iDiet

[a weight loss story]

kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au

::23.11.05::

Perfection

Last night I spent a lot of time reading journals of people who've had tummy tucks and other such surgery. That got me thinking about my last post and the quest for perfection. Maybe, just maybe, if you are forty years old and you have given birth and have lost a lot of weight, you aren't supposed to have the body of a 16 year old. I mean, you can spend an extreme amount of time and money, not to mention pain, having surgery to become closer to perfect, but who's saying what perfect is anyway?

I don't need to perfect. I don't need to look like a 16 year old or even a 25 year old. I just need to be the best me possible. That's good enough.

Well okay, I'm not totally ruling out the idea of a tummy tuck if I'm left with really hideous dangly down belly skin. At least if you are overweight and you pick up a dude, I mean begin a meaningful relationship in which you wish to express your love physically, the dude knows what he's in for when the clothes come off but it's another thing altogether taking the gear off and having enough surplus fabric to cover a sofa - a really big sofa. But other than that, I'm okay with things.

I was in Borders tonight, browsing through Bustmagazine when I found an article on cougars (older women who go for younger guys) and I remembered one of my motivations for losing weight - to get me a toy boy. Actually that was a joke when I first said it but hey, who's going to argue if a young spunk comes knocking on the door! I think I'd like a toy boy, I find it hard to relate to men of my age. They seem so old.

It's hard for women. You are surrounded by images of female beauty everywhere. I don't just mean in magazines or on tv. Even in real life, out on the streets, there are so many gorgeous chicks. I think woman tend to be better looking than men - If you look at the percentage of women who attractive compared to the percentage of men. I guess a lot of that comes down to the fact that women look after themselves more. You feel like you can't compete. I guess it all comes NOT competing. It isn't a competition. Like I said above, I don't have to look like a 16 year old and, let's face it, I can't afford that much surgery anyway.

I think I need to work on the loving of me, the thought of me as being lovable. Otherwise there will always be something wrong. Even since I've been losing weight, I've noticed how much I focus on other imperfections - my teeth are ugly, my hair is too thin - the list goes on.

This isn't going to change overnight, I know. It's a long, long battle. I was going to say it will all be over when I get to like 90 and quit caring, but I remembered how vain my Nan is (she's in her 90s) so maybe it never ends.

# 4 comments * Post a Comment

I am not into pain, so I couldn't have any operation that wasn't absolutely necessary for my survival.
I think it is OK to be a bit vain. Much nicer to see an older woman (well any age woman) who cares about her appearance that one who doesn't.

By Suzy, at 7:59 am

You write some really interesting posts that are very thought provoking and oh so honest. I did read your liposuction one even though I do have a very weak stomach but it was fascinating.
I don't think we will ever be fully happy with what we've got or end up with but hey it's always so much better than where we were. We are always so much more critical of ourselves than others are of us which is so sad. My DH thinks I look fantastic but do I accept that - no I point out the flabby and the loose bits!! Would I have liposuction, no, but only because I couldn't afford it, i'm a coward and I have very bad reactions to anaesthetic. It's easier I guess when you have been with the same partner for 25 years. I am very secure in his love for me & my body - crazy man!!! Now it could be very different if I was suddenly single again???
As you work through all the issues it may end up not being a problem.
Good Luck and thanks for the supportive comments.

By Lesley, at 11:53 pm

It is a very thought provoking post, one which got me to thinking about my experiences when I lived in London. At the time I was about 50 lbs lighter than I am now, but still significantly overweight, especially for the UK and Europe. Nevertheless, I found myself, 43 years old, 50 lbs overweight, cellulite, slightly sagging breasts and all, surrounded by men who wanted to date (and do more). Why? All my English girlfriends were having an impossible time finding eligible men who cared for more than their body. Perhaps it was my flaws that drew men to me, not my perfection. Perhaps it was because I was interested in something else besides myself. Perhaps it was because I felt beautiful inside so I could be interested in something else besides myself. Whatever the reason, no liposuction or any surgery necessary. I had a more active social life than I could keep up with myself. My so-called flaws -- cellulite, flabby arms, increasing network of wrinkles -- were and are part of the package that is me. When someone was attracted to me, I believed they were attracted to the whole of me, not just the bits that were more perfect by today's air brushed standards. Maybe that belief caused me to relax around men when I was single and that is what caused the stampede in my direction. Like Lesley said, maybe I would feel differently if I was suddenly single again, but in 1998, it didn't make a difference to me at all, at all. :)

By not specified, at 1:19 am

I didn't know there was a name for lovely women like that. Cougars. What a great word. Conjours up fast, sleek, clever :D

And I think there is nothing wrong with a toy boy or two at all.

By Margaret, at 10:30 pm