[a weight loss story]
*kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au*
Phillipa left a comment (about talking about other people's weight) on my last post , that reminded me of something that happened on the weekend. I'd spent the day helping my friend find a wedding dress and so the subject of weight came up a lot - she isn't happy with her weight and wants to lose some before the wedding.
I had dinner with her and her partner that night and walking back to the car she mentioned my weight loss. She told me I'd done a great job because I'd been so huge before, because I'd been massive.
I told her to shut up but she couldn't understand why - she wasn't saying I was massive now. She seriously couldn't see anything wrong with telling me I'd once been a big, fat heifer. To me, that is no way to compliment someone. While it's lovely to be told how much work I've done, I can do without being reminded just how big I used to be.
She'd said some other things that annoyed me throughout the day including telling me how horrible the dog I used to have was. You don't say mean things about other people's dogs. Ever. It's like criticising their children. I mean, fair enough if dog or child bites you but physical attacks aside, keep your mouth shut.
So a few nights ago, I was chatting to another friend and having a bit of a whinge. I told him that I'd asked her to go on a few fun runs with me and she always says she will but never does, and he said something that surprised me.
Apparently this friend is eaten up with jealous over my weight loss. At first I didn't believe him, then he reminded me of her attitude when a mutal friend bought her own flat - my friend became obsessive over it. It was all she talked about and she was so bitter until she got her own house as well. The same thing happened earlier this year when the same mutual friend went overseas.
It's so weird to me - that someone would envy me. I don't really understand envy. Sure if I found out someone I knew won the big one in lotto I'd have a twinge of it but mostly I don't care about what other people have. Why worry about that stuff? All I can do in life is make my lot better and be as happy as I can.
the "you were so fat before" comments really irk me, I am constantly telling people that they hurt me just as much - because geez I'm still the same friggin' person. I know that I'm not as big as I once was, but comparing me with words like massive and huge - it was still ME. You know?
Call me paranoid but someone says to me "I can't believe how good you look", I hear "I can't believe how bad you looked before!"
I think it's especially foolish to envy someone who is doing something you CAN do! I am not at all surprised you were angry, I would've been, too. Frankly, her behavior reminds me somewhat of the friend I've been talking about on my site - different sort of circumstances, but I suspect the same cause - jealousy.
Thanks for posting this. Reading it made me realise why I get so damn uncomfortable receiving compliments about my weight loss, it's because they're not really compliments at all ... the comments are an assessment of how I look and my "value" as determined by them. The "compliments" always come from people I barely know. The only way I know how to do deal with it is say "Thanks" embarrassedly and quickly change the topic.
The worse "compliment" I've ever had was from a colleague:
I know exactly what you mean about those horrid comments of how we all used to be before. I know I was morbidly obese but I really don't have to be reminded of it. The way people compliment you says a lot about ones personality. I agree with your friend. Those that try to destroy your spirit are just jealous. Keep up the fantastic work!! XX
Hey Kathryn - hope you are having a great week. I have just been catching up on your last few blogs. I hear ya with the HUGE comments - people just don't think before they speak. I agree with you that some people think saying certain things is hurtful or on the other hand OK. I know myself that I wouldn't even tell someone if I thought they had a bad haircut or needed to change lipstick for fear of upsetting them - but someone has told me I am HUGE and I didn't appreciate it. The problem you have with your "green" friend is the same problem I have with my family - they are all overweight and all they do is criticise me and sabottage me and never ever comment nicely about how well I am looking.....it comes back to my struggle lately - Respect yourself because you are the only one you can rely on. Take care and hugs.lb.
There was a small article about this topic months ago in the age weekend magazine or something. A woman had lost a lot of weight, and she lost her friends in the process, I must see if I can find it - as it really hit home. There are the friends that know it's still you, and the ones that have no idea how to handle it.
och, people are always greeeeeeeeen when someone has something/does something that they wish they could do. i used to get those vibes from my mum when i first started losing, but now she's lost heaps of weight she is nothing but supportive of me. people! people, i tells ya!
Your last few posts have been nothing short of incredible. You are digging so deep and exploring so much about the human physceee (can't spell so thought I would go all out and stuff it up)
boobs: 100 cm
waist: 81 cm
hips: 109 cm
thighs: 50 cm
Weekly Goal Lifestyle Changing Challenge-A-Rama
Week 1 - Drink more water
Week 2 - Cut out sugary treats