Today I had some work issues, that I've written about on my main site but I wanted to add something diet related.

Normally when things happen that upset me or make me angry, I hold it all in. I don't react or get visibly upset. I act all calm while inside I'm a mess, then later I eat. I eat a lot. I stuff myself. The chocolate and the bread and the greasy food makes it all better. For a minute or two anyway.

Of course, afterwards I'm still upset and also stuffed to the gills. I'm upset and I feel like a fat pig. A big overfed, emotionally retarded pig. I hate the way I never stick up for myself or let go.

I think I'm afraid that if I let myself respond then I won't know when to stop. When I was a kid I had a bad temper and my mother used to yell at me that one day I'd ended up killing someone unless I learnt to control it. She would then get angry at me and scream and yell, sometimes hit me. It's hard to gain emotional control when you have no one to teach you.

Anyway today I didn't lose my temper. I removed myself from the situation without saying a word. Maybe I could have done things better. Maybe I could have stayed around to stick up for myself. But I'm glad that I didn't just take all the shit like some stupid doormat. And, mostly, I'm glad I didn't resort to binging.