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iDiet[a weight loss story]
*kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au* |
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::27.2.05:: Yet another post, oh I love to procrastinate.... I forgot to mention, on Friday night I wore the jeans I bought at Big City Chic this week. They were too big. I spent most of the night hoiking them up, not a graceful gesture. You'd never see Audrey Hepburn hoiking things. I have no natural charm. Anyway, I complained all night then, as the last guests were leaving and I was locking the door they fell off completely. Around my ankles. Thank god it happened when I was home on my own and not at dinner. That would have been just too embarassing (trust me, I had a skirt fall off on the train once). So the once worn jeans are probably going to go on ebay when I get around to taking a photo because it's not like they are ever going to fit me now. Speaking of which, has anyone bought jeans from Jeans West? They go up to a size 20 but I'd like to know how generous the fittings are before going into try them.
I love jeanswest jeans. In fact all my jeans are jeanswest. I wore the 20's when I was a 20 and they fit. The stretch ones are really comfy too.
Pick After that last post I must confess: I can't stop picking this afternoon. Pick, pick, pick. Corn thins and pistachios and anything else that's laying around the kitchen. I don't know what's causing this...I've had two things I've wanted to do today - write up a grant application and go for a walk. So instead of doing either I've been dicking around and eating. Not good. I'm feeling down, like everyone I know is out doing fun things and I'm stuck at home. I was going to go to the beach later for a bbq with some friends then they rang to cancel. I think I've just been feeling lonely and neglected all weekend. I should take my sorry arse down to the beach for a good walk but I don't feel like going on my own. Maybe I should just go have a nap or something. Blah.
Little Decision Lately I've been thinking about a song by Paul Kelly called Little Decisions and how appropriate it is. Often when you read diet magazines, the stories focus on the big decisions - the moment of epithany - you know the kind of thing: I didn't realise how out of control my eating had become until that day I was mistaken for a Mack truck. Imagine my embarassment when that trucker tried to open my door and mount my cab. From that day, I resoluted to lose weight. Which is all well and good, but it's the small decisions that matter. The hundreds of decisions we make every day - the decision to bypass the chocolate aisle at the supermarket, the decision to throw out or freeze the leftovers instead of polishing them off, the decision to get up and go for a walk instead of sitting at the computer. Lately I've been making a conscious effort to ask myself if I really want something before I eat it. At times I've dished up a bowl of food then realised that I really don't want to eat it at that particular moment and put it back in the fridge for later. Things like that make all the difference. Hear hear! It's definitely all about the little things.
I do something similar when I'm eating, I think to myself 'Is this going to help or hinder?' and most of the time I find this really useful.
::26.2.05:: After pics Thanks to Kimba for pointing me in the right direction, I now have a virtual model of my after pics. I was going to create a before model so I could compare but it seems the virtual model doesn't gain weight well - she got wider but still in proportion, no fat rolls or saggy boobs! It must be nice to be a virtual model. So this is the skinny me, coming soon...  Oh yeah, and I lied in the thingie below. I have been arrested. It was so many years ago now that I had forgotten all about it. I was young and stupid and got done for drink driving. Not one of my prouder moments. Anyway this is the life of me, sitting at home on a Saturday night creating virtual models of my skinnier self. I was feeling depressed earlier, going through a whole self-pitying binge of what's the point of even trying, no one cares if I'm fat or thin or whatever anyway, but you know, I care. I really do. I just feel bad sometimes - like everyone else in the world is out having fun while I sit here bored and alone. Sometimes I'm hopeless at entertaining myself and I have no money. Sure I was out with my friends last night but that was then. Some times I think I need a man in my life, then other times I feel like I'm not ready for that... maybe I'll never be ready, hey. Enough of this whinging though. I might curl up with a good book.
