and like the scales, it has its ups and downs. Finding the motivation is a toughie, and I think all of us reading your blog totally understand how difficult it is to maintain. The fact that you are maintaining so well is still inspiring, don't forget that :) PS. LOL at the eye of the takeaway line!!!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:33 pm  

What KEK said! Don't lose sight of what you've done. Maintaining is great! Be proud of yrself!

PS - Yr not becoming one of those skinny chicks who always thinks she's fat are you? LOL

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:53 pm  

No disrespect meant to those skinny chicks, either....

Bugger, i've got to learn to stop typing when it's good for me....

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:55 pm  

 

::15.11.06::

Legend of the Week!

If you want to be truly inspired, go read Michelle's story of her triathalon if you haven't already. She's an incredible woman and her story had my heart bursting with pride for her.

OMG how AWESOME is she! What a great bunch of women we know :-)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:44 pm  

 

::14.11.06::

Change of Life

Kada asked me an interesting question in my comments: "What's the best thing you like about being where you're at now with your weight?"

I've been thinking about that for a while - there's a whole world of good: feeling confident going out wearing a pair of skimpy short, waking up of a morning wanting to get out of bed, being able to see my toes and reach to paint my toe nails, getting off my diabetes medication, setting fitness goals then smashing them and not to forget being about to shop just about anywhere I want.

Still I think the best thing of all is losing that hesitation I used to have. All my life I've had to stop and think about how I'll cope with things as a fat girl.

Sometimes it was a physical thing - can I go bungee jumping without the rope breaking, can I get a lift with a friend and fit in the back of their car? I'd hate going to barbecues and being offered one of those flimsy canvas chairs - not sure if it would hold my weight and freaking out at every creak and crack of the wood.

Sometimes an endurance thing - could I walk that far, could I cope doing that all day?

Then all the mental baggage - knowing I could do something but maybe I'd look ridiculous doing it. Thinking people would point and laugh at the fat girl trying to dance or trying to skate or trying to squeeze herself into a space too small. Scared to walk through a crowded bar, knowing I'd have to squeeze, hoping my friends didn't hear when someone yelled a comment, dreading blind dates in case I saw that look in their eyes... that look of oh my god, she's so fat. My mother's voice telling me not to do things like run or skip because I'd look stupid.

These things don't change overnight and I'm still in the process of seeing myself as not taking up so much space. I've limited myself for so long, I don't even know where I end and my limits start.

Over the past year, I've done things I've never done before - gone to see a band and bought a teeshirt, knowing it will fit, worn short shorts, run in fun runs, shopped in regular sized shops for the first time.

There are still things I've never done - been on a water slide, surfed, crowd surfed, run a marathon - maybe I'll never do them but it will be because I don't want to, not because I'm too fat.

There are other things still that I've never even considered bcause they are filed so far back in the 'too fat' section of my brain, they are yet to see the light of day. Eventually I'll take them out and examine them, knowing that I no longer have to hesitate because of my weight.

What a fantastic, inspiring post Kathryn :) You go girl!

By Blogger Brooke, at 1:22 pm  

What an awesome entry Kathryn. It's amazing to see how much you have changed your life, not simply the way you look!!

By Blogger yublocka, at 3:40 pm  

Truly inspirational. Reminds me that I too am no longer a fat girl. Like you I have discovered I can do things I never considered when fat. We rock don't we? Sure we may never have the perfect body but we have a much better one.

By Blogger michelle, at 4:50 pm  

I love your post! You've basically summed up my life in one go.
You have done so well and deserve to be proud of yourself. And most of all you deserve to have fun!

By Blogger Beee, at 5:12 pm  

Awesome AWESOME post Kathryn, thanks!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:34 pm  

I love this post. SO inspiring.
Thanks Kathryn. =)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:11 pm  

Wow Kathryn, I think you are bloody awesome :-)!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:24 pm  

Wow Kathryn - that is an excellent post. I agree with you all the way. Life is too short to be hesitant, to feel embarrassed, to have low self esteem. LIFE IS TO BE GRASPED WITH BOTH HANDS & LIVED WITH HAPPINESS & A SMILE!
Well done gorgeous

By Blogger Miss Pink Lotus, at 8:29 pm  

Bwaaah...*wipes eyes*

That was beautiful.

