Over the last few days I've got back on track after the disaster that was Binge Weekend. I don't think I've lost any weight but don't seem to have gained any either so that is good. But my friends haven't been home so I have not had access to their digital scales (I think I have their house key here somewhere though...mmm).

Anyway I've been thinking, and this is something I've read on a lot of weight loss journals etc but it is only starting to sink in with me, the secret to losing weight is not so much being able to "go on a diet" as such but being able to create a new lifestyle. Hell, we all know diets don't work long time. I've lost about the combined weights of the citizens of a small country, like say Luxembourg, in diets over my life. It's all about a sensible long term eating plan and that includes being able to pick yourself up and get back on the good eating horse when you fall off. It is also accepting that everyone falls off sometimes and that success isn't about never failing but being able to recover from failure.

Oh, I'm coming over all new age guru here. I guess you can hear that stuff a million times but it is much harder to get to the point where you know it for yourself.

I was thinking, a lot of society see us overweight people as lacking discipline and self control but I think the real problem is that we are too disciplined in some ways. I know I have this whole black and white attitude to food - either having to be starving myself on lettuce leaves or else binging. Both are wrong. Healthy eating isn't a punishment. I am very much an either/or person - moderation is incredibly difficult for me. I either eat no Tim-Tams or the whole packet; I go all out with exercise for a few days then get discouraged and stop.

I've got to change that way of thinking. Doing something is better than doing nothing and changing habits slowly is best. Already I've been drinking heaps more water which is great. The next thing I want to do is incorporate more pulses into my diet - not only making meals healthier but also cheaper. That can't be bad.

Yesterday I was flicking through Wild, Succulent Woman by Sark. I don't normally read self-help books but this one is an exception. Have you ever read something that is so appropriate for the place you are in at that moment that words seem to leap out and twist your gut? There was one line about "eating like an angry child" - that is me. That is what I do. I need to learn to overcome that.

I read further and she talks about appreciating your body in the present moment. That also twisted my gut. About ten years ago, I lost a lost of weight and was doing aerobics every day. I looked good there for a while. I see photos now of me at that time and I'm a babe. I had great legs. I want to find one of those photos and stick it on the fridge for inspiration.

But, the sad thing is, I remember how I felt around that time. I didn't feel attractive or gorgeous. I didn't feel a sense of achievement at the changes in my body. I didn't dwell me at the point I was at. Instead my entire focus was on how much further I had to go with my weight loss.

I don't want to do that now. While I have goals that I want to achieve, I don't want to live my life as an unfinished project waiting for the day that scales tell me I am acceptable. I want to be the best I can be at every point along the way.