Things I've notice some people have those computer generated type pictures on their sites of what they will look like after losing weight. I was trying to find the link today and can't find it anyway. I'm sure I've seen them on heaps of other sites but can't find anyone with one on it today. And, to bandwagon jump (hey, it's exercise of a sort): I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex — False I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex — False I've Never Crashed A Friend's Car — True I've Never Been To Japan — False I've Never Been In A Taxi — False I've Never Been In Love — True I've Never Had Sex In a Public Place — Not that I can remember...mmm. I've Never Been Dumped — False I've Never Done Cocaine — False I've Never Shoplifted — False I've Never Been Fired — False I've Never Been In A Fist Fight — False I've Never Had Group Intercourse — True I've Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House — True I've Never Been Tied Up — False I've Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone — False hahahahaha! I've Never Been Arrested — True I've Never Made Out With A Stranger — False I've Never Stolen Something From My Job — False I've Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square — True I've Never Gone On A Blind Date — False I've Never Lied To A Friend — False I've Never Had A Crush On A Teacher or Professor — False I've Never Celebrated Mardi Gras In New Orleans — True, but I have in Sydney I've Never Been To Europe — False I've Never Skipped School — False I've Never Slept With A Co-Worker — False I've Never Cut Myself On Purpose — False I've Never Had Sex At The Office — True, well not at MY office anyways ;) I've Never Been Married — True I've Never Been Divorced — True I've Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week — False I've Never Posed Nude — True I've Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them — True I've Never Killed Anyone — True I've Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner — True I've Never Thrown Up In A Bar — False I've Never Taken a Hallucinogenic Drug — False I've Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire — True I've Never Eaten Sushi — False I've Never Been Snowboarding — True I've Never Had Sex At A Friend's House While They Were Throwing A Party — True I've Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room — True I've Never Flashed Anyone — False I've Never Met Anyone From Online — False Oh, I feel like a drunken slut now. Damn. Are you talking about My Virtual Model? Go to www.mvm.com :) Thanks
Good and Bad I went out to dinner last night with the intention of having a good time and not worrying too much about what I was eating. You have to enjoy yourself once in a while. So I got my pasta, in a nice healthy tomato based sauce, but it was coated with oil. You could see the oil slicks on top gleaming in the lights. I ate some then put the rest aside and had salad. Later we had birthday cake - a scrummy Baci cake from Myers. I had a bit of my slice then left the rest. So food-wise I was very good. Pity I drank my own body weight in wine though. I was going to do the spritzer thing but we started with champers. You can't spritz champagne. I am hopeless with booze - just think of Barney from the Simpsons. Damn me and my booze hound ways - I need to do some serious working out today I think. Well done on the food choices, and I know what you mean about champagne - I've learnt to avoid it altogether now, because otherwise once I've had a couple of champagnes all my good intentions go right out the window!
::25.2.05:: Sore The muscles are really aching after the boxercise class yesterday, although not as bad as I was expecting. But then I was expecting extreme pain. Maybe it will be worse tomorrow. I'm not sure if I should go and work out more today or not. I don't want to push myself too hard - heaven forbid - but I want to keep up this daily exercise habit. Maybe a swim would be good. I am going out to a pasta place for my son's birthday tonight so I feel like I should be doing lots of exercise to make up for the food I plan to eat. I was thinking I could get just a salad and maybe a teensy bit of pasta and not drink, but screw that. I want to have fun and eat what I want and drink what I want. It's a party. One thing I must be wary about - last time I was dieting, many years ago now, I'd go out and drink and not realise that my capacity for alcohol was rapidly diminishing. That resulted in some embarassing situations, let me tell you.
I'm a bit sore from Combat today too. I'm going to go and do a Pump class and some cardio this afternoon. Spritzers are a good idea. I am thinking of doing body combat at my gym tomorrow.
::24.2.05:: I am the greatest! I lost 1.3 kgs this week. I am a superstar. To reach my first goal - 10 kgs lost by the end of March I only need lose 4.6 kgs now. If I keep up a 1 kg a week lose I can do it. You are a superstar - to lose 1.3kg after falling on an Easter Egg is great (be careful it doesn't sneak up and get you next week though). Well done!
Oh no I ate chocolate. It was kinda accidental, I fell over and it slipped in my mouth. Sort of. I was at the supermarket and being all good but hungry so I bought some Weight Watchers Apple Crumble cereal bars but then when I was in the line they had easter eggs just sitting there in their pretty, shiny paper. I picked one up and put it down. Then I picked it up again and read the nutritional information - over 1,000 kilojoules - and put it back down. The third time I picked it up and kept it. I thought I could have just a little taste then take the rest home for Andrew. Phht. Yeah, right. Not going to happen. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just the chocolate but lately I've been thinking - I'll just have a little of this or just a little of that - not good. I would much rather save up and have one big treat especially since I'm going out for my son's 18th tomorrow and we are having pasta. Yum. And wine, yum. And tiramisu. NO! NO tiramisu.
The People's Champion I decided I needed some variety in my exercise program so I went to a Boxercise class this morning. It started off ok - I went in the room and it was empty so I sat and waited. Eventually a couple of other people turned up but not the instructor. Ten minutes into class time, he still wasn't there. I was about to go ask for a refund when he turned up, damn it. The class wasn't too bad. The rest of them seemed to have been going for ages so they paired up and did a circuit while I worked with the instructor. It was lots of fun because you get to hit people really hard. At one stage the instructor said to me - you've had a really hard week, haven't you? After the class he came over and told me I might feel sore tomorrow and even sorer the next day. He said I might feel like I've pulled a muscle. I might even feel like my muscles have been ripped in two, but not to worry. It's natural. Woohoo.. that's something to look forward to.