It's so true that there are so many limits we place on ourselves because of what others might think of us as 'fat people'.

So glad that you are getting used to being out of the 'fat suit' and loving your life! It gives those of us that are still wearing that suit hope. Thx for sharing...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:33 pm  

all i can say is KICK ASS :) brilliant post!

By Blogger Shauna, at 10:59 pm  

You daredevil, you! So glad that you found the courage to live the life you so richly deserve. :)

Do try a waterslide, they're such fun! I dare you. :P

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:53 am  

Have to agree with the others, awesome post. I haven't yet got that feeling of taking up less space - still see myself as looking the same as I did 20kgs ago whenever I look in the mirror! But you've got me thinking about things I can do now that I couldn't before... thank you.

By Blogger Amy, at 9:47 am  

What a great post! You've come such a long way, you are an inspiration :)

By Blogger another sarah ..., at 9:54 am  

Great post Kathryn. I hope the 'too fat' section comes out to play eventually - I think you'd be capable of anything.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:08 am  

 

::10.11.06::

Sleepy!

I think I've been all seven of the dwarves this week - happy, sneezy, dopey... well maybe not Doc... but today I'm definitely Sleepy. After my huge snoozefest earlier this week, I've screwed up my sleep patterns big time.

Yesterday I got little sleep then had to go into town for a interview so got up bright and early. I spent the afternoon running around and planned to have an early night last night. I slept for two hours then woke up and laid awake for hours. This morning I had to get up early to go to the market then had another interview at 1.00 so had to keep myself awake and lively for the hours in between. Have you ever been so tired that you feel physcially ill? Not good.

I don't think I came across as particularly articulate in the interview. I kept forgetting the words for stuff. Damn it. Now I want to nap but I'm pepped up on coffee!

I weighed in this morning. My weight, it's got a mind of it's own - up and down like a bride's nightie! So now it's settled at 72.1 kgs - the exact same as 2 weeks ago. No complaints from me, what with overeating and a total lack of cardio.

I have this theory, not sure if it's sane or not - prior to damaging my ribs (like for months prior), I'd do about 500-1000 calories worth of cardio most days. I'm talking 6 days a week. Now I'm doing maybe 200 calories worth a day. So I'm thinking maybe I was doing too much before. My metabolism just started taking all my hard work for granted and full expected that much effort every day. Since I've been in rest and repair mode, my body has settled down so the amount of exercise I do is far more efficient now.

Ohh You have been busy... wow...
My mind is spinning just keeping up...
You have done a fantastic job with your weightloss...
We had the same starting point...
I just need a little more time and enthusiasm and I will get there too...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:53 pm  

Like a bride's nightie. {chuckle}

Ack! You mean the body gets used to exercise, even when ya vary it up? Shit!

Maybe I should slack off some too, and then ramp it up later when I need it. I hear those last 5-10kgs are the hardest to lose?

What's the best thing you like about being where you're at now with your weight?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:20 am  

Dang, you do sound like you have a lot going on, but you always do! heh. I don't think I've been physically ill from being so Sleepy, but I've def. been so tired I couldn't sleep... so I'd just lay there looking at the ceiling.

Nice theory! I like it - and I say go with what/how your body is reacting, it's nice to hear you're having some relax time in here, because sometimes I feel exhausted just reading what you do! (and completely guilty lol)

Have a great weekend Hun!

By Blogger Dee, at 10:42 am  

I definitely get to the point where I am so tired I feel physically ill every now and then. It's a revolting experience. I don't get enough sleep in general, so it is an issue for me. I hope you are feeling better and your sleeping patterns are starting to even out.

I think about your theory every now and then, when I get in my gung-ho zones and feel like going hell for leather. I am sure it is best (most efficient & healthiest) to just stick to a nice, moderately intense, constant routine. Although mixing it up a bit is still important too.

But yeah, I don't want to start an intense routine that my body won't be able to maintain over a long term.

