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iDiet[a weight loss story]
*kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au* |
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::31.3.06:: Weigh In - 76 kgs Yes, a 2 kgs gain this week! That's my biggest gain in a year but not totally unexpected since I've had a couple of weeks filled with eating out and drinking. I'm blaming it on the booze because my eating hasn't been that bad really. I think going out and having some drinks once in a while won't hurt but having two weekends filled with boozing is too much for me. The other thing I want to watch is my lunches. Most days I go to the Falafel Kitchen and get a half turkish pocket that you can fill yourself with salads and things for $4.50. Great value and it sounds healthy, but I always feel like you can't trust salads made by other people - you never know how much oil they have added. I got caught out at lunch time yesterday too. Went into Borders and grabbed some magazines to flick through in the cafe - but they only had the worst kind of sandwiches. Some of them had the nutritional info on them but it was for 6 serves! That is so dodgy... who makes 6 serves out of one sandwich? So anyway, last night was the blogger's dinner. What a great night. I got there early and Lucinda was waiting outside. I didn't recognise her at first - she looks fantastic (plus we're only ever seen each other before at fun runs in our trackies...lol). Actually, I'd met everyone who turned up last night before, except Brooke, and was amazed at the changes. What an inspirational group! The others who came along were Phil, Ashley, Linda, Jadey and Brooke. Phil is so organised, she has photos up already! You and I might be in competition to see who gained the most this week - I'm going over to weigh-in shortly!
Organised?! More like wanting to get them up while I had a window!!
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Wish I could have met you all!
By It was good to catch up last night - mmmm falafel kitchen....
Great to acknowledge the gain and then move on. You know what to do now :-) Isn't it empowering?
::28.3.06:: Plans I realised today that I don't really have any kind of plan in my weight loss at the moment. Over the past year I've had weight loss goals and been calorie goals and exercise goals. Now I have nothing, I'm just floating around and going through the motions. At the beginning of the year, I wanted to be able to run 5ks. Once I did that, I kind of slackened off on the running. I've been working up to the Run for the Kids, going to training sessions and running at the gym but I've found myself more likely to take a walk break later rather than pushing myself harder. I've actually been pooing myself thinking about the R4tK later, then today I realised I only need to do 6 kmh to finish in 2 hours. I can walk faster than that. And, I figure if I take over 2 hours, I'll be running on pure nicotine withdrawal (must find out if you get disqualified for scabbing smokes from bystanders... just joking... kinda). But anyway once that is over, I'm going to work on building up my running. Over the weekend, Simon and I discussed running a marathon as a (very) long term goal - not this year but one day. So that is something to prepare for. I want to run faster and longer. There is a 4 week running programming in this month's Women's Health and Fitness magazine so I am going to try that out. It isn't just the running, but all my exercise has been haphazard. I used to write up my weekly schedule on the fridge and it took almost a natural disaster for me to deviate from it. Then, with my weirdarsed work routine earlier this year, I just fit in what I could. If I had time, I'd do some weights. If a class was on when I got to the gym, I'd join in. That is going to change. I want a definite weight program with clear goals. When I get into a regular pay cycle, I think I'll book some more personal training sessions and get a program done with clear cut results. I want to keep pushing myself instead of doing a few weights here and there. I also want to fit in some classes. I've found spin classes are great after a running day. It sounds stupid but if I am all achy from running, the spin class really helps me feel better. Simon told me this actually makes sense - his dad has run for years and swears by a bike ride after a big run. Something to do with lactic acid and other technical stuff. The other thing I want to do is fit in some pilates/yoga classes. These have always been my bottom priority. Sometimes I'll do a body balance class if I get there. It's a hard thing for me because 1. I'm so graceless that I feel like a heffalump esp amongst the young, Asian girls in the class 2. I like to see instant results and instant improvements and 3. I like to sweat. Still I think I need the toning benefits of these classes. I did a pilates reformer class a while back and loved it but you have to book in for them so I've not bothered. Foodwise, I've not been tracking or counting calories or even making that much of an effort for a while. Then, over the past few weeks, with everything that's been on I've just not even worried. I think I've got into a maintenance mindset which is going to rapidly turning into gains on the scales (I'm heading for a gain this week). I want to reach my 70 kg goal and, even then, I'm not sure if that's the weight I want to be. My new, just decided goal, is to get to 70 kgs by the end of May. That's a lot of plans and goals but I can do it. I just need to get organised. Then victory will be mine.
Great post, you've just reminded me that I need to re-set some goals too. I've been maintaining for yonks and its time to "extractus digitus"! LOL. I totally hear what you're saying about goal setting. I just decided to break up my weight loss into mini-goals to keep myself sane!
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Kathryn, hope you can come and meet up with all the Ausrunners after the R4K. I am also terrified about the run and I know I cannot run very much. But it is better to have a challenge isn't it? I am sure if you focus you can reach that 70kg mark by May.
I was going to tell you not to be too hard on yourself. Then I stopped and thought for a moment. And I realised that this was not the right comment. Because I was thinking of myself, not you! I am doing the same, though not with such consistency as you do, and I am 19 kilos away from goal, not 4! i think you have re set some good goals there :) reaching the 70kg mark will be very exciting & definitely doable by may I have to admit to some kind of reverse snobbery about Pilates - it's just so trendy, I can't bear to try it! I know that's silly... As you get closer to your weight goal and having achieved so many personal fitness goals, it can definitely seem like your floating. Things are easier and you can take a day off here and there but I understand wanting to get back some of that routine. I am waiting to get my finances in line too with a new job so I'm floating myself. You've come a long way girl so victory is already yours and there's more to be had! You have a way of inspiring me every time I need it darling. Thank you mate.
::27.3.06:: The Good Since I told you all about the bad bits of my weekend yesterday, today I thought I'd tell you about the good stuff. I love car trips. Car trips are all about the stupid jokes and I think we laughed about dumb things the whole trip. Friday night we sat out on the balcony of an old pub for dinner. It was gorgeous in the warm evening with a breeze blowing around us. After dinner we walked the bride back to where she was staying and had some drinks then wandered home. We felt like a snack but the only place open was the local pizza parlour. Pizza was a bit more snack than we wanted. Then we walked past a private party/bbq at the back of one of the pubs. Next thing, one of our friends had ducked in looking for food. I went after her and a drunken old man insisted we help ourselves to chocolate and carrot cake. So, of course, we had to be polite. Then we took some for the guys (who were hiding behind a tree watching). The next morning I went for a run with my friend, Simon. We'd been planning it for ages but he thought I'd back out and I'd thought he would. And everyone else thought we both would. But, ha, we went running. Well, okay, there was more walking and talking than running but we did it. The wedding was being held on a rock on the outskirts of town so we ran out there and then home via a bush track. By the time we got to the rock, I was so regretting not taking a bottle of water with me. Running in the country is different to the city. There are no water fountains. And it was very hot. Hard to believe that a few hours earlier I'd woken up and put on all my clothes because I was so cold. Damn regional Victoria and it's extremes of weather. A few kilometres later, we passed some houses with an outside tap and debated helping ourselves to a drink. We figured the worst that could happen was someone coming out and yelling at us compared with rapidly impending dehydration. By that stage my quads were so tight I could barely bend down to drink. Next up was the steepest hill ever. We decided to run to the top. Halfway up, Simon yelled at me to keep running. I told him I hadn't stopped... I was just running so slow it looked that way. We walked though town via the local pub for a glass of water then back to the caravan park. When we got to the caravan park, we had to jog back to our van. As if. It was a race to the finish. Except the van was empty and realised the others were up at the tent were the boys were sleeping instead. So it was another sprint. They heard us coming and held up a sarong as the finish line. I thought my legs were going to be worn to smoking stumps but kept pushing myself and we crossed the line at the exact same time. We worked out we did approx 6-8 kms on our run. Not bad when you consider I walked for another two hours later that night! Hopefully I worked off some of the wedding eating. For lunch we had a bbq. We hit the town for snags and other necessities. I got a pirate hat. It is a damn cool hat. When I get a photo, I'll post it. The wedding ceremony was lovely. As I said above, it was on a rock. Tim and I got stuck behind some rellos and couldn't see much but that was okay -- it meant our silliness went unnoticed. It also meant we could suck on VBs and cigs (there's a lot to be said for non-church weddings). The reception was lovely too. It was in an old covent - a gorgeous old building. We started with drinks and nibblies in the garden. The food hit of the night was these potato, fetta and rosemary things wrapped in filo. We also got a magnificent antipasto platter. Plus wines from a local winery. Delish. Then we moved inside for dinner. You know something, despite all the things I'd been fuming about, I think I managed to be graceful and charming even after sampling much of the local wine. Once I'd have gotten pissed and mouthed off with all my complaints but I've learnt that achieves little except for making me look bad. I guess that's being a grown up. Well, the good bits sound really good. The food and wine sounds fantastic. Well done on the run with your friend.
