One of my consistent worries is that I'm going to just stop. Give up. Quit. The bad ol' habits will be back, stronger and worser than ever. One false move and I'll re-pork. I don't want to be that person again - depressed and unhappy about my weight but not willing to do a thing about it, sobbing about my fat arse while shoving mouthfuls of chocolate into my gob. I've been there before - I've sunk from a good and healthy lifestyle back to the lardpits - and it took me a long, long time to claw my way back out.

So, to make myself feel a little more secure, I thought I'd make a list of reasons why this time is different.

1. Higher calories: every time I've lost any decent amount of weight before, I've been on a very restrictive diet - 500 - 1,000 calories. At the moment, I eat about 1,500 calories a day. That is enough to eat well and not feel deprived yet still lose weight. And that's what it's all about. As we all know - it's a lifestyle change not a diet.

2. Enjoyable exercise: I've exercised to lose weight before too but I never really enjoyed it. In the past, I'd go along to the gym and follow my program like a good little weight loss soldier but I never really had any input into what I was doing. That works, for a while... until the boredom sets in... and it is always a chore, having to drag your sorry ass to the gym for another tedious round of exercise. I think the whole exercise thing clicked with me when I was at my old gym. I joined up and got given a program but didn't think it was right for me. Instead of trying to do it for a while then getting dissatified and quitting, I rang the gym and told them I didn't like it and why. The gym manager was lovely - he thanked me for ringing and giving them feedback and set up another assessment. That was when I realised that I am the one in control - I'm doing this for me, and it has to be what I want and need, not what someone else tells me I need. Now I do the classes I want and the gym I want - I don't love it all but mostly I enjoy it.

3. Support: never in any of my weight loss efforts before have I had support like I have now. I've had people to whom I am answerable, but that isn't support. That is someone to fool and cheat and get the better of, someone to take the load of responsibility from me. Now I have a whole network of people online going through the same process - the responsibility is mine but I don't have to go through this alone.

I also have someone who is a really good friend, someone I can talk to about anything. Most of my life I've had good friends but I've never really let my guard down around them. When bad things happen, I'll say I'm fine and laugh and joke and they accept that and joke along with me. That's fine but it doesn't really fix anything. So, about a year ago, I met my best friend David. He's a great guy, the best friend a girl could have, and not afraid to call bullshit when I start covering up my emotions. It's not always easy but it helps just knowing that there is someone in the world who will adore me, no matter what.

4. Lifestyle change: as I said above, this is a lifestyle change in many ways but I think it helps that not long after losing weight, my whole life changed - I moved house (and neighbourhoods) and got a new job. Since then, I've not let myself get into bad habits. I don't have a shop where I buy calorific food on the way home from work, I don't go to places with greasy food for lunch. Sure, I'm not perfect, but my imperfections haven't become bad habits and that makes a big difference.

5. Emotional stuff: not only am I working on changing my eating and exercise but I'm also starting to deal with the issues that made me fat in the first place. Without dealing with these issues, they will never go away.

6. Life threatening illness: oh yeah, and I also have the diabetes to deal with as well. Nothing like the thought of amputation or blindness to keep you on the straight and narrow.

I think I've convinced myself now. This is for life.