By Blogger jo, at 12:13 pm  

Hey, I am liking the 7 dwarves analogy but not so good that your sleep is all screwed up. I have been like that and it sure sucks. Hopefully you settle down soon. Must be because of your bender the other day. Dan keeps saying that he takes him longer to recover these days.

LOL my weight is the exact same as two weeks ago too. Eh *shrug*. I think the main thing is that we're not back were we started :-) I hear you about the exercise too, exact same for me but that expenditure sure got us to goal in good time.

Good luck with the interviews babe!

x

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:26 pm  

You are making me tired just talking about how tired you are. I hope you get some decent sleep soon.

By Blogger Beee, at 5:50 pm  

 

::8.11.06::

Ouchies...

I cooked dinner for friends on Monday night (Cup Eve here in Melbourne) and ended up going out afterwards. I was fully on the highway to a booze-fuelled hell!

So I spent most of today and all of yesterday in bed. Seriously, the only time I got up yesterday was to go to the loo. I didn't eat at all. Today I had some muesli for a late brekkie and a bit of beef stir fry and that's made me feel sick.

Arrgghh, booze - it really is the work of the devil.

Awww, you poor thing! :) Hope you feel better soon!

By Blogger alea, at 7:58 pm  

I feel your pain!!! Why do we do this to ourselves???

By Blogger Beee, at 8:31 pm  

jquqAhhhh, booze... always good going in, but the next day can be hell. Have you ever tried the "2 panadol and as much water as you can handle before bed" hangover preventer - works for me EVERY time? Worth a shot next time :)

By Blogger Ails, at 10:42 pm  

Oooh, especially when you don't drink as much as you used to! Dan and I are pathetic when we go out now. At least we're cheap drunks now LOL. I hope you are feeling better by now.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:51 am  

Hehe - one of our girls ended up going to hospital in an ambulance on MC night. After the boss stuck his fingers down her throat!

By Blogger Sue, at 9:01 am  

Hope you're recovered now. What you needed was a day at the races, with champagne.... or perhaps not.

By Blogger Kek, at 9:16 pm  

I am suer that alcohol was required to get over the ribs. Hope you are feeling a lot better.

By Blogger michelle, at 8:25 am  

I hear you... I'm trying to recover from Oaks yesterday...

By Blogger linda, at 10:13 am  

 

::6.11.06::

A LIttle Run...

I went for a walk today and managed a tiny little run, the first time since I broke my ribs. Well, if you don't count a short burst of running yesterday and that time when I got my heart rate monitor and couldn't resist. According to the HRM, I spent 5 minutes in "the zone" today. It makes me sob but I'll be getting back up there when I feel better.

According to my scales, I put on 2-2.5 kgs last week. Liar, liar, pants on fire is what I said to them, but the scales don't care. You can cuss them out all you want but they don't change what they say. Who'd have thunk a week of no exercise and bad eating could do that much damage? I'm thinking some of it must be on account of fluid retention and womanly time issues (please, please) because otherwise I'm screwed.

This week is going to be about 100% effort - good eating, plenty of water and back to exercising.

Gotta have these weeks so we appreciate our better weeks even more. Cheers to a better week babe and your fitness will come back raring to go in no time!

PS. I'll be checking out eBay for the HRM, thanks!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:39 am  

I agree with Mary, gotta have these weeks to appreciate the others, you just don't push yourself too hard ;P!

And I have no doubt you'll get back to where you were at in no time, you're an exercise machine!

Take Care chica (and thanks for the words on my post, they really did hit home with me)

By Blogger Dee, at 11:57 am  

Morning Missus

I'm with you on a 100% effort week. I've got SDA on a post it on my screen at work.

By Blogger Lainey, at 10:52 pm  

Hope you're having a good week Kathryn.

