Leisa recently posted about how she is able to visualise herself at goal. I envy her that. Most of the time I have trouble even visualising myself the weight I am, let alone at goal. I'm still coming to terms with the person I am now; I'm still trying to catch up with me. But I do have one vision: a future I'm aiming for.

See, I have four guys in my life who are precious to me. My friend, Sugar Lips, I've mentioned recently. And, of course, there is my son, Andrew. The other two are my friends, Tim and Simon.

Tim and I have been friends forever. We've shared houses together and held each other up when we've been too drunk to walk on our own. We've gotten each other in and out of more trouble than I even want to think about. Tim is crazy and flamboyant and extremely bitchy. When you go out, he'll always say or do the things that make you cringe and want to hide under the table. Then he'll turn around and do something wonderful. Or say something pants-wettingly funny.

About 5 or 6 (or maybe more) years ago, he met his partner, Simon. Simon is his complete opposite - sensible and practical (well most of the time anyway) and very career driven. They fight more than any couple I know; if you make it through dinner with them without yelling and screaming and someone storming out, it's a newsworthy event. I think they'll be together forever.

Earlier this year, when I began getting serious about losing weight, Tim had his usual attitude - "Fat, thin, what does it matter? You'll still be you." I'm never sure if that's a compliment! But Simon loved it. He's always been a fitness nut and for ages would go off doing fun runs and triathalons on his own. We did a fun run together and a couple of times I borrowed his bike and would ride it (well eventually... it's not true, you can forget how to ride a bike) and he'd run along beside me.

Then Tim and Simon decided they wanted to live overseas for a year and have exciting adventures. They'd talked about it for ages without doing anything. Suddenly, almost overnight, it was organised and they were having a farewell party and getting on the plane.

Most of the time, I don't think about missing them. I don't see the point in that. But I have a my stuff in a storage space near their old house and when I'm driving over there, sometimes my brain is tricked into thinking I'm visiting them instead. That mades me a little sad.

So, what's all this got to do with my vision, you might ask. Well, they're coming home in March for a mutual friend's wedding. In my vision, I'm at the airport. I'm at my goal weight and I see the incredulous looks on their faces and Simon is saying "oh my god, oh my god" and Tim is calling me insulting but funny nicknames.

They know I'm losing weight but they will so react like that. It keeps me going because I'd hate to see them and instead of being at my goal weight, being the old lump they left behind.

I can and will do it. I can be at goal by March.