You are a machine. Running and fun are not two words that I would ever associate with each other, but you make me want to try it with your stories. Ah, great to see all the good things from the weekend too :-) I love car trips and old pub dinners also. I think all of us need to get all the bad crap out and then we can see flowers through the all the shit. How corny is that but you know what I mean LOL.
::26.3.06:: Blair Witch Wedding I've just got back from my friend's wedding. It was mostly good and I enjoyed myself until the end of the evening. Then I was introduced to my friend's aunty. I was stirring my friend (the bride) about having kids now she's married and the aunty turned to me and patted me on the stomach and asked when mine was due. Bam! She may as well have punched me in the stomach. I felt devastated. To hear that just tore me to shreds. It was like every insecurity I had came to the surface and I felt like all the work I've been doing for the past year was for nothing. Maybe I don't even look that much better? Maybe all the compliments are just because people know I've been dieting and they want to be polite. She apologised but what can you do when someone says something like that? I told her it was okay and she apologised some more then told me how someone had done the same thing to her once and she felt awful for days. I don't get that - surely if you've been through an experience like that, you'd be a helluva lot more tactful in future. The reception ended and my friends all headed off to the after party but I just wanted to disappear. I had to get the key to our caravan so I couldn't sneak off as quietly as I hoped, but I didn't want to tell anyone what had happened. I started on the 20 minute walk back to the caravan park feeling like shit. I'd been walking for a while and got to a playground. Every other time we'd walked back, we hadn't passed a playground. I don't know what I'd done but I kept walking figuring I'd get back to a main road eventually and find my way from there. It was such a dark night and, since we were in the country, there were no street lights or anything like that. I just walked and tried not to think of horror movies or things jumping out of the trees beside the path. Every other time we'd walked, the lake had been on our left. Suddenly it was on my right. But the lake was long and narrow and our caravan park was built around the tip of it. I figured so long as I followed the lake, I'd get back eventually. Then I got to a path that divided the lake with trees each side. It was so dark, I could hardly see in front of me but there was a main road on the other side. As I walked onto the path, a whole flock of ducks rose off the lake, quacking and squarking. I screamed but stopped myself from running. If I ran, I'd panic. I got to the road and had no idea where I was. I saw a couple of people walking and waved them over, asking for directions. They told me to go back the way I came. So I headed off again, not sure where I was going but knowing I hadn't seen the caravan park. I took a different turn and the track got even darker. I couldn't see the ground in front of me and the only way I could tell I hadn't veered off into the parkland around me was the sound of gravel crunching under my feet. I had to switch off my mind, ignoring the russling of the trees and the animal noises and the absolute dead quiet, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I came to another playground and I realised I was totally lost, miles from anywhere. I didn't have my mobile phone and my friend's were all drunk at party somewhere. No one was going to help me. No one even knew where I was. I sat on a bench and lit my last cigarette. I just wanted to be home, safe in my own bed with my doona wrapped around me but home was over 200 kms away. I thought about curling up somewhere and sleeping until morning but it was freezing cold and I was only wearing my party dress. I had to keep walking even if I walked all night. I wasn't sure if I was walking in circles and missing the caravan park by metres because it was so dark or if I'd gone miles off track. Eventually I had a feeling I should get off the path and take a shortcut even though all my common sense that was the stupidest thing I could do. I did it and came into a clearing and saw a road and the lights of the caravan park in the distance. I made it back okay but very shaken. The next morning I told my friend what happened and they thought it was hilarious. Normally I'd joke along with them but it just wasn't funny. It was like the Blair Witch Project come to life. I couldn't wait to get out of that town this morning and I don't ever want to go back.
OMG!!! YOU poor thing!!! That sounds soooooo scarey. EEEK I would have been S#*(&$INg myself!
Someone asked me the same thing the last time my band did a show. I just wanted to punch him. It also happened at my grandmother's funeral last year. It really sucks and just shows that some people have no idea. Try not to let it get to you, even though I know how hard that is. You have come such a long way and it's ridiculous that one comment from someone you hardly know, or don't know at all, can just bring everything crashing down to rubble.
That's terrible Kathryn. You were very brave to leave by yourself. It's horrible enough being lost when your driving let alone on foot. You did well to keep it together. I can't believe someone would say a comment like that. I am SURE you don't look pg! *thinking* have I seen a pic?? I mean we are the same weight and I would curl up and cry if someone said that to me!
and that was just the pregnancy comment *wink*
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It is absolutely not your fault that some moron made a comment like that. It has nothing to do with how you look (though my guess would be that you're "busty", because even more than a tummy, it makes people think you're expecting) but the truth is, it doesn't matter what *you* look like, physically. The only time it's appropriate to comment is when the mom-to-be brings it up herself, OR when you can see the baby crowning. Other than that, zip it, people.
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So glad you made it back safely!
Oh my god, that sounds exactly like something I would do. I have been so choked up about a remark like that and walked off only to find half an hour later I had no idea where the hell I was. I would be so terrified too. Glad you made it through okay, but what an ordeal! OMG you are seriously one funny girl! I am so sorry but I can't help laughing because it sounds like something I would do too LOL :-) The main thing is that you are back home now away from any yukky stuff. People who don't know you shouldn't make such speculative comments! Stupid cow. Just remember how far you've come babe and know that you are looking and feeling better than ever! Keep up the great work.
Oh sweetie, I'm so glad this wedding is behind you. Too many sucky aspects. I've had the pregnancy comments twice now, and once I weighed 130 lbs! A pregnant-looking belly runs in all the women of my family, so I'm surprised I've only gotten it twice.
holy freaking BLAIR WITCH batman! that sounds awful. especially since teh aussie bush is always so full of crazy animals making crazy noises!
F&^%*K. I am sitting at home and I'm scared now. I just need to go and check the doors... Back again, sorry it took so long - decided to fix myself up a bourbon... Well you did mention drinks LOL inconsiderent???? Me thinks me drank too quickly :D
::24.3.06:: Weigh In - 74 kgs Maintained this week - woohoo, gotta be happy with that since I expected a gain. I'll be seeing those 73s next week.
Well done, that's great Kathryn - you must be stoked. 73 here you come!!!!! well done Kathryn Well done babe - Very impressed with the running efforts also Great job!!!
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my gosh.
By Well done on maintaining considering the weekends you've had!
::23.3.06:: Stuff I went to running training tonight - walked there from work, did the 5 km run then walked 4 km home. I'm a legend. I've only done 3 of the official training sessions so far and you need to do 8 to get the runner's pack that includes socks, so I'm going to do 4 of them next (it will mean wagging school but hey, free socks!). I think I'll gain this week after last weekend's overindulgence plus my general laziness this week. I've been walking to work and thinking that will do for exercise but walking isn't enough for me any more. Sure it's a good thing to do but it's not going to burn fat. I'm really going to watch myself at the wedding this weekend - two big weekends in a row are too many and I need to make sure I'm in top form for the R4tK in 2 weeks time. Also I don't want to get messy drunk and say things I'll regret. I've decided to go with the black and grey dress for the wedding. I haven't had enough time to shop for a halter bra. Well I tried one on in Target last night but it was a 14d push up bra. It did me NO favours, let me tell you. You can push up a bit too much. I also went looking for boots in my lunch hour but the shops near work are too rich for me so I think I'll wear shoes I already own. That is good anyways, it means the whole outfit cost me zippo. I have a big red rose for my hair and some red beads to wear with it. Not much else is happening. I missed out on drinks with Linda and Michelle last night - just too stuffed to make it. That was a bummer because I'm sure it would have been a top night. This is weird. My son is one of those obsessive gaming boys (aren't they all?) and he's had games consoles for years. I've probably played them twice in all the time he lived with me and could never see what interested him. Well, the other night I was over at his place and he had a wrestling game and I wanted to have a go so I could be Carlitto - my fave wrestler in the WWE. Now I want a PS2 of my own.
