This morning, I woke up miserable and achy and sick. I'm so over my bad health. The day got worse - I got on the scales and was up a kilo! Where the hell did that come from? I've eaten out a few times and tried to pick healthy choices but unless you march into the kitchen and supervise the cooking you never really know how healthy the food is. Plus I had a period of not exercising. Plus my hormones are all over the place at the moment. I'm not premenstrual but I feel it. Maybe it's menopause.

Every little thing irritated me and then I got an email. A while back, a story I'd written was accepted for an anthology. The email said that they had to cut my story for space reasons. It was a lovely email, very apologetic and sweet, and they are still paying me but... Normally I'd be disappointed but brush it off, rejection is never far away when you write, but today it hit me hard.

So I went to the kitchen with those damn fundraising chocolates sitting on the counter. And I bought one. I tried to think of the Good Kathryn and the Bad Kathryn but Bad Kathryn was mighty strong today. I broke off a few squares.

As the chocolate melted in my mouth, a light bulb turned on in my head. I really didn't want to eat that chocolate. Not because it's bad or fattening or wrong, but because I didn't want it. I didn't enjoy it and it sure as hell wasn't going to fix anything. I mean, I know that chocolate doesn't fix things but you can know something without really feeling it. It's just the theory, not the practical. Today I really felt it.

I asked around to see if anyone wanted it but they all had their own chocolate supplies so I went to throw it in the bin but one of the women stopped me.

She told me to save it for later. I told her I wouldn't want it later. She couldn't comprehend that I'd just throw away perfectly good chocolate. I think perfectly good chocolate is much better in the bin than in my mouth and I wanted it gone before I had time to reconsider. What's with that anyway? I mean, it's not like chocolate is expensive or in limited supply. In the end, she talked me into leaving it in the kitchen in case someone wanted it. I can't imagine anyone wanting a partially eaten chocolate bar left in the kitchen but I did it to shut her up and never even thought about going back to get another square.

But the day got better. I spent the afternoon with Sugar Lips sitting in the sun talking all manner of shite. Then we took Bronnie the Dog for a walk and I jogged. Woohoo! And it was up a hill too. We waited for Sugar Lips to catch up then I jogged up the next hill too. I never knew I could do that! I want to do more!

My contract at this job goes until the end of the year but I'm thinking about having a word to my boss to see if I can it is possible to drop back to part time hours, maybe four days a week. I need to get my health back on track because it's getting ridiculous.