It's weird how life works sometimes. After posting last night, I received an email from an old friend, an invitation to his 40th birthday. Well more like a pre-invitation since the party is in June and there are no details yet.

This whole thing is weird in so many ways. We used to be best friends. Were for 15 years or more but haven't spoken for the past 5 years or so. I guess there is a long version and a short one to this story and I'll try to stick to the short one at the moment. Our friendship just sort of faded out - no big fights, no words said, nothing. It just ended. Bad feelings on both sides but nothing said. Instead we hurt each other and did stupid things instead of talking about the issues. There is a lot of water under that bridge. For me, fighting is always better. At least things get out in the open and you deal with them.

At the same time, we were both changing the people we are. Changing in different ways.

Sometimes I miss him. Of course. You can't be friends with someone for that long and not miss them. Other times, I get this intense burst of fury out of nowhere. I want to hunt him down and punch him. Mostly I'm angry because when he changed, he took my friend away - the friend that he used to be.

So anyway, this party is going to be a situation where I'll be around people I haven't seen for many years. People who knew me as a different person. I feel like I've been at least 2 or 3 different people since then.

It's not just a case of them having known me when I was fat (although my sister reminded me that I had to go just to show them) but back then I was, we all were big into club, into partying hard. I got out of that whole scene. It was fun for a while but I was over it all. I just stopped wanting to be that person.

One of the real eye openers from all this is that it's made me see that the weight loss isn't the first or only transformation in my life. I've "reinvented myself", as they say in the celebrity mags, several times over. I've left behind the things that don't work for me and found the things that do. I can do this.