You ARE a legend! Running 5k after a day at work and then walking four k too? Bloody hell, mate! I've reached the same conclusion about walking - I love doing it, but there's just not enough effort in it if you're doing it for fitness. Great decision on the dress - no money to be spent!
::21.3.06:: Handy Hint... If you decide to pop on your runners and walk to work of a morning, make sure you put your work shoes in your bag. Yes, I spend the second day at the new job in work suit, stockings, socks and runners. Not a good look at all. The good news is, well I dunno if I mentioned this but on Friday night, when I was drinking I lost all my cards out of my wallet. One of my friends was going to go back to the bar and ask about them but today I got them sent back in the mail. How nice of the bar people is that? I'm so happy. Also got my R4tK pack so am extra happy. Yesterday I got two wedding outfits from my sister. I so wish I had a digi camera so I could get help deciding. One is a black and grey slip dress with a little matching jacket - very sophisticated; the other is a red and black halter dress - very sexy. I think I'll go the black and grey because I'd need to buy a new bra for the halter neck and some kind of wrap to cover the arm flab. Also, the wedding guests are all couples so sexy is wasted on them. ps. I mentioned the hen's night thing to a woman in my writing class and she said it would be great material for the wedding scene in my novel. Suddenly I'm seeing things in a whole new light... hehe.
I would still go the sexy and let them all see what they're missing out on. Maybe you could do your own rendition of "Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" LOL. Sorry, just my sick sense of humour! What's a bet if that song comes on at the wedding now you'll be pissing yourself laughing whichever outfit you wear!
How lucky to get all your cards back!
What a fab fashion statement - runners and a suit! I've just got new runners and I'm very self-conscious about how BRIGHT WHITE they are. Might have to spill some tea on them. Lots of pressies in the mail - lucky you to get your cards back. I say buy a new bra and show the bride how good your boobs can look also... look forward to the photos. lOl at you in work attire with runners. Talk about commitment to exercise!! Both outfits sound lovely, wear them and enjoy the event and bugger the nasty GF.
Both outfits sound fabulous. Perhaps where the black one but pack the red one in your bag 'just in case'.... Damn I mean 'wear' not 'where' d'oh
hey, it has been a fashion trend in europe the last couple of years, to wear runners with work suits. So if anyone tells anything that let them know how far ahead you are ;)
That's totally something that I would do! Ha! I'm sure you wore those runners well, though, and at least it was something active instead of having your pajama shirt on or something like that. LOL so you're a suit wearing runner hey, love it! Great to hear you got all your cards back too. See, there is hope for these cold heartless society yet :-) Good idea for using the hen's night fiasco in your book, classic.
::20.3.06:: Sniffles I was going to go running tonight but I've got the sniffles so I thought I should rest up - can't afford to take a sickie in my first week of work. This morning was ... well, interesting... I am working in a different building to the one I was interviewed in and realised on the weekend that the woman at the agency had forgot to send me the address. By the time I'd stuffed around, trying to get in touch with her, my housemate had beaten me to the shower so I ended up running late, but it all worked out in the end. My new boss only works part time so he gave me a quick overview this morning. I felt so overwhelmed, I wanted to run out screaming - so much to take in. Then he left me reading through stuff and it started to make sense. I always have that crisis of faith moment when I start a new job. I'm not sure what to do about bridezilla. When I started feeling sick today, the little devil on my shoulder said - if I'm sick, I can skip the wedding (and use the travel/accommodation money on a pair of kickarse boots. If it wasn't the last chance I get to see my friends before they go back to overseas, you'd definitely see me in those boots real soon. I really want to say something about her behaviour on Saturday night but I know if I do, she'll turn it into a total drama queen moment ... and I'd end up looking like a bitch upsetting her the week before the wedding. But, this has really reinforced some stuff I've been thinking. This girl acts all quiet and unassuming but she is quite nasty and competitive beneath it all and that mean streak always comes out when she's drinking. And mostly it's aimed towards me. The thing is that I can be all mouthy when I'm around my friends and so she thinks it's okay to say these things but the difference is, I'd never intentionally say stuff to hurt someone. And, to be honest, I have been really hurt by her behaviour. I feel like I've done everything I can to be supportive over the last few months and, as soon as she has other people around, she treats me like shit. She is such a jealous person - I know she's jealous of my weight loss because other people have told me but it isn't just that. She is so bitter about anyone having anything she doesn't. Another friend went overseas last year and she got so worked up over that. I don't think she'll ever be happy because she feels like other people's achievements or possesions somehow diminish the thinks she has in life. Anyway, what I'm thinking is that I'll play nice until after the wedding then just cut her out of my life. I really don't need that shit. I have some great people in my life who are really supportive and wonderful, I'll leave the stupid games of bitchiness and oneupmanship for those who have nothing better to do in their lives.
Sniffles I was going to go running tonight but I've got the sniffles so I thought I should rest up - can't afford to take a sickie in my first week of work. This morning was ... well, interesting... I am working in a different building to the one I was interviewed in and realised on the weekend that the woman at the agency had forgot to send me the address. By the time I'd stuffed around, trying to get in touch with her, my housemate had beaten me to the shower so I ended up running late, but it all worked out in the end. My new boss only works part time so he gave me a quick overview this morning. I felt so overwhelmed, I wanted to run out screaming - so much to take in. Then he left me reading through stuff and it started to make sense. I always have that crisis of faith moment when I start a new job. I'm not sure what to do about bridezilla. When I started feeling sick today, the little devil on my shoulder said - if I'm sick, I can skip the wedding (and use the travel/accommodation money on a pair of kickarse boots. If it wasn't the last chance I get to see my friends before they go back to overseas, you'd definitely see me in those boots real soon. I really want to say something about her behaviour on Saturday night but I know if I do, she'll turn it into a total drama queen moment ... and I'd end up looking like a bitch upsetting her the week before the wedding. But, this has really reinforced some stuff I've been thinking. This girl acts all quiet and unassuming but she is quite nasty and competitive beneath it all and that mean streak always comes out when she's drinking. And mostly it's aimed towards me. The thing is that I can be all mouthy when I'm around my friends and so she thinks it's okay to say these things but the difference is, I'd never intentionally say stuff to hurt someone. And, to be honest, I have been really hurt by her behaviour. I feel like I've done everything I can to be supportive over the last few months and, as soon as she has other people around, she treats me like shit. She is such a jealous person - I know she's jealous of my weight loss because other people have told me but it isn't just that. She is so bitter about anyone having anything she doesn't. Another friend went overseas last year and she got so worked up over that. I don't think she'll ever be happy because she feels like other people's achievements or possesions somehow diminish the thinks she has in life. Anyway, what I'm thinking is that I'll play nice until after the wedding then just cut her out of my life. I really don't need that shit. I have some great people in my life who are really supportive and wonderful, I'll leave the stupid games of bitchiness and oneupmanship for those who have nothing better to do in their lives.
i think that is a good plan! some friendships are just plain toxic. a good friend is happy for you if you've done something with your life, not threatened...
Congrats on landing the new job. And for realising that some people just don't deserve friends like you. I hate with a passion bridezillas. I know that weddings can be stressful but you know what - they don't have to be either. And it's no excuse for treating your friends like shit.
Sometimes some "friends" just aren't worth the heartache!
I'm with you on the 'be nice until after the wedding and then cut her out your life' - you don't deserve to be treated like that by anyone never mind someone who calls herself your friend.
I used to have a friend like that who would constantly belittle me because I was better off that her in some regards. I ditched her, and ditched her good. But I agree with you, wait until after the wedding and then sever the "friendship". You don't need her crap and it's quite evident that she's not just suffering from last minute bridal nerves. LOL that's so typical of a first day but glad it all worked out in the end. Sounds like a good plan about the supposed friend. You don't that in your life. Schizopops!
God, it sounds like she hasn't grown up and she's still in school girl mode. That would shit me to tears too. Don't let her get to you, you're much better than that. Just let the 'friendship' dwindle once the wedding is over. She sounds like she's more of a noose than a friend anyway. She's not a true friend if she treats you like that anyway. Jealousy is such a curse. If she wants what you've got she should do it for herself instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for what she doesn't have. People like that just fuggen shit me. (sorry).
