Arrgghh! My weight's gone back up. I'm blaming my period. I've been doing everything right so that's the only thing that could be causing a gain. Well okay, I did go to a party on Friday night but I only had 2 (well, one and a half) alcoholic drinks and I did have some finger foods but I'd allowed for that. Maybe there will be a big loss next week when I'm post-menstrual (is that a word? It should be - if you can be pre-menstrual then you can be post). Maybe I should stop weighing myself so damn much too.

Here is my tip for when you are overwhelmed by chocolate cravings - ovalteenies. Ovalteenies rock - they are yummy and chocolatey but lack the calories and fat of real chocolate. Ovalteenies are my friends. Well, they would be but food isn't my friend any more. I'm not allowed to be friends with food. We just have a working relationship now.

I walked home from work again tonight. The walk is getting much easier - either I'm getting fitter or I'm learning the shortcuts.

Finally, I've had a bit of an issue come up in my life... See in a week and a bit, it's my birthday and I'd been planning a ME day followed by a party with my friends. Then, on the weekend, I found my mum and my two sisters are coming over for my birthday weekend. The thing is, they aren't coming for my birthday. They are coming to go to a football game. I mean, fair enough, they can do both but it gets worse.

They decided instead of going out with my friends on the Friday night, we'd go out and have a family dinner. All fine and good, I thought. It would be much easier keeping my family and friends seperate. One of my sisters was going to come to dinner with my friends then decided she "couldn't afford it".

So I was all set for a Saturday night dinner. But no, we won't be going to dinner on the Saturday because my sister's want to go the "after party" for the football game.

Instead, I am supposed to go to dinner on Thursday night with my mum and one of my sisters (the other sister doesn't get to town until Friday night). I said I didn't want to do that because I'd miss my class at the gym and I'd rather go to dinner on Saturday night.

Then my sister suggested that I take the day off work on Friday so I could spend time with her because they will be too busy to see me for the rest of the weekend. I told her I'd planned to have a massage and other pampering on the Friday and she said I was being selfish.

Just to recap: one of my sisters is not bothering to see me at all over the weekend and my mum and other sister want to fit me in around their football commitments even if it means me giving up some treats I have been really looking forward to.

After I got off the phone to my sister, I was talking to my best friend, Sugar Lips, who couldn't understand why I hadn't told my family what miserable, selfish people they are. But the thing is, I am disappointed and sad that they are like that, but I don't have the energy to get angry. I gave up on that many years ago. I don't even know if I want to see them.

Sugar Lips also told me to tell them how I feel. It's hard for me. I've buried my feelings for so long. Only recently have I started to chip away at the shell I keep around myself and, after this incident, I'm beginning to remember why that shell was there in the first place.

I think in families, in dysfunctional families anyway, there are those who make a fuss and those who give in to avoid the fuss. There are also the family myths and stories. In my family, the myth is that I'm the one to make the fuss, I'm the one that shouts and screams and has the temper. But, you know, I think that is a fallacy. Maybe it was that way when I was a kid but not any more. I'm the one that goes out of my way, that changes my plans and puts the rest of my life on hold so I can do things with my family. And they can't have the same courtesy toward me.

It's a hard situation and the most annoying thing is that my family won't even see anything wrong with the way they are behaving.