Well not slackness with the food or exercise but slackness in general. I was supposed to go to my short story class tonight but it is just too hot. I've actually been feeling sick from the heat. I should have gone for a swim but I did a huge walk this morning. I guess I can walk and swim, right. No law against that. Oh well, too late now.

Since I'm not going to class, I thought I'd spend some time thinking about the reasons I want to lose weight so I can have a reminder when I'm feeling less motivated. I think this list will be a work-in-progress.

1. My mum and sister are going to Weight Watchers and I don't want them to be thinner than me. And I want to do it without paying $16 a week. So far my mum has lost more than me but she started a few weeks earlier and had more to lose. My sister has lost less but she was smaller to start with.

2. To get sex. Maybe even a relationship. But just sex would be fine. Not, damn it, I do want a relationship. I find it hard to say that, like I will be mocked for thinking that someone like me is worthy of a relationship. But I am. I really am.

3. To enjoy sex more when I do get it. Just being honest, ok.

4. Clothes, nice clothes and cheaper clothes. My dream is to be able to walk into any shop and buy clothes (well except for really expensive designer stores where I couldn't afford a sock, even then it would be nice to just browse). I shopped in the regular sizes the first time I bought my own clothes - it was a green cheesecloth top and would be very funky nowadays. I was 12 years old and it was a size 16. Not long after that, I no longer fitted regular sizes.

5. I think I'd like to have thinner fingers so I could buy a nice ring. That might even end up being one of my weight loss rewards. My fingers are too big for most rings at the moment. The only one I own is a silver band with love hearts that I tried on once at a market. It got stuck on my finger and I had to buy it.

6. I want to get off my diabetes medication. If I can keep my blood sugar under control with just diet and exercise, I'll be a very happy girl and a very healthy one.

7. I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror.

8. You know when you get on a plane or go to a cafe with booth seating or anywhere that the space is limited, and your mind starts trying to figure if you can squeeze your ample frame into that space. I'd like to never have to do that again.

9. I want to get a job as a stripper. Well maybe not. But I'd like to know that I COULD if I wanted to.

10. I'd like to make guys who rejected me regret that decision.

I think that's enough for now. And, of course, they aren't in order of importance. Naturally my health is far more important to me than good sex. Yeah, right.