By Blogger linda, at 12:01 am  

hi Kathryn,

i have been a lurker on you blog for some time, i always find you an interesting read.

today i have been catching up on your latest posts and i feel compelled to leave a comment.

you tell us your son is buying towels. you will more than likely think i'm a lunatic for what i'm about to tell you.

as we speak i'm dabbing away the tears that welled into my eyes upon reading your post.

i have two boys, my oldest is 6. he has recently acquired goggles and is forever dressed in some sort of costume.

it is like a slap in the face when i step back into reality and face facts that my boys will not always be this age, will not always need me, may at times even dislike me...

it's not something i deal with very well as i love my boys to pieces. i try to never waste even a second of our time together and at times when i am cranky because i'm tired or just being crazy i curse myself for not just treasuring them for what they are, my precious little boys!

i'm certain that just as i have treasured every stage of their lives i will also treasure them as teens/adults etc but i will always think of them as my babies.

cheers
Sandii

By Blogger sandii, at 2:40 pm  

Ignore the zones babe - They are nothing to you. Just push it as high and hard as possible.

http://www.aminoz.com.au/staying-burning-zone-a-130.html?aPath=23 An Article for you on hearrate

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 3:39 pm  

If it's any comfort on the scale front, it's *almost* impossible to gain or lose more than 1kg of fat in a week. Anything extra is fluid, or what you ate for dinner that still isn't digested. Or something.

Keep the sugar and processed carbs to a minimum and it'll reverse itself tout suite.

By Blogger Kek, at 4:07 pm  

oh that is great that you got a run in. Have a great week getting back on track

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 1:46 pm  

Wooo, you got a run happnein'. Awesome.
I strained my groin last year, I hear ya on how frustrating it is to recuperate slooooowly.

Sleep deprivation is also another good one for increasing your water retention. Here's hoping you can get some good sleep soon!

Oh and having some more potassium (bananas and dried apricots are good sources.) also helps with the flushing of your system.

oops, that's a whole lotta assvice there, sorry.

Love your blog! Am a recent lurker, slowly making my way through your posts.
Cheers!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:27 pm  

 

::3.11.06::

Sleep My Pretties!

In a flash of brilliant insight and genius, I've worked out why my eating has been so out of control this week. It's because I've been sleep deprived. When I don't sleep enough, I compensate by eating.

It's been a tough week - for starters, the ribs pain when I lay down. I think because you use your torso a lot more to move when you are laying down. It takes me ages to get comfortable then every little motion hurts. Luckily it's getting better.

Plus we get critters in the roof - possums and such. I have an old fireplace in my bedroom and the other night I could hear something actually scratching around in there. I jumped out of bed and stood around waiting for it for ages, then went back to bed but shone my bedlight on the fireplace.... just in case.

Last night was the worst though. One of my housemates only comes home about once a week, so last night he came home with a bunch of mates and they talked loudly in his room until they left at 3.00 am, when they spent some time talking even louder in the hallway.

I so hate my housemate. He creeps me out. Even when he isn't being loud, I feel uncomfortable with him in the house. Part of me thinks I shouldn't be so judgemental but then whenever I've ignored creepy feeings about people, it's never ended well. I reckon woman should be encouraged more to act on creepy feelings instead of repressing them. We'd be a whole lot safer. Having said that, I'm not actually scared of the dude - he's small and weedy and I could take him on!

On top of all that, I'm sick and tired of telling my housemates to do things that normal people should know to do. And there's no way I can get rid of this guy - since we each rent directly from the owners, I don't have any power plus he works for the owners so that makes it even harder.

It's weird though - I need sleep but instead of sleeping, I eat. And I eat sugary food, I guess because I need energy. It's not a good way to be. Hopefully by next week, I'll have magically healed ribs and be back running and sleeping well and the eating will look after itself.

There is definitely a relationship between lack of sleep and crap eating. In spite of knowing this, it seems to be a lesson I need to learn over and over and over....

Slow learner? Me?

As for the housemate - you'll just have to kill him. I see no other viable solution.

By Blogger Kek, at 9:34 pm  

I so hear you about the lack of sleep/eating crap thing. I haven't had a decent night's sleep for three years. We have some weeks that are better than others though and I always eat crap when we're having a bad sleeping week. I haven't learnt the lesson yet either, I totally know that I would feel better if I didn't eat crap, but I keep doing it.
And the housemate thing, I know people in low places, so I can have him 'sorted' for you!! hahaha
Bri

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:15 am  

there is definitely a relationship between hunger and lack of sleep. Apparently it is because your body knows it is lacking energy (because you haven't slept enough) so it makes you hungary so you consume more food in order to give you the energy boost you need. Quite clever really - if only it worked :)

By Blogger Selina Street, at 12:53 pm  

I always feel very hungry when I don't get sleep. I hate the fact that I feel ravenous even after a meal.