::19.3.06:: Drinking I think I drank a zillion calories worth of booze this weekend... I don't even want to try to count it. Friday night I had drinks with my friends home from overseas. It was so great to see them back and we had lots of catching up to do. Saturday morning I woke up with the hangover from hell. I remember now why I don't drink. I couldn't be vertical at all. I had planned to go to spin class then meet up with friend for a few drinks so we could all head back into the city for the pole dancing and other hen's night fun together. Well every time I stood up, I thought I was going to throw up. I skipped spin class. Then I skipped the meeting up for drinks and went straight to the pole dancing. I was definitely not a happy pole dancer and had to have a few dashes for the loo. It was heaps of fun though even though I was total crap at it. The rest of the night was fun. Well I had a good time. I hadn't eaten all day so pigged out at the buffet dinner then felt like a stuffed piggy - not a good way to eat but it had taken most of the day before I could keep dinner down. The bad part of the night was the hen. I am so angry right now, I'm almost tempted to not go to the wedding. I'd organised the night and I thought everything was great but she didn't. She hated the venue, she hated the food, she hated everything and, of course, it was all my fault. Basically she was being a mean, nasty bitch all night and every time she spoke to me, it was to either complain or say something horrid. When we left the karaoke place, she stood beside me and said - I've got better tits than you - what the hell is that about? I didn't realise it was a competition. We ended up at a bar where she decided to have a bitch session about my sister so I left - not in a big drama queen fit or anything, I just said I had to catch the last tram and said goodbye to everyone and came home. I don't understand how anyone can be so nasty. It isn't just prewedding jitters, it's plain shittiness. Wow, what a cow! Pre-wedding jitters, or any other sort, do not explain that behaviour. Are you going to say anything?
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GRRRR What a B I T C H What a cow, plain and simple. Friends don't do that to each other, not my kind anyway. Try not to take it on board. Imagine getting married to someone like that!?
Grotty bag - way too over the top to be excused as wedding nerves. Good on you for not leaving in a huff. Thats disgusting behaviour by anyone out of kindergarten! OMG why would someone be so horrible. Go to the wedding - dont buy a gift fucke her she can pay for your meal anyway.
Oh she needs to grow up! Can I say that??
bloody hell! pre-wedding jitters or not, that's no excuse for being a complete biaaaatch!!? grrrr...
Eekads! That is no good at all! And to think you took all this time to put a fun night together for her! People can be so rude and just mean.
No one should speak to friends like that. I would ask her what her problem is before the wedding and give her a chance to explain herself and if she cant - then put her in the freezer. NO ON! Gosh, what a mixed night of emotions for you. I hope she stopped whingeing for a minute and thanked you at least. Friday night sounded like fun. She sounds so unappreciative! Her rudeness can not be passed off as pre-wedding jitters, she just sounds like a nasty bitch who doesn't appreciate a good friend. I'm happy and grateful towards any friend who offers me a helping hand in relation to my wedding, what's her excuse? I would want to blow off her wedding too if I were you. I hope she apologises for her terrible behaviour.
::17.3.06:: Rollercoaster of Lard - Weigh in 74 kgs It seems lately I have one week with a small gain ffollowed by a big loss. I can live with that as it means I'm 1.6 down from last week. Weird, huh? I never used to have more than a kg loss last year. Now I'm exercising less and eating treats but losing the weight. Maybe I'm not eating as much as I think and, to be honest, I'm eating a truckload of fruit. I didn't even exercise that much this week - I did a 6 km walk/run on Monday and a 12 km walk on Wednesday but no gym. Yikes - hope I'm not losing muscle tone. I must 'fess up - when I saw 74.0 on the scales this morning. I ran back to the toilet, hoping I could some how elminate 100 grams from body. I was even checking for squeezable pimples, anything to push me into the 73s. But it wasn't to be. When my sister and I were kids, we used to giggle over a bit of grafitti we'd once read on the toilet wall - here I sit broken hearted, thought I shit but I only farted. I learnt the true poignancy of that verse this morning. I even took the hair elastics off my hair before I reweighed but I'm just not meant to be in the 73s. Not this week anyway. Yikes - just realised that now I've identified this - small gain, big loss - pattern, I don't want to get into the mindset that I'm going to gain this week so I can have a free for all. I'm going to have to work hard to burn off the hen's night festivities anyway. squeezable zits!! mwahahahah :) what a great loss, woohoo!
HAHAHA Hun you don't know how many of us have ran to the loo to do that EXACT same thing, I laughed so much @ that grafitti.
Awesome work!!!! come on...73.? this week.... NO GAIN!!! well done on the huge loss!
I lost 200g about 2 hours after I posted my weigh in post...water weight perhaps...still I didn't count it...so hopefully it will add to next weeks loss!
LOL don't get too crazy about that figure girl. I started to at the end and realised I was getting too nuts, hence the 5kg buffer I gave myself. I'm up again too this week but it's alright.
You took out your hair bands?? Hilarious!! You are cracking me up today!
::16.3.06:: Tired I skipped the gym tonight, something I rarely do but I hurt my leg yesterday walking home from work and I'm sooooooo tired. I'll put in the hard yards tomorrow. Things went well at work today - I'm finishing up this job tomorrow and starting the new one on Monday. The bad news is I don't get my first pay until mid April. That is going to take some budgeting to deal with. Damn money, it's always a problem. I'm still finding it freaky that I've lost a third of me. It's not even about the weight loss but that I once had a third of my body just hanging around doing nothing. I'm still flabby but a lot of the 2/3s left contain vital things like internal organs and skin and bones and muscles. The third I've lost contained none of that. It was not earning it's keep unless I was stuck in the desert or something and I had to live off my fat reserves for months... and since I'm not one of the Leyland Brothers, that's not likely to happen. Today I was thinking, people get all het up because some study shows a tentative link between some food or habit and a disease. If you eat this you might increase your chances of butt cancer or whatever. But really it's the big picture that counts. If your basic diet is rubbish then drinking 2 cups of green tea a day or taking a vitamin pill is a waste of time. If you are overweight and you eat an unhealthy diet, you will eventually wreck your health, both physically and mentally. No two ways about it. I used to say - I might be fat but I'm healthy. I said that after I had my gall bladder removed. I said it after I was diagnosed with diabetes. I said it when I hardly had the energy to get out of bed of a morning. Breathing and walking around don't mean you are healthy. Being free of disease doesn't even mean you are healthy. I'm glad I'm not in that place now. Kathryn can you email me? I have something to ask you, (michelle_caldwell@hotmail.com)(fairly urgent. You have such a great way of expressing things - especially like the third of you hanging around doing nothing!
I love the comment about 1/3 of your body hanging around doing nothing - it is so true and such a great way to put it !
It's good to be able to know when to give your body a break and not feel guilty about it either.
::15.3.06:: Once More, With Feeling... I'm only 5 kgs from my goal. And today I realised, I've lost a third of myself. How wack is that? It's scary to think that one third of my body was just superfluous flab. So what's the ultimate reward for the ultimate fat slaying? This! (That's the complete Buffy box set if you can't be bothered clicking the link). And, since I'm starting a new and improved and much better paying job next week, I can afford to treat myself for ditching those last five kilos. I have to do this, I have so much at stake. Ha, ha. I was intending to make many more Buffy puns like about how I am going to be willowy but I have faith I can do this... but I'm not nearly that tacky. Lol. ps. Woohoo for the new job. It sounds perfect so far. It's close by, near the city and in the same street as my writing class - how convenient! The money is double what I'm getting now and the work much more interesting. Plus the bossman turned up to interview in me in jeans so no stress about my work wardrobe. I just need to sign on the dotted line tomorrow. Oh yeah and tell my temp agency that I won't be staying in this job until May like I said I would. I'm scared about that. On one hand, I know it's a temp job and they'd have no issues with kicking my arse to the curb if things changed but on the other, I hate letting people down and hate confrontation even more. Guess I just have to face the music then wave them goodbye. Congrats on the new job! Don't feel guilty. As a temp firm, they want to place people in permanent jobs, so they'll have to understand and be happy for you...that's my hope anyway. Yay for you!
Congrats on the new job!
By Only 5kg to go! That's amazing. You've come so far and done so much. Well done on the job and who coares about the temp agency - they'll get over it.
hehe I'm a big ole dork so I would have loved to see all the puns you coulda come up with!!! Woohoo! Congrat's on the new job. It sounds like a dream job!!
Congrats. Only 5kg to go - well done. Great news about the job also and bonus about the work wardrobe.
Congrats on the new job - I am so glad that it is so much more convenient and even better, that the pay is better !