::23.2.05:: The Look This morning I popped over to Knifepoint shopping centre (aka Highpoint) and, as I was eating my Wendy's fat free hot dog (note to self: must check out if they are good as they say) I noticed there is a specific "fat chick" look. Have you ever noticed that? It's like once you are overweight you can't have your own look or style - your style is Fat Chick. The Fat Chick look includes - anything in that particular polycotton blend fabric. I don't know enough to know the name of it but you can only ever buy clothes in size 16+ made out of it. These clothes tend to come in aqua and navy regardless of current fashion colours. The shirt - the fat chick shirt always has those tabs to hold up the sleeves - you know, that little button over tab. It's like someone one time decided hey, you can carry massive amounts of fat on your belly, thighs and arse so long as you have the little sleeve tab to distract from it. Either that, or there is something about the physique of the overweight that makes it impossible for sleeves to stay rolled unaided. The shirt is always worn unbuttoned with The Top. The Top usually comes in a colour that co-ordinates with The Shirt. In fact, most FCs like to have a range of tops to match the The Shirt. Like if The Shirt has a tropical print in white, navy and aqua then The Top comes in white and navy and aqua - I think this is to extend the wardrobe as most FCs have bodacious but food catching balconies. As a friend of my mum's once said as she looked down at the fullness of her bosum - the men might like them, but they make doing the laundry hell. The Top and The Shirt are always long - to cover the belly and arse - if you can't see it, it aint there, right? The Pants - as with the top, comes in co-ordinating colours. Elastic waistband is a standard feature. But, on the plus side (pun not intended... ok, pun intended just a little) I found the best shop for larger sized clothing that is not part of the FC look. Big City Chic has some amazingly cool stuff. I got a great pair of jeans with added bling bling on sale for $10. And they aren't, like most large sized jeans, designed for someone 7 foot tall. The non-sale stuff was reasonably priced too. If I hadn't quit my job yesterday I might have been a little out of control. This is now my new favourite store. You should check out Torrid. Their website is www.torrid.com. They have some really cute clothes for FC's. I love Torrid stuff but their postage to Australia is so expensive, often works out to more than the clothes themselves. And they have such cute bras! I never did the FC look. Simply refused. And yeah, what's with those dumbarse sleeve tabs? I could never work that out. Certainly when my arms were fatter my sleeves stayed rolled up just fine, probably because they were so tight! heh.
I love Crossroads stuff... most of my wardrobe comes from them.. but their sizes are a bit erratic. I've been unable to squeeze myself into a 24 in some outfits then found a 18 in a different style that fits perfectly.
Hello from me too! I am new to your blog and I like it too!!! You described the look so precisely and with such humour too! I never bought such stuff either. When I got really really oh so very big, I was lucky to have a dressmaker introduced to me by a precious gf and she almost made most of my clothes back then. Sometimes, I would buy something from the fat chick section and take it to her and alter it in a way to suit my taste.
Kimba's link got me here too.
By I came here via kimba as well. I can so remember the days of not being able to find anything stylish to wear. It was easier in America because they at least have a few stores with cute things for bigger women like lanebryant, but in Australia I really hated living here at a size 16/18. I am breathing sighs of relief now, like kimba that I can buy clothes that are fashionable and not spend a lot of money on them. If I were a fashion designer I'd design fashionable clothes for larger women and make a killing.
Hi there!! The FC look I hate the most is perpetrated by lane bryant -- 90% of their shirts show cleavage practically down to your waist! Now, I know you might want to use your boobs to distract from your badonkadonk bootie, but there's gotta be another way. Hey there is a big city chic store at southland (melb) if anyone can't get to highpoint
By hi my names Libby and I'm new to this site. Just thought I would let you know that they have opened a new Big City Chick at Know City!!! nd have some amazing stuff!! Went wild there myself.
By
Rewards I've noticed a lot of people give themselves rewards when they reach a certain weight loss goal. This is something that is hard for me, not having any money at all but I was at the pool the other night and spotted something I want when I reach my goal weight. A toy boy. It's cheap and very rewarding. It would also be a good work out. Now all I have to decide is if I want the sweet and innocent type or the bad boy type. Mmmm, hard to decide really. having had (ahem) both - definitely the bad boy. So much more fun :D
::22.2.05::
Normally when things happen that upset me or make me angry, I hold it all in. I don't react or get visibly upset. I act all calm while inside I'm a mess, then later I eat. I eat a lot. I stuff myself. The chocolate and the bread and the greasy food makes it all better. For a minute or two anyway. Of course, afterwards I'm still upset and also stuffed to the gills. I'm upset and I feel like a fat pig. A big overfed, emotionally retarded pig. I hate the way I never stick up for myself or let go. I think I'm afraid that if I let myself respond then I won't know when to stop. When I was a kid I had a bad temper and my mother used to yell at me that one day I'd ended up killing someone unless I learnt to control it. She would then get angry at me and scream and yell, sometimes hit me. It's hard to gain emotional control when you have no one to teach you. Anyway today I didn't lose my temper. I removed myself from the situation without saying a word. Maybe I could have done things better. Maybe I could have stayed around to stick up for myself. But I'm glad that I didn't just take all the shit like some stupid doormat. And, mostly, I'm glad I didn't resort to binging. |
stats:current weight: start weight: total loss: goal weight:
measurements:boobs: 100 cm waist: 81 cm hips: 109 cm thighs: 50 cm
Weekly Goal Lifestyle Changing Challenge-A-RamaWeek 1 - Drink more water Week 2 - Cut out sugary treats *
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