iDiet

[a weight loss story]

kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au

::12.6.06::

Still Sick

I can't believe how long this cold is going on for. I feel like I've been sick for months. It's just not going away. I'm getting plenty of rest, taking vitamins and drinking tonnes of water but nothing seems to help. It's so damn frustrating - I can't even remember the last time I exercised. I keep thinking I'm getting better then I'll wake up the next morning with a sore throat and it's back to square one. If I'm not better in a few days, I'll go back to the doctor and see what's going on. I feel like I've wasted the whole long weekend, sleeping and lazing around doing nothing. Sure that's the best thing to fight off the cold but it's not good for me.

Yesterday I really had a huge pig out. I have no idea why... I just couldn't stop eating. Luckily most of it was healthy food so I didn't go too far over my calories but it's still not good.

I think I'll have a problem with food for my entire life. I can tackle the weight problem but, regardless of my size or weight, the food thing will still be there. It's weird how this emotional eating stuff goes. You'd think it would be easy - I'm angry with X so I'm going to eat a chocolate cake. But, for me at least, it's never that simple. The emotional triggers are so buried under a mountain of layers that I have no idea what triggers things off.

If it was simple - I had a fight with someone or felt angry with them and couldn't express it, then the solution would be simple. But often I don't think at the time that I'm going through any kind of emotional stress. I try to analyse my feelings but come up with nothing but I feel hungry or I feel like eating. Then maybe afterwards, days or weeks later, I realise there were things wrong.

I think this is why so much of what I read - books and articles - about emotional eating are so unhelpful. They talk about being upset for clear, concrete reasons. If I could see what was triggering the problems, I could head them off at the pass. I could take myself out of the situation.

But then again, if all these emotional issues are clear cut and easily identified, if I could identify and express what I'm feeling, then maybe I wouldn't have the food issues to start with. It's all too easy for "experts" to tell you to have a bubble bath instead of eating but I've had years and years of experience at putting up fences and hidding behind them.

At the moment, I think I have this belief that I *can't* lose weight while I'm sick. Sure I've been losing a bit but I don't really believe it. Part of me wants to be nurtured and looked after. I want to take to my bed - sleeping and indulging, but another part of me is angry and frustrated. I feel guilty too - I should be able to tough this out, I should be out running and pumping weights not malingering.

The food issues become so much more pronounced too when I can't exercise. I can't overindulge then work it off at the gym - I have to try to eat well. Then I try too hard and that results in overeating.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off. My son came over to visit the other day. He'd had a cold too and I asked him how he was feeling. He said he was fine - he'd gone to bed for a couple of days and got over it. Curse him and his simple solutions.

I've got to get better soon - how long can one frigging cold go on for?

# 6 comments * Post a Comment

Don't be so hard on yourself honey, you're sick and exercise isn't good for you when you're sick. I think resting up for the weekend is just what you needed, but you feel guilty because you're not doing anything. You are doing something, you're helping your body to get better. I think your trigger is that you're pissed off with yourself because you can't exercise and you're worried about gaining weight, but you won't because you know to eat healthy and drink lots of water. Give yourself a break babe and go with the flow. Take care of yourself and try not to push too hard. That way it won't be too long before you're back to normal and then you can exercise all you want.
(which is a LOT because you're a machine!!).
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Bri

By Briony, at 2:23 pm

Take some vitamin C, or better yet buy some oranges. Lots of water. Dayquil. And take care of yourself...you body and your spirit. Don't beat yourself up, Kathryn. I'm not entirely sure how much 38 km translates into in pounds, but it sounds impressive! You are an inspiration to me.

By Shaunta, at 2:55 pm

So sorry you are still not well. Good idea to go to the Dr and see what is going on.
Hope things improve for you soon xx

By Suzy, at 2:57 pm

Firstly, *long, low wolf whistle*, you look hot, hot HOT in that dress! I hope you feel like a million bucks in it. The necklace is perfecto and the slippers top the look off nicely. Have I missed a photo of you in your wish jeans??

Does it really matter if you don't lose weight when you're sick? Why not wrap yourself up in a doona, defrost a container of minestrone you had the forethought to make earlier and plonk yourself in front of Veronica Mars for a couple of days until you're better? If I have a cold I cannot shake I always give a hot toddy a go (I was actually prescribed this by a doctor when I was 15 - thought it was v cool). I use a good slug of scotch, juice of one lemon, big teaspoon of honey, cloves if you have them, and boiling water to fill the cup. You should dress yourself in natural fibres with lots of layers, jump in bed, drink the hot toddy (guaranteed you will be out like a light shortly) and while you sleep you sweat out all the bad stuff. It sounds a bit kooky, but it always works with me, I get up feeling HEAPS better, which is handy because you need the energy to wash sweaty pjs and sheets.

I understand completely - I too will always have a problem with food. An older relative of mine was a drug addict and has been off smack for 20yrs. While he recognises that it cannot be a part of his life (nor does he want it to be), he STILL gets the urge to use and says there's nothing like the feeling when you're on it. I think food will always be drug-like for me - which is a right pain in the arse as I have to eat some things, some of the time. I think Sue has posted about this too. It's great to be aware of it, but all you can do is try and control it. Forever.

By CaramelKitKat, at 2:28 am

I'm trying to be sensible about my cold - I'm on my second day off work now. We're so conditioned to 'soldier on' that this simple act of caring for ourselves feels almost impossible!
I like what you're saying about emotional eating - it really isn't simple at all.

By Sue, at 5:36 am

You've gone to the doctor by now yeah?

I think I will always have an issue with food too so that is why I can't have junk in the house etc. If it's there, I'll eat it. But I think we have learnt so much over the year that we know how to work with it better than ever before.

And I know that guilty feeling when not being able to exercise. Stop it right now you hear! Don't be hard on yourself. You really need to rest and let your body recover. You've come too far and achieved so much that I think your body will be fine with some time out. It probably needs it??

Take it easy babe...

By Mary, at 8:44 pm