I've not been eating the best lately and it really bugs me. It is one thing to eat well when you have control over your food, another to eat well when you don't.

Firstly, I went to see a band in the outer suburbs on Wednesday night and we had dinner at a place nearby. We went to a place with a wide range of food so I thought I'd find something reasonable. Except almost every single dish included a cream sauce. And since I don't eat mushrooms or seafood, that ruled out nearly everything else. In the end I got chicken kebabs with a lemon and herb marinate. But the salad that came with it was drenched in oil. I get so frustrated - do I have to spell out every single thing in my order? Why is that you always get the most unhealthy option unless you specify otherwise - that your dressing is on the side or that your food is grilled not fried or whatever? Of course I didn't have to eat the chips that came with it either.

Then yesterday, I forgot to take my fruit to work. For morning tea I went to the coffee shop and got a banana. Good choice. Then at lunch time I got some WW cereal bars since I have been craving carbo-snacks. Still good. Except for arvo tea, I decided to go to Hudson's and get a chai. Still not so bad. But at Hudsons they had biscotti on the counter. I got a packet, one pack = 2 serves, and I ate both serves. So, I was thinking, I'd make it up by having a light dinner and a big gym session. Except I got an email from a friend inviting me out for Japanese. And right, Japanese isn't so bad. I did a shortish but intense session at the gym and got to the resturaunt starving.

I had one gyoza and a miso to start. For mains, because I was so hungry, the waitress recommended a potato and beef hotpot (not sure how traditional that was). It was like a broth with potato and beef chunks floating in it. The beef was almost pure fat. The broth glistened with oil. Urrghh! But I ate it, well I ate around the fat on the beef. I hate meat fat, always have. Then I had black sesame icecream for dessert and ended up feeling over stuffed.

So that leads to today. I agreed to do a race/savenger hunt thing with some friends so I got up early and had a healthy breakfast (despite not being at all hungry after last night). The race started and ate the bag of free lollies we got in our show bag (and another one we got at a pit stop). Why did I do that? Why? I felt so sick afterwards.

After that, all i wanted was a salad roll but we couldn't get one. One of the pit stops was a Brumby's bakery so I got the closest thing - an apricot scroll (hey, it beat the sausage rolls and pies and shite).

Plus, the race was supposed to finish at 3.30 so I planned to go to a 4.30 Pump class. But we had to wait around for nearly 2 hours to get the results. I was so frustrated.

In fact, it has all been so frustrating. I've wanted to do the right thing but circumstances and my own poor efforts have thwarted me. The lesson to be learnt here is to be prepared. The other lesson is to be more assertive. I hate making a fuss when I eat out, but if I don't then I don't get what I want.

Actually there is another lesson to be learnt. See, these were things (well, except the band on Wednesday night that rocked ) that I didn't really want to do. Now I feel like most of my weekend has gone and all I've got done is one half arsed exercise session. No proper workout, no writing, no laundry. Nothing that I wanted to get done. And that makes me as frustrated as hell.


Postscript: I just added up my day's calories and I'm still under my daily allowance. If I do some exercise (maybe some weights at home) and have a big bowl of vegies for dinner then I should be fine. I just feel like I've been a jolly, great guts because I ate two packets of lollies. All that sugar is clogging up my veins and slugging me down.

You know how sometimes you feel like you have already blown your "diet" (or healthy eating lifestyle or whatever you want to call it) so you may as well go the whole hog (literally)? It's good to assess the damage. I was very tempted to just write it all off with some greasies from the takeaway for dinner, despite my bloated belly, but now I'm going to be very happy with my vegies.

And I've learnt - sugar = evil. If I want white, granually shite in future, I'll stick to cocaine. It's better for me.