iDiet

[a weight loss story]

kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au

::14.11.06::

Change of Life

Kada asked me an interesting question in my comments: "What's the best thing you like about being where you're at now with your weight?"

I've been thinking about that for a while - there's a whole world of good: feeling confident going out wearing a pair of skimpy short, waking up of a morning wanting to get out of bed, being able to see my toes and reach to paint my toe nails, getting off my diabetes medication, setting fitness goals then smashing them and not to forget being about to shop just about anywhere I want.

Still I think the best thing of all is losing that hesitation I used to have. All my life I've had to stop and think about how I'll cope with things as a fat girl.

Sometimes it was a physical thing - can I go bungee jumping without the rope breaking, can I get a lift with a friend and fit in the back of their car? I'd hate going to barbecues and being offered one of those flimsy canvas chairs - not sure if it would hold my weight and freaking out at every creak and crack of the wood.

Sometimes an endurance thing - could I walk that far, could I cope doing that all day?

Then all the mental baggage - knowing I could do something but maybe I'd look ridiculous doing it. Thinking people would point and laugh at the fat girl trying to dance or trying to skate or trying to squeeze herself into a space too small. Scared to walk through a crowded bar, knowing I'd have to squeeze, hoping my friends didn't hear when someone yelled a comment, dreading blind dates in case I saw that look in their eyes... that look of oh my god, she's so fat. My mother's voice telling me not to do things like run or skip because I'd look stupid.

These things don't change overnight and I'm still in the process of seeing myself as not taking up so much space. I've limited myself for so long, I don't even know where I end and my limits start.

Over the past year, I've done things I've never done before - gone to see a band and bought a teeshirt, knowing it will fit, worn short shorts, run in fun runs, shopped in regular sized shops for the first time.

There are still things I've never done - been on a water slide, surfed, crowd surfed, run a marathon - maybe I'll never do them but it will be because I don't want to, not because I'm too fat.

There are other things still that I've never even considered bcause they are filed so far back in the 'too fat' section of my brain, they are yet to see the light of day. Eventually I'll take them out and examine them, knowing that I no longer have to hesitate because of my weight.

# 12 comments * Post a Comment

What an awesome entry Kathryn. It's amazing to see how much you have changed your life, not simply the way you look!!

By yublocka, at 3:40 pm

Truly inspirational. Reminds me that I too am no longer a fat girl. Like you I have discovered I can do things I never considered when fat. We rock don't we? Sure we may never have the perfect body but we have a much better one.

By michelle, at 4:50 pm

Awesome AWESOME post Kathryn, thanks!

By Anonymous, at 7:34 pm

I love this post. SO inspiring.
Thanks Kathryn. =)

By Anonymous, at 8:11 pm

Wow Kathryn, I think you are bloody awesome :-)!!

By Anonymous, at 8:24 pm

Wow Kathryn - that is an excellent post. I agree with you all the way. Life is too short to be hesitant, to feel embarrassed, to have low self esteem. LIFE IS TO BE GRASPED WITH BOTH HANDS & LIVED WITH HAPPINESS & A SMILE!
Well done gorgeous

By Miss Pink Lotus, at 8:29 pm

Bwaaah...*wipes eyes*

That was beautiful.

It's so true that there are so many limits we place on ourselves because of what others might think of us as 'fat people'.

So glad that you are getting used to being out of the 'fat suit' and loving your life! It gives those of us that are still wearing that suit hope. Thx for sharing...

By Anonymous, at 10:33 pm

all i can say is KICK ASS :) brilliant post!

By Shauna, at 10:59 pm

You daredevil, you! So glad that you found the courage to live the life you so richly deserve. :)

Do try a waterslide, they're such fun! I dare you. :P

By Anonymous, at 7:53 am

Have to agree with the others, awesome post. I haven't yet got that feeling of taking up less space - still see myself as looking the same as I did 20kgs ago whenever I look in the mirror! But you've got me thinking about things I can do now that I couldn't before... thank you.

By Amy, at 9:47 am

What a great post! You've come such a long way, you are an inspiration :)

By Sarah, at 9:54 am

Great post Kathryn. I hope the 'too fat' section comes out to play eventually - I think you'd be capable of anything.

By Anonymous, at 11:08 am