You are Kathryn the flab slayer! Good on you for slaying the flab monster and getting a great new job! I wish I held off getting all the single box sets so I could get that one box set but, meh. I like your goal reward :-) and you'll be there in no time!! YAY for new job hon, sounds great. Don't stress too much about the Temp job, you've just got to do what's right for you at the end of the day.
::14.3.06:: Dear Anon, I had an anonymous comment left on a post I did about the Biggest Loser a while back. I deleted this comment because this gutless commenter decided to use my blog to say some nasty stuff about other bloggers and that makes me extremely mad. There were just a few things I want to clarify: In my post I said: PS. What's the deal with AJ. Rochester? In her book she says she lost 45 Anon said "the womens weekly thing was a mistake - NOT her fault but why be such a bitch anyway?" My point was that she said three different things. If you are a public person talking about your weight loss then you open yourself up to these things. If I said on my blog one day that I'd lost 30 kgs and the next day it was 40 kgs, I'd expect people to call bullshit on it. Fair enough that the Woman's Weekly thing was a mistake but I don't think it helps the woman's credibility. I don't think I was being a bitch about it. I mentioned the discrepancy, like many other people have. Is that being bitchy? Because it sure doesn't sound that way to me. I didn't realise that she was so beyond reproach that these mistakes can't even be mentioned. "AND tv does make yo look fatter and who cares anyway? Shouldnt we be greatful tv has used a real women instea dof a brainless twig. You are all eveil bitches. any wonder girls get anorexia." I'd have thought reality tv shows that show unrealistic weight loss was more a cause of anorexia myself than bloggers who talk about their real efforts and struggles. Anon also says: "As women we should all support each other....not bag each other out for gods sake" but she (I think from that comment we can assume Anon is a she) says some pretty nasty things about other bloggers. Maybe Anon should take her own advice. You might know AJ, but I know some of the people you were bagging out. Do you think you are supporting other woman? I really despise the fact that Anon decided to use my blog comments as a forum for her bitchiness - maybe the people she wanted to attack don't allow anonymous comments? But here's a tip, when grown ups read or hear something that differs from their own opinion, they discuss it rationally. Sometimes they even use their real name. Oh and another tip, when you want to be anonymous it helps to use perfect spelling and grammar. Makes it much harder to work out who you are. You have to wonder what "anonymous" people do when they want to spew nastiness in real life - do they stand behind a screen and use a voice synthesizer?
I have to agree with the others - if you want to make a comment at least have the guts to say who you are. I took off the anon comments on my blog for this very reason.
The gutless anon comments hey. It really says much more about them than you darl. I am sick to death of the high school mentality of some bloggers. I am in a crap mood today so reading this, bloody hell, some people are just waste of space. To use the front of women uniting as a means to attack another, get fucked. That's awful Kathryn - you know I'm an AJ supporter but having met u also, you seem very far from an "evil bitch" (them's fighting words hey?)..... Thanks for sharing your opinions on your blog. (HMMMM - the word verification is "fuczem") If you went from a 30kg loss to a 40kg loss overnight - I'd be asking for your secret, not calling you a liar! Hope you visit from Tim and Simon is a blast!
YOU GO GIRL! When i first read that post about AJ i had been thinking everything you'd written down. Each time i heard about her weighloss the amount changed, and like you, i just wondered what the story was.
I can't stand anonymous commenters, even on message boards! Come and show who you really are instead of being a gutless wonder hiding behind an "anonymous" comment. I don't mind conflicting opinions, but (IMNSHO) anonymous posters are dickheads just out to cause trouble. that is one of my biggest pet peeves.. when people can't spell.
::13.3.06:: Busy Busy On Friday, my bestest buds, Tim and Simon, arrive from overseas. They've been away since April so it's going to be big excitement. I'm not sure if I'll see them on the Friday - they are going to the Commonwealth Games but we might meet up for a drink afterwards. On Saturday, it's my friend's hen's night. I'll be a happy woman when this is over. Since her bridesmaid lives in London, I've been doing organisational things. Why did no one tell me how frigging annoying organising a hen's night is. I've had one friend determined to have a stripper (and of course she's the one who's normally the most conservative friend of them all) - I think I've finally got it through to her that we can't afford a stripper and no way I'm going around asking people to put in money, and even if we could, we have nowhere for him to strip. There were two things I was set on when organising the night - 1. I didn't want to have to get money off people on the night since there are people coming I don't know and I hate dealing with money and it just becomes a huge pain in the butt and 2. I didn't want to have move people around too much. Have you ever tried to get a bunch of tipsy women somewhere? Not fun. So the plan is to go to a bar in the city. We are having belly dancing/pole dancing lessons to start then a buffet dinner followed by karaoke. God people love to bitch - well my friends anyway. They hate buffets and they hate karaoke. Well stiff cheddar. I love both those things - I figure since we'll be there when the buffet starts, the food will be fresh and unpicked over. Also the world needs more of my singing inflicted on it. The next weekend is the wedding. It's in the country which has caused me untold headaches - with work being so unstable, I wasn't even sure I could afford to go. But things have come together. We are staying at the local caravan park - $40 for the weekend plus we have a loan of car (for a while, because my car is kaput, it looked like we needed to rent a car and that would have been big bucks) so it looks like the weekend away will come out at less than $100. My friends are great at being frugal too - we are planning on getting rolls and stuff from the local supermarket and having picnic lunchs and I'll take my own breakfast stuff - so all that will be both diet and wallet friendly. The other hassle has been - what to wear? I wanted to go out and buy a stunning dress but I have no stunning dress budget. I've been looking around shops and can't anything I like except for a few very expensive dresses and then there is the shoes and other extras. I was thinking of borrowing a dress off my sister but it's her favourite dress and if I wrecked it, I'd be dead. Then yesterday I remembered a dress I bought her years ago - when she used to be the cute little sister that we'd dress up like a Barbie doll - but I assumed she'd long thrown it out. Last night I said to her, it's a pity you don't still have the blue dress and woohoo - she still has it. It's a fab outfit - I got it from a vintage shop for her for like $10 (what a bargain considering she's had it for about 10 years now). It's a knee length dress in a bright blue/black fabric with lurex bits through it. That sounds awful, doesn't it? But it's not. And it has a little jacket over the top. Very '60s, very Jackie O. She's also sending plan B - a red hootchie mama halter dress she bought to wear for her birthday a few years ago. Now I'm thinking with the money I'm saving on the dress, I can buy a pair of kickarse boots to wear. I'll check out my all time favourite shoe shop next weekend because I got my last pair of boots there for $50. I don't know how my friend is coping with all this - being the bride - because the whole wedding is causing me enough stress. The other day, I was walking home through the local park and there was a wedding dinner going on. Everyone was sitting around on blankets and they had a table of food and a stereo playing music. It all looked so very casual and fun. I think if some poor sucker ever wants to marry me, that's the kind of wedding I'd have - no fuss, no muss.
Poor you having to organise the hen's night - what a pain !!! Aren't people strange - they don't want to do anything and then complain when someone does something they don't like !!! I am sure you will have a great time and never mind about anyone else.
Cannot wait to see the outfit you wear to the wedding, you must post a photo :) Do we get photos? The wedding in the park sounds lovely - definitely my kind of thing - not that I can see it happening to us after 15 years!
I'm with you on the casual wedding! ARGH who needs all the stress!!!
No fuss no muss. I have a little song I sing to DS1 with this line in it and it always makes me smile.
I like the sound of the wedding in the park too, much less stress. I'm sure you will look stunning, don't forget to post the pics. Yay for getting a purse friendly weekend. Have fun with your friends on Friday!