Is it once a week that he does this constantly? Or is it worse? In either case, I wish you could get rid of him and find some peace ;)

By Blogger snackiepoo, at 3:08 pm  

Oh Good luck babes!

By Blogger Jadey 0:-), at 1:23 pm  

Hey, maybe that's why I craved Bellis bars this week! I was really busy and sleep deprived the past week (plus we had daylight savings). I hope we both have a better week with less cravings this week. I agree, sleep deprivation can make you lose the strength to say no.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:28 pm  

 

::2.11.06::

Growing Up

When do you realise your baby is growing up? When they are young, there are so many milestones - first steps, first teeth, first words. As they get older, the years seem to accelerate. I swear Andrew when straight from 12 to 18 in the blind of an eye. There are years I don't even remember.

When he left home, he still didn't feel like an adult. When he started uni, when he turned 18. Sure they are big moments but today he told me something that made me realise he's not a kid any longer. One of those small moments that I'm sure mothers will understand.

Today Andrew bought himself towels!

It's funny, while he was telling me about this, I was reading Sue's post with her photo of her son on his 18th. Even though Andrew's a year older, he seems so much younger. When I look for him in a crowd, I still look for a little kid and am constantly surprised to his 6 foot frame ambling toward me. The Andrew in my head has stayed about 6 years old, wearing swimming googles and a fireman's hat. He smells like Johnson's baby soap and wears soft, flannelette pyjamas.

He's not old enough to be buying his own towels.

***

My eating has been crazy lately. What's my problem? I've been way, way over my calories for the past two days. Tonight I had Maccas. Just a cheeseburger. Enough to remind me that I hate Maccas. I feel so bloated and sick. I had other bad food aplenty too. I think I'll stop pigging out now - I really don't like it.

My eating has been out of control the last two days too. I vowed to get it under control as of today. I am doing well so far. We can do this!

By Blogger TC, at 1:53 am  

Yep, buying towels. That's a significant milestone. Mine buys his own clothes, but not his underwear. Does his own laundry but doesn't put away his clean clothes. Can clean a house but won't cook. But buying towels - that's a biggie.

By Blogger Sue, at 6:17 am  

How funny you should post this - Number One Son turned 19 today and I'm feeling all sad. I actually said "Happy birthday son.... and by the way, what happened to my baby?". And almost cried. Of course he looked at me like I had two heads or something.

Hi didn't buy towels, but he DID clean up his room yesterday, including changing the sheets. He must have a girl coming over...

Why didn't I feel this way last year when he legally became an adult? Weird.

Maccas....eeuw. I can't stand the smell of the stuff. Smells like disgusting fat. I still eat pizza though. :p

By Blogger Kek, at 8:13 am  

My son is 29 and I still feel as though he is 6! Much to his disgust. He told me he may be moving States and I couldn't talk to him, I was crying so much.
I think they will always be our little boys!
Hope your eating settles down. I know what you mean about how we feel now when we eat crap.

By Blogger Slim Suzy, at 10:30 am  

Awwww!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:58 pm  

What colour towels? :)
AT least you now know that you don't like junk food... its a good thing

By Blogger Beee, at 7:40 pm  

aww kathryn! you totally melted me with that para about your son... sniffle!!!

hope you get to catch up on some zzz's soon. your flatmate does indeed sound like a twat!

By Blogger Shauna, at 10:13 pm  

Buying your own towels is serious when you're a boy. My DH has never bought towels in his life. (no, he still hasn't grown up)!! Maybe towels are the key, maybe towels are the meaning of life!!!!! Although I thought the meaning of life was 46 - or is it 42?? LOL. I can never remember.
Fingers crossed Andrew doesn't start buying kitchenware or crockery - that would be very drastic!!
Hope you're having a great (junk free) weekend.
Bri

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:12 am  

 

::1.11.06::

Changes

Often I'm so focussed on how much weight I've still got to lose and how far I still am from what I want to be that I lose sight I've the things that I've achieved. It's so easy to forget the way I used to be and, as I've lost weight, things have changed in my life that I just take for granted now.

