iDiet

[a weight loss story]

kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au

::23.10.05::

Today

I was thinking about the comments on my earlier post about the good and bad Kathryns and it's funny. I've always thought of the Good Kathryn as a namby pamby little goodie two shoes while the Bad Kathryn is exciting and fun, but I really like the image of Good Kathryn as viking warrior princess so much better. Well der, of course - viking warrior princesses kick butt.

So then I thought I should change my image of Bad Kathryn to make it less attractive. Instead of being a vixen temptress, I am starting to see her as kind of like the mother from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. I always found that character scary - worried that I'd end up like that one day. There's a scene in the movie where she says 'I never meant to end up like this' and that is so sad, and something I really could identify with. I mean no one sits down and plans to become obese. It just happens slowly and gradually and most of the time you go along in your expanding body without ever thinking about it.

For many years, the picture I had of myself inside my head had no relationship at all to reality. You make changes and adjustments and come to accept them as normal - it's amazing how you can rationalise anything. You go shopping for clothes and curse the stores because the sizing is getting smaller, you start wearing elastic waists and stretch fabrics. You can't walk two blocks with ease because your shoes hurt. You hide in the corner when you go out or wear sparkly accessories to distract yourself. You get gallstones, you have high cholestrol, you become diabetic and tell yourself it's just part of getting older.

Fat doesn't happen overnight and there a million tiny attitude adjustments that take place. Those adjustments might hurt for a while but that's okay, just have another chocolate bar and the pain goes away.

How much better is it to be warrior princess? To not accept or learn to live with the decline of your body, but to fight and work and conquor? To strip back to your real self rather than hide it under rolls of flab?

Thanks for helping see things in a new light. I think next time Good and Bad Kathryn go into battle, the fight will be much easier.

# 8 comments * Post a Comment

I love the idea of changing how you see your good and bad sides. It's funny how being "sensible" and doing the right thing can be seen as dull and boring rather than in a warrior princess out to put things right sort of way, I know I've been guilty of that when the "a piece of chocolate" thoughts come whizzing through my head. It can be hard letting go of the old you though, I tried very hard to get the balance between not hating myself enough to fall into the sort of depression that only chocolate could cure and on the other side hating myself enough to know that I never wanted to be like that again. I think as you get further away from the old you it can help to change the way you see that person, and it sounds like you're definitely doing that!

By YP, at 6:27 pm

I always viewed the bad Lucinda as the compelling risk taker, where to good one was boring - but now I think I will see my 'bad' self as the uneducated, and the 'good' as the one who knows better.

By Anonymous, at 10:50 pm

I don't have such a clearly defined "good" me, but the "bad" me - more of a disembodied bad "voice", is evil. I've hated her/it for years.

I think you're changing perspective is wonderful, and a sure sign you can beat back the "bad" Kathryn when need be! Small changes, right?

By Anonymous, at 7:52 am

This is a great post, very insightful. BTW 'Gilbert Grape' is one of my favourite movies - and in my opinion the only decent piece of acting di Caprio ever did.

By Sue, at 10:10 am

I don't have bad and good Philippa's - I've always had a kind of double personality anyway,(it's because I'm a Gemini!). I think of myself these days as the "old Philippa" and the "new Philippa" and compare the habits and attitudes of the old me, as in the person who weighed 103.5kg six months ago, and what she used to do, eat and think, and what the new me does now. There's a huge difference. Having said that, it's just a constant battle to keep on the straight and narrow, and keep sticking to the program even if you think it isn't working and you just want to sink into a mountain of chocolate!

An excellent post, as always.

Hope you have a great day today :)

By philippa_moore, at 10:11 am

What great posts you have had lately K - sorry I haven't had a chance to comment on them until now !
I think all of us have this strange idea of how we look and find it difficult to come to terms with the reality of how we actually look. Good for you on getting the right personas to help with the good and the bad K's !!!
I am sure that your new hair style / colour will grow on you and you will love it soon.
Can totally identify with what you are saying about going into clothing shops - possibly that was the reason why I have always hated shopping (although I never liked shopping that many years ago when I was thin anyway !!!) But now, I enjoy the fact that I can buy clothes when I want to (can afford to) and not only when I have to have them because nothing else fits !
Take care and have a great week - you are such an inspiration with getting so close to so many of your goals - you rock !!!
Me

By Me, at 10:15 am

Brilliant. Just brilliant. And if we can change our attitudes to other issues as well as we have done with our food then we will be a clan of Viking Warrior Princesses changing the world. I love your change of attitude and I am going to think on my internal self talk and imaging too to see if I can make some subtle changes that will help me out.

Thanks.
Hope you have a great day tomorrow.

By Margaret, at 9:27 pm

You've got the one of the best attitudes Kathryn!

By Mary, at 6:39 am