Well, I'm getting married three weeks from Saturday, and I'm quite zen about it. Probably wrongly. Ask me again in a couple of weeks! lol @ hens night dramas. I was helping organising mine (as i'm always the organiser) but it got so much for me that i have it away. I now have NO IDEA where my hens is or what we're doing - i prefer it that way. btw, pole dancing and karaoke sound fantastic! i wanted to do pole dancing but noone else did and i have a feeling there'll be karaoke at mine too ;) "Also the world needs more of my singing inflicted on it." you are so funny Kathryn! glad you are doing the writing course, you have so much talent
By I hope you have a fabulous time with your friends! Photos please :-)
::10.3.06:: Me Sometimes I feel that nothing in my life has changed since I've lost weight and, I guess in some ways, why should it? I expected to be happier, more confident, more alive. That's what all the weight loss magazines promise. The trouble is, the intangible parts of life are ... well intangible. You can't measure them. You can't weigh them. You can't put them in an Excel spreadsheet and produce a pretty graph of the change in your self worth over time. Maybe I'd notice a difference if I could. How do I know that I'm NOT happier or more confident? After all, what I remember from a year ago isn't the whole picture. You tend to forget the everyday; it's the highs and lows that stay with you. If I'm feeling down then it seems I was happier a year ago; if I'm having a good day then I think my self opinion is skyrocketing. There's no absolutes, no markers. All I can do is look for specific examples: Lately I've been going to a lot of job interviews and last night I realised that maybe I have changed - once I fell to pieces when I was interviewed. I'd get so nervous, I could hardly speak. Now I'm calm and speak well. Maybe it's because I've lost weight, maybe it's because I've been to so many interviews in my life, maybe it's because I value my work skills now. All I know is that I can walk out of an interview feeling I've given it my best shot instead of like I've let myself down. Another improvement I've noticed is that I have more energy. Well not all the time - I've had periods lately of utter exhaustion. The other night the supermarket didn't have my usual museli (I've been converted to Carmens after the thumbs up from Mary and Phil) and I just feel to pieces. I couldn't even make a simple decision. I think I get burnt out - in between working full time, school, trying to fit in exercise every day plus having to fit in interviews - sometimes I just collapse in a heap. But apart from that, I have more energy. Does that make sense? I've just realised how strange that sounds - saying that when I'm not collapsing, I have more energy. But in the olden days, I'd have huge energy slumps every day. I'd constantly be nodding off at work and get the 3 pm droop every day. Maybe having more energy is actually the problem - it means I can push myself and keep pushing until I drop. I guess too I'm more confident in my writing classes. I took a chapter of my novel in for workshopping this week and I did have moments of self doubt. My novel class seems to have a real literary focus and my novel is definitely not literary but instead of letting that make me feel bad about my work, every time I had one of those doubts I told myself to shut up. I don't write literary fiction and the whole point of workshopping is not for them to "approve" of the genre in which I choose to write, but to give me feedback on what I am writing. I read my work out and everyone laughed in the right places (definitely an excellent sign) and when they discussed it afterwards, it seemed to me like the High Art/literary language feel away and instead I got some honest and human reactions to my characters. I really liked that. Funny how things seem to make sense as you write them. It's occured to me as I've written this post that apart from the energy levels, I'm not talking about things directly attibutable to my weight loss but things that are happening in my life at the same time. Maybe I'm becoming more confident and sure of myself because I'm losing weight, but then again, the opposite could be true - I'm losing weight because I'm gaining confidence. It's all a cycle I guess and hopefully it's spiralling in the right direction. Gosh, I just wrote a post about how I feel now that I'm at goal. What timing. I think you really are much happier and confident for sure! I can see it in the way you write and I've been reading your journel for quite a while now. You have definitely come a long way and worked through issues in many factors of your life and don't you think life seems to be easier now? I say this because your classic example of the job interviews (which I am going through too now) is that you don't crumble like you used to and you're more focused on your writing, not thinking I can't do this or I can't do that. With this weight loss, you've proved that you can do anything you put your mind to! Well done Kathryn :-) I think you are doing wonderfully. You do some like you are more confident, but you are right, is it because of the weight loss or maybe the maturity?! Hard to know. The more energy etc HAS to be the weight loss though! Keep it up. (Oh and sorry you didnt get to 70 by the weekend, I am sure your friends will notice a difference anyway! :))
Weightloss is a roller coaster of up's and down's it comes with fun times and hard times (saying no to chocie hehe) Weightloss is a journey of learning! Learning from your mistakes nd learning about the new you! Because in a sence as the layers stat to melt away we start to see a newer you/me under all those layers, and we have ups and downs due to feeling unsure of the new and the changes, people see us differently just as we see ourselves differently!
What a post!!!
Weigh In - 75.6 kgs A gain of 400 grams this week... was expecting something like that after my preternaturally large loss last week. My master plan had been to get to goal (70 kgs) by next weekend when my friends come home from overseas but I can't see that happening, sort of surgery or amputation. Oh well, I will be under 75 by next week and that's something.
While I know that none us of are happy with a gain, you know that you can lose that before next weekend anyway. as 'me' said, we're never happy with gain, but it could be a lot worse. Good Luck with getting under 75 for next week :) 400g in relation to the bigger picture? That's nothing babe. Your routine has been a little out of whack lately so don't beat yourself up about it. I reckon you will be under 75kg by next week and you've got the extra motivation!
Do your best Kath, you've done so well, I am blown away...I haven't seen you in person since December, so I'm expecting my jaw to drop at the Bloggers dinner later this month!!
By
Ditto what everyone else has said, you can lose that and more this week and your friends will be so impressed with your efforts when they see you!
::9.3.06:: Food I've been so tired lately and I think it's because I'm not eating properly. Not overeating, but skipping meals and not making healthy choices. Yesterday I went to the bakery to get breakfast and the best choice was an egg and bacon roll. It was delish and I was so full but then I went to get a coffee and got a big muffin too. I was so extra full after that, I didn't have lunch and only a packet of dried fruit and nuts for dinner. Today was a bit better - I had a chickpea pattie with roast vegetables and salad for lunch and I think I'll cook a huge bowl of vegies for dinner. My housemate moved out and took his microwave which is a bummer cos I have a freezer full of meals I've made. I guess I just have to think ahead and defrost them until I can afford one of my own. I thought I better stop by and check out how my same weight buddy is going! I hear you on making some of the not so wise food choices. I agree that when there is only that little more to lose, we do get a little slack! We need to spur each other on!! Skipping meals will mess with you all the time but great to see you working around it. Bummer about the microwave.
::8.3.06:: Work I start my new job today. LuckilyI don't have to go in until 10.00 but I might leave earlier because I just realised I have no breakfast food in the house and I'm starving. Yesterday I did a weights workout at the gym and thought I worked hard but I'm not feeling it today (apart from having lunge butt) so maybe I could have worked harder. I don't know if I want to go to the gym today - I think I'll have a rest day, maybe do some walking. Best of luck with your new job! Good luck today with your new job....and finding some brekky 8-)
By
Good luck with your new job - hope it goes well for you. maybe you're getting better at it and that's why you're not as sore...ever think of that? Good luck with your job (i almost typed, good luck with lunge butt...where is my head at...lol). Good luck with the new job Kathryn. I don't get as sore at gym anymore either but I still think I am working hard. I think your pain threshold has increased and that might be why you're not "feeling" it as much too. What do you think?
Pray tell- what is lunge but?
::6.3.06:: Run Baby Run Yesterday I did the "We Can Walk It Out" fun run - 8 km (although technically 2 laps of the Tan is 7.5). It was a lovely day and I spent some time walking with Lucinda then I took off running and ran about half of it all up. When I finished I realised that was about half the distance I'm doing for the Run For The Kids. I'm going to try to cover the 14.7 km in a walk/run in the next couple of weeks. So tonight I was going to skip the running training but I've been eating too much and felt bad so I went along and ran almost all of the 5 kms tonight. I could have done more, I think. I feel like I didn't push myself to the limit. *** No work tomorrow so I'm going to do a full weights session at the gym before I go to class tomorrow night. Then I start a new temp role on Wednesday. I was panicking all weekend because I had no work lined up (and that might in some way get back to eating so much on the weekend). I have enough money to live on so that's fine except my friend's wedding is coming up real soon - less than 3 weeks - and it's in the country so we have to travel and pay for accomodation. We are doing it all on the cheap but it still adds up. So today I was offered this role until May. Still involves a lot of travelling and the pay is less than I'd like but I figure it's going to keep me going and if one of the other roles I've applied for comes up, I'll move on. After all, IT work pays double the hourly rate of admin. Anyway what that means is that I can breath easy again. Maybe soon I can even get my car fixed. And I can buy a pretty party dress to wear to the wedding! Congrats on the running! I can't run to save my life!
By
Well done on the running, especially if you feel like you could have done more. Even though this job doesn't pay as much maybe they'll be nicer to you and that will make it better than the last one? I hope so for your sake, there's nothing worse than a job you're not happy in. Although at least with temping there's light at the end of the tunnel! Hi Kathryn, I've been lurking for a while and just want to say how much I enjoy reading your blog. Hearing about your running & walking exploits has inspired me to get back out there again. I may even take our dog for a walk/run (with more walking than running) tonight! Els GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE RUN.HAVE TO BE HONEST I CAN ONLY RUN IN VERY SHORT SPURTS SO I AM QUITE NERVOUS ABOUT THE APRIL 14KM RUN. YOU WILL DO GREAT. GOOD NEWS ABOUT TEH JOB wow, sounds like u are doing really well on the running front & congrats on the job!!! You are doing really well with your running girl, I'm impressed and inspired. I hope the new job turns out to be nicer!