For example, for years and years and years, every time I went to the doctor they'd tell me to lose weight and get more exercise. When I got diagnosed with diabetes - lose weight and exercise, when I had problem with my gall bladder - lose weight and exercise, if I had a cold or a stomach bug or a broken fingernail - lose weight and exercise. I'd bitch and moan and do nothing about it.

Now it seems every time I go to the doctor they are telling me to have a break from exercising. And I bitch and moan about that even more. It's weird, isn't it - you don't want to exercise and they tell you to do it, but when you want to, they tell you to stop!

I don't think I mentioned this before (stop me if you've heard this one...) but when I flew back from Sydney earlier this year, a rather large man sat at the end of my aisle. I watched out of the corner of my eye while he did that thing where you test out that the seatbelt is going to fit, digging it under the gut and breathing in to get it clasped, because you'd rather die in a plane crash than have to get a seat belt extender. I watched him raise the arm rest that dug into his side and struggle with the tray table that wouldn't sit flat over his belly.

I wanted to lean over and say something helpful and reassuring, to let him know that I'd been there but no words existed for me that wouldn't make him feel embarassed or humiliated - I know, because I've been there.

I no longer lay in bed at night, poking and pummelling my fat (that sounds awfully rude, doesn't it), wishing I could wake up in the morning with it magically gone. I don't lie away with those feelings of self-loathing and despair. Not that I'm all Magically Happy Self Confident Girl now, but I'd forgotten how dark those pits used to be.

You're at where we wanna be...and you've worked hard to get there.

Don't EVER forget the strength it has taken you to get this far (and possibly use some of that strength to fight those 'have to exercise' demons? LOL). Let your body heal if it needs to, after all, it's all about loving yourself enough to do right by yr body...says me - ROFL!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:39 pm  

oh kathryn... brilliant post. it is so easy to forget how things used to be, i agree. hope yer doing orright over there!

By Blogger Shauna, at 3:17 am  

I hear ya! We're all guilty of feeling dissatisfied with progress and wanting to be thinner/smaller/better ....like right NOW.

It's a good exercise to drag out some old photos now and then and remind yourself of how far you've come.

By Blogger Kek, at 8:09 am  

that's a great post. I really felt for that guy reading it.

When I feel bad about my journey (that has really only just started and I still have at least 20 kilos to lose) I look back thru my journal and compare myself now to then....it gets me back on the straight and narrow.

I hope you still see the same Dr and he knows how far you have come

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 9:43 am  

ps: Yes I have and I LOVE nurofen gel. I always have some in the cupboard, along with deep heat and dencorub

By Blogger A Girl Running, at 9:45 am  

I was just thinking about that this morning - I was walking down the street and saw this really big woman. She was looking down as she walked, avoiding eye contact with people. I just wanted to give her a big hug and tell other people knows how she feels. And, of course, if I did that, she'd just want to punch me on the nose!

BTW 70/75 for resting heart rate is very good.

By Blogger Sue, at 1:00 pm  

I feel sorry for the fat guy too, we've all been there. Imagine if some skinny hot looking chick had said something to you on a plane in your previous life, you would have given her a mouthful!! haha - I can hear you now. I would do the same. I still think people are looking at me cos i'm too fat, when does that feeling go away?????
Bri

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:09 pm  

What a feeling it must be to finally be at the place you've always wanted to be at.
You've also reminded me of what I used to be and how far i've come too.

By Blogger Beee, at 5:50 pm  

What a great head space to be in Kathryn. Life certainly is easier and I don't think you can ever tell someone. They have to come to it themselves like we did. Well done :-)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:25 pm  

 

stats:

current weight:
76.6 kg

start weight:
110.1 kg

total loss:
33.5 kg

goal weight:
70 kgs

 

measurements:

boobs: 100 cm

waist: 81 cm

hips: 109 cm

thighs: 50 cm

 

Weekly Goal Lifestyle Changing Challenge-A-Rama

Week 1 - Drink more water

Week 2 - Cut out sugary treats

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