::5.3.06:: Binge Triggers and Problem Foods After my wrestling with the chocolate demons last week, I've been thinking about the whole concept of "binge triggers". It's a term I use and I know a lot of other people use too, but do they really exist? For example, I'd say bread was a binge trigger for me. Every week, Andrew and I go to the market and we go halves in a loaf of Turkish bread. When I bring that bread home, I think to myself: I must have control otherwise I'll be a total pig and eat this whole half loaf in a day. And, inevitably, I do. But, this is the question I'm wondering about, do I eat the whole thing because it's a binge trigger and therefore one bite leads to another until it's all gone OR do I eat the whole lot because by labelling it a binge trigger, I've put the idea into my head that I WILL eat the lot and, by thinking that, I set myself up to do it. When I walked into the office where I was working for the past two weeks, I saw all the chocolate sitting there and thought I must resist that otherwise I'm going to go back to my chocolate-pigging ways. I struggled so hard with that thought that resisting chocolate was a constant buzz in my mind. When I think about NOT eating chocolate, the possibility that I will eat chocolate becomes stronger. I guess it's like setting up a black/white situation. Or, more accurately, a suceed/fail or good/evil. It gets down to two sides and the more you think about "winning", the more you open up the possibility of losing. When you think about it, I have chocolate available to me 24 hours a day. The shops are full of the stuff. But I don't panic about that. I don't spend my life thinking - I mustn't go to the shops and buy chocolate. I worked in an office most of last year with chocolate sitting in the kitchen. I'd see it everyday and ignored it 99% of the time. It was just seeing so much chocolate, so easily available that caused me to panic. It's the same with the bread. When I first started getting the Turkish bread, I won't pig out on it. Sometimes I'd end up throwing some out because it had been in the fridge so long, it had gone rock hard. Then, one time, I binged on the lot. Now I expect to do that every time. But it doesn't have to be. Our brains are weird things, aren't they? We have to be so careful what we put in them. I'm going to stop thinking about foods as binge triggers and, instead, think sometimes I overeat that food, but sometimes I don't. I'm going to focus on the times I've had self control rather than the times I haven't. I'm going to make my brain work for me. Sory I missed you at the run today. Perhaps one day we could meet up and go for a walk. You could show me the "inner city" walks. Bummer about teh job. How on earth do you lose that much weight eating chocolate. I am soo envious. I am with you on the triggers issue. My mind plays funny tricks to and I find at times I just have to binge to get it out of my system and others I am not even tempted. About the lopsided thing.. not game to look as I am sure all of me is lopsided. Gave me agood laugh though. I am sure Bri and I commented on this post yesterday? Anyways, GREAT POST! I think you have hit the proverbial nail and let's face it, we all make these excuses time and time again. We've got to kick the bad habit. Very insightful post. Really gives me food for thought.
By when i am craving chocolate a lot, i let myself have about 300 calories worth ie 55 gram bar or something after dinner. But i try to set some rules so that i feel ok about it, i have to have done my exercise for the day, and eaten my dinner with vegies and low fat meal first. There is also the odd stress day where i have eaten a big lot of chocolate due to tiredness etc. but sometimes i have felt like i just need to have some chocolate and so i use the craving to say i can have some if i eat well and do everything else right, by eating it with a protein meal, the chocolate is even more low gi, so i find i do not keep craving sweets afterward. i sometimes crave chocolate just before i have a couple of weeks of eating very well and losing heaps of fat. i am not sure what sparks wanting the chocolate, but i think for me it might be a feeling of my body transforming, releasing, feeling a bit vulnerable as this happens. it is fascinating that you bring up that issue of what sparks it. Also fascinating that you craved chocolate just before losing a lot of body fat again. With all the running you are doing, you must be burning up heaps of cals so maybe your body does need some extra foods and the chocolate was just handy and free at work. But i can so relate to the emotional assoication of wanting to be appreciated and paid better at work, and then feeling i need to hold onto any small freeby or token of sweetness being handed out. You have given me "food for thought" about why i associate some foods with feeling cared for
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Binge Triggers and Problem Foods After my wrestling with the chocolate demons last week, I've been thinking about the whole concept of "binge triggers". It's a term I use and I know a lot of other people use too, but do they really exist? For example, I'd say bread was a binge trigger for me. Every week, Andrew and I go to the market and we go halves in a loaf of Turkish bread. When I bring that bread home, I think to myself: I must have control otherwise I'll be a total pig and eat this whole half loaf in a day. And, inevitably, I do. But, this is the question I'm wondering about, do I eat the whole thing because it's a binge trigger and therefore one bite leads to another until it's all gone OR do I eat the whole lot because by labelling it a binge trigger, I've put the idea into my head that I WILL eat the lot and, by thinking that, I set myself up to do it. When I walked into the office where I was working for the past two weeks, I saw all the chocolate sitting there and thought I must resist that otherwise I'm going to go back to my chocolate-pigging ways. I struggled so hard with that thought that resisting chocolate was a constant buzz in my mind. When I think about NOT eating chocolate, the possibility that I will eat chocolate becomes stronger. I guess it's like setting up a black/white situation. Or, more accurately, a suceed/fail or good/evil. It gets down to two sides and the more you think about "winning", the more you open up the possibility of losing. When you think about it, I have chocolate available to me 24 hours a day. The shops are full of the stuff. But I don't panic about that. I don't spend my life thinking - I mustn't go to the shops and buy chocolate. I worked in an office most of last year with chocolate sitting in the kitchen. I'd see it everyday and ignored it 99% of the time. It was just seeing so much chocolate, so easily available that caused me to panic. It's the same with the bread. When I first started getting the Turkish bread, I won't pig out on it. Sometimes I'd end up throwing some out because it had been in the fridge so long, it had gone rock hard. Then, one time, I binged on the lot. Now I expect to do that every time. But it doesn't have to be. Our brains are weird things, aren't they? We have to be so careful what we put in them. I'm going to stop thinking about foods as binge triggers and, instead, think sometimes I overeat that food, but sometimes I don't. I'm going to focus on the times I've had self control rather than the times I haven't. I'm going to make my brain work for me.
Good thinking, that has opened up a whole can of worms for me. I have a lot of foods that I treat like that and I think I am setting myself up for failure too. Ultimately I find that if i'm busy and not thinking about food, it wouldn't matter if it was right in front of me, but if I have some time on my hands and there's food around - LOOK OUT! Great post Kathryn. I think you hit it pretty spot on. Less thinking is in order. We can come up with all kinds of excuses hey. I know I can and have this past week. There is no excuse, just bad thinking.
::3.3.06:: Weigh In Day - 75.2 Kilograms That's a loss of 1.8 kgs from last week. I should be elated, and part of me is, but I'm also worried about what my crazy body is doing. Up until a month or so ago, if you plotted my weight on a graph (as I do in Excel), mostly it was a steady downward gradient with only a few bumps. Now it's like some kind of wacked out rollercoaster. After all chocolate I've eaten this week, I wouldn't be surprised if I gain again next week. Otherwise I am 100 grams from the 35 kilograms lost mark and 5.2 kgs away from my goal. Woohoo.
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - well done on the loss. I know what you mean about not knowing what is going on with your body - I feel exactly like that at the moment. Sometimes when you try so hard and don't have the loss you expect it is hard to accept and then the reverse happens and you have to wonder what the .... Hey Kathryn what a great result....good to catch up on the blogs today....You have done a wonderful job to keep up with everything else in your like as well as almost to the 35kg marks....your great. Have a fantastic weekend.lb
By WTF?? Ok I'm officially jealous. Eat Chocolate and lose a tonne of weight. Bugger is that what I'm doing wrong? *hugs*
That is a HUGE loss!!!
This may sound weird and I wish I had the space to get into it more but...
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Congratulations Kathryn. Maybe you have felt like some chocolate cos you were actually well under calories considering your consistant exercise including runs. Hope it means you can have some snack food sometimes and keep losing. It is totally weird how the body holds weight for a while and then decides to drop another kilo out of the blue.
By Don't stress about the up and down, you're still so close to your overall goal that you need to celebrate what you have achieved rather than stressing about the inconsistencies of the scale! Well done. Well done on the loss Kath - so close now! V.v proud of you xx
By WHOO HOO!! Well done Kathryn. Take the loss and celebrate :-) Do you reckon choc just goes straight through you? I know when I eat it, I get the runs and it could mean I'm probably lactose intolerant but anyway...I don't seem to put on after eating it either. Strange.
OMG!
Well done girl. Even after all the chocolate. You are so close to goal now, you must be able to smell it!
::2.3.06:: Call the circus... I realised today, I'm a freak. Now this gets a bit personal but I'll try to keep it as nice as I can. See I was standing in front of the mirror at the gym with my legs apart, about to do some squats when I realised my "front bottom" is not symmetrical. Here I am, thinking I'm single because of my obnoxious personality or my flabby gut when really it's because I've got a deformed vagina. Who'd have thunk it? Well not me cos for years my belly has hidden all my downstairs equipment. So do me a favour... pretty please with a cherry on top... go put on something tight fitting and stand in front of a mirror with your legs apart. If you could put a spirit level along the line at the top of your legs and the bubble would NOT be centred, leave me a comment and let me feel less alone. We could even start a support group. *** While I'm on the delicate subjects, chicks in g-strings should not bend over in the gym change room. Please. Especially when they are in the walkway. No avoiding that string up crack. Even a bare naked butt would be less offensive. *** Weigh in tomorrow. I get to see how much damage the chocolate has done. I ate all my boss's chocolate today. The other night, the night she MADE me work late, she'd been to Haighs and bought a huge bag of chocolate. She put it on the filing cabinet and shared it around but didn't offer me any. Then, when my replacement arrived, she told her to help herself to chocolate. Maybe she assumed I'd help myself to some if I wanted but she'd asked everyone else and I'm not going to help myself to something without an offer being made. But, ha, she was away today and so I had some and I don't even care if I put on weight. It was so worth it. And anyway, her boss came in and told me to go home and not come back tomorrow so I'm not working there any more.
So, what? Did you get fired? Were they horrible about it or do they just not need the help anymore?
LOL< last week I forgot about underwear & wore a thong to workout. As I was changing back into work clothes, a lady walked in & I was so freaked out that she had to see my fat ass in a thong! I now have a 'spare' granny panty in my gym bag, lol!
This is probably too much information, but I actually have a vericose vein down there between the labia majora and the labia minora, so I ain't symmetrical either.
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LOL @ this post.
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Bwahaha, who the hell is symmetrical anyway!? If it feels good, it works, it does tricks and hell, it's all yours...who cares if it's symmetrical or not LOL :-) Hehe and I'm a g-string girl but not when exercising, how uncomfortable!
Now see that's exactly why I DON'T go to the gym. Eeeeeooowww! Gross. I'll have to get back to you about the "abnormal" thing, i'll check it out for you and let you know. I'm pretty sure no-one would be symmetrical. Nothing else on our bodies is so why would that be. Plus I have war wounds from having a baby so mine isn't particularly eye catching anyway! hehe
::1.3.06:: More About Chocolate Why do I keep waking up so early? I need more sleep. I've been thinking about my chocolate problems and am going to try a different approach. Instead of NOT eating chocolate, I'm going to let myself have some if I really want it. At the moment, I'm in a constant battle with my chocolate wanting self and maybe if I stop making such a big deal out of the whole thing, the issue will right itself. I mean, if I'm sitting at work all day thinking "can't eat chocolate, can't eat chocolate" then of course I'm going to want chocolate because it's the only thing on my mind. As I said below, my class last night (Novel 1) was fun. I missed last week's class because RMIT told me the wrong start date so wanted to get there bright and early but at 5.00 my supervisor came over and asked me to work late. The deadline for the project we are working on is today and I'd suspected all day that I'd be expected to work until later but she never said anything until 5.00 and that really shits me. I hate dealing with that shite and I did feel guilty because I'd come in late - I had to see my shrink in the morning. But then I remembered I'd work back until 6.45 the night before. It's frustrating too because she's so disorganised. So anyway, I told her I couldn't work back late because I had a class so she asked me to stay until they got someone to take over my work so I could show them what to do. I agreed, thinking it would only make me a little late (my class is at 5.30 but I had to catch the train into the city and get there). The woman turned up to relieve me at 6.00. Meanwhile, my supervisor is sitting around complaining because IT have done stuff that means she can't do her work until later that night. I was thinking why can't she do my work for a while then so I can go instead of bitching about having nothing to do, although in fairness to her, she has been working until midnight every night on this project. Then one of the guys came over and asked about some stuff he'd wanted done. She told him it had been completed hours ago. He was really impressed and told her how wonderful she was. Yeah right - she didn't bother telling him who'd actually done the work. Me. Arrrgghh. Anyway, I finally got out of there and then the train was late and it was after 7.00 when I got to the city. I was tempted to skip class altogether rather than walk in over an hour late but I figure missing the first two classes is bad. I walked in and the room was packed. I tried to slip in discreetly but ended up tripping over stuff and making a huge ruckus. Then realised the desks were in a horseshoe shape and the only free space was a desk sitting on it's own in the middle. Great. Luckily, I only had to wait a little while until the break. I know one of the girls in my class so that was good - I had someone to hang out with at break time. There is a cafe in our building (called Coffee on Cardigan which amuses me) but I had no cash. After the break, we workshopped some work. It's weird, for much of my life but especially when I was younger and studying fine arts, if my work was different to everybody else's, I'd just assume that it was worse, that I wasn't good enough. I had a brief moment of that while we were workshopping last night but then I realised that I'm doing something completely different to the stuff we were reading. Their writing was very dense and literary and I don't do that. It doesn't mean my work isn't as good, it just means it's different. Writing classes can be strange. You know those dolls that talk - you pull the string and they say one of five or six random things - well when you workshop writing you get a lot of that. People seem to have a set of phrases they use and just keep repeating them. Then a whole bunch of other people in the class go mmmm and nod. It's like they all went to a "Talking about Writing" class and learnt what to say. I don't know how useful that is. I'd much rather get someone's raw reaction than a pat comment. Our teacher seemed a little senile too - he asked my name about four times then told me to come up after class and add my name to a list of contact details but, when I went up after class, he didn't seem to know what I was talking about. So tonight I have my other class - Industry Overview. That's more a big lecture style class. And since I can't go for to the gym after work, I'm going to go for a run now.
I hate bosses like that - they just have no concept of someone having a life outside of their job.
I love chocolate, really love chocolate and it has always been my biggest food problem - one of many but my biggest. I have chocolate every day and fingers crossed it seems to be keeping the cravings at bay. I only have one of those mini bars but I have it every night and it seems to have really controlled the choccie urges. I can so relate to your comment in an earlier post about wanting to give advice to others that are overweight. Very very hard to keep your mouth shut!!
You current working conditions sound awful. You are pretty good to hold your tongue and not tell them what u really think.
It's because you do something differently that your writing is probably better. Is it better for critics, or is it better for the reader? Sometimes these are worlds apart, but courses like that do help get a different perspective and can help solidify the belief in your own style.
I have some sort of sweet/choclatey treat every day. Sometime it's only 60 cals worth or a wee 70 cal biccy but if it keeps me going and stops me feeling like I am missing out.
I'm not the kind of person (anymore) that takes crap like that. I would have piped up and said something. Mind you a few years ago I wouldn't have had the balls. Maybe it comes with old age? hehe
Hi, found your blog through the LITS forums - I just read this post and had a wave of nostalgia! I was in good ol' Building 94 for 3 years (2002-2004) and how I miss it! Especially sitting in the cafe! Sigh.
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I'm with you on the chocolate thing. I love chocolate and as soon as I decided to just let myself have it when I want I found the cravings dissipated. I kind of go in waves where every day for a week or two I'll have a mini choc bar then I wont have any choc for a couple of weeks. I don't think it's doing me any harm.
Man, all this talk about chocolate (and then the stress of my mum), I ate 3 snickers bars yesterday! LOL, bad. Not even the best choc out there.
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stats:current weight: start weight: total loss: goal weight:
measurements:boobs: 100 cm waist: 81 cm hips: 109 cm thighs: 50 cm
Weekly Goal Lifestyle Changing Challenge-A-RamaWeek 1 - Drink more water Week 2 - Cut out